Die If You See Her, Die If You Don't

by oywiththepeetaalready

He had been dying to see her, but now was going to die if he did. He went to a place he thought she wouldn't go. He never dreamed that she would come there. She did.

TITLE: Die if You See Her, Die If You Don't (Suggestions for better titles are definitely welcome)

SUMMARY: He had been dying to see her, but now was going to die if he did. He went to a place he thought she wouldn't go. He never dreamed that she would come there. She did.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gilmore Girls. Do I wish I did? Yes. I do not own Lauren Graham, Alexis Bledel, Milo Ventimiglia, Scott Patterson and other characters either. Again, do I wish I did? Actually, no. I don't want to own people. That would be weird. Owning the show though? That would be awesome. I also wish I could be Alexis Bledel. I mean, come on, she has a great job, gets to work with great actors, and gets to date MILO VENTIMIGLIA! Who doesn't want to be her? Huh? HUH? Sorry. I'm rambling. I'm done now.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story takes place during the episode Nag Hammadi is where they found the Gnostic Gospels.

And let the story begin…

He thought about her every day.

The brown-haired, blue-eyed beauty that he had been in love with since the day he had met her. She was smart, beautiful, kind and just overall perfect. It may have just been to him, but that's what she was.

Perfect.

Ever since she told him on the phone that she may have loved him, she had been on his mind constantly. Everything reminded him of her. He saw a book in a store window and remembered when she loaned that same book a year ago. He would walk through a hallway and hear one of her favorite songs, which would obviously draw his thoughts back to her. He would see some clothes that would look great on her, and would picture her in his mind. He knew that these thoughts wouldn't go away until he spoke to her again, or saw her at least.

It seemed that anything and everything had to do with her and when his mother called him and told him that his car was still in Stars Hollow, it seemed like fate.

This would give him yet another chance to see the girl who had stolen his heart forever. It would be the first time he had seen her in almost a year. He loved her with everything that he had. The unfortunate thing was that he was in denial. It hurt too much to even think of her. It was awful, since everything reminded him of her, he was always in pain.

Until now.

Now, every feeling was coming out into the open. Every confusing, denied thought that he had pushed to the back of his mind ever since that phone call with that girl when she was a high-school senior. The sad girl who had started crying when she had to say good bye to him. The confused girl who wondered why her boyfriend hadn't told her that his long lost father had been in town and had decided to go out to California to see him. Every feeling over the last year seemed to come back to him.

Happiness. He would see her again. After all these months.

Shock. His uncle had stolen his car from him. Why would he do that? Where was it? Was it okay? Was it totaled? How long had he had it?

Nervousness. What would he say to her? What would she say to him? Would he even see her?

Love. He would be able to see her again. Everything he loved about her. He was actually excited to have the prospect of seeing her.

He got ready to leave his dad's house to go get his property from his uncle. Halfway across the country, he got a sinking feeling in his stomach. What if she didn't say a word to him and just ignored him completely every day he was there?

That would be horrible. He pushed the thought out of his head. It retuned and didn't leave. In all honesty, he felt he would deserve it.

The plane landed and he knew he couldn't face her. He left her without saying good bye. Twice. He couldn't say good bye though. It was too final. He didn't want things to end. To her, good byes were sentimental things. Things to write about in her diary. To him, they were nightmares. He couldn't say good bye. Especially not to people that he loved. The first time, she came to him all the way to New York from Stars Hollow on the excuse that he hadn't said good bye. He knew he had messed up when she didn't try to contact him after he didn't say good bye the second time. It was all over. She had told him that in that fateful phone call. He couldn't wee her now.

He had been dying to see her, but now was going to die if he did.

He loved her too much to put her through the pain of seeing him again. He hated that he had hurt her before, multiple times. It killed him inside to see her hurt. It hurt him even worse knowing that he had caused the pain.

So, he spent the next couple of hours sneaking around trying to avoid being seen by any townsperson. So far, it was working. He finally got his car and was halfway down the freeway and a horrible thing happened.

His car broke down on the side of the road.

He had to call a tow truck to come get him and his car. The cops came along to make sure everything was okay and to make sure that it wasn't a stolen car. The saw his registration and saw that his name was not the one on the paper. It made them suspicious and they made him go see the person whose name was on the slip. The person he had stolen the car from in the first place. No, the person who had stolen the car from him before that.

His uncle.

He had to go back to Stars Hollow.

Here she lives. Where she would be. He couldn't believe it. He had been so careful to avoid her and had succeeded. But, since they had similar interests, everywhere he went; there would be the possibility of running into her there. That gnawing feeling in his gut came back. He knew that it would be hard to steer clear of her. He didn't know if it would be possible. Besides, everywhere he would go, he would think about her.

