Published: 02/30/2016
Warnings: A few spoilers here and there but nothing major. Some violence but no graphic detail. I won't bother mentioning language.
Recruiting a Yato
Takasugi smiled as he watched the footage of Kagura smashing a fist next to Gintoki's head and shattering a wall… Followed by her fight in the Yagyu arc, which admittedly wasn't nearly as impressive. He witnessed her displays of strength in the Harasume arcs and several other story arcs that the author simply didn't feel like writing down.
Such strength!
Such power!
What had him sold, however, was the wild crazed look in the girl's eyes as she tore a fellow veteran Yato down with a bloodlust only matched by Takasugi's own desire to see the world burn.
Yes. This was who he needed at his side. This power was the power that Takasugi needed to destroy this world. With the red headed demon girl at his side, the Shogun, Katsura, Gintoki… All who stood in his way, yes…
Especially Gintoki!
Takasugi cackled as he imagined the look on his former nakama's face once he realized Takasugi had converted one of his own to his cause!
The horrified look!
The betrayal shining in his eyes!
Yes! Takasugi didn't just want to break Gintoki, no, he wanted to infuriate him. He wanted to kill Gintoki at his best, he wanted Gintoki in a wild rage, beautiful and strong and dangerous dancing in blood.
Killing Gintoki was of little interest.
Killing the Shiroyasha, however...
Beside him sat the Gintama special DVDs, complete with the yaoi false advertisement from episode one hundred and something. Takasugi had no idea who had sent them to him with a sticky note that had Yato circled repeatedly, but he'd thank them when he found them.
Kagura happily skipped along the road, chewing on her precious sukonbu with her parasol tossed over her shoulder.
"Come on, Sadaharu, aru." Kagura called. She had left the Yorozuya for the day because Gin-chan kept complaining about her beloved animal companion. Whine, whine, whine, complain, complain. Honestly. Her child cried far too much than was healthy, really, so she just had to discipline him as a good kaa-san does!
Too much hair around the house!
I stepped in his shit the other day and slipped in his piss!
He tore through the fridge again!
Smells bad- blah, blah, blah.
Kagura had responded as any proud pet owner would in face of criticism to their beloved companions.
Elsewhere, Shinpachi sighed as he got Gintoki yet another ice pack. Honestly, his boss should learn to stop angering Kagura-chan. He seriously didn't get paid enough for this shit.
Wait a second…
He didn't get payed at all!
And so it was that, instead of handing the ice pack to Gintoki like a normal person, Shinpachi flung the pack and watched in satisfaction as it collided with Gintoki's large naturally permed head before storming out.
Gintoki groaned. Ah. Kids these days. You do so much for them and it results in blatant abuse.
Kagura hummed happily to a tune she'd picked up from tv when suddenly dramatic music began to play and the wind blew around her, causing dust to rise up and a tumbleweed to spin by. Western music began to play as Kagura narrowed her eyes.
Kagura turned her sharp gaze and a glare formed.
"You! My greatest rival, aru! You may have fooled the others, but I know the truth! Well, you can't have my sukonbu, aru! Even think about it and I'll beat you senseless, aru!"
Before her stood her greatest rival.
Her greatest foe.
Someone Kagura new she would fight for the rest of her days. A high ranking member of the Shisengumi, a true opponent worthy of her, a being that could no doubt match her levels of cruelty and sadism, her only true equal in the worl-
"For the last time, anpan! I'm here for anpan! I don't even like sukonbu!"
"Liar, aru! Die!"
"Shit! Why does this always happen to me!" Yamazaki and not Sougo cried as he ran for his life, bullet holes pricing the ground where he'd once stood. The citizens of Edo didn't bother batting an eyelash. After having everything from android armies to an invasion of turtle shell wearing men intent on aging everyone, bullets were too mundane to draw their attention.
Kagura, happy at having scared of her mortal enemy, turned towards the snack stand and smiled as she ordered more of her beloved snacks.
For now, she thought, eyes narrowed in suspicion at her rivals rapid retreat. Too easy… He must be planning something, aru!
The shop owner paled. Usually, the red headed girl was one of his best customers and he was happy to greet her, despite her more violent tendencies. Today, however...
"I- I'm sorry young lady, but… Those are sold out at the moment! If you would be interested in-"
But Kagura didn't hear the rest.
Sold out.
Sold out.
Sold out.
"That bastard!" Kagura screeched, glaring at the dust cloud left behind in the wake of Yamazaki's retreat. "Come back here so I can beat the shit out of you, aru!" Kagura roared before turning towards her beloved dog spirit god that occasionally transformed several times his size.
