Message From the Author: Don't Get Me Wrong Edward is One of My Favorite Characters! But Seriously... Even Those Who Are Insanly in Love With Edward Have to Admit He's Like a Moody Housewife.
This is Dedicated to My Friend, Denise! I Know She Really Loves Bad Ass Edward & He's Definitely the Opposite of Bad Ass in This But I Hope She Still Gets a Laugh Outta it :D
And Now a Special Guest to Give the Disclaimer! Oh, Jasper!!!!
Jasper: Yes, My Love?
I Need You to Tell All the People Out There That I Don't Own the Characters or Twilight, But That I Do Own the Idea of This Story.
Jasper: You Kinda Just Told Them That...
*Evil Glare* Get Back in Your Cage
Jasper: *Nods* On it!
And Now I Hope You Enjoy the Story 8D


"Come on, Jazz, please!" Emmett pleaded to his blonde brother.

Jasper turned around annoyed, "No, Emmett! I refuse to play football with you! Just go play with yourself!"

*Crickets*

"That's what she said!" called a high, perky voice from the pixie vampire who was now running down the stairs to join her beloved.

"Seriously, Jasper. That sounded really odd."

If vampires could blush he would have, "So I had a bad choice of words there! But whatever! Just go play football by yourself! Come on, Alice" he said talking her hand and going up the stairs while she repeatedly waved goodbye to her bear of a brother.

"Rose," he sniffled.

"She's out hunting. You know that, Emmett," called Edward from the kitchen.

Emmett's mouth dropped as he walked into the kitchen and saw his brother in a floral apron, "Edward! What are you doing!?"

He was positioned over a bowl, stirring it with a giant, wooden spoon, "I'm just making a casserole."

Even Emmett, who loved trying everything and barely thought anything out thought that was stupid, "Why?! We don't eat!"

Edward waved the spoon at him, "Get out of my kitchen right now! Go outside and just get away from me while I'm fixing this!"

"Fine!" Emmett said, glad to get away from the extremely feminine house wife-ish Edward. "Guess I'll just have to kick the football around myself." He started off nice and slow, at a human pace, but as he started getting more into it the foot ball was being kicked around at an extremely fast pace, even for a vampire. Suddenly the speed got out of control and the football went flying, straight through the window, and straight into a very angry vampire's now ruined casserole.

"Uh oh," cried Jasper and Alice as Emmett walked in like a frightened little puppy.

If it was possible Edward would've had steam blowing out of his ears from his anger.

Emmett backed away from the extremely terrifying creature before him, "Look, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"

But Edward kept advancing, "You ruined my casserole! Do you know how long I've been slaving over a hot stove for that? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!"

All three stood wide eyed at him. "Since when was Edward such a trans?" Jasper questioned his wife.

"Well he does sparkle," she answered. (A/N: Super Smart, Alice. So Does Your Husband. Well He'll Be My Husband Soon Enough...)

That was the last straw for him. He slammed down his now clenched fists down onto the counter, crushing it. Edward's face fell then, (A/N: He Looked Like This- D:) as he looked upon the remains of his counter. He fell to his knees and brought his hands up to his face burying them. "First my casserole and now this!!"

Alice and Emmett turned to Jasper, "He's a wreck! Try fixing it!"

"Um… Um…" he stuttered trying to use his powers to calm the distressed Edward unsuccessfully, "It won't work."

"Well he's acting like a moody housewife," Alice stated.

"Yeah, so?" Emmett questioned.

Her face lit up, "I know just how to calm a moody housewife!" She immediately ran out the door leaving the two boys with an Emo-ing Edward.

Jasper tried shaking him, "Come on, Ed. It's alright."

"No it's not!" he cried, curling up further into a ball.

"You try, Em! It's your fault he's like this!"

"Why don't you play your piano or something?"
"I don't wanna!"

"Oh dear lord, Alice. Come back soon," they both prayed.

Thankfully she returned ten minutes later with something hidden behind her back. "Oh, Edward. I've got something for you." His head perked up as she revealed a glorious box of chocolates. She handed them to his waiting hands and watched victoriously as he gobbled them down.

"But how will that work?" Jasper and Emmett thought aloud.

In an instant Edward sprang up gathering them in a hug, dry sobbing, "I love you guys so much! I'm sorry I acted like that!"

Chocolates always equal success.

And That's the End of the First Chapter!
So What Do You Think? Good, Bad? Amazing, Retarded? Please Tell Me!
But Even if You People Don't Like it I'm Gonna Keep Writing it Cuz I Have Some Good Ideas For Alice & Jasper to Mess With Our Favorite Housewife D
So Bye Bye For Now!!