He had a feeling that if he saw her, he would either be ignored or hit, even though neither of those options would be like her. He left to go across the country and never said good bye. He didn't call her for a while after he left. He didn't reply when he actually did call her and she said that she may have loved him. She must resent him now.

He found out even more bad news.

He had to wait for at least a day for the car to be fixed.

More time to run into her. The day was getting worse and worse.

He got into a fight with his uncle about where he was to stay. And where did he end up?

The backseat of his car. The freezing cold car.

He tried to seem fine with the situation. He didn't think about how exposed he would be out there. He didn't think that a certain person would see that car.

He didn't know that he had seen him lying there in the car. He didn't know that her mother had seen him also and convinced his uncle to let him stay in the apartment above the diner.

But the reason unknown to him, his uncle came out to see him and said that he was going to his wife's house (which he thought ridiculous, his uncle should automatically live with his wife), the hidden key was in the same spot as before and that if he wanted, he could go inside for the night.

He decided to do that and went inside the second he thought his uncle had left. But he didn't know that his uncle had waited to make sure that he had gotten inside.

The next morning, he and some guys had to push his car to the auto shop because the mechanic wouldn't work on it where it was. He was in the middle of the road, with preparation of a festival going on around him and was trying to get his car across the square. Everyone was making fun of him and even his uncle came up and got in his share of sarcastic remarks. He finally told everyone to bug off and got his car over there. The mechanic told him to go away and come back at closing. He kept bothering her until she finally threatened him with an early closing, which would cause him to have to stay another.

He turned around. He thought he saw her. It wasn't her though. The mechanic informed him that she had cut her hair. He tried to blow off the insinuation that he thought the girl was her, but he didn't persuade the mechanic too well.

He walked away and went to Weston's for some coffee. He sat in the back and read for awhile. He figured that she would go to Luke's if she wanted coffee. He went to a place he thought she wouldn't go. He never dreamed that she would come there.

She did.

She saw him before he saw her. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but he wouldn't wait to hear it. He got up, leaving his coffee and not saying a word to her. He glanced back as he disappeared out the door and saw her standing there, frozen and confused.

He wandered around town for awhile and avoided all the snide remarks and looks from all the townsfolk. He looked in a few stores and then went to the Stars Hollow Bookstore. He sat, reading, on the floor in between two rows of books. He never dreamed she would come there.

She did.

This time he saw her before she saw him. This time, he opened his mouth to say something. He told her that he was leaving. A bewildered look came over her face and she stopped short. Again, she looked like she wanted to say something, and again, he didn't give her the chance.

He didn't want to hurt her again.

If he talked to her, he might say something to hut her. He didn't want to do that. Not again. It didn't occur to him that not saying anything might hurt her more.

He knew that he had really messed up now. She had tried to talk to him twice now, and all he did was brush her off and leave. If she didn't hate him then, she did now.

In some weird way, he was doing this on purpose, to create a barrier. That way he wouldn't be able to become connected to her again. It was too late, but maybe if he acted badly towards her, then maybe she would react terribly to his actions and he would have a reason not to love her anymore.

He knew it wouldn't work.

There was nothing that either of them could do to make him not love her.

Finally, the mechanic finished on his car and told him never to come again. He didn't have a problem with that. He wanted to leave and never come back. He didn't want to have the chance to change his mind about her. He saw that his uncle had put money in the visor to help pay for the repairs. He got out of the car to talk to him and thank him.

He saw her.

She looked stunning. It was the first time he had actually looked at her since he had been back. He had run out too quickly to actually see her then. She had come straight from a fancy party, by the look of her. She was dressed up with a black sweater and an elegant peach dress under a long tan coat. She had her hair cut above her shoulders. That was new, like the mechanic had said. It looked beautiful. It suited her. He stopped short.

He decided to talk to her.

He had a feeling he would hurt her. It was a very strong feeling. He ignored the feeling and focused on the fact that he had to talk to her. He looked around to see who would see him. He saw his uncle talking with her mother. He saw his mother and her boyfriend talking to some townspeople. He was safe. He started to walk toward her, unnoticed.

Then she saw him.

She shouted at the sight of him, saying that it was her turn to walk away, that it was her town, and she gets to leave first. He called out to stop her, but she just ran, yelling the whole time. They cut through all the booths and stands.

He finally got her to stop running by saying that they needed to talk. She asked him questions and said that she had imagined this moment many times since he had left, how he couldn't explain all that he had done and was interested in what he would say as a parting line. But what he said shocked even her.

"I love you."