Kind of obsessed with the whole Caryl reunion. So that's what I am going to be focusing on at least until new things coming up this Sunday. I know my first Caryl fic under this new account was not the best. I am sorry for that. It also doesn't help that I recently had to put my cat down so my mind has been kind of a wreck. I know it sounds dumb but literally WD and Caryl gave me something happy to focus all my negative thoughts and sad thoughts on. So if I get sad or start crying I can look at their tag on Tumblr or write them and it helps.
Again, I am sorry if these aren't the best. I am new to writing this pairing since I haven't touched it in almost two years. I am just getting my feet wet and playing around with story ideas.
I hope you like them, but most importantly they are for me because they help me feel better and that's important to me. Again, I do not own Walking Dead. Title from Snow Patrol's Beginning to Get to Me - Which I think fits this fic well.
Healing
"Mind if a join you," Daryl glanced up from his make-shift bed on the dirt ground. They'd been walking all day and Rick had finally chosen a spot to set up camp in the woods. He wasn't too surprised to see Carol standing over him. Daryl hadn't spoken to her since they'd first reunited. And though he hadn't left her side the whole time they'd been walking, he hadn't said anything to her. He didn't even know where to begin. Daryl couldn't even think of anything to say to her. She had left him. She had been the one stable thing in his whole life - ironic given their current situation - and she had left.
He hadn't known rather she was alive or if she was dead. It was a pain that was far worse than any beating his father had inflicted on him. He had opened himself up to her and allowed himself to get close to her. And how'd that repay him? By him losing her. By her leaving, and taking whatever heart he'd had with her.
But he knew better now. Let people in, let people close, and it'll only hurt you. His father had been right in that little life lesson. So Daryl was done. He wouldn't let himself be put in the position to be hurt again. All he had to do was push her away. It had been fairly easy to just not talk to her throughout the evening, but now here she was. Daryl bit at his bottom lip. Why did she have to have the effect on him that she did? He'd never felt the way he felt towards her. It confused him and scared him. Letting her in was letting her have the ability to hurt him again. And Daryl was adamant about no one ever having the power to hurt him again.
"Go away," Daryl readjusted the burlap "blanket" over his shoulder. Maybe she'd get the hint and just go away. She didn't need a guy like him anyway. He'd been fooling himself to even think otherwise.
"Excuse me?" Carol took a step back in disbelief.
"You heard me."
"Yeah, and I'm going to pretend I didn't," Carol took a deep breath and squatted down next to him, "What's that attitude about?"
"Nothin' just wanna be left alone's all."
"You stop that," Carol tucked her legs underneath her, sitting cross-legged next to him, "We tell each other everything. Now talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. I'm not leaving 'till you do."
Daryl grumbled, "Look, it's been a long day. Can't a guy sleep?"
"You can," Carol said, matter-of-factly, "Once you get an attitude adjustment and actually tell me what's going on."
Daryl rolled his eyes. Couldn't she just go away? Why couldn't she take a hint? Why did she have to care so much? Didn't she know that caring about people just got you hurt in the long run? Made you vulnerable? Didn't she care?
"I can stay here all night," Carol quirked an eyebrow. Daryl sighed. He wasn't going to get any sleep unless he just let her have her way.
"Fine," he grumbled, "Look, I didn't know if you were dead or alive," Carol felt the breath slowly escape her, "And do you know what that did to me? It tore me apart! I don't get close to people easy. But you made me get close to you. And I thought you'd always be there. Which was stupid, but I did. And then one day you were just gone. If you'd died, at least I could bury you - mourn you. But you were just gone. And I didn't know what the hell'd happened to you."
Carol went to brush a strand of hair from his eyes. He slapped her hand away and her face paled. Daryl shook his head, "Don't. Don't you dare do that. Don't you make me feel these feelings for you and then just leave again. I can't go through that again, and I ain't gonna. Me? I'm gonna keep my distance from you. I'm gonna try to pretend like I don't feel nothin' for you. And then when you leave again, or when somethin' happens to you, I ain't gonna hurt as bad."
"You stop that," Carol shook her head, "You can't think like that. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I could get got by a walker - or maybe you will. We don't know who's going to be alive and who's going to be gone at this time tomorrow. So shouldn't we treasure the time we have with each other? Shouldn't we make it count? That's what seperates us from them - our ability to love and connect with each other. We are all a family. Look at us. Even after everything, here we are. You know why that is?"
When Daryl didn't respond, she continued, "Because we have each other. I've seen first hand what happens to children in this new world if they don't have that family connection. Carl's lucky. Judith will be lucky. But that goes for all of us. You think you can get through this alone? I dare you to try. You wouldn't. No one can. What we have is each other and because of that, we've lasted this long. And only because of that."
Daryl closed his eyes, sighing, "If you don't let people close, they can't hurt you."
"And if you don't let people close, they can't love you either. Don't you push me away, Daryl Dixon. Don't you dare."
"I ain't ever had anyone in my life before that gave to shits about me," Daryl glanced straight up at the stars as he spoke, "And then I found y'all. And Rick...he called me his brother. And Carl...I like that kid. I do. Fortune Cookie and Mrs. Fortune Cookie ain't all that bad either. And then there's you."
"What about me?" Carol asked, fishing slightly.
"You?" Daryl turned to her, "You are the one bit of good I've ever had in my life. You made me feel like I wasn't just moonshine trash. You made me want to be more. And when I lost you, I lost that part of me that thought I could ever be more. When I lost you, I felt this...this pain," Daryl put a hand on his heart, "My Daddy...he was a piece of work. You've seen the scars. You're the only person in the 'tire world that's seen them. But nothin' he ever did to me hurt me as bad as you leavin'."