"Sadaharu, let's get him, aru!"
With that, Kagura lept onto Sadaharu's back and they took off after the fleeing Yamazaki.
The shop owner let out a sigh of relief he didn't know he'd been holding in.
Watching from above, Takasugi smirked before glancing down at the piles of sukonbu he'd purchased. Yes, buying so much of the product may have been expensive, but it would be worth it once he used it to seduce the Yato girl to the dark side.
Takasugi cackled once more. Speaking was overrated.
Footsteps crossed the roof behind him and Takasugi turned towards the source.
"Her song is violent melody. Like a flowing river, I daresay. Rapid, changing, wild, and unpredictable in actions yet set firmly on a path. She won't be one to submit, I daresay."
Takasugi, however, waved Bansai off. "She's a beast, like me. A monster is hidden behind that pale skin and happy smile. A beast that thirsts for blood! I'll unleash that beast, and watch it destroy!"
Bansai frowned.
"It won't work, I daresay."
Takasugi, however, just smirked in response.
Gintoki's happy snores were sadly interrupted as music began to blaze in his home. With a groan, he turned over and pulled a pillow over his head in an effort to block it out. He knew this theme music and he seriously didn't want to put up with it.
Then, banging could be heard from the front door as a voice called out.
"Gintoki! Gintoki! I know you're awake! Gintoki!"
"Go away, Zura!"
"Zura ja nai, Katsura da!"
"Fuck off, kaa-chan! Five more minutes! Or ten! Or a hundred!"
"Gintoki! Gintoki! Open the door, Gintoki!"
Gintoki twitched as the knocking continued. With a snarl he stood up, tossed open the door, and kicked.
Katsura grunted as he was flung across the street by the blow.
"When a man tries to sleep, it is the duty of other men to leave them the fuck alone!"
With that, he slammed the door again. Yawning, Gintoki made his way back to the couch and collapsed face first.
Peace.
Quiet.
Sleep.
Zura's theme music was such a soothing lullaby.
Wait…
"Zura!" Gintoki roared at the Joui currently sitting across from him sipping at tea Gintoki hadn't served and hadn't offered to the rather rude home invader who didn't seem to know the definition of the words get the hell out.
"Takasugi is back in Edo."
Gintoki's fingers froze around the hilt of his bakuto as the words sunk in. Takasugi. Takasugi. Shit, Takasugi!
Rounding on Katsura, Gintoki gave his friend that he'd never admit was a friend but really was a friend the evil eye. "And why didn't you inform me before?"
Katsura, in response, gestured to the footprint on his stomach.
Ah.
That.
Gintoki paused.
"I let you into my home and serve you tea and you come bringing bad news and accusing me falsely without evidence!"
Elsewhere, Shinpachi felt a disturbance in his glasses, as if a moment that he should have been present to yell at Gintoki had passed by and he'd missed his shot.
"Damn it, don't write me out of the story!"
Otae looked in concern at her little brother.
"Shin-chan? Are you alright? Have some tamayaki." Otae smiled as Shinpachi's face became expressionless and be stuttered out an overly polite declaration that he'd already eaten.
Honestly.
She knew her eggs were crap.
Although, the look on everyone's faces whenever she forced them to eat her cooking was definitely worth it.
Hey, no one ever said Gintoki, Kagura, and Sougo had a monopoly on sadism, after all.
"Yamazaki!" Kagura roared.
"Why, why kami, why! Have I displeased some higher being!"
Yamazaki was stronger than the average person. He could run faster than most people, even among the Shingengumi, but he was only human.
Sadaharu was not and, quite frankly, the dog was gaining on him, fast.
"Yamazaki! Where's the mayo I Hijikata Special I requested! Lazy bastard!"
Yamazaki screamed, coming to a halt in the face of his glaring boss.
Crap!
"Sworn enemy and theif of sukonbu! I've found you!"
Yamazaki gave out a yelp as a giant dog fell on top of him. Today was just not his day.
"Oi, China girl! I got to him first! You can have him afterwards!" Hijikata growled.
"No, aru! Gin-chan always says to never accept sloppy seconds, aru, so I refuse! Go away! He's mine to beat!"
"Now, hold on! I'm the one who gets to beat him first! I always beat him first! Wait your turn!"
"How selfish! Let someone else go first then if you always get to, aru!"
"Why are you arguing over who gets to beat me first! You should be trying to defend me!"
Yamazaki was ignored.
"No good brats that work for yoruzuya don't have a say!"
"How dare- ooh, sukonbu! Charge, Sadaharu!"
