Tartarus Hath No Fury.... (w/Ramleaf)

by acafe Jrpanther

A comedy in which Aphrodite casts a vengeful spell on an unsuspecting princess, causing two kingdoms to go to war. This story reads a lot like A Day In The Life, with a very young, naive Gabrielle.

Published at Amphipolis Cafe on Tuesday May 22, 2001 0:15 AM

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TARTARUS HATH NO FURY LIKE A GODDESS SCORNED

by Jrpanther & Ramleaf

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DISCLAIMER: Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

NOTE: All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be republished without the author's consent.

Author's Note: This story takes place after Hooves & Harlots, but not long after. Gabrielle is young and naïve. There are no real spoilers here. No real subtext except for that which could be taken in more than one way, so it's no more than the show.

Violence:	There is more violence here than in an episode, but not much.
Sex:	Very little.
Language:	Nothing worse than an episode.
Grossout Factor:	Of the diseased horny warlord variety, have a vomit bag on stand-by.

The eastern sky brightened with the rising sun, bathing the horizon in an array of pastel hues. Xena's eyes snapped open. She scanned around the clearing in which they had made their camp the night before. The birds were twittering their good mornings. "Good morning to you, too," said the unusually chipper warrior.

She looked over at Gabrielle. Absolutely dead to the world. Xena allowed herself to laugh at the girl briefly. She must have rolled over face down into the leaves during her sleep, and when she rolled again onto her back, a damp piece of leaf was stuck to her nose, and was blowing up with each of the young girl's gentle snores.

She pushed her furs away from her legs and stood up. Normally she'd have shaken Gabrielle awake by now, but some little part of her was telling her to let the young girl sleep. She had had a long day yesterday. The girl had been diligently training with her staff. Xena had been quite impressed with the girl's improvements, as she had initially thought her to be far too impulsive and heedless to use a weapon, but she was slowly coming to the conclusion that her instincts about young, stubborn village girls weren't always correct.

She stood up and stretched, enjoying these few minutes of luxurious quiet. After bringing Argo a couple of juicy apples, she brushed the elegant palomino down, paying special attention to her honey coloured mane and tail.

She decided to go for a swim in the lake and bring back some trout with her for breakfast. Gabrielle could sleep in until she returned, and then the young storyteller would cook for them.

When she returned with a pair of fat and succulent trout, she was surprised to see Gabrielle awake and packing away her bedroll. "Aren't you up a little early?" she asked.

The small girl with reddish-blonde hair shrugged casually. "It's such a beautiful morning," she said. "Who could sleep through this!"

"Well not you, clearly. Anyways, saves me the battle of pulling you from your bedroll. I brought a couple of fish from the lake, why don't you fry them for us?" Xena, for some reason in a particularly good mood that day, tossed a trout at Gabrielle.

The young bard's eyes widened in horror at the slimy piscine that was hurtling threateningly towards her. "Xen-!" she choked out, raising her arms protectively across her face. The cold, wet fish slapped against her bare arms, before landing on her right foot. Just as she was lowering her arms to glower hatefully at the unusually jocular warrior princess, the second trout made its assault against her forehead, across the bridge of her nose, its tail tickling the corner of her mouth.

"Xena!"

The look of the small girl shaking with rage burst Xena into a fit of unbridled laughter. "Go have a swim," she said between guffaws. "I'll cook break-"

Xena was greeted with a pair of trout in her breastplate. Gabrielle was already storming off towards the lake.

*

Aphrodite kicked off her heels and collapsed into her lush corner of cushions. She quickly expelled air from her bottom lip, causing her light curls to flip upward. She languished lazily. I can't believe Zeus is being such a party pooper, she thought to herself.

At that moment, a small lightning bolt ripped through the ceiling and connected with her backside. Aphrodite shrieked. "Zeus, you old bag!" she sulked, picked up an old urn, and hurled it at the door. It smashed and fell to the floor. Aphrodite folded her arms and pouted. What a jip!

Zeus appeared before her in a shock of smoky grey lightning.

Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "Holy cow, don't you ever knock?"

