The Grim ED-ventures of Team Mar
Chapter I: The Beginning…
Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy, Mar, Billy and Mandy, or any of the other random characters and shows I've put into this zany fanfic, but the original characters are mine. (For those of you interested in pairings, well, you'll figure them out on your own if you're smart.)
This twisted, crazy fanfic's setting is Mar, a world almost similar to Earth, but without technology and high-tech stuff. Everyone here relies on magical items called ÄRMs, which can be used as transportation, as weapons, as tools, or to summon all sorts of beasts and monsters called guardians. Our heroes are staying in a castle that rests on top of a large cliff. The castle is old, but well kept and clean. Inside the library is where most of the team is located; the rest are spread throughout the castle. Sitting in a large, comfortable chair in the library is the owner of the castle, a blue-faced vampire named Baron von Ghoulish. In a chair next to him sits Double D, a thirteen year old boy wearing a black beanie with two white stripes on the sides of it and a red t-shirt. He's reading some history book about a war that happened a long time ago. His friends, Eddy and Ed, which are the same age as he is, are wandering around in the labyrinth of bookshelves. Eddy is the shortest one and has three hairs on his head. Almost all the time he wears the same yellow collared shirt that has a red stripe going down the right side of it. A wallet chain clipped onto his wallet and belt dangles out of his pocket. Ed, who is taller than Double D and way taller than Eddy, has crew cut hair and is wearing a red and white striped shirt with a green jacket over it. He has a unibrow and almost no chin. Sitting on Double D's chair arm and hovering over him is Dorothy, a pink-haired witch that comes from a land called Kaldea. She's wearing a black dress with black armbands and a black hat similar to Double D's, only it lacks the white stripes and it has a black ball attached to the end of it. Her hair is in two long pigtails that each have two large purple beads in them that are placed towards the end and in the middle. Her fingers and wrists are covered in ring and bracelet ÄRMs of every kind. In another part of the library is Dorothy's best friend, May. She's wearing a white lab coat and has a red bandanna on her head with a C-shaped symbol on it that has a smaller c-shaped symbol in the middle of it. Her hair is brown and is cut short in the back. On her back are four mechanical arms, each about eight feet in length. Each is tipped with a three-fingered, jointed claw. She's holding a book in two of them and she's using the built-in cameras in the other two to read three books at a time.
Eddy is rummaging through the books, trying to find something remotely interesting. Frustrated with such a boring selection, he throws a book back on the shelf.
"Did you find anything to read yet, Eddy?" Double D asks Eddy.
"No! All these books are lame!" Eddy complains. "Reading's for nerds."
"I could let you read one of my books, Eddy." Ed says, pulling a big stack of manga and various American comics out of his coat pocket.
"I can't believe this! I'm so bored that I'm hanging around in a stupid library with Sockhead, Baron von Butthead, and that pink-haired freak." Eddy groans. Dorothy glares at him angrily.
"Yeah," Ed says. "You could be downstairs thinking of a faol krop to pull on the kids."
(NOTE: Faol krop is pork loaf backwards.)
"Don't you mean scam, Ed?" Eddy asks his half-wit friend.
"Maybe, but I won't tell!" Ed replies, making his voice sound suspicious. Suddenly, someone bursts through the library's big wooden doors. She looks very worried.
"Hi, Carrie!" Ed greets the girl, smiling as wide as his face would let him. Eddy's eyes turn to hearts at the sight of the panicking teenage girl.
Carrie has long, spiky blonde hair and blue eyes. She's wearing a t-shirt that reads "If you can read this shirt, then you're smarter than me!" in small letters. She has a pair of baggy jogging shorts on and flip-flops on her feet.
"What's wrong, Carrie?" Dorothy asks her best friend, who has wax all over her mouth.
"Well, earlier, I was in the dining room, looking for something to eat for fourth breakfast, when sitting in the middle of the table was a bowl of fruit. But the fruit was wax, but I didn't care because I was so hungry, so I ate them all and now I feel funny." Carrie answers the witch, holding her stomach.
"It's okay, Carrie. I feel funny all the time." Ed says.
"Yeah, but I don't feel funny as in 'Ha! Ha!' funny." Carrie tells her boyfriend. "I feel funny as in weird funny."
"What's wrong, Carrie?" May asks her friend jokingly. "Did you finally bite off more than you can chew?" May laughs a little. "But seriously, how long ago did you say you devoured the wax produce?"
"Uh, I forgot." Carrie says, trying her hardest to remember what time she devoured the phony fruit. "All I know is that I ate them right after I had my after-third-breakfast snack."
