My version of events following the end of Season 9 We all hate cliffhangers so here is a little something to keep us going, because let's face it, Shonda ain't gonna give us a Japril reunion anytime soon.

Please enjoy and remember to review me :)

….

"Unless you give me a reason not to".

Her words echoed repeatedly inside his head as he stood underneath the warm stream of water in the small shower cubicle in his hospital room. Leaning his good shoulder against the cold tiles, he closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Her face immediately filled his thoughts. The anguish and pain were evident in her eyes when he failed to give a reply, instead staring dumbfounded at her, unable to form words to reply.

"Thank God you're ok!", Stephanie's voice filled the small cubicle as she flung back the curtain and rushed straight to his side. "I just heard. I can't believe what you did!", she wrapped her arm around him and planted a small kiss on his forehead.

"I'm sorry", April breathed before turning on her heels and rushing out of the cubicle. Jackson saw her wiping away tears as she walked further and further. He opened his mouth to call out to her but he was once more stopped by the intern.

"God Jackson", she sighed, rubbing his upper arm reassuringly. "You scared the crap out of me! They told me you were in some explosion and I completely freaked…"

All he could remember was April's vibrantly auburn hair bouncing as she retreated further down the corridor. It had been a week since April's revelation and Jackson hadn't spoken to her since. He'd seen her walk past his room on her rounds on the floor, but saw that she had clearly been trying to avoid his room, instead making her interns enter the surrounding rooms. She was well and truly avoiding him. He didn't want her to feel embarrassed.

As much as he wanted to accept her, to be with her, and damn did he want to! He knew that a small part of her did love that paramedic. And that was something. That was love. She accepted Matthew's proposal because a part of her did love that guy and she couldn't deny there was something between them. They were so similar- almost perfect. But Jackson loved April. He loved her as his best friend, as his colleague. But he also loved her. Deep down he knew it was love long before their Boards. Long before the shooting. But those events only intensified the love. Only made it stronger. And he knew that as long as April had some love inside her for Matthew, that he couldn't be with her. He loved her with his complete heart and wanted her to feel the exact same.

She had only said those things because he had been hurt. Because he had nearly died and because she was terrified of losing him. They were said in the heat of the moment. Yes, she may have meant them completely, but in that moment, in that situation, he had to reject them.

Turning off the shower, he stepped out and grabbed a towel and began drying himself. Glancing up into the mirror that hung on the wall above the tap, he gazed intently on the slight burns and cut that covered his shoulder and upper torso. Some of the worse ones still had their waterproof bandages, but the smaller ones remained uncovered, in the early stages of healing. Hunt had offered him pro bono plastic surgery to fix some of the worse ones but Jackson had kindly declined. Every time he looked at the scars, he was reminded that he had saved a life. A child was still alive. Still laughing, crying, eating, and breathing because he had saved their life. They were almost like a badge and he would wear them with pride. And he felt guilty knowing that he would be taking the surgery for free when there were plenty of people who could use that free surgery for actual critical problems.

Drying himself and dressing into his track bottoms and t-shirt, he stepped out of the bathroom and lay back down in his hospital bed. He had just settled and was watching a basketball game on the small TV when Alex Karev entered the room, a half-eaten apple in his hand.

"How's it going Avery?" Alex asked, taking another bite of the apple and sitting down in the plush armchair next to the bed. "Still enjoying the first class service?" he chuckled.

"Shut up Karev", Jackson smirked back.

"When they letting you out?"

"Probably in the next few days" Jackson replied. "They did a psych test because they reckoned I was still in shock and all that after the explosion, but yeah I'm alright. Everything is healing up nicely and not infected at all. I've gotta keep this sling on my shoulder for about a week or so, but I don't really feel like I need it. I'm feeling fine".

"If I was you, I'd try and hide in here as long as possible. It's getting crazy out there", he pointed towards the door.

"What?" Jackson frowned slightly. He had had limited gossip from the other doctors for a while now and was desperate for new news.

"Well things with Webber have gone downhill. They are keeping him in ICU on the ventilator. No one can believe it really. There hasn't been much improvement. Meredith and the baby are just the talk of the place. I don't thing I've ever seen her smile so damn much! Torres and Robbins are having some weird silent argument- totally avoiding each other- getting all silent ragey, its crazy. No one really knows why but I'm hoping they work it out soon- Robbins all pissed off isn't great to work with. Then you've got April…"

"What about April?" Jackson perked up.

"Subtle dude" Alex smirked.

"She's my best friend Alex!" Jackson reminded him pointedly. "I've been in here for nearly a week and she still hasn't come to see me. I just don't know where we stand right now".

