Testing, Testing
Chapter One
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Supernatural, and I'm not making any money from this fic. The plot for this actually comes from a challenge (Firechild's, I think…? Correct me if I'm wrong)
Summary: Since the death of John Winchester, Dean has been withdrawing further and further into himself, causing Sam to resort to drastic measures to test his brother's feelings for him and get his attention
Warning(s): Um… Spanking; mentions of violence; spoilers for the entirety of season one and up to the current episode of season two
Author's Note: I finally thought I'd give this challenge a try… (Because it turned into a plot bunny and clung to my leg until I agreed to at least write out the first chapter). Hope it turns out all right!
The interior of the car was silent.
There wasn't even the sound of Dean's music blaring out of the speakers; no teasing banter between them.
There hadn't been for quite some time…
Sam sat staring out of the window, feeling tired and heartsick. He had no idea of how to get into his brother's mind and understand just what he was thinking about. What good are psychic abilities if they won't even let me see how much the closest person to me is hurting? Sam wondered bitterly.
The thought that Dean might give his life to get their father back really scared Sam. He wouldn't be able to handle losing his brother. They'd already lost two years when he'd gone to Stanford.
I don't want that to happen… Losing Dean again… I just can't do it. I was wrong to break all contact with him and dad when I went to university. And all I've been doing is talk about going back again. I should have realised… Dean needs me; he's made that clear so many times. And I've just ignored his needs, his feelings. I know that he loves me and that he'll do anything for me – and I play on that.
Sam needed to tell Dean that; needed to apologise to his brother. But a glance at Dean revealed that his brother's jaw was set in a tight line, and he wasn't even looking at Sam.
Dean barely seemed to see him at all these days…
Sam felt pain knife through him for a moment, and he swallowed, trying to push it away. He just wanted to be a kid for a while and be protected by his big brother. He wanted his Dean back.
Not this cold stranger.
Does he even care about me anymore? Or does he just see me as a chore? What is he thinking? Does he wish that I wasn't around? Does he think that I should have been the one to sacrifice myself for his life? Sam felt tears prick at his eyes. He forced them down with difficulty.
Dean won't cry anymore… He'd see it as a weakness if I did. I want to be strong for him… I want to be useful.
The scenery rushing by blurred despite Sam's best efforts at keeping the tears inside. What was somehow worse was Dean's apparent lack of care that his younger brother was tearing up inside. It was never like that when they were children…
Does Dean even really care about what happens to me anymore? Sam wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. I have to… see… if he does… I need my big brother back. I need Dean. And then I can apologise and ask him to forgive me…
Slowly, Sam allowed his mind to drift to what their next hunt might be. And, as he did, a plan began to half-formulate inside his mind.
Wow… That was kind of depressing to write that. Not sure it was quite what I intended, actually…
Apologies for the shortness. Hopefully, the next chapter will be a better length.