SPOILERS through episode 10 x 18 (Book of the Damned) and obviously AU after that. This takes place the same day as the end of the episode. This came at me like a giant tidal wave, and hopefully I can finish it before the next episode airs and spoils all my thoughts.
This is currently intended NOT to have a happy ending. At all. So be warned.
Please let me know if you see any mistakes, either in editing or in canon. Thanks!
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. I just like it lots and want to play with the characters for a while.
Castiel hesitated in the doorway of Charlie's room. Officially, it was a spare bedroom, but Charlie had already made it her own in a way the angel had never quite managed. The easy way she seemed to belong wherever she happened to be made him a tiny bit envious, deep down. Though he had his Grace fully restored, it seemed his time as a human had left an emotional mark on him.
He cleared his throat softly and asked, "May I come in?"
Charlie looked up from where she was sorting clothes into the dresser. Apparently she and Dean had stopped for more than food and beer while they were out. She gave him a bright grin. "Hey! Of course. What's the word, Tyrael?"
"But...I am not- Tyrael is-" He broke off in confusion.
Laughing, she waved him in. "Sorry! It's a gaming thing! I didn't mean-" She froze and her eyes popped wide in shock. "Oh my God! Is there a real Tyrael?"
"Well, yes. Though we were never what humans would call 'close', he was a gifted warrior, and I was honored to fight by his side many times. I'm sorry to say he was killed some few centuries ago."
Charlie's mouth hung open long enough that Castiel wondered if he'd somehow said something wrong. Finally, she simply exclaimed, "Holy shit!"
The angel frowned, uncertain what to make of her response. He edged back toward the door to escape before he made things worse.
She shook her head as though to clear her thoughts and beckoned to him again with a wave of her hand. "No, no – never mind, sorry! Come in! Did you need something?"
He took one hesitant step into the room. "Something you said earlier. Despite my time spent among humans and as one, I still have difficulty interpreting some human mannerisms."
Dropping to sit on the bed with a bounce, Charlie leaned back against the headboard. "Okaaay?"
"I don't always recognize when I'm being teased."
She tipped her head, waiting curiously for him to finish.
"Was your offer of friendship genuine?"
Charlie's face softened and she patted the mattress in front of her. "Oh, Cas, honey, of course! Can I call you Cas? I know we just met, but with all the crap we've been through with those Winchester boys, I think that kind of automatically makes us BFFs!" And at Castiel's uncertain look, she clarified gently, "Friends. I want us to be friends."
The angel relaxed a little and sat on the edge of the bed where she'd indicated. "Then...may I confide in you?"
"Ooh! Are we dishing already? Awwwwesome!" she sang out. Then she sobered and asked, "Seriously, though, I love that you're here, but why me and not Dean or Sam?"
"I feel an outside perspective would be helpful." It was the truth, if not all of it.
She nodded, accepting the explanation. "All right, hit me! Er, tell me, I mean," she quickly corrected herself.
"We've been searching for a cure for the Mark of Cain for some time now and are no closer to an answer than we ever were. Though he masks it well, Dean's condition worsens by the day. However, what I find even more worrisome is his deterioration of spirit."
Charlie pursed her lips. "He's definitely not as feisty as usual. How bad is it, do you think?"
"It's bad." Castiel scowled at the carpet. "I am afraid. If he won't fight the influence of the Mark with his usual degree of obstinance, it will destroy him. Soon."
"We're doing everything we can, Cas. He's still resisting, and we're still looking for an answer."
The angel took a deep breath before continuing. "I know that. I do. But with my Grace restored, I can see the Mark's darkness eroding his soul, consuming it. He won't be able to hold it off, and-" He broke off, clenching his jaw shut.
"And what?" prompted Charlie.
Castiel ducked his head, his residual human feelings causing heat to flood his face. "I can't watch it happen. If Dean Winchester has to die, he should be throwing punches and flinging insults. Not like this. He's already given up, and it's...it's more difficult to accept than I would have thought," he finished quickly.
"You think he wants to die?"
"No. But I believe he won't fight death when it comes for him."
Charlie leaned forward to brush his forearm with her fingertips. "How do you feel about that?"
His body didn't need oxygen anymore, but Castiel found himself breathing hard as he considered it. "I don't know. There's too much, and all of it hurts. I'm afraid. I'm helpless to fix him, and I can't bear seeing him so hopeless. When I think that he might let himself die, I feel a terrible, aching hole inside me. I want to tear things apart, smite things. I want to...to shake him until I can make him see what he's doing to himself. What he's doing to me."
He looked down, surprised to see Charlie had slipped her hand into his while he was talking and was holding it tightly. She scooted around to sit beside him and leaned her head against his shoulder, all the while rubbing her thumb soothingly over his.
"Does he know you love him?"
Castiel blinked. "What?"
"Have you told him you love him?" she repeated.
"Well... No?"
Her thumb continued its hypnotic path. "You can still help him. We're all looking for a cure, but that's not all he needs. Until we find a way to free him of that thing, he needs a reason to hang on. Something to fight for."
He found himself at a loss for words.
She hopped up and pulled Castiel to his feet before dragging him toward the door. Grinning, she gave his hand a squeeze. "Good talk, bestie!" she chirped. Then her bright smile melted into something more genuine. "Just think about it, okay?"
And with a gentle push, she ushered him out into the hallway and closed the door.