Disclaimer: I do not own anyone in this story. Any characters you recognize here belong just to themselves.
Warning! You might not like the end of this… trust me.
Broken Wings
Maryse was already awake when the distinctive sound of someone knocking at her door disrupted the sepulchral silence that reigned in her obscure bedroom. She didn't bother to get up though to see who it was; it didn't matter, she knew who it wasn't and if it wasn't him she just didn't care.
She only wanted to be left alone.
So she remained in bed, frozen, immobile… numb; her eyes closed in hope that an eternal sleep would take over her so she could forever dream about him. That was the only thing that she could do, dream; dream and remember… remember and hope.
Sometimes, when she lay in bed between being awake but rapidly drifting to sleep she could feel him, she could feel the phantom of his fingers on her face, caressing her to sleep as he mumbled sweet nothings in her ear.
Those where the moments she cherished the most and the ones her heart desperately craved for; because when the thin line of reality blended with the memory of him, it felt as if he was actually there with her.
In those moments of questionable lucidity she could even drink in the scent of him lingering around her, she could feel his lips on her, his hands on her, and it was only in those moments, when sleep was taking her in when she could feel his fingers burying into her hair, soothing all her sorrows away.
She lived only for those moments now, because every time she felt his presence in that room with her she found her peace… she found solace in the memory of him, in the phantom of his touch and even in the way his face would appear to her behind closed eyes; his smile, broad and contagious as his olive green eyes pierced her with all their intensity.
So yeah, she lived only for those moments because it all felt so real; it felt as if he had never left her all alone and broken, not even the shell of the woman she had been when she had his love.
Now the only thing she had to hold on were those brief moments where she couldn't fully have him, those moments where she could feel him lingering around even though she knew he was not there.
She swallowed down a sob, crushing into her chest with all her might the shirt that had been accompanying her through the last few days; it was one of his shirt.
She heard the door being opened and soon after tentative steps echoed all through the room, but still, Maryse remained in her bed, unmoving.
Why wouldn't they leave her alone? Couldn't they understand? Ah… but it was her fault for giving them all an emergency key to her place. Now they would come and go as they pleased, Brie, Nikki, Natie, Alicia, none of them would leave her alone and she was tired of it.
She swallowed hard, feeling this new presence sitting in the bed next to her, the mattress sinking under the unwanted weight.
"Ryse…"
The French-Canadian didn't respond, not even when she felt hands on her brushing a few strands of hair out of her face and then just subtly caressing her cheek.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong? Why don't you talk to me?"
The words were kind and full of worry but it was not the voice she wanted to hear; the voice she wanted to hear had the power of a thousand men, the touch she wanted to feel the only one that could sooth her.
But that was never going to be, his voice had been silenced, his touch stilled and all of him was… a nevermore. She felt tears forming behind her closed eyelids and she had to bite her lips as an effort not to start crying again.
"Talk to me, Maryse. We are all worried about you."
The blonde WWE Diva shook her head; she didn't want to talk about it because they would never understand. Her pain was a burden she had to carry on her own.
'My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadows to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul'
"Maryse… is this because of Phil?"
Maryse opened her clouded eyes at the mention of his name. It felt wrong coming from the woman's lips, a desecration of something divine… it sent a pang of pain straight into her broken heart.
"Phil?" She sat up and looked at the black haired woman that was sitting at her bed. Her Phil… she had call for him so many times, most of the times in her sleep. But he never came, he never would.
"You have been like this ever since…"
"You don't know anything, Brie." Maryse said while tears slipped down her face. "You don't even understand."
"Then tell me." Her friend pleaded, her hands getting a hold of Maryse's cold ones.
The blonde looked away, up to the ceiling where she was sure that Brie wouldn't be able to tear the truth out of her eyes; but when tried to take a deep breath to calm herself she chocked on it and started to sob, her unspoken grief getting the best of her.
Brie hugged her and the only thing that Maryse could do was cry in her arms, letting the pain of the past three days flow out of her in torrents.
"I love him." Stephanie admitted between sobs. "I loved him so much and he left me, Brie… he left me."
It was the first time that Maryse admitted her love to anyone who wasn't the man himself, after all in their candid affair everything was all shared secrets between the two of them.
But that wasn't all, they shared more than secrets. They shared their love, their dreams… they shared a bond that was forever going to link them together, or so she thought.
"Ryse, I don't know what to say, I didn't know."
Of course she didn't know, no one did. To everyone around they were nothing more than colleagues, each living their lives happily apart with their respective partners. In her case it was Mike and in his Beth. So no, no one knew about their love, or about the way they always tried to extend the brief moments they managed to steal away from life.
