Marauders by Night

by Nubbin

One shot drabble. Rather random story written in dialogue. Padfoot has been at the sugar again, Moony is feeling pissy and Prongs has been plotting the demise of all Slytherins...It's gonna be a looong night.

Disclaimer: Anything you recognise belongs to J.K. Rowling, everything else is mine

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Description: Random one-shot drabble written mainly in dialogue. Padfoot, Moony and Prongs are lying by the lake at night looking at the stars. Padfoot has been at the sugar again, Moony is feeling slightly pissy and Prongs has been plotting the demise of the Slytherins.

Basically the author's pitiful attempt at humour…

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Key:

Padfoot

Moony

Prongs

Non-dialogue

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Sitting by the Lake

'…'

'Hey Moony! That one looks like you!'

'…hmm?'

'See, that's your nose, those two there are your hands and that little cluster there are your legs'

grunts

'…Sirius?'

'Yessum?'

'…Why is Moony's nose further away from his head than his feet are?'

snigger 'that's not his nose Prongs…'snigger

'…'

'…'

smack

'Ow! Moony! What was that for?'

'Sorry Prongs'

smack

'Owwwuh! Moony that hurt!'

sniffle

'Siri?'

'Yessum?'

'Please shut up…'

'…'

'…'

'…'

'…'

'Sigh…'poke

'…'

'…'

poke poke

'…'

'…'

poke poke poke poke poke

snap

'Ow! Jaaames, Remmy just bit me!'

'Serves you right!'

'Now children! Act your age and not your wand size!'

Sniff 'Yes mother'

sticks out tongue '…'snigger 'wand size…'

'…sigh'

'Prongs?'

'Uhuh?'

'What do you think the meaning of life is?'

'…'blinks

'…'blinks

jumps on Sirius'Ok, who are you and what have you done with Padfoot?'

'Ow! Stop poking me with your wand Remmy!'

'…'

'…that's not my wand Padders…'

'…'

'ARGH!' Pusheshim off 'Get if off me! GET IT OFF ME!'

snigger

snigger

'…that was mean you wankers, real mean'

snigger

snigger

'Yeah, yeah laugh it up boys, but you'll be laughing on the other side of yourbutt cheeks come tomorrow. The Pad-meister is unbeatable. Mwhahahahahahahaha!'

raised eyebrows all around

'…Pad-meister…'

'Yessum'

ahem 'freak' ahem

'I won't evendignify that with a response' crosses arms and pouts

'…you just did Padders'

'Shush!...Hey Jaaaaames! You didn't answer my question!'

'sigh... I dunno mate, what do you think Moony?'

'No idea…Siri?'

'Yessum?'

'What do you think?'

''bout what?'

rolls eyes 'The meaning of life'

'Oh…um…'

'…'

'…'

'I have it!'

'…'

'…'

'…'

'Well, what is it!'

'Oh yeah! …Prawn Crackers'

'…Prawn crackers?'

'Yessum'

'I know I'm going to regret this but, why prawn crackers?'

''cause they're darn tootin' tasty'

'…I'm tooafraid to ask'

'Yessum…Prawn crackers and sex'

'Ah! Now there's the Padfoot we all know and love!'

'Awww! You guys love me?'

'sigh... Yes Siri we love you'

'Awww!' glomps

'…ow'

'…double ow'

'…giggles'

'…'

'…'

'sigh... Ok Siri, who gave you the sugar?'

'Err…no-one…'

Poke

'Ow! Ok, ok…Peter…'snigger

groans 'Did you threaten to castrate him again?'

'Of course not! As if I, the pure and innocent Sirius Black, would do such a cruel and hilariously funny thing! ...' snigger

smack

smack

'OW! Guys!'

'Speaking of Wormtail, where is the squeaky little guy?'

'He's doing me a wee favour deep within the castle…hee hee'

'Merlin's beard! I know that look anywhere! What have you done now?'

'Who says it's me that's done anything? Anyway you'll find out in...' looks at watch '…5…4…3…2…1…'

!BOOM!

screaming can be heard from within the castle

'HOLY SHIT!'

groans'Please tell me I did not just see ground suspiciously close to the Slytherin dorms turn into a mushroomshaped cloud'

'…ok…'

'Ah music to my ears! Heh heh, it go boom'

smack

'Ow!'

'I'm guessing this is why you were so insistent about leaving transfigurations of ourselves in our beds'

sniggle 'Yep'

'…'

'…'

'Remmy?'

'Yes?'

'Did Prongs just…sniggle?'

'I believe so dear Padfoot'

gasp 'Attack!'

!SPLASH!

'…'

'…'

'Um…James'

'Yes Padfoot'

poke '…is that you?'

'Yes…'

'So…if I'm here and you're there…who did I just throw in the lake?'

snigger

growl

'SHIT!' runs away

'GET BACK HERE YOU COWARDLY BASTARD!'

gasp 'Remmy, you swore!'

Peeps from behind a conveniently place rock 'Please don't hurt me!'

...smiles sweetly 'I won't'

'Really?'

'Really really'

moves cautiously from behind rock then stops

'Remmy, why are you grinning like that? What…why are you calling me gullible? ...Remmy? Remmy…what are you doing? ARGH! Put me down! JAMES HELP MEEE!'

snigger

!SPLASH!

snigger

snigger

whimpers thenwhispers 'Remmy …I…um…think something just swam up my pyjama bottoms…'

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'

'Shhh! Someone will hear us!'

'Sorry…hee hee'

squeals 'It's all cold! Remmy, I'm cold!'

'Hey Moony we better be getting back. Good ol' Minnie will discover our crappy transfigurations any minute now'

'That reminds me'

smack

'Ow! Remmy!'

'That's for blowing up the Slytherins'

smack

'OW!'

'And that's for getting me into future trouble'

squelch squelch squelch

'Did I miss something?'

'Yes'

smack

'Hey! OW!'

'That's for getting me wet!'

sniffle 'Feisty lil' bitch ain't he'

growl

'SHIT!' Runs towards the castle

Runs after Sirius...

...who then trips over rock

'ARGH! HE'S GONNA EAT ME!'

Runs towards castle andsniggers 'Hurry up guys I can hear Minnie's screeching from all the way over here!'

'Awh pisspot! BUSTED!' Runs after Prongs

'I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET SIRIUS BLACK!'

Sirius runs even faster

grumbles 'Stupid Grim, getting me all wet…I'm going to smell like wet dog tomorrow, I just know it! ... HEY WAIT FOR ME!'

Runs after Padfoot and Prongs