A/N: This is purely for humor and some of it is pretty crude. Nothing to explicit or anything, beforewarned.
I.
Simba and Nala snuggled their --- err- -- cub. What's his name. The crowds of animals, again, for some holy reason or another bowed down to princess Layla, I mean, Kiara. So anyway, Timon and Pumbaa admire their godchild from the very peak of Pride Rock.
"Ah, look at that little hairball! Knock my block off it that isn't the cutest little thing I've ever seen and of course we're going to be the parents. I'm tellin' chubby, it's gonna be like all of those other days we laid around and did nothing. You, me and the perfectly normal cub."
Rafiki chuckled as he held the young bundle of joy. "Heh-heh-heh… she's retarded."
"Retarded."
"Retarded?! Oy!"
Sometime later…
Kiara skipped to the edge of Pride Rock like she had never seen the outside world.
"Joy to the world!"
"Whoa, now, sunshine. Remember your mental health."
"Mommy!" She snapped in her uppity voice. "For Mufasa sakes, let me go already!"
"Now I just want to make sure you're not showing any tendencies towards doing anything but becoming a straight young lioness among our incestuous pride." Simba explained to her.
"Okay, okay, can I go to my Special Ed class now? Pleeeaasse?"
"Very funny."
Nala walked over to them both. "Try not to use your mind too much, Kiara."
"Yes, Dad."
Simba glared out into the green Pridelands. "Any stay away from Fruit Pie lands."
Zazu flew over with a murderous look on his face. "Nothing there… But homosexuals."
"Zazu's right." Simba replied with equal menace. "You can't put your bodies on them."
"Really, how come?"
"Nevermined, you're…. special. Run along now."
"Okayyy! Tra la la la la…" Kiara went skipping off into the fields.
"Simba?" Nala laughed. "Now where do you think she gets her intelligence from, hmm?"
"What? Who?"
"She's just as retarded as you were when we were young."
"Exactly, do you remember the trouble we put ourselves through?"
Nala pounced upon him. "You mean the trouble you put us through. Hmm… she won't kill herself."
Simba turned unsure as she left and turned to his well-accredited and fully resume' prepared babysitting squad. "Hey Joe, Curly, come here." They trotted over perkily to greet their straight king.
"Good morning other member of the three stooges the author couldn't remember!"
"I want you guys to make sure Kiara doesn't do anything stupid, she's bound to get hurt."
"Don't worry, Simba, we're on her like a warthog on the stink!"
"Yep, contrary to the laws of reason I'm part bloodhound."
"Guys, I'm blindly putting my faith in you. Kiara could already be a lesbo as we blather on senselessly!"
"Oh, come on, Simba. You don't think Kiara is THAT special do you?"
Further out into the Pridelands…
"Cool, the Fruit Pie lands! I wonder what kind of drug-dealers and muggers are out there!"
To be continued...