So, this is a little different for me. I was looking through some of my other stories, and noticed that I always say what the person is thinking, which I realized, was an easier way to convey what the characters are feeling. So, while writing this fic, I (attempted) to make their feelings clear, without spelling it out. I suppose a lot here is also left up to the reader to interpret. BASICALLY, it's written so the reader is only aware of physical stuff, what Leah and Sam are saying, and doing, as opposed to feeling. It's left up to you all to decide that one. :) Sooooo, please please please review, and let me know what you think!
We Are Here
"Leah, where are we?" He asks.
"Well, I'd say we are on the cliffs, on the rez, looking out at the Pacific Ocean." She said, smiling. Her grin widens at his sigh.
"You know, you didn't used to be this sarcastic."
"A lot has changed, Sam."
"I meant where are we in our relationship?"
"I don't think we have a "relationship" anymore. Sorry, but you sort of shot that horse in the face."
Sam's quiet. "I didn't want it to be this way."
"How did you want it to be?" It sounds rhetorical. "What was your best-case-scenario?"
"It's pretty selfish."
"That's not surprising."
"I knew you would hate me." He sounds like he's weighing his words carefully. "But I hoped that you and Emily would work it out eventually. I didn't want to mess things up between you two, change how close you two were. That's what I regret the most, I think."
"Only because you don't know the whole story." She takes a breath. "So, you hoped I would get over it, eventually? That we would all be the bestest mates?"
Sam looks at Leah, disbelieving, smiling. "Something like that."
"Want to know something even stupider then that? I wish we could too."
"Something happened that night." His voice is barely audible above the wind. "You won't talk about it. But I know you. I can see it in your face."
"You knew me Sam, you don't know me anymore."
"I miss you."
"I sort of wish you would have just slapped me." Leah closes her eyes.
"You said you wanted us to be honest, meeting here."
"Did I?"
"I may not know you anymore, but I know what day it is."
"I figured you would. Try as I might Sam, I remember that you're not a complete heartless asshole."
He smiles a little bit. "It would be easier for you. To forget." Sam's not asking.
"Yeah. Probably. But I can't, Sam. I've tried, I won't pretend that I haven't. I remember us, and how quiet you always were, when people talked to you, they only got a handful of words. And now you're leading the whole fucking tribe. And I miss the troubled loner boy." Leah smiles a little.
"And the snarky popular girl."
"Yeah, her too I guess."
The sun is beginning to set, yet, there are no colors in the sky, everything is just a tangled mess of grays, and blues.
"Do you remember…" She clears her throat. "Do you remember the night I phased? It was a year ago, today."
Sam nods.
"It was the night that you and Emily, that you guys told you two were together. And you loved her. That she was the reason you…how did you phrase it again?"
"Ended it. That Emily was the reason I was "ending things between us"." He provides the answer immedately.
"Right. I always thought that was a ridiculous way to say it. I think it was the "things" part, it made us sound like a business transaction."
Sam still says nothing.
"Do you think I phased because of you guys telling me that? Do you think that was the trigger?"
"Yes." Sam's barely breathing.
Leah looks at him, finally. "Thanks. For telling me the truth."
"And that's the reason, why you can't forgive me?"
"You think it's can't? Not just won't?"
"Before all of this, I was your best friend. I know if you can do something, even if it's hard for you, you'll do it. So I know that you can't, if you haven't. I'm just not sure why."
"The phasing is part of it…it's the catalyst, I suppose." She looks back at Sam. "You know, I'm scared to tell you. Because I think it will hurt you. And I'm not trying to do that. I just…I can't carry this around anymore Sam. I can't do this by myself."
"Just tell me. Let me help."
"But that's the thing, you can't help me. There's nothing you can do to fix it, there's nothing anyone can do. Even if you left Emily, it wouldn't undo this. Your only Unforgivable act." The corners of her mouth quirked up. "I don't actually know why I want to tell you. You used to be able to fix everything, you know that?"
"You made me better, Leah. You made me able to fix things."
"I was pregnant." Leah rushes the words out.
"What?" She looks over at Sam. "What?"
"The night I phased. I was three months pregnant."
"Please tell me you're not saying what I think you're saying…"
"I think phasing killed the baby." It's her voice that's shrinking now, growing quieter.
"And I caused you to phase."
"Yes. I think so."
"I killed the baby. I killed our baby."
"I'm sorry."
Sam brings his hands to his hair.
"You'll pull your hair out. If you think about it too much. You'll drive yourself crazy, with what could have been."
"When did you find out?"
"That I was pregnant?"
He nods.
"I wasn't sure, when you ended things, but I had my suspicions. It was the week after. That I took the test. You're the first one I told, now."
"Were you ever going to tell me? If you hadn't…phased I mean?"
"I don't know. I suppose so. The math was pretty obvious for me to pretend it wasn't yours. But I was so scared, Sam. I just wanted to talk to you about it. But I couldn't. I think in the beginning that's what I wanted the most. I just wanted you to be my friend."
"I didn't know. I had no idea."
"That's because your head was so far up Emily's ass for you to see anything."
"Yeah."
"But I hid it pretty well. My mom had no idea, Seth thought it was food posioning." Leah rolls her eyes.
"Leah I am…I'm so sorry."
"I know."
"And I hate that sorry doesn't help anything. It kills me that it doesn't change anything."
"That part sort of sucks."
"What can I do?"
"I don't know."
"What do you want?"
"I miss having a friend. I miss being able to count on you. Being completely comfortable with you. But I don't know how to get that back. With you being alpha. And the rest of the pack. And Emily. I don't know…anything. I don't know anything anymore."
"Can I be your friend here?"
"For now?"
"Something like that."
"Okay."
Sam's looking at her, and slowly, so slowly, he moves closer to her. He lifts his arm, sliding it over her shoulder.
"Where are we Leah?" He whispers.
"We are here."