"Oh, dear!" Double D says. "Eating wax in large quantities at a time can be very hazardous to your health." May nods in agreement and Carrie begins to stagger around the room.
"Wahoo! This is kinda fun!" Carrie says, crashing into stuff.
"Carrie, please! I just cleaned!" Baron von Ghoulish says, trying to keep Carrie from knocking over anything breakable.
"My turn!" Ed shouts, picking up a bowl of wax fruit.
"Oh, no you don't, Ed! I know what you're thinking!" Double D says, taking the fruit from his friend. Ed then begins staggering around the room like Carrie, the both of them bumping into each other and whatever else is in their way. Eddy laughs at them.
"See, Carrie. If you would've chose me to be your girlfriend instead of Frankenstein, I would've gotten you something better to eat, like an omelet or something." Eddy says. Carrie bumps into Double D who's trying to get her to sit down. The impact knocks him down and sends her in the direction of a bookshelf. She bumps into it and falls down. The bookshelf reels back and forth until it falls over on top of Eddy. May and Dorothy laugh at the three-haired Ed-boy and Carrie just laughs because she thinks being dizzy is fun. Ed falls down and laughs.
"Ow, my head!" Eddy whines, poking his head out of a pile of books and splintered wood.
"Ow, my spleen!" Ed says, still laughing.
"Ow, my lasagna!" Carrie says in a daze.
"Oh, I hope Carrie will be okay." Dorothy says, watching Carrie sit on the floor acting silly.
"It's difficult to tell if she's hallucinating, or just acting like, well, Carrie." May indicates.
"She's already lost all ties with reality at some point in her life."
Carrie is laying on the ground, pointing at a spider web on the ceiling, and singing, "Spider-bug! Spider-bug! Does whatever a spider-bug does!" Annoyed, the spider crawls into a crack in the wall. Carrie stops singing, sits up, and says, "Well, that was fun! I feel a whole lot better!" Everyone smiles with relief once Carrie says that.
"Let's go get some faol krop!" Ed suggests.
"Okay! And let's put gravy and chocolate sauce on it!" Carrie chimes. But, before they get to the door, a large vortex of green smoke opens up right in front of them.
"What have you two done now?" Baron von Ghoulish shouts at Ed and Carrie.
"But we didn't do anything mister von Goober." Ed explains. "Our hands are clean!" Ed and Carrie show the vampire their hands, and there's not a speck of dirt on them.
"That's von Ghoulish!" The vampire yells. May walks up to the vortex and examines it closer.
"Hmm. It appears to be some sort of wormhole leading to another realm shrouded in pure evil." May says.
Suddenly, a shadowy figure emerges from the vortex. A pair of arms emerge from it and a black orb appears in the left hand. The orb turns into a tall, black rod. The figure then slams the end of the staff on the ground and a long, sickle-shaped blade pops out of it. The vortex vanishes and reveals the figure to be a walking skeleton in a black robe. Dorothy clings to Double D, smiling and blushing. Double D is too flabbergasted by the figure to even notice her and Ed and Carrie are staring at the figure with wonder as he takes a step towards them.
"Now that I am finally free of those two delinquents, maybe I can finally enjoy meself with a little reaping." The figure says with a Jamaican accent, looking at a sheet of paper.
Ed points his finger at him and shouts, "Look, Carrie, it's Darth Sidious!" Everyone but Carrie anime falls.
"Ed, that's not Darth Sidious! Darth Sidious is a fictional character!" Double D informs his confused friend. "That is the Grim Reaper!"
"Wow! I didn't know Darth Sidious was the Grim Reaper!" Carrie says.
"Wait. Who are Darth Sidious and the Grim Reaper?" Ed asks. Double D and May slap their foreheads.
"I'm not Darth What's-his-face, or whoever you're talking about!" Grim shouts angrily. "Ahem. Carrie, I have come for thee!" He says in a creepy, echoing voice.
Carrie looks up at Grim, confused, and asks, "Who's Thee?" Grim slaps his forehead.
"I better put this in a way Billy would understand." Grim says. "I am here to take you to the…"
"Amusement park!?" Carrie interrupts.
"No!" Grim shouts at Carrie.
"Hey, no one shouts at my girlfriend!" Ed yells at Grim. "Unless you plan on giving her a present."
"Yay, a present!" Carrie says.
"Well, it's sort of like a present." Grim says. "You see, Carrie, you're dead."
Carrie's eyes widen with disbelief, but then her eyes go back to normal. "That's just silly!" Carrie tells Death. "I can't be dead, because I'm still walking around. And I can't be a zombie because I'm not trying to eat Ed's flesh."
Grim sighs and says, "They don't pay me enough for dis job, mon! Come on. I'm taking you to the underworld, where you will spend the rest of eternity."
