A/N: I have oneshots coming out of my ears, but as yet no updates on my longer stories. As soon as the juju takes me updates will appear I promise!
Disclaimer: not my show. If it was I wouldn't be sat here at 10 o clock eating ice cream out of the tub and thinking about how early I have to get up in the morning...
"What happens after you die?"
Now, if Howard hadn't been expecting something, it would have been that. He almost had the urge to laugh to at the question's apparent randomness, but upon seeing Vince's perfectly serious face he managed to stop himself. Vince was sitting in his usual red chair by the window of the Nabootique. But instead of lounging backwards and casually reading his magazines like usual, he was sitting bolt-upright and looking straight at Howard with eyes full of fear, and trust.
Howard didn't know what to say; so he resorted to trying to buy himself more time to think whilst finding out what was having this effect on the usually bright electro ponce.
"Vince, what's brought this on?" he asked quietly, wondering whether he should be concerned about any imminent danger. As a man of action he had to be prepared for all possible outcomes. And right now he didn't feel ready for any.
Vince wriggled a little uncomfortably in his chair, his papery yellow jumpsuit rustling a little. He lowered and kept his eyes on the floor, seemingly unwilling to tell Howard what was bothering him. Howard knew better than to push him, he let him wage his internal battle on his own – but waited for when he inevitably confessed.
"I had a nightmare." Came the mumble from the corner of the room.
Another childlike moment where Howard would usually have made a joke-cutting remark, but the seriousness of Vince's features told him that now was not the right time.
"What about little man?" He asked instead – consciously using the old nick-name in an effort to cheer Vince up – or at least comfort him slightly.
"You'll laugh." Vince said accusingly, and only continued after Howard had profusely promised for about 10 minutes that he most certainly wouldn't. Eventually, Vince's dream came spilling from his lips in between a lot of hand gestures and half-sobs.
"Well, I got killed by a man coz he thought I slept with his computer and I swear I didn't! I wouldn't anyway; I'm a liberal guy but... Anyway; we were just getting on but he came in and killed me and you weren't even there!"
Howard just looked at Vince with barely hidden pride that Vince wanted him to save him. Followed by something like shame that he had failed – even though he knew that there was absolutely nothing he could have done.
To comfort Vince (and make himself feel more useful) he went and hugged Vince around the shoulder. They stayed like that for a few minutes – although to Vince it felt like blissful seconds until Howard pulled away.
"You never answered my question." Vince pointed out. "What happens when you die?"
Howard had given up with the idea of trying to teach Vince about religions, he was sure the smaller man would find some way to create his own idea anyway.
"What would you like to happen?" was his reply.
Vince was quiet for an uncomfortably long time, his single brain-cell struggling to operate the mental imaging faculties on its own. Finally he announced:
"We'd go back to the zoo, and stay there for a while, with Naboo and Bollo, but no Fossil. We can have a Topshop in the back garden, and our own army of cheekbone ninjas. Now I feel bad, maybe Fossil can visit. And maybe this time we could have hot water in the hut, and the lions would actually appreciate my Adam Ant costumes. And then, I think you would be able to speak to animals too, because then you'd be able to hear exactly what the lion thinks about jazz and you wouldn't be able to blame me. And this time to egg of Mantumbi would be real – and we'd be rich and famous together and you could be on the cover of that explorer magazine you like and I can be your trendy cool mate that appeals to the younger audiences so that we get more coverage. Do you think Fossil would like Tea or Coffee?"
Howard gazed open-mouthed after this little outburst, before reaching over and hugging Vince for the second time in about 10 minutes. A new record. He wanted to tell Vince how happy he was that he was included in Vince's version of heaven, how proud he was that Vince was so selfless, and how annoyed he was that it wasn't all real.
But all he said was "Coffee." Before leaning down and stroking his lips affectionately across Vince's hair.
Vince sighed happily. Perhaps, nightmares weren't so bad after all.
Another A/N: really cheesy I know – but I've had the image of 'Vince's heaven' in my mind for a while now, and I thought I should share it. If I get enough reviews I will personally go back in time and kill the person who invented writers block...