III Two Brothers to True
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I Disclaimer: Me no own, You no sue. Me rhyme everytime, You can't find a dime at any time.
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III Warnings: Wincest
Sometimes the truth was just so hard to admit.
Sometimes, when no one is around, he cries. He lets everything out so that it doesn't stay bottled up inside for to long and he won't have to face it. But every time his brother smiles and slaps him on the back, he knows that he's one step closer to forgiveness.
He just wishes that it would come soon so that he doesn't have to keep worrying about everything he does or doesn't say. Sometimes, he likes to believe that they are as they once were; before he moved away to college and left Dean on his own with no one but their dad, no matter the fact that Dad couldn't give Dean what Dean needed. And Sam has no choice but to blame himself.
He wants to heal his brother, tohold him when he has nightmares. But Dean doesn't have nightmares, doesn't ever regret anything that they do. Dean, the invincible older brother, doesn't have nightmares about this blood that coats their hands or the screams from exercised monsters. Sam likes to believe that they're heroes… that they save so many people every day. But he knows that the monsters they kill, some of them used to be human.
"Dad isn't here so in the mean time we need something to hunt."
His own words echo in his ears long after he says them, he reflects on their conversations and knows that without this hunt, they are nothing. Sure, Sam has the know-how to become a lawyer, but Dean, Dean doesn't have dreams outside the hunt and is nothing without the shiny pistol tucked in the back of his pants and the sawed-off shot gun slung over his shoulder, so when Dean is nothing, Sam is nothing.
As they go from place to place, they slowly drop back into their old routines, and long dormant abilities rise again. They hold silent conversations with quirks of an eyebrow or twitch of the lip. They begin to know each other again, but part of knowing who the other was, was knowing everything, knowing what they did and how they did it. And there's this two year gap between them and neither Sam nor Dean know how to fill it.
I.
Sometimes the truth was just so hard to admit.
Sometimes, when no one is around, he cries. He lets everything out so that it doesn't stay bottled up inside for to long and he won't have to face it. But every time his brother smiles and slaps him on the back, he knows that he's one step closer to insanity.
He just wishes that he could get it over with and cross that line, just let loose and do what he wants to do, no matter how "wrong" it is. No matter the consequences because that's who he is, that's what he does, he lives outside the confines of normal society, of everything normal. Both he and their father have always lived on the outside, never really wanted to be normal, just wanted to go about their way and kill those things that kill others. But his brother, Sammy, dear Sammy, has been pounding on that door with a ferocity that no monster could match as he tries to break down those barriers that keep him from being like the other kids. Dean's heart breaking every time Sam asks why they don't have a mother or why dad leaves and sometimes doesn't come home for days. But Dean always tells Sam the truth, 'cause he knows that there's no point in lying about these things.
He wants to heal his brother, to hold him when he has nightmares. But Dean can't hold Sam for to long 'cause then he wouldn't be able to control himself, wouldn't be able to stop once he started. His brother is an addiction that he never should have tasted, and now he realizes that it's too late. He knows that this whole crush/love thing, whatever you wanna call it,is pointless 'cause Sam doesn't love him, not like that. Maybe once upon a time he did, but not now, with two years of coldness and no contact, no touch, between them. Dean gets nothing but a brother's love that is pure in the fact that it comes from a relatively normal sibling and he knows that he shouldn't ask for more.
"You know, my brother could give you this puppy look and you'd just buy right into it."
He's not lying and he's scared about the truth in it. The truth being the fact that even though he knows how to turn on the charm, it was always Sam who was able to convince people that the thing under their bed was real and that, no, your children's disappearances weren't coincidental but a thing that can be fixed if you give them the right information and withhold nothing.He knows that they are one; well, one and half. Because there's still this one part of Sam that refuses to live this life, refuses to hunt down these things, refuses to save the lives of strangers. He's selfish, Dean knows this, has since Sam first said "no" to dad.
As they go from place to place, hunting down their monster-of-the-week and giving fake names, he knows that it's almost time. That a fight, bigger than any he could ever imagine is coming, it's almost here, all his senses telling him to be on the look-out 'cause something's out there and it's ready to hurt Sammy. So he watches his brother's restless sleep and waits for Sam to wake up with another job on the tip of his tongue and a headache to prove that he's not going crazy. Dean watches and waits, waits and watches for Sam to slip up, for Sam to get into some sort of trouble and he'll have to go all big-brother and save his ass. But hey, it wouldn't be the first time.
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P.S. - Sam's quote is "Hell House" and Dean's from "Scarecrow".