"I've never heard of that fun park." Carrie says. "Does it have cotton candy and chickens, because I love cotton candy and chickens, and I just…"
"NO!" Grim shouts. "You're NOT going to no fun park and NO, there aren't any cotton candy, or chickens, or any other idiotic ting you have in dat little head of yours!" Ginta, Snow, and Babbo hear all of Grim's screaming and run upstairs to see what's going on. Ginta has spiky, yellow hair and is wearing a black tank top. Snow has short, blue hair with a red bow in it and is wearing a pink shirt with long, wide sleeves and a blue skirt. Babbo is a living ARM that looks like a Japanese toy called a kendama. For those of you who have no clue what that is, he's a hammer with a ball and chain attached to the top of it. He has a long nose and a moustache.
"What's with all the yelling?" Ginta asks.
"I bet Ed is trying to eat himself again!" Babbo says.
"Who the heck are…Oh, forget it! I'm sick of introductions, mon!" Grim says. He uses his scythe to cut open a portal and grabs Carrie's arm. "I'll just take your little friend here and be on my way." But before he could leave, Dorothy grabs Carrie by her other arm and May grabs Grim by the throat with one of her tentacles.
"Oh, I don't think you're going anywhere with our friend." Dorothy informs Grim evilly. Ginta and Snow block off the portal, preventing Grim from escaping.
"Was I going somewhere?" Carrie asks.
"I think Beetlejuice was taking you to the Planet of the Kais to train with the Supreme Kai." Ed answers. May picks up a book on the supernatural and reads out of it.
"According to this book, the only way the Grim Reaper can relinquish the soul he's scheduled to reap, any close friends or relatives may place a bet with the Reaper for the soul, but, if the one who challenges him loses, he is to take him/her along with the original soul he intended to reap." May says. "But if Grim loses, he is to become a slave to the soul that was to be reaped and a slave to his/her friends that challenged the Reaper."
"Oh, all right!" Grim grumbles. "I'll play your stupid game, as long as it's not limbo or Parcheesi. I hate limbo because, well, anyone who's watched my show knows why, and I hate Parcheesi because Billy made me play it every night, and he always ate the dice!"
"Parcheesi gives me gas!" Ed shouts. Everyone stares at Ed and Carrie laughs.
"Oh-kay!?" Snow says.
"Now, name your game so I can kick your butts at it and claim my souls and go watch me soaps!" Grim says impatiently.
"What if we asked George Lucas if he would let us borrow the Death Star so we can destroy Alderaan?" Ed says. Everyone stares at Ed again.
"Cool! Let's go with Ed's idea!" Carrie says. Everyone stares at Carrie.
"I say we settle with an old fashioned showdown." Baron von Ghoulish suggests. "Just make sure you hold it outside. I just cleaned in here!"
"Sounds good to me!" Grim declares. "So, who wants to challenge the power of the Grim Reaper?"
"I think I would like to fight the big, bad, Grim Reaper." Dorothy says. "It would be interesting to see the power of that scythe of yours."
"Cool! If the pink-haired freak loses, then I won't ever have to put up with her ever again!" Eddy cheers. Dorothy glares back at him angrily. Everyone begins to make their way outside.
"I LIKE HAM!!!!" Ed shouts.
"Shut your piehole and come on!" Babbo shouts at the Ed-boy.
Ed stares after him with a puzzled look on his face. A stupid grin spreads across his face and he shouts, "PIEHOLE!!!"
Outside, everyone has gathered to watch the witch face off against Death himself. The group is joined a few others. Grim and Dorothy stand facing each other, both a good few feet away from each other and staring intensely at each other.
"Hi, Krillin! How's it going?" Ed asks a short-haired boy wearing a black sleeveless shirt and brown pants.
"Ed, for the one-millionth time, my name is Jack, not Krillin." Jack tries to tell the half-wit Ed-boy.
Ed looks at him funny, smiles, and shouts, "Piehole!" Eddy walks outside, fashionably late, as usual, carrying a folding chair and wearing a foam finger that says, "REAPER'S #1" on it.
"This'll be great!" Eddy says, unfolding his chair and sitting down on it. "I'm putting all my money on Bonehead!" May elbows him in the face, hard.
"I think I'll begin this fight with a test." Dorothy says. "Guardian ARM, Ring Armor!"
One of Dorothy's rings transforms into a living suit of medieval-style armor. It charges at Grim. Grim stabs his scythe into the ground, and a pair of large, demon-like skeletal hands reach up, grab the armor, and pull it into the deepest bowels of the underworld.
"Foolish mortal! Your stupid ARM tings are no match for the power of me scythe!" Grim boasts.
