Disclaimer: I do not own Emprie Records.
I got this idea, and I'm newly into this type of oneshot. Plus, it's about time I did something Emprie Records-fanfiction-based, considering I haven't updated "Bad Day" for months...
The Things I've Learned from Empire Records
1. A cool character can have dork haircut and still be a cool character.
2. Car doors hurt.
3. Warren has a girlfriend… or DOES he?
4. Joe has bad luck with the ladies. You didn't hear it from me.
5. If you feel like you're being royally screwed, it's probably because you are.
6. Jane's never been to Paris.
7. Having lots of money can make you sexy; then when you're broke, you aren't anymore.
8. I learned what's with today, today: It's today.
9. Listening to certain crappy music is guaranteed to make you sterile.
10. Trying to kill yourself with a Lady Bic (complete with little flowers on it and a moisturizing strip) is a bad idea, in more ways than one.
11. I shouldn't have to explain my art to you.
12. Rex-ay is so sex-ay.
13. Lucas was a bed wetter.
14. Joe is cooler than Lucas's mother.
15. Always play with their minds.
16. Thoughts just appear!
17. His name isn't fucking Warren!
18. Gambling away your boss's money leads to everything turning out okay!
19. Speed makes you perfect on the outside.
20. Berko lives in a little shack.
21. Eddie's Special Brownies make you part of the music video!