Notes: Hello readers old and readers new / who gathered round to hear of friend and foe / for never was a story of more woe / than that of Usagi and Leonardo… Rhyming aside, though, I do welcome you all! Those who follow my tumblr (katanashipping, it's me) know that I've been playing with the idea to create a oneshot collection for katanashipping AU ficlets for a while now. Many expressed their need for such a thing in no uncertain terms, so here it is! I hope you enjoy them. Now, without further ado…
Warnings: Katanashipping (LeoUsagi). Expect so much fluff. Chapters may have individual warnings if and when appropriate.
Chapter warnings/rating: Potentially offensive language (the f-word is used once). K+.
Today's AU: Hitting it off with a classic. Young-single-dad-barista being tortured daily by annoying-eccentric-customer AU (initial prompt, not katanashipping-related, by owlickz on tumblr)!
"It's not torture," Usagi says, although he can't help but run a weary hand down his face. "Torture would imply malicious intent. I believe he's just… eccentric. That's all."
"Call it what you want," Tomoe says with a shrug, "but a two-shots-caramel-one-shot-chocolate-soy-milk-and-cinnamon-powder-frappé with extra cream is not just eccentric."
She has dragged one of the armchairs over to the bar and is sitting in it cross-legged, already halfway through her iced mocha. The hat and jacket of her police uniform are draped over the bar. Usagi moves them around while he works. Outside, the sky has already begun to purple. He really needs to finish cleaning up, and he really doesn't discuss that guy while doing it.
"I really don't want to discuss him right now," he tells Tomoe. When she snorts and goes back to audibly slurping her drink, he turns his back to her and makes sure to unload the dishwasher as loudly as possible.
"You like him," Tomoe says later, after he's locked up and they are finally on their way home.
Usagi actually stops, for emphasis, and stares at her with as much incredulity as he can possibly muster. "What happened to torture?"
"Nobody would defend that sort of behaviour unless they stood to gain something from it," Tomoe says. He can tell that she's teasing from her smile, but something about this sudden turn of the conversation rubs him entirely the wrong way. Maybe because it's so utterly ridiculous. Like he'd ever fall for someone like that.
"How about I gain not losing my job?" He says. "And I told you…"
"…You don't want to talk about him. I heard you." Tomoe tucks her ebony hair back behind her ears and lapses into a very pointed silence. Even though he buries his hands in the pockets of his uniform trousers and walks ahead, Usagi can tell she is still looking at him. Sure enough, after a few seconds she catches up to him again and elbows him in the arm. "So what's he got that I don't?"
He eyes her sharply, but her smirk makes it clear that she is still teasing. "Well, for one he shuts up when I ask him to," he says. "Y'know, like an actual adult."
Tomoe only snorts. "You've told him to shut up? To his face?"
"Well. No. But I imagine he would, if I did." When she giggles, he sticks out his tongue at her, which only serves to make her laugh even more. The whole situation is utterly outrageous, seeing as her accusation is absolutely not true, he thinks pointedly. But for some undiscernible reason, she fails to read his mind and goes right back to topic.
"He never speaks beyond his ridiculously elaborate orders," she points out. "Like, at all. Which is why I don't understand what you see in him."
Usagi doesn't even grant her with a response. Thankfully, after a few moments she gets the hint and starts talking about the paperwork she had to do earlier instead. By the time they reach his apartment building and he pulls out his keys, he feels much less tense.
"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier," Tomoe says while he is going through his mail. "I didn't mean to get you all worked up."
"I know, I know." Usagi sighs. "It was funny, I guess. You do a good impression of him."
"Is that supposed to be a compliment? Because I'm not seeing it." When he rolls his eyes, she relents. "I'll see you tomorrow," she says. "You got the late shift again, right? Which means I have Jotaro-duty at two?"
Usagi nods. "Thank you. I'll see you then."