"Well this will change your tune" Alex grinned. "I heard that she broke up with that paramedic loser".

"What?" Jackson breathed silently.

"Like what kind of self-respecting guy proposes in a flash mob anyway?" Alex continued to himself. "How lame, but I guess Kepner likes that sappy stupid romance. She's all about that crap…"

Jackson only gave his friend a disapproving glare before returning to his own thoughts. Their engagement was over. Could it be true? Well she had come to him professing her love so maybe she thought it would be the next logical step to break off the engagement. But if she had really done it, why hadn't she come straight to Jackson and told him herself? Unless Matthew had been the one who had done it?

"Do you know what happened?" Jackson questioned, coming out of his thoughts.

"Nah" Alex finished eat his apple before tossing the core into the nearby bin. "Yang told me like two days ago after she found Kepner hiding in a supply closet bawling her eyes out. She hasn't been at the apartment lately. We've had different shifts so whenever she's home I'm either sleeping or over at Jo's….plus I'm really not that interested in her problems".

Jackson just rolled his eyes at Alex's usual crassness.

Before Jackson could open his mouth to reply to Alex, the paediatric surgeon's pager shrilled. Checking it, Alex gave Jackson a tight smile.

"Gotta go, got this premie that just touch and go right now. I'll see you round Avery" and without another glance, walked out of the room clutching his pager.

Jackson watched him retreat until his friend was out of sight and leant his head back against his pillows sighing heavily. He couldn't believe it. April was no longer engaged! He wanted so badly to see her. To talk to her and try and understand where they stood- what their weird relationship really was. The lines between friends and lovers had become incredibly blurred and he didn't know what to make of it all anymore. He just wished he could sit her down and explain everything to her…

…..

April sat in the attending's lounge with the steaming mug of coffee in her hand, staring mindlessly at the carpet below her. She was numb. Empty.

Matthew had just broken off the engagement. Even though she was furious, devastated, disappointed, shocked…she still had to commend him on the gentleman-y way in which he went about it.

"April I want to ask you something" he spoke softly in the empty storage closet.

"Sure" she smiled gently. She had just returned from her rounds and was completely exhausted from the long shift. She didn't really feel like a d&m right there and then.

"This is kinda awkward…" he began timidly.

"Just tell me" April continued, a hint of irritation in her voice. She was craving a soft pillow and was struggling to keep her eyelids open.

"April…" he sighed. "I know you still love Jackson Avery".

"What!" she exclaimed, jolted out of her exhausted.

"I guess I've sensed it all along. He was your first and you've always had this strong, special relationship. I know there is and always will be something there."

"Matt….I don't…" she mumbled.

"April" he sighed. "Please don't try and explain it. When there are feelings like that, sometimes there just isn't an explanation. Neither of you can help it. I do love you April but I know it wouldn't be fair to pretend our relationship is something that it isn't. It wouldn't be fair to get married based on something that doesn't exist".

April opened her mouth to protest but Matthew stopped her with his hand.

"April please" he smiled "let's just part as friends. I will always love you and you will always have a special place in my heart" he leant in and planted a gentle peck on her lips before drawing away. April silently wrapped her arm around his neck and brought him into a hug.

"Thank you" she whispered tearfully. Part of her had been relieved that it was over and she was able to admit her feelings.

April still hadn't spoken to Jackson since the night of the storm when she had rather embarrassingly admitted her feelings. Thinking about that night made her cringe in embarrassment. She mentally hit herself every time she recalled that awkward encounter. Obviously he didn't feel the same way because he had pretty much politely ignored everything she had said. She had thrown herself emotionally at him and he had rejected her. If that wasn't a statement about his feelings then what was?

Sighing heavily, she took a deep gulp of her black coffee. "As black as my soul" she thought to herself wryly. She was in the middle of a 12 hour shift and feeling absolutely terrible. She had thrown herself into the work since the storm. A way of forgetting about Jackson and now about Matthew. She really had the worst luck with men, didn't she? Thinking about Jackson lying upstairs in his hospital room made her stomach flutter, but she wasn't exactly sure why.

She knew nothing was going to happen. That's why she had been avoiding Jackson's room. She couldn't risk seeing him and either burst out in tears or turning into a tomato from humiliation. She just wanted so badly to forget the entire thing. Taking another sip she glanced at the clock and saw that her break was nearly over.

Suddenly her pager went off with a shrill beep. Sighing heavily and pulled it from her waist and glanced at the small screen.

Suite 2981

Her stomach did a small anxious flip as she read it over and over.

That was Jackson's room.