This fic is going to be a hilarious parody on stories about magic, folk tales, magical lore, etc. In case the genre fooled you, this is not a complete fantasy fic because every other sentence will be filled with slapstick humor. I hope you like it.

Fortunately, for the serious people, some of these chapters will actually quite normal with a substantial plot. But, since I found out that I'm pathetic at writing romance fics I've decided to curb what little talent I have towards humor and supernatural stuff.

WARNING: MAJOR TAKARI FIC! This is my first Takari fic. Also since I'm the author you can expect Taiora, although nothing is for certain.

Finally: This fic is meant to be funny and make you laugh. So relax and enjoy a good laugh, we all need one. Especially after 9/11. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own digimon so don't sue me.

Forward

In a place where dreams come true, where the imagination flows free, and where you can drink seven liters of beer without throwing up, four kingdoms thrived in medieval civilizations. Some kingdoms were allied and good friends; others declared war on each other every other day. Out of these four kingdoms eight heroes would arise and purge the land of evil, bad luck, and prohibition.

The eight heroes are as follows:

Tai of the Kingdom of Ty. Tai is the son of the King's Royal shoe-shiner. He spends most of his time growing food so he can eat it, and fermenting alcohol so he can drink it. The rest of the time he spends throwing up.

Tai was tied to the Kingdom of Ty during his teenage years. Ty is a gorgeous Kingdom carved into the rocks of the Measly Mountains. The capital of the Kingdom of Ty is Tie. Tai was born in Tie (of Ty) and was to become a royal Knight. He has tied his allegiance to the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. His allegiance to Ty forces him to choose a spouse and periodically beat the crap out of her. His search for a soul mate continues.

His life as a Royal Knight keeps him away from the alcohol. Although you can see him many times carrying around some 376 flasks of beer. He claims it is good exercise.

Matt of the Kingdom of Ty. Matt is also from Ty but he does not live in the Royal Palace like Tai does. Instead, Matt is part of the Blubber-Stitch Clan. The Blubber-Stitch are mountain dwelling people with blonde hair and blue eyes. They eat only mushrooms because of their strange religion. Their religion, which is called the Way of the Blubber, forces them to sacrifice monkeys daily. The Sacrificial Ritual involves taking a monkey and throwing it off of the steepest cliff of the Measly Mountains.

As Matt grows up, he tires of the Blubber-Stitch's weird religion and culture. So he leaves the clan and joins the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. His act was a foolish one, for the Blubber-Stitch are now furious. Now they hate the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty and they are trying to overthrow it. This plunges the Kingdom into a bloody civil war. The Blubber-Stitch are now sacrificing twice as many monkeys. The Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty is forced to burn every mushroom in the Kingdom. The fighting continues.

As for Matt, he already had found a spouse to beat the crap out of but she doesn't like that as you will find out.

Sora of the Kingdom of Aros. The beautiful and witty Sora was born in Rosa, the capital of Aros. Sora is a half-human, half-sprite. She has every characteristic of a human except for eight-foot long, three-foot wide wings. She also benefits from the ability to cast magical spells and curses. Her wings don't bother her too much, because simple magic can cover the wings from eyesight.

Sora enjoys flying around Rosa. The people of Rosa also enjoy it when she flies around because they can peek under her skirt.

The Kingdom of Aros is the closest ally to Ty. Aros lies directly east of Ty and the two kingdoms enjoy prosperous trade of food, gold, hookers, and drugs. A common custom between Aros and Ty is that the males of Ty will often pick their spouses from Aros. So the young Matt was attracted to Sora (Sora's Sprite characteristics give her unusually large breasts).

Once Matt and Sora got engaged, the Ty ritual dictates that right before the honeymoon, Matt must beat the crap out of Sora. She was rather surprised when Matt tried to hurl a javelin through her chest. She got so mad that she put a curse on him. The curse caused a pimple to appear on Matt's penis every time he pronounced the letter "s".

The couple obviously broke up.

Mimi of the Kingdom of Aros. Mimi is the daughter of a drug dealer. She is a ditzy idiot and really has no purpose in this story what so ever. Although she has decided to educate herself so she is currently in Ty getting a Masters Degree in folk tale dances.

She lives in the wealthiest part of Aros. She lives in a box right next to the royal palace. Her reason for existing will be slowly revealed throughout the story.

Izzy of the Kingdom of Ju-Ju-Hick. Ju-Ju-Hick lies north of Ty. The entire Kingdom is about the size of Tai's backyard. Ju-Ju-Hick is the mortal enemy of Aros. The two Kingdoms are always fighting about petty differences. Since both kingdoms are allies with Ty, the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty is often forced to solve the two kingdoms' problems.

The latest dilemma is that Aros accused Ju-Ju-Hick of not contributing any money to their Save The Rabid Elves Fund. The fact that nobody else contributed to the Fund doesn't excuse Ju-Ju-Hick's outrageous behavior.

As for Izzy, he is the oldest of 60,000 siblings. 59,000 of which died in an epidemic. Izzy's intellect and strength made him captain of the Ju-Ju-Hick Army. He commands the hourly attacks on Aros. His point in this story is very important but I don't know what it is yet.