He is already inside when he thinks of something else and dashes back out into the street. "And don't bring him too many sweets again!" he calls after Tomoe's retreating back. She only waves in response, but he can hear her laughter all the way down the street.
*A*U*F*I*C*
The sound of his TV reaches him before he has even put the key in the lock, and for a moment he is prepared to get visibly annoyed. But when he unlocks the door and shoves his work boots under the coat rack, it's not Jotaro but Kiyoko who is watching a late-night cartoon. The little girl is kicking her feet in excitement every time something funny comes up. She looks up only briefly to wave at him before she returns her attention to her show. Usagi can't help but smile at the child, but he tears himself away from watching her and makes his way to the kitchen where he can hear the clatter of dishes.
"Welcome home," Kitsune greets him. Usagi sits down while she whirls through the small room, putting away this and that. At some point, a steaming mug of green tea finds its way into his hands, which he sips with an appreciative sigh. He can smell garlic in the air and herbs, and although he can't see any food it is enough to make his mouth water. Kitsune rolls her eyes when she sees his expression. "There are leftovers in the fridge. I figured you'd be starving."
"Ravenous," he admits. The food – rice in a rich white sauce – looks even better than it smells, and Usagi doesn't even bother reheating it, he just grabs a spoon and digs in. "Didn't know you had Kiyoko," he mutters between bites.
"It was a last-minute decision. You don't mind?"
"Of course not." He chews, swallows, takes another bite. "Jotaro?"
"In bed. You have raised a good kid."
Usagi rolls his eyes at her. "Like you could be mad at her." After a pause, he adds, "Thank you."
"Ah, that's okay. You pay in food after all. And a girl has to do what she can to get by, eh?" She winks at him and drags a chair closer to him, and that's when he knows he's in trouble. Sure enough, she leans in closer and says conspiratorially, "I hear you have a work crush?"
"It's not a crush!" Usagi says, louder than intended, and pushes the now-empty plate to the side. In the next room, he can hear the TV quieting. Rubbing his temples, he mutters, "How do you even know about it?"
"Would you believe if I told you I have foresight?" At his raised eyebrows, Kitsune pulls out her phone and waves it. The countless lucky charms she has attached to it clatter against the pink casing. "Fine. Tomoe texted me."
"Of course she did." He bangs his head against the table-top, once, but with feeling.
Kitsune has the nerve to laugh at his misery, but at least she makes up for it by putting his plate away. "At least I know it'd be reciprocated. You have the whole hot single dad vibe going for you."
"Mrrr," Usagi tells the table, and she laughs again.
"Well, I'll leave you to it for tonight. Get some sleep. Do you need me tomorrow?"
"Tomoe has it covered," Usagi murmurs, still not bothering to raise his head. Kitsune squeezes his shoulder as she passes. He can hear the TV being turned off; moments later, the front door closes, and silence falls.
Though not for long.
"Dad?"
The patter of small feet precedes Jotaro's sleepy face peeking through the ajar kitchen door. Usagi puts on a smile and gets up, although every blister on his feet flares up in protest. "Hey there, kid. What are you doing up so late?"
"Did aunt Kitsune leave?" Jotaro asks, then yawns, widely. Usagi shakes his head, feigning exasperation, and picks his son up.
"Yes, she did. Because it's very late. Bedtime-late."
"Kay-kay." Jotaro nuzzles against his chest, eyelids already drooping again. Only when Usagi puts him down and tucks the blanket back around him he blinks them open again. "Do you have a crush, dad?"
Usagi hesitates before kneeling down next to the tatami mat. "I don't know," he says, surprised at his own response.
"Because of me?"
Ouch. Jotaro doesn't sound worried, just curious, but he will have to watch that development. "Not at all," Usagi tells his son. "You know, aunt Kitsune even told me that being a single dad is hot. You help me because you are so cute."
Jotaro accepts that with a gracious nod. "Are they nice?"
