The Curse
by GomaMizu
A/N: Thanks to Megchan's site for the translated lyrics to Open Mind. This is an angsty songfic from Koushiro's POV. I hate to say it, but a lot of this is how I feel about some things in my life. I know it's his 02 image song, but it just seemed to work. Instead of what the song is trying to say, it's the complete opposite. :) Just read it, you'll get it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found what I was looking for
On the other side of the display
Did I really find anything? I was looking for truth, and all that happened was that I became caught up in the web of lies that everyone told me.
My heart grasps the key
To opening a door of questions
There's so much I want to know. I'm too scared to ask, though. They think they can hide things forever. It's just tearing me up, watching all the arguments between us.
Right now everything is unknown
But everyone's with me so I can cross the wall
I can feel everyone's strength, trying to push me, trying to get me to open up. I can't though. I can't do it. I just can't trust them anymore.
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to laugh naturally
Things that make my heart ache are messages to me
I hear my friends laughing, joking, enjoying themselves. I don't feel I have the right to call them friends anymore. I'm just left out. What right do I have to join in?
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to forgive everything
Because I face the things I want to figure out
I can't forgive them, and I can't forgive myself for ever being anything but me.
I tried to find the answer
Just by turning the pages
I bury myself, not knowing exactly the answer I seek, yet at the same time, it makes me forget that I'm trying to forget several things at once.
But the thing I really wanted to know
Is inside my heart
Is the answer really inside myself? Where does it hide? I need to know.
I still believe in the voice that calls me
Do I really believe? I don't know anymore. I think that the guiding voice has left. I think I'm alone now.
I can be strong because everyone is with me
Not anymore they're not. People who were once friends are now enemies. The only thing I have left is...nothing?
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to open my heart
I'll never be able to open my heart again. It's been hurt too much over the years. Did I ever really think I could ever do it in the first place? Should I have opened it? If I had known that all it would do is cause pain, I would never have done it.
Our story is also about fighting and hurting each other
So many people have hurt me. My so-called friends, my family, others that I may not even know of. We're at war, and everybody is to blame. I see so many of our parents wanting us to be friends again, but it isn't possible. I know mine are concerned. They thought I had broken out of my shell. Now, I've just crawled right back into it. I learned that it's tough out there. I'd rather be in my shell than have to face people who said they were my friends only to leave me completely alone.
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to love everyone
I don't think I even remember what the word love means anymore. Why did everyone leave me behind? How can you love when there's no one there to love?
Even the words I can't get out well will become my weapons
I never told any of them. I did love my friends until they betrayed me. And it hurt. They never could admit that it was mostly their fault. I became the odd one out, it seemed like. I'd always been a bit alone, but I believed that they'd be my friends no matter what. Was I ever wrong.
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to laugh naturally
I can't laugh anymore. It reminds me too much of the pain I've gone through to even be at this point.
Things that make my heart ache are messages to me
This pain, this loneliness is a dull scream in my mind. I see my "friends" at school, but they ignore me. I sigh. It's a now common occurance. I don't even remember what started this in the first place. I just know that when it was over, everyone had gone off in their seperate ways, no one wanting to ever speak to each other again.
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to forgive everything
Maybe one day when they realize that I was important to them, I can forgive them. Maybe when I realize that I am who I am, I can forgive myself.
*flashback*
"What's the big mystery? I am who I am. I'm not hiding anything." Tentomon told me.
"Really?" I asked, wondering if that was actually true or not.
"I simply can't understand this preoccupation with who you are. Is there some kind of deep, dark secret in your origins?" He asked me.
*end flashback*
Maybe the little bug was right. He realized the truth before I even knew for sure. He understood his place in the world from the get go. He probably knew since he was hatched. Maybe it is a preoccupation to me.
Right now, though, I don't think I can forgive them. I can't forgive anything right now. There are too many secrets and lies to sort out and I don't think they can be sorted completely anymore. The web spun has grown too far out of porportion. We've all been caught up in it, just waiting for the metaphorical spider to come and eat us. And I'm the first delicacy.