"Daryl..." Carole felt her own heart shatter. She'd known she'd hurt him, but hearing him say so was killing her. How could she ever make that pain up to him? How could she ever fix that? "How can I even tell you how sorry I am? You are the last person I'd ever want to hurt. But I did wrong. I did wrong by you, and by everyone. We have to have a code and rules to abide by. I didn't. And Rick made the choice that I was no longer a part of the group. I don't resent him for that. If anything I resent my decisions that led up to his decision. I am sorry I had to leave. It hurt me too. There wasn't a single night that went by that I didn't think of you."
"Why would you think of me?" Daryl asked, "I'm nothing."
"You know better than that," Carol shook her head, "You're not nothing. You've never been nothing. And you don't get to just do this. You don't get to just push everyone away. Rick told me that he's not letting me go again. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. Right here. Next to you. And you can try to push me away all you want, but you'd just be wasting your time. Try as you might, you can't get rid of me, Pookie."
Daryl inwardly rolled his eyes. How did she know how much he secretly liked her calling him that? How'd she know as much about him as she did? She amazed and confused him. Maybe she had a point. Why push away the one person to show him such warmth and kindness? She was the first person to ever really look out for him. He needed her. And he knew she needed him too. They were each other's.
"Fine," Daryl exaggeratedly rolled his eyes, sighing, "Get in," he lifted the burlap blanket. Carol snuggled under it. Daryl's breathing tightened as he felt her body against his. Being close to her always made him nervous. Now he felt as though he was going to puke from the nerves. What was it about this woman that had this effect on him?
"Mmm," she nuzzled closer into him, "Comfy."
"Woman, we're sleepin' on dirt! I'm usin' a damn rock for a pillow!"
Carol smiled, "We should sleep together more often."
Daryl blushed furiously, "Woman! You should get some sleep."
"We don't have to sleep just yet."
Daryl rolled his eyes, "Stop foolin' around."
"Who's foolin'?" Carol asked, blinking up at him.
"C'mon, stop that," Daryl grumbled. He turned slightly and winced. He grabbed onto his side.
"What's wrong?" Carol asked, "Show me."
"It's nothing. Just got a bit banged up."
Again, more forcibly this time, Carol said, "Show me."
Daryl sighed and lifted up his shirt, revealing a large purple bruise on his ribs. Carol saw also the scars from his back that wrapped around to his sides. She'd seen them once before, but she knew she'd never get used to them. She ran her finger tips along the bruise, "How did this happen?"
"Got a bit kicked around by some of those assholes back at Terminus," Daryl tried to tug down his shirt. She continued to run her finger tips along the ribs and the scars. She saw goosebumps prickle his skin.
"Those are nothin'," Daryl cleared his throat, but Carol felt him shudder underneath her touch. She bent down and touched her lips to one of the deepest scars. Daryl outwardly shook under her touch, "What...what are you doing?" He asked, trying to sound defensive and failing.
"Showing love where you've only known pain," Carol explained, kissing another scar.
"I told you, those are nothin'."
Carol didn't say anything, just kissed at another scar.
"I was seven," Daryl said, "I spilled juice on the carpet."
Carol kissed another scar.
"Nine. I came home late from school because the teacher was helping me with some math problems I didn't understand."
Carol kissed another scar.
"Ten. He was just bored."
Carol whispered against his flesh, "I love you."
Daryl continued, "Four. I wet the bed."
Carol whispered again, kissing another scar, "I love you."
Daryl blinked, feeling tears sting at his eyes, "Eleven. He made Merle do it for a change of pace."
"I love you."
"Eight. The guy at the gas station wouldn't let me buy his cigarettes."
"I love you."
Daryl turned towards her, pulling his shirt down. He brushed a tear from her cheek as he cleared his throat, "Your turn."
"Okay," Carol cleared her throat. She pulled up her shirt to reveal some of her scars. Daryl kissed one on her right shoulder, "First month of our marriage. I added celery in the chicken pot pies."
"I love you," Daryl kissed another scar as a tear rolled down his cheek. He didn't bother wiping it away.
Carol shuddered, "I stood over Sophia while he was trying to hurt her."
"I love you."
Daryl kissed another scar.
"That one was from the second time he raped me."
Daryl kissed that scar again, "I love you. I love you. I love you."
"I love you," Carol said, practically breathless.
"Don't leave me again," Daryl buried his face against her, "Please don't."
"I can't say what will happen tomorrow," Carol clutched to him, "but I know that right now we are holding each other. And right now, we love each other. And right now, I feel safe. So tomorrow can bring what tomorrow will. This is all that matters. This moment with you."
"I could never push you away," Daryl wiped at another one of her tears.
"Oh I know that," Carol smiled, "I am pretty irresistible."
Daryl rolled his eyes, "Let's get some sleep, woman. I'm worn out and you're keepin' me up!"
"You don't mind," Carol bit her bottom lip.
"Good night," Daryl rolled over.
"Good night."
"Be here in the morning."
Carol wrapped herself against him. Could it be that such a love could be found in a time like this? Could love even exist in their new world? Apparently it could. With Daryl, Carol felt more love and kindness and tenderness than she had ever in her whole life. It took her breath away that someone could love her so much and show her such kindness. "I promise," she kissed his shoulder, "You're stuck with me, Pookie."
Sorry if it got a bit cheesy, but like I said, writing these make me happy and can take my mind off of certain things. That's what matters at the moment, and if I can share these with you and maybe you'll enjoy them, that's just an added bonus! Thank you for reading. I just needed to write this tonight.