His heart swells at his son's non-judgmental attitude, although he can't help but feel a sting when he thinks of Mariko. This is your doing, he thinks to the heavens, you have raised him so well. "I suppose he is," he says aloud. "I think. I'm not sure. We don't talk much."
"Oh. Can I come see?" Jotaro asks before he curls up more tightly and wraps his arms around his favourite toy, a plush lion with a huge mane that half obscures his face. Usagi makes a mental note to wash 'Katsuichi-sensei' next time he is off work.
"Tell you what, I have the early shifts next week. If you want you can come in after school and wait for me in the shop." He kisses his son's forehead, then he gets up. "But now it's time for bed. Promise?"
"Mm-hmm." Jotaro dutifully closes his eyes. As Usagi closes the door behind him, his son's breathing has already evened out.
*A*U*F*I*C*
On the second day of the new week, in the latter half of his shift, Usagi looks up and finds the young kame waiting in line.
It had to happen sooner or later, he thinks to himself, trying to calm his racing heart. He is not the nervous type, and hell if he knows what type this young man is, but all the talk of crushes is still ringing in his ears and it hasn't stopped by the time the customer has reached the counter.
"Leonardo," Usagi greets him. He knows the kame's name not because he has a damned crush but because he knows how to maintain a professional level of interest in their patrons, so if Tomoe could please stop giggling into her coffee at her table in the back? Jotaro opposite her looks up from his homework, then turns to frown at the bar, and that is just great.
"Usagi," Leonardo says. He knows Usagi's name from the name tag, of course. That's the only reason, Usagi thinks at Tomoe with as much force as he can muster before he clears his throat.
"Hello! Yes. Are you here for another round of, uh… a large triple-caramel infused iced white chocolate and soy milk chai tea with cream? Extra hot, no biscuit thank you, to go?"
To his surprise, Leonardo groans and sinks onto one of the bar stools. "I don't even know, man. Just fuck me up."
That's a first. "None of your three other to go-drinks as well? For your… brothers, was it?"
"They can get their own drinks," Leonardo mutters and puts his head on his folded arms on the bar. After a few seconds, however, he straightens up again, a frown on his face. "Hey, do you have a cheat sheet on me behind the bar or something?"
"Uh, no?" Usagi says, trying desperately to hide said cheat sheet beneath a stack of paper towels without looking like that's in fact what he's doing. "You just come here a lot."
"I suppose I do." Leonardo smiles, a crooked smile that is also new and a bit apologetic and that does not make Usagi's heart stutter, not at all. "And I always have the most ridiculous orders, too. You must think I have some kind of vendetta against baristas by now."
"You know what you like," Usagi says, and curse Tomoe's ears, because she is giggling again. Feeling his cheeks redden, but desperate to turn the conversation around, he quickly adds, "Still want me to, as you put it, 'fuck you up'?"
"Nah, that's okay. Tell you what, do me a soy caramel frappe and I'm good. Drinking in today."
"Did you have a hard day or something?" Usagi asks over his shoulder while he prepares the delightfully simple drink. The café is mostly empty, so he takes his time with the order. When he turns around, however, he discovers that Jotaro is sitting as close to Leonardo as he can without physically touching him. The young rabbit is scrutinizing the kame with an intensity that Usagi has found to be unique to children and that would usually endear his son to him even more, but all he can feel now is a sinking dread.
"Oh, oh. I'm sorry. Jotaro," and he switches to Japanese, "go back to your homework, will you. Dad is still working."
"But daaaaaad," Jotaro protests in the same language, not budging an inch. Usagi is about to repeat himself when he hears Leonardo chuckle.
"That's alright. I don't mind."
For a moment, Usagi thinks he has finally managed to somehow attract a weeaboo in this somewhat removed location. After all, even the lesser anime fans know enough Japanese to recognize 'otou-san' when they hear it. But Jotaro is not so easily fooled.
"You are Japanese," he says, delighted.