No one knew about how they were each other's escape.
Maryse sniffed and disentangled herself from her friend's arms. "You don't know how it feels to know… that I never had the chance to say goodbye… I just… I just wish I had and it hurts that I didn't."
Her tears started to flow anew as she remembered the last time she saw him. They had met in one of the clandestine hotel rooms that were the only witness to their undying love and they spent the entire night together, a night she would forever hold close to her heart. That night he has been his regular self, playful, passionate; he had been hers for the last time. Just like she wanted to remember him.
"What am I going to do now? What am I going to do without him?"
That was a question she had been asking herself a lot. The truth was that she didn't know, she was nothing without him and she found herself to be lost now that he wasn't with her.
"Look at me, Ryse." Brie took her face in her hands, wiping with her fingers the never ending tears that kept flowing out of her eyes. "You are a strong woman, and you'll get over this."
"No, I won't." How was she ever getting over this? Over him? How could she keep going on knowing that he was never to hear his voice again?
God, if she had known what was going to happen she would have hold him close to her to never let him go; maybe if she had done that she wouldn't have to wait for those moment between being awake and asleep to feel him.
How she wished she could turn back time, if she could she would turn back to that last night, to hold him tighter, to kiss him deeper… to hold on in that moment forever.
"Yes you will. Look, I wish I had the words to make all your pain go away, but I don't, no one has them and if they did I would rip them out of their tongues to say them to you. But it really breaks my heart to see you like this so if there's anything you would like me to do just tell me."
"He was going to leave her." Maryse said absentmindedly. "He even told her he was going to leave." And he did, but now their plans of living a life together was never going to get fulfilled; their plans flew with the wind like sand. Destiny had robbed them of their happiness, life had cheated on them.
"You can still say your goodbyes, the service is tomorrow; Nikki and I are going, you should come with us."
Maryse shook her head frantically; she was not going to the service. There was no way she was going to see his lifeless body in a coffin; she knew she couldn't take the sight of him there.
How could she? To see the hands that were never going to touch her, the lips that would never going to smile at her, that were never going to kiss her… she couldn't do it, she wasn't going to.
"I can't." She admitted in a sob, she wasn't so strong to do that.
Besides, in her mind she didn't have any right to go, not when Beth was going to be there. So no, she had no place there because even when he and Beth were broken up to everyone else she was his girlfriend while she was just the other woman.
"I can't." She buried her face in her hands, her body rocking with the force of her sobs. "I just can't."
"It's ok." Brie said taking her again into her arms. "Shhh, it's okay."
She cried for a while; thinking that never had she felt so much pain in her, it was a pain that wouldn't go away, a pain that will forever live in her heart.
"He wasn't supposed to die… we were going to be so happy and now he left me."
Everything had been running its curse; everything was running the way it was supposed to be. She and Mike were through, he finally told Beth that they couldn't be no more as well and everything was going just fine. And then he was robbed early of his life at the hands of a drunk driver.
It still made her mad and she hoped the bastard would root in hell; God knew she would kill him with her bare hand if she had the strength to do it, but she didn't.
"You have to think of your baby, Maryse. You need to be healthy for her, so when she decides to come into this world she would have a great mom that would take care of her."
Maryse pulled away, her hand automatically resting on her growing belly, then She nodded, almost in shock. The truth was that her unborn child had been the last of her concerns for the last couple of days. She hadn't eaten well, she hadn't rested well and she hadn't done anything well since she had received the call three days ago, the call that would change her life forever.
"I'm sorry."
"There's no need to be sorry, you have been through a lot, and here all alone. You should have called me, you used to tell me everything, remember?"
Maryse blinked her tears away but didn't say anything, her hand still caressing her belly.
"You know, I really think you should come to the service with us."
The Canadian shook her head again in denial. She was already determined not to go, she didn't want the last image of him be the one of him laying inside a casket. She wanted to remember him laughing with his eyes sparkling; she wanted to guard the memory of him as he had been in life… when he had been hers behind closed doors.
"Maybe after all this commotion passes away I might go and bring him flowers or something, I just don't think I can go there without breaking apart. I don't want…" Stopping midsentence she gasped, feeling the baby kick in. Blinking, she looked down at her belly, smiling for the first time in what felt like forever. "Hey little one, do you like that idea, bring daddy some flowers, uh?"
Yes, she was going to do that… she was going to wait after her daughter was born and then she was going to take her to his grave.
But not now, she needed to let him go first… she needed to accept that he was not going to be there anymore; and then, when she could learn how to live with his absence she could go and say her goodbyes.
In the meanwhile, she was going to wait for those moments where he would come to her right before she drifted to sleep…
~*Fin*~