Summary: Some things are better left unsaid.
Future: Sucks to be You
"Why are we here?" grovelled a deep voice.
"Maybe if you would, you know, wait, we'd find out," growled another.
Eight figures all sat in a clearing, each wondering why they were here as much as the last. The place looked to be Shinshu Field, but none were sure due to the dark and foggy haze that covered the area.
"Welcome," came a soft and polite voice. All ten heads turned in the direction of the voice, and within moments, a dainty and small little wolf pup padded into the clearing sporting blazing white fur and tiny golden paws.
"Who're you?" one voice, a voice that belonged to a freaking huge fox, asked.
"I am what fanfictioners keep trying to create: Amaterasu and Waka's baby," she snorted. "You can call me Wamater, a horrible cross between my parents' names."
"Horrible indeed," sneered another voice--a dark gray-blue wolf.
"Why are we here?" asked the first voice again. We'll call him Yami. The eight figures--Ninetails, Yami, Amaterasu, Issun, Oki, Susano, a green imp, and Orochi--all looked around.
"Well..." Wamater sighed. "I am here to tell you your futures! Clover thought it was unfair that you would all have to find out your destinies by yourself, so they sent me: Wamater." She looked around the clearing for a bit and asked, "Who would like to go first?"
"Me!" yelled Issun, jumping up and down excitedly. Ammy quickly picked him up to avoid having to watch Issun have his head snapped off by Ninetails or Orochi. The god and the two demons all glared at each other, electricity almost sparking up between their fiery gazes.
"Issun..." Wamater sighed. "Issun, Issun, Issun... You get called a bug a lot, eventually learn all the brush techniques, oh! And everybody finds out about your secret. You know, the one where you--"
"Shut up!" Issun yelled and flew at Wamater, hurriedly shutting her muzzle shut.
She shook her head and easily flung Issun off and stood back up. "Fine." She muttered a few curses. "Oki..." She stared at the dark blue-gray wolf and his flaming red mane. "You steal a legendary sword and end up opening the Spirit Gate; it's okay, though. Ammy comes in and saves the day. Plus, everybody gets totally pissed off at you."
"What!?" Oki exclaimed. "I would never do that!" He quickly went to join Issun in the moping corner of the field.
"And Orochi. Boy do I feel sorry for you. You get your ass kicked--not, once, not twice,but three times. Oh, and you're a drunk." Wamater smiled sweetly and innocently.
"I...most certainly am not a drunk!" Orochi protested, all eight of his heads bobbing up and down in agreement.
"And, of course, there's Susano. You're also a drunk, although it kinda goes away after awhile. Oh! And if you powerslash that little scroll in your house's first floor, there's a picture of Kushi. You seriously don't have to worship her like she's a god, m'kay?" Susano's face turned bright red at the cheeks, and for once, he was happy Kushi wasn't with him.
"Uh..." he murmured uneasily and ducked low to the ground.
"Yami... You're just a thing that resembles a fish; everybody makes fun of you all the time. And the fact that you can't stand that you get beaten so you keep changing forms makes you look like a coward, FYI. You also need to pay your employees more yen." Yami let his fish-looking face fall and rolled out the room in his ball thing. "And then there's you, Amaterasu."
Ammy growled.
"You're my mom an all, but you still need to know your future. You basically kick ass, make out with a guy, dance with said guy, fight a bunch of things, kick Orochi's ass three times, four if you count your former self, and you never take a bath. Nobody seems to mind, though, because you're a god and all, and if they say you stink, you could smite them five times over," Wamater explained. "And that's probably the summary of the whole game." Turning to face the last few remaining people, Wamater's eyes settled on Ninetails.
"Great," he growled, rolling his eyes.
"Ninetails, Ninetails, Ninetails... You're so low, you actually posses a woman. You also become a total pussy after you become a regular fox, too. You kill Queen Himiko and think you're a god. You also have this awesome fanfiction about you written by Tainted Lullaby, so don't feel too bad about yourself, okay?"
"Just when I was starting to build up my self-esteem again..." he sighed.
"And last but not least, there's you: a green imp. You get pwned. Nobody really cares, though."