"That I am," Leonardo confirms, and then adds, in the most fluent, most beautiful Japanese that Usagi has ever heard, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Jotaro-chan. My name is Hamato Leonardo."
Jotaro claps his hands and takes a deep breath. Sensing that his son is getting ready for a long-winded word-torrent, Usagi sets the plastic cup with Leonardo's drink down harder than intended, startling everyone including himself with the noise. "I'm sorry," he mutters, deeply embarrassed, and turns to find out where he moved the paper towel stack earlier.
Leonardo appears entirely unperturbed. "That's alright," he says and takes a careful sip of his drink. "Oh, this is nice. I should stick to the simple stuff more often."
"My dad makes the best drinks," Jotaro exclaims proudly, and Leonardo laughs.
"That's true. He really does."
Thankfully, Tomoe chooses that moment to saunter over to them and lean over the counter, deliberately letting her hair fall down so that Leonardo can't see her face. She uses this advantage to waggle her eyebrows at Usagi before she straightens up. "I'm off to work," she announces. "Be good, boys."
"See you," Usagi says. Tomoe presses a quick kiss between Jotaro's ears, which makes him giggle. (He still giggles like a child much younger, and Usagi already dreads the days when he will be embarrassed instead, he doesn't want to lose this.) Then she picks up her bag from the table, waves one last time, and leaves the small café.
Leonardo looks after her. "Is that your wife?" he asks, and then turns to Jotaro. "Is the pretty lady your mother, Jotaro-chan?"
Usagi, absolutely mortified, finds himself rooted to the spot, but Jotaro's face scrunches up instead and he shakes his head vehemently. "No, no. My okaa-san is in heaven! That is aunt Tomoe," he says. "She isn't really my aunt. But she's nice. She knows my dad from the army, right, dad?"
Usagi just nods, unable to speak. There is a strange look in Leonardo's eyes when he turns back to meet his, something Usagi can only describe carefully inquisitive. "Not your wife," the kame says slowly. "Good."
Usagi swallows. "That's $4,95", he says, unable to think of something else. "For the drink."
"Sure." Leonardo finds the money in his backpack, but he doesn't back off, and when Usagi hands him his change the turtle smiles up at him far wider than necessary. "So what's an army veteran doing, working half-time at some coffee shop?"
"What's a college kid doing here in the early afternoon asking to get fu – asking for poison?" Usagi shoots back, barely remembering Jotaro in time.
Leonardo laughs. "College! I'll have you know, I'm a university student. Japanese history and art, if you're interested."
"Oh, something practical," Usagi says, who finds much to his surprise that it is altogether too easy to banter with Leonardo. "So what do you do with that after you're done?"
As expected, Leonardo rolls his eyes. "Maybe I'll work in a coffee shop," he deadpans.
Usagi can feel his breath hitch, which is just wildly inappropriate. "We're always looking for people," he says and buries his hands in the soapy dishwater so that Leonardo can't see them shake.
The turtle's dark eyes seem even darker when he puts his head in his hands and looks up at him. "Maybe we could arrange an interview sometime," he says, and whatever he's just done to his voice is not fair, not even a little bit. "This weekend would be good. Saturday, two pm, here at the doors?"
"I have to check my calendar," Usagi whispers, but Jotaro says, "yeah, he's free then" and completely ruins the last of his composure. When Usagi raises an eyebrow at him (good to know he will always be a father first and an embarrassed wreck second), the boy grins unabashedly back at him. "I can take care of myself for two hours, dad," he says. "Really."
"Saturday, then," Leonardo says and puts down his empty cup. "I'm looking forward to it."
When he is gone, the café is empty except for an old lady at a back table, so Usagi sits down with Jotaro and tries to calm himself. He doesn't know what is worse, that he actually agreed to this or the fact that his son turns out to be an excellent wingman, but he knows one thing, and it is with purpose that he pulls out his phone.
Tomoe is going to love this.
- fin -