"Guardian ARM, Burikin!" The witch shouts, summoning another guardian, this time from one of the bracelets on her wrist. It turns into a giant stone golem.
"Is that the best you can do?" Grim asks. He tears a hole into another dimension and a giant demon-looking creature jumps out. He's ten times the size of Dorothy's guardian and has massive teeth hanging out of his mouth. He's green all over and has bat-like ears. His forehead has two large horns like a ram's poking out of them. The creature picks Dorothy's guardian up by its arm and slams it on the ground. It jumps back up and wraps its arms around the beast's neck, but it does little damage. Grim's monster pries Burikin off of his neck, slams him on the ground, and steps on his chest, pinning him down. Seeing that the guardian is outmatched, Dorothy calls him back. The demon-creature thing vanishes into thin air.
"Are you done, yet?" Grim asks Dorothy. "This is kinda fun! I could keep this up all day!"
"Let's see you take this guardian on!" The pink-haired witch shouts back. She's holding some sort of chain with a wolf's head at the end of it in her hand. It's glowing a dark blue. "Guardian ARM, Reindog!" A giant, gray, three-tailed, yellow-eyed wolf appears. Grim is frightened, but just for a moment. He points his scythe at the massive canine and zaps it. The guardian shrinks to the size of a Chihuahua.
"Toto!" The witch shouts.
"Oh, don't worry. The effects should wear off once you call him back." Grim says jokingly. Dorothy calls Toto back, unsure of what to throw at him next. "So, are you ready to give up yet?" Dorothy grins back at Death, signaling that she's still not finished with him yet.
"Ha! Ha! Ha! That was funny!" Ed says, laughing at the battle.
"Ed, don't you realize that if he wins, he's going to take Carrie and Dorothy with him to the underworld and you'll never see them again?" Double D asks the oafish Ed-boy.
"You mean that Beetlejuice plans on taking Dorothy and Carrie away and give them over to the Teenage Appetizers from Planet Sushi, where they will take them and squeeze them into 100 pure Florida orange juice?" Ed asks.
"Uh…" Double D says, unsure how to answer his friend.
"NO ONE GIVES MY FRIENDS TO JUICE-DRINKING ALIENS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!!" Ed yells. The Ed-boy charges at Grim.
"Wait! What are you…STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU FLAT-HEADED IDIOT!!!" Grim shouts.
"Attack Beetlejuice!" Ed shouts. Grim turns around and tries to run away, but Ed pounces on him and beats him up.
"No! Not me face! AAAHHHH!!!!!" Grim yells. "Okay, okay! I give up! I give up! Just call him off!"
"What!?" Eddy shouts in disappointment. "Oh, well, at least all that power will be mine!" Eddy laughs and rubs his hands together greedily.
"Does this mean that I'm not getting any chocolate pudding?" Carrie asks.
"Victory belongs to Loathar!" Ed shouts, getting off of Grim.
"No fair! You cheated!" Grim whines.
"Actually, you never specified the rules of this fight, so therefore, you lose!" May says in response.
"It's just like what happened the last time, only I hate these people even more!" Grim yells, upset that he lost.
"I hate you too, Beetlejuice!" Carrie says warmly, giving Grim a hug.
"And remember this, Bonehead. If you ever try to escape, we'll sick Ed on you again!" Eddy warns.
Ed walks up behind Grim and says, "Piehole!"
"But, he's a lunatic and he smells really bad!" Grim whines.
"No hard feelings, Grim." Double D says. "Say, how about I get you a glass of cool lemonade?"
"Oh, tanks mon! That fight made me thirsty." Grim answers. Double D runs into Baron von Ghoulish's castle. Kevin, a kid wearing a green shirt and a red baseball cap rides in on his bike.
"Hey, Dork Number Eddy, who's your ugly girlfriend?" Kevin asks Eddy after he sees Grim.
"For your information, Shovel Chin, this is the Grim Reaper!" Eddy shouts at him. "He has this cool sickle-thingy that does all sorts of crazy stuff!"
"Whatever, dorks!" Kevin rides away.
"Dorks!?" Ed says, confused.
"Just to be clear on this, I don't get any chocolate pudding, right?" Carrie asks. Tired of hearing her, Grim uses his scythe to make a bowl of chocolate pudding appear in her hands. Carrie dives in face first and devours the pudding.
"This is going to be a long fanfic, mon!" Grim complains.
Double D comes back with Grim's lemonade and everyone goes back inside, with the Grim Reaper himself as their best friend/servant. What zany adventures will they have? Will Ed ever stop saying, "Piehole!"? And will Carrie ever get full? Find out next time!