Authors Note: I like Nightmare Moon way more then I should. And damn, in my head she acts like the snarky alter ego. Kind of like Discord in pony form. It's my headcannon that a thousand years on the moon was spent dicking around. How else would Luna not go insane? (I don't know how they know what Cthulhu is. They're goddesses. Also, I think this needs a new name).
Gahh, I laugh at weird things. Reviews are love with coffee. :DDD The brackets are a weird style but ehh. I always write things that are supposed to be funny but end up being weird. Most of this probably will come off as lame if you don't go on Tv Tropes
XXX.
A goddess such as Luna felt time differently. Years didn't pass in the blink of an eye, but they just didn't have as much importance in the long run. It was to be expected, otherwise immortality would wither her kind away completely.
Of course, deities normally had something to do. Ponies to take care of, business affairs, and of course they ever-important issue of keeping the whole damn land in balance. Goddesses weren't meant to just sit on a godforsaken rock all day long.
And yet here she was, trying to will life and excitement into the barren terrain of the moon. Obviously, it wasn't working anymore then . All she needed was a tumbleweed bouncing by and she could say 'Well, there wasn't enough room for the two of us. Or anybody else. Eyuup.'
Luna cringed as what was supposed to be an Appleloosan accent came out sounding more like Celestia. That was entirely to upsetting to think about; she had a thousand years to mope about her sister and she didn't feel like starting yet. For now, she would rather revel in a bit of [dark] humor.
She wasn't the only one in the family who enjoyed that brand of humor despite what ponies like to think about Celestia's pureness. It was blatantly clear to her that this entire punishment was built on twisted irony [that she herself could still bitterly laugh at]. Eternal night indeed.
Sinister and amusing irony aside, the part of her that was Nightmare Moon was furious [as opposed to shits and giggles happy. she was still stuck in a wasteland, after all]. For her fading sanity's sake, she hope Celestia had just wanted to push her around [troll her] with this 'millennium on the moon' business. After being her for so many weeksmonthsyears, she was beginning to doubt it.
Perhaps when- if- she returned to Equestria, Luna would send her dear old sister to the sun and see how she would like it. Of course, then she would probably end up with broiled alicorn- medium rare, hopefully- instead of a sympathetic sister. And it wasn't as if she was from the depths of hell, even Nightmare Moon didn't want that [but let's face it, nobody knew what Nightmare Moon wanted. eternal night is rather vague].
'All I wanted was some respect from those snobbish ponies' Luna glumly thought, stretching out on a smooth rock she would soon call Thine Rock of Moping and Bad Humor That Arose From It. She was still an Amarecan pony, and it was about time somebody properly named something here.
Nightmare Moon seemed to disagree and suggested that if they call it anything, it should be the Rock of Justified Angsting. Luna had been in the frame of mind to tell her to shut up- 'angst? I'm not angsting about my horribly dreadful and tear-inducing time at the hands of my tyrannical sister. I'm not a walking, purple prose spouting cliché. Or a hypocrite.' It dawned on her, though, that she was practically talking to herself and looked ridiculous- 'did talking to an alter ego count as herself?' Either way, it isn't as if there was any snob from Canterlot there to turn up their muzzles [of course there wasn't, that rock that looks like a stoned pony means nothing].
After staring suspiciously for a while- really, that rock even had drunken eyes, and rocks don't even have eyes- Luna let the ridiculous thoughts drift to the back of her mind. She would much rather spent her time sulking on Thine Rock of Moping and Bad Humor That Arose From It [because that was a perfectly alright name, thank you very much].
XXX
Nightmare Moon and Luna didn't have any frilly parties booked for the next millennium, and the duo [split personalities?] tried to make the most of it [until they realized there was no conveniently placed Chekhov's Gun from the first section to entertain themselves with. there wasn't even a damn map]. Being true Amarecans, the lack of a map hardly proved an issue. What did prove an issue, however, was actually naming the places. All of Equestria could be conventiently named with pony puns but sadly, those just weren't very amusing on an empty moon.
Luna squinted her eyes at the crudely drawn map in the moon sand. 'Alright, Cliff of High End Puns, Volcano of Dry Ice and Oxymorons… and oh yes, The Seventh Plane of Hell. Can't forget that.' [really, it was quite a quaint place once you get over the unholy demon spawn that haunt your peripheral vision and the like].
The goddess straightened her back, and sighed. At least there was no wind to blow away the map that was the result of her blood and tears, and had took a very long time to make [five minutes]. Her eyes couldn't help but wander to the bright planet in the stars. She couldn't help but feel a pang of nostalgia in her heart for those vibrant colors. It would have been so much more entertaining to draw there, with the swirling hues and cheery pastels, though for a terrifying moment, she could hardly remember the beautiful colors she grew up with. Here on the moon, there was nothing but a vast expanse of gray, and she was getting sick of it- dammit, and she promised she wouldn't plunge into purple prose!
Ever-lasting night and its well-played humor be damned, there was no denying that she missed the sun and the light [warmth] it had brought.
She had never been happier to hear the snarky voice of Nightmare Moon- 'they were even more rude then me; why would you miss those ridiculous ponies, Luna? It hadn't taken very long for both ponies to collapse into laughter- a childishly sadistic, demonic alter ego was pretty damn good at cheering up. The Rock of Justified Angsting- admittedly, it was an appropriate name- was thankfully not needed [and soon enough, the possibly schizophrenic goddess was telling Nightmare Moon about how she vaguely reminded her of Cthulhu, and they were sent into fits of laughter again].
But if Luna was to squint just a little bit, she was reminded how nightmare moon was really nothing more than an evil bastard of a delusion and she was a lonely hermit of a pony- though there was no real point to plunge into bad wangsting at this thought, because evil bastards were rather good amusement in the long run. As long as they weren't being real complete monsters and trying to murder the whole fucking universe and kick kittens for no apparent reason. Then was the time to get the hell out- you must be a seriously evil bitch to kick kittens, do you have no soul?
XXX
As much as Luna appreciated maniacally giggling about the unspeakable things she wanted to do to Celestia- not in that way you pervs! Does this look like a badly written, anatomically impossible smut fic to you?- sometimes, Nightmare Moons tendency to be like goldfish poop just bugged her.
"Can't you let me stare at moon rocks and contemplate how this relates to me being horribly misunderstood for just one moment?" Luna hissed out. Goddesses want some sulky teenager time too, you know!
"HAHA you insolent fool! You think I will just let you angst without making it worse? You are truly a twat, for lack of a better medieval sounding curse! MUHAHAHA-" and just about then, Luna stopped listening. After spending so many years here, she had grown accustomed to vaguely evil sounding laughter and overdramatic capsrage. According to Nightmare Moon, that was part of the job contract of being a bond-esque villain and she was required to do it every now and then [to not get booted off the list of badasses]. The alter ego was in constant fearing of growing the dreaded leather pants- oh god no, then soon she would become an emo, bisezual teen scoffing at the preppy Dumblydore.
Horrified at this reminder, nightmare moon continued her heinous ranting with renewed vigor, but sadly for her, villain decay was near inevitable at this point.
For a moment, Luna wondered what the actual hell she was spouting. The fourth wall seemed to be forgetting how to do its job, as was the like in unfunny stories. Perhaps it would be best to take it down and build it out of Nokias next time.
Offended, the fourth wall decided that it was perfectly fine at doing its job and shocked the characters into genre blind idiots again. The painful clichéness at the rest of this tale is filled with far too many hair-ripping moments of protagonist idiocy to inflict on anybody- it's best to just leave it where it is, until the fourth wall gets lazy again.