"If you leave, don't leave now. Please don't take my heart away, promise me just one more night. Then we'll go our separate ways."
I could feel his arms around me, his body pressed against mine as we lie there together in the darkness of night. I shift and turn to face him, to look into his eyes. As I turn, he fades, his form completely gone. The only thing left is the cold empty darkness, and that's all….
I slowly awoke. It took me only a mere fraction of a second to realize that I was dreaming again. "And only dreaming." I reminded myself.
That's what I told myself at first, was that they were just dreams, and nothing more. These dreams had begun to play into mind once Carl had left; at first they were chaste, sweet, and simple. They were just small simple things, like, lying beside him on his couch, holding his hand, or kissing him even.
It wasn't until that fateful day that I helped him pack, that things in my mind changed quickly, all because of one piece of clothing.
"That was the one I was wearing when I first met you."
When I heard those words I melted, my heart strings being pulled as tight as could be. From that night forward, my dreams were rapidly becoming less and less innocent. These were the kind of fantasies that women can only dream, the kind of cheesy perfect ones that can only be seen in the pages of a romance novel.
Like the stories, I envision his perfectly toned body before me. He, with lustful sparkling eyes looking deep into mine and ever so softy whispering against the shell of my ear that he loves me, as we come together in the dim moonlit glow of the night.
As I lie there in pale sheets that had been dampened due to the sticky heat of summer, I thought about Will. I thought about how he was going off both to fulfill and live out his lifelong dream on the stage of Broadway, and how he had something that I simply lacked, and that, was courage.
I began to wonder if my dreams had aspirations behind them, or if they were just lust fulfilling. I sighed heavily and closed my eyes and I thought about everything that had been happening between us over the past few months. Everything from sweet smiles, to stolen glances, to meaningless conversation, but most importantly, the way we would look at each other.
It was a long meaningful gaze that would come about when there was silence, when there was simply nothing left for us to say. In his eyes I could see the spark that had been missing. Every time I saw that little glimmer, the strings of my heart would pull so tight I thought they would snap, and ever so slowly, I could feel my old feelings for him reaching the surface.
Clearly, I could now see that my feelings for Will so much more than lustful, and they always had been. I knew that he was leaving tomorrow, and I knew that this was something that he had to do, but I couldn't let him leave without knowing, knowing that I loved him.
/
I stood at his door knocking, waiting for him to answer.
He swung it open, duffle bag in hand, shocked to see me standing there.
"Em, what are you doing here, what's wrong?" he asked, his shining hazel eyes full of concern.
"I have to tell you something" I mumbled flushed with embarrassment, looking in the direction of the floor.
Without a single word, he gently lifted my chin with his index finger, so that my eyes met his, motioning for me to tell him.
I took a deep breath, "I've been thinking….about you…and me…us. I'm so confused; I don't even know what we are…" I let out a sigh of frustration, "What I'm trying to say is that…I lo-…."
Before I could even finish my sentence, his lips were crushed against mine. As he pulled me inside, I wrapped my arms around his neck and began running my fingers though his soft curls. My heart was soaring, this had felt amazing, and I was content to stay like this for the rest of my life. His hands came up to cradle my neck, and I began to nipping at his bottom lip. Suddenly, I felt him pull away slowly, I froze.
"I can't do this Em, not this way" he whispered softly, his forehead pressed to mine.
My heart was shattered within a matter of seconds; I pushed him away and ran out the door before he even had the chance to utter another word.
I couldn't believe it; I couldn't believe him, after everything.
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