"Damien!" A ratty man stepped from behind a wall, sneering at the black haired boy in front of him. "I've come back from the dead to finish what your father failed to."
The boy, no, the young man, turns to the scraggly specter in front of him with a look of disbelief on his face. "Sirius? You're alive!" Harry gasps. "Where… how?"
Sirius crosses himself. "Do not speak to me, devil!" He says, backing up.
"Sirius, it's me, Harry." Harry says, desperately, holding out his hand.
"Lies! You are Damien, the son of Satan!"
"I think he's gone around the twist, mate." Ron says from behind Harry. "I mean, it's great and all, him coming back from the dead, but that's got to mess around with your brain."
"He is calling you by some other name and sounding rather insane." Hermione puts her own two sickles.
"No, he's just confused is all." Harry says stubbornly.
"I am not confused, I am enlightened! I was there, I was there when you killed your nanny." Sirius says, a manic gleam in his eyes. "Lupin was there, too! He was taking magical pictures that tell the future." Sirius continues in a spooky voice.
"Have you ever had a nanny?" Hermione asks.
"Yeah, weren't your relatives horrid to you? I mean, Merlin's beard, we had to rescue you from them with a flying car." Ron asks Harry.
"I was there too, though as a slightly more Rottie dog, when you killed your mother."
Harry looks ill. "I didn't kill my mother, the Dark Lord did."
"That's right, the devil! But you are the son of the devil and the actual killing hand."
"But I'm not Voldemort's son. I'm James' son." Harry simply looks confused now.
"No, you're mother was a jackal and you father is the DEVIL, otherwise known as Voldemort." Sirius finishes confidently.
"Look, you're simply not making any sense. Harry has never had a nanny, he didn't kill his mother, and he is not the son of the dark Lord." Hermione states.
"What about his mother being a jackal?" Ron asks.
Hermione shrugs. "You never know, she could have been an unregistered Animagus. Merlin knows the rest of them were."
"What you fail to realize is that this is not Harry, this is Damien." Sirius says to Ron and Hermione in a whisper that is supposed to sound secretive.
"What are you on about?" Ron asks incredulously.
"On the other side of the veil, I saw it all in a moving vision!"
"You mean a film?" Hermione asks dubiously.
Sirius ignores her. "Dumbledore was in it with another ridiculous name: Bugenhagen, and he told me to kill Damien with the holy knives on the alter of Christ before he becomes evil incarnate and 'sets man against man 'til man exists no more.'"
"Oh, you mean 'The Omen?"' Hermione asks. She is still ignored.
"There were all these details, it must be true! You, Damien, of the blue eyes and dark hair, marked by the devil with three sixes…"
"But my eyes are green."
"And his scar is a lightening bolt." Ron adds.
Sirius shakes his head. "No, in the movie, your eyes are blue."
"Well, they're not. I don't know what you are talking about Sirius, and frankly I think you need some help to resolve these issues." Hermione says pertly.
"But, over there, watching it, it was like seeing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire again, and I was convinced!" Sirius trails off muttering to himself.
"All movies are pretty much the same, especially remakes." Hermione says consolingly, patting Sirius on the back. "What matters is, you're back to reality now. And you can stop trying to stab Harry with sacrificial knives and help us defeat Voldemort instead."
"Yeah, you can stab him with sacrificial knives." Ron says with sadistic glee.
"Who knows, it might even work."
Sirius sighs. "You're right. Besides, you were born a month too late to be the anti-christ anyway."
"That's the spirit Sirius!" Harry says cheerfully.