Because I face the things I want to figure out
Fear, loneliness, friends, love...I have to face these things sooner or later. And right now, fear and loneliness are my friends...my loves. I fear knowing the truths that could set me free. For now, I am content with being lonely. I would like my former friends back, but I don't see it happening. For I know, this is my curse for now.
by GomaMizu
A/N: Thanks to Megchan's site for the translated lyrics to Open Mind. This is an angsty songfic from Koushiro's POV. I hate to say it, but a lot of this is how I feel about some things in my life. I know it's his 02 image song, but it just seemed to work. Instead of what the song is trying to say, it's the complete opposite. :) Just read it, you'll get it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found what I was looking for
On the other side of the display
Did I really find anything? I was looking for truth, and all that happened was that I became caught up in the web of lies that everyone told me.
My heart grasps the key
To opening a door of questions
There's so much I want to know. I'm too scared to ask, though. They think they can hide things forever. It's just tearing me up, watching all the arguments between us.
Right now everything is unknown
But everyone's with me so I can cross the wall
I can feel everyone's strength, trying to push me, trying to get me to open up. I can't though. I can't do it. I just can't trust them anymore.
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to laugh naturally
Things that make my heart ache are messages to me
I hear my friends laughing, joking, enjoying themselves. I don't feel I have the right to call them friends anymore. I'm just left out. What right do I have to join in?
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to forgive everything
Because I face the things I want to figure out
I can't forgive them, and I can't forgive myself for ever being anything but me.
I tried to find the answer
Just by turning the pages
I bury myself, not knowing exactly the answer I seek, yet at the same time, it makes me forget that I'm trying to forget several things at once.
But the thing I really wanted to know
Is inside my heart
Is the answer really inside myself? Where does it hide? I need to know.
I still believe in the voice that calls me
Do I really believe? I don't know anymore. I think that the guiding voice has left. I think I'm alone now.
I can be strong because everyone is with me
Not anymore they're not. People who were once friends are now enemies. The only thing I have left is...nothing?
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to open my heart
I'll never be able to open my heart again. It's been hurt too much over the years. Did I ever really think I could ever do it in the first place? Should I have opened it? If I had known that all it would do is cause pain, I would never have done it.
Our story is also about fighting and hurting each other
So many people have hurt me. My so-called friends, my family, others that I may not even know of. We're at war, and everybody is to blame. I see so many of our parents wanting us to be friends again, but it isn't possible. I know mine are concerned. They thought I had broken out of my shell. Now, I've just crawled right back into it. I learned that it's tough out there. I'd rather be in my shell than have to face people who said they were my friends only to leave me completely alone.
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to love everyone
I don't think I even remember what the word love means anymore. Why did everyone leave me behind? How can you love when there's no one there to love?
Even the words I can't get out well will become my weapons
I never told any of them. I did love my friends until they betrayed me. And it hurt. They never could admit that it was mostly their fault. I became the odd one out, it seemed like. I'd always been a bit alone, but I believed that they'd be my friends no matter what. Was I ever wrong.
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to laugh naturally
I can't laugh anymore. It reminds me too much of the pain I've gone through to even be at this point.
Things that make my heart ache are messages to me
This pain, this loneliness is a dull scream in my mind. I see my "friends" at school, but they ignore me. I sigh. It's a now common occurance. I don't even remember what started this in the first place. I just know that when it was over, everyone had gone off in their seperate ways, no one wanting to ever speak to each other again.
Open mind, someday
I'll be able to forgive everything
Maybe one day when they realize that I was important to them, I can forgive them. Maybe when I realize that I am who I am, I can forgive myself.
*flashback*
"What's the big mystery? I am who I am. I'm not hiding anything." Tentomon told me.
"Really?" I asked, wondering if that was actually true or not.
"I simply can't understand this preoccupation with who you are. Is there some kind of deep, dark secret in your origins?" He asked me.
*end flashback*
Maybe the little bug was right. He realized the truth before I even knew for sure. He understood his place in the world from the get go. He probably knew since he was hatched. Maybe it is a preoccupation to me.
Right now, though, I don't think I can forgive them. I can't forgive anything right now. There are too many secrets and lies to sort out and I don't think they can be sorted completely anymore. The web spun has grown too far out of porportion. We've all been caught up in it, just waiting for the metaphorical spider to come and eat us. And I'm the first delicacy.
Because I face the things I want to figure out
Fear, loneliness, friends, love...I have to face these things sooner or later. And right now, fear and loneliness are my friends...my loves. I fear knowing the truths that could set me free. For now, I am content with being lonely. I would like my former friends back, but I don't see it happening. For I know, this is my curse for now.