Ju-Ju-Hick is the smallest Kingdom but it has the largest population. The good thing about this is that the population is mixed between humans, fairies, elves and kangaroos. Ju-Ju-Hick is a melting pot of culture where you can find half-human, half-fairy, and half-human, half-Kangaroo combinations. Also the growing population has spawned a new invention: the condom. The condom is Ju-Ju-Hick's biggest export. Izzy is in charge of the condom exports, which make him friends with many people.

Joe of the Kingdom of Ju-Ju-Hick Joe is a smart boy with a sick mind. His mother was a stupid drunk and his father was a Kangaroo. His mother used to be an org. Orgs follow the path of the drunk that leads them to becoming Irish.

Joe's miserable life forced him to flee Ju-Ju-Hick and join the Blubber-Stitch Rebellion towards the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. His dumb act soured relations between Ty and Ju-Ju-Hick. The Kingdom of Aros took this as an opportunity to coax Ty into attacking Ju-Ju-Hick.

Ty is once again caught between the disputes of Aros and Ju-Ju-Hick. But it is Tai's brilliant heroic acts as a knight that will bring Ty into becoming the superpower of the four Kingdoms.

Note that Izzy was born in the city of Juju and Joe was born in Hick. Those are the only to cities of the Kingdom.

Tk of the Kingdom of Rancid-Orgs Tk's life story is long and sad so background on the Kingdom of Rancid-Orgs is useful. The Rancid-Orgs is a twisted Kingdom that always wanted more power than it deserved. It lies south of Ty and it is the only kingdom that is not built in the Measly Mountains. The Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs flourishes in Butt-Crack Canyon.

The Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs is Ty's mortal enemy. The Blubber-Stitch Clan is actually a descendant of the Rancid-Orgs. Their plan was to throw Ty into a bloody civil war, and that is exactly what happened. But the plan did backfire a little bit. As you already know, the Blubber-Stitch have to sacrifice monkeys by throwing them off the Measly Mountains. Therefore, the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs is always rained on by monkeys that fall into Butt-Crack Canyon.

The Kingdom of the Rancid Orgs has a government similar to that of a lost school of piranhas. It has no organization what so ever. Since all the other Kingdoms are allied with Ty, the Rancid-Orgs has to take care of itself by cannonball-ism. No not cannibalism cannonball-ism in which the people have to eat cannonballs as their staple food. The people of the Rancid-Orgs have a stomach of steel. Whenever a person living in the kingdom turns fifteen, he has to eat his first cannonball.

The people living in the Rancid-Orgs are mostly, well, Orgs. Therefore most of them become drunken idiots and the oldest Orgs are Irish. Every Org has to make his or her own weapon. The weapons made by the Orgs are usually cannons. The cannons are fired from the edge of Butt-Crack Canyon and head straight for Ty. Most of the time, however, the cannonballs hit the monkeys thrown by the Blubber-Stitch.

The people of the Kingdom of Rancid-Orgs eat cannonballs and use them for weapons. It is still a mystery how the Kingdom has so many cannonballs to spare.

Finally, the Rancid-Orgs travel out of Butt-Crack Ravine once in a while and they kidnap small children from Ty. This is when Tk comes into the picture.

Tk is Matt's brother, although he doesn't know it. Tk and Matt were both living in Ty together when suddenly, the Orgs kidnapped them. They put Matt in the Blubber-Stitch clan and they took Tk down into Butt-Crack Ravine.

Tk was only two years old when he was kidnapped so her remembers little of Ty. Although he strongly dislikes his home, and he longs to live in the Measly Mountains. So one day, before his fifteenth birthday, he decides to escape. Since he doesn't want to remain and eat his first cannonball. The Orgs are so stupid that they can't understand that Tk is a human and not an Org. Tk has had enough with the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs so he devises a plan to get past the security of Butt-Crack Ravine and climb the Measly Mountains.

Kari of the Kingdom of Ty Kari is Tai's younger sister. She is a pretty young girl and her best friend is Sora from Aros. She hates rules and often defies the

Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty. It is usually up to her brother to keep her in line.

One day when she is hiking down the Measly Mountains simply to defy the Republic Democratic Confederate Union of Ty, she spots a gorgeous young boy: Tk. She immediately falls in love with him. Now she is faced with a huge problem. Tk is from the Kingdom of the Rancid-Orgs and she is from the Kingdom of Ty. All relations between the two kingdoms have been severed off completely, and she knows the horrible punishment for associating with somebody from the Rancid-Orgs. The punishment is complete and total prohibition from alcohol.

What is she to do? Give up her beer bottle or give up the boy of her dreams? She decides to go to Aros and ask Sora for help. Kari intends to learn magic that will help her with her problem.

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Well how was it? Please r/r. Flame it for all I care because if you flame the fic it proves that you are showing emotion towards it. The worst thing you could do is not review. And if you read the fic but you don't review, well let's just say I know where you live. I know where you live so I'll come to your house and steal all your milk! ....Ok why don't I stop typing now. Ciao!