Only then did Hijikata and Yamazaki notice the piece of sukonbu attached to a… Was that a fishing line?
The string retracted without warning as Kagura chased after her prized snack.
Yamazaki sighed in relief. Finally. He was free! He was safe! The crazy aggressive girl was gone and no one would abuse him anymore! The dog wasn't pinning him down and everything was sunshine and flowers.
"Yamazaki!"
Slowly, Yamazaki turned his head towards the fuming Hijikata and cursed the author.
"Catch that sukonbu, aru!" Kagura cried. No matter how hard Sadaharu ran her precious snack seemed to snap away at the last second, just out of the reach of her hands and more importantly in her mouth where they belonged.
All sukonbu in the universe existed for the sole purpose of being consumed by Kagura, after all. Just like sugar was created to appease Gin-chan and glasses existed to prove Shinpachi's existence.
"There!" Kagura pointed as the sukonbu on a stick as it rounded yet another corner. Sadaharu barked and rounded said corner before coming to an abrupt halt so as to not crash.
Kagura gave a gasp.
Somehow, she'd been transported from an alley to a warehouse.
A warehouse…
A warehouse…
She must have died. Yes, Kagura had died and gone on to heaven, that was it. For, truly, all this sukonbu meant that she was in Yato heaven. Eyes sparkling, Kagura leaped off her glad of and began slipping towards one of the racks containing her precious vice.
Suddenly, the lights above her head blazed on. Kagura yelped and jumped back as UV lights hit all around her, opening her parasol and hiding under the shade. That burned!
Loud cackling rang through the warehouse.
Dramatic music began to play. Kagura was sure she had heard it before, but when… When… When… The Benizakura arc! This could only mean one thing. Of course. She'd underestimated him.
"Yamazaki! You've led me into a trap, aru! But, you won't get away with it! Gin-chan will beat you senseless, aru!" Kagura declared as she picked at her nose without a care in the world, forgetting that she'd left Gintoki at home with a bloody head and last she'd seen Yamazaki he was getting the shit beaten out of him by Hijikata.
"I'm not Yamazaki, little girl."
Now, Kagura wasn't a person to scare easy. She wasn't someone who was easily frightened and she wasn't someone who shrieked at every little thing. Okay, so she'd over exaggerated with the spider in the bathroom and all those holes in the floor where overkill, but still, Kagura did not scare easy.
Which is why the idea of the voice scaring her shirtless is such a truly terrifying thing.
The music around her changed. This was… This was… That music from the Harry Potter music when Voldemort first appeared! Then, out of shadows, draped in darkness and a purple kimono, came out of the source of the voice.
Sadaharu crouched down growled menacingly, barking out towards the person that had dared frighten his master.
"Kagura of the Yato. Your skills are wasted with Gintoki, you know." Takasugi smiled.
Kagura glared as she slid her foot back and straightened her back. She would stand firm.
"Sorry, aru. Gin-chan says not to accept gifts from strangers."
Takasugi just laughed again before opening his arms wide.
"All this? Yours. Anything you wish? I'll grant it! I'll even spare Gintoki, if that is what you desire." Takasugi blatantly lied with a smile on his face.
"Not interested." Kagura snarled.
"No?" Takasugi frowned. "And why not? Gintoki can't possibly understand you. A creature like him who's tossed aside his pride and his passion, who rejects his true nature can't possibly understand people like you and I. We're beasts with an unquenchable thirst for blood, after all." With that, he smirked at her.
"So? Come! Let's destroy, together, you and I! You'll date that bloodlust and get all the sukonbu you desire!" Takasugi continued.
"Not interested, aru! Let me go!"
At this, the smile dropped as Takasugi let his arms sag.
"Ah, you see, I'm afraid I cannot do that, Kagura." With this, Takasugi tilted his head as a truly insane look shifted into his face. Kagura shuddered and even Sadaharu reeled back slightly. "If I can't have you, why should Gintoki?"
Click.
Shit.
Kagura didn't need to look up to see all the guns trained on her. She may be a Yato and she may be harder to kill that most, but she wasn't immortal. And bullets hurt like a bitch even to someone like her.
"One last chance, Yato. Come! Join the darkside! We have sukonbu!"
A cricket could be heard chirping.
"You did not just go there, aru!"
"Shoot to kill. Let's leave a message for my old nakama, neh? Let us awaken the white demon once mo-
"TAKASUGI!"
Instinct had Kagura leaping dodging to the side as a bazooka blast shot past her. She had the brief satisfaction of Takasugi's shocked face before the reality that someone had just tried to blow her up hit her.
"Super sadist! How dare you, aru! I was standing right there, aru!"
"Oops. So sorry. Missed again." Came the deadpan reply.
"Die!" Kagura opened fire.
Behind her, the smoke cleared and Takasugi glanced all around him. Shingengumi were pouring in from all directions and a weird looking pirate that reminded him of Zura was aiding them. Odd. Where was Gintoki?
Only years of ingrained combat instinct allowed Takasugi to block in time. His eyes widened at the metal blade that collided against his own as he was pushed back. Looking up, Takasugi stared right into Gintoki's-
No, this was not Gintoki.
With that crazed look, the wide eyed glare, the way his sword was cracking under the strain of blocking a single strike-
This was the Shiroyasha.
"You tried to take my kid, Takasugi-kun. I don't like that. I don't like it at all. So, I'm going to beat the shit out of you for it."
Takasugi, however, just smiled. He kept on smiling even as Gintoki's bokuto came swinging at his head. He smiled as he dodged about and clashed blades with his enemy over and over again. He dodged as the bokuto stabbed forward, his head swerving to the side as it passed by his face before he retaliated with a kick.
Gintoki grunted but didn't bother relenting. It didn't matter that he was covered in cuts from Takasugi's sword. It didn't matter that there was blood dripping down his front and staining his clothes. It didn't even matter that Bansai had snuck up behind him and ran him through, leaving the sword. To that, Gintoki had responded to by spinning around and smashing his Bokuto into Bansai's stomach, sending him flying onto the second floor of the warehouse.
Gintoki was an unrelenting whirlwind. It was beautiful, in Takasugi's eyes, even as his sword shattered and he was pinned to the wall. Gintoki roared and stabbed.
Takasugi could only roll his eyes as the blade passed through the wood next to his head.
"Honestly, Gintoki. You have no resolve."
His remark earned him a fist in the chest that had him on his knees before a hand wrapped around his throat and lifted him in the air.
Gintoki barred his teeth as he glared death at his old friend. Ally, friend, comrade… Brother.
"Leave. Leave, and don't come back. I don't care what you plan, Takasugi. I don't care what you do. But. Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. My. Brats!"
With that, Gintoki spun and Takasugi suddenly found himself airborne.
Well.
Shit.
That hadn't worked as expected.
Perhaps he needed more sukonbu?
Gintoki sighed as he turned around. Frowning, he glared.
"Oi, brat! What are you doing!"
Kagura and Sougo had for some odd reason stuck their fingers in each other's mouths and seemed determined to rip out each other's tongues. The two teens froze before snapping away from one another, refusing to look at each other.
Blinking, Gintoki waved it off.
"Come on, Kagura. Let's go home- oh, shit. Forgot about the stab-" was all Gintoki managed to get out before collapsing face first. There was still a sword stuck in him, after all.
Takasugi sighed. Okay, so plan A had failed. That was fine. Plan Z, however, couldn't possibly fail! He laughed to himself as he began to look through his filing cabinet when a piece of paper struck his head.
Annoyed, Takasugi picked it up and unraveled it, before doing a double take. On the the paper was a printed out picture of the Yato Kamui facing off against Hosen circled several times over.
The paper was titled very simply.
It said as follows: This one, dumbass!
Takasugi raised a single eyebrow at the message. Honestly. How rude.
From a dimensional rip in the space time continuum, Elizabeth watched on. Mission accomplished.
Omake
.
.
.
"Why was I written out of the story!"
"Hmph! I don't see why you're complaining! At least you had a cameo! I wasn't even allowed to worship my precious Gin-san!"
"Shut up, stalker!" Gintoki, ever the gentlemen, smacked Sa-chan through the roof.
"Besides, you showed up, aru. You were there the entire time!" Kagura pointed to Sadaharu… Who had a pair of glasses resting on top of his head.
Shinpachi twitched.
"Glasses! Those are glasses! And they aren't even my glasses!"
"We've already established this, Pachi-kun. Besides, you once called a pair of sunglasses Hasegawa-san in that fake ending of the anime we did, remember? So, you've no room to complain!"
"When didn't we pretend the anime was about to end… And that's not the point! I was written out! I demand I rewrite! Hey, why is the world going dark? Why is everything going out of focus? Why is the writing at the end of the page getting shorter?"
"Because, the fan fic is over, aru."
"What! But I didn't get my rewrite! I demand-"
"Goodbye, all!"
"Wait, I wasn't finish-"
The End
A/N: Hi! So, this is my first Gintama fanfic. I hope I had everyone in character correctly. Sorry if the fight scene wasn't great. I literally haven't written one in years. Thank you all for reading!