Zeus folded his arms and regarded her sternly. "Talk back to me again, daughter, and you will find yourself without your powers for a week."

"Zeus," she said with emphasis, narrowing her eyes to slits, "I'm not fourteen anymore. Don't treat me like a baby!" She plucked a pink velveteen cushion with light blue tassels from her vast collection and hugged it to herself.

"That does it!" he bellowed. "Because of you, two previously peaceful kingdoms are at war! Until you learn to act like an adult, you're not going to be treated like one. I'm hereby revoking your godly powers until I hear a sincere apology from you, daughter, and until you promise to make right that which you have wronged. Now think about what you've done, and what you continue to do! Aphrodite, act your age!" With that, Zeus dissolved. Aphrodite hurled the cushion at the few vapours that were left of Zeus, dispelling the last of the smoke.

"Argh!" she screamed in frustration, clenching her fists.

*

Gabrielle was still brushing the knots out of her rat-tailed, wet hair when they set off again that morning. "D'you think Mother and Father will be surprised?" she mused.

"I think they are expecting you to come back, Gabrielle."

"Yeah, but this is just a visit. They're expecting me to come home for good, and marry Perdicas and be a good little housewife baking bread, mending clothes and having babies. Little do they know that their little Gabrielle can use a quarterstaff and defend herself! You know this thing almost feels like it's a part of me now," she continued, inspecting the small little tuft of fur on the end of her weapon. She stumbled on a stone protruding from the ground. "Wooah!"

"You can't defend yourself if you don't keep your eyes in front of you, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle gave her friend a sideways glance. She again began brushing the tangles out of her sun kissed red hair. "Anyways, I can't wait to see Mother and Father, and Lila! Oh, it feels like ages since I saw them. Argh, this is good enough," she said, and shoved her brush in her pack. "Lila thinks she can beat me up. Well now I'll show her who can beat who up! Ha ha!" she accompanied her laugh with a little skip and a fist in the air. "Oh, what a beautiful day, Xena. The sun feels so nice on my back and it's not even afternoon yet!"

Xena chuckled at her talkative little companion. She found it comforting in a way, if Gabrielle was as silent as she could be on occasion, their long trips together would be very uncomfortable indeed.

"Why are you so quiet?" asked Gabrielle, giving her stoic friend a playful jab on the arm. "Stupid question, Gabrielle," she reminded herself out loud. "But seriously, you were in such an erm, joking mood before. Not that I liked that much!" She absently brought her arm to her nose and smelled it. "You know, no matter how hard I scrub myself in that lake, the only thing that'll get rid of this is time. Smell!" she ordered, thrusting her arm at Xena's face.

Xena caught Gabrielle's arm before it even reached neck level. "Don't you ever do that, Gabrielle. I'm a trained warrior, you'll get hurt. When something flies at me, I make sure that it doesn't hit me, no matter how I have to do it!"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, I forgot. Geesh! What a grump!"

Xena closed her eyes momentarily and collected herself. Calm down, she chided. She's just a young impressionable girl and she's learning. She didn't mean any harm. With great effort, the Warrior Princess mumbled out an apology. "I should not have snapped at you, Gabrielle. I'm sorry. But you really shouldn't come flying at me like that. You will get hurt, and you know that."

"Hey, remember last week when we were at that tavern, and you had to step outside and break up that fight between those two smelly guys?"

"Yes."

"Well, there was this bard there. His name was Lucidius. He told this really good story."

"Last week huh, I'm surprised you managed to keep it in this long."

"Boy, did you ever wake up on the wrong side of the bedroll this morning! Do you want to hear the story or not?"

Xena nodded. Anything to keep from snapping back at her again. Why am I so damned irritable! I was in such a good mood this morning. "Go ahead."

"Ok. Well it was a dark, dark night. The clouds were thick in the sky, and the rain was coming down in torrents! A young man by the name of Riticus was stumbling home after a long night of drinking himself into a stupor at the local tavern," she began.

*

Aphrodite soaked in a hot bubble bath, absently popping the bubbles as they floated upward. This sucks! I wish Curly were here. He'd talk to me, course, he'd try and convince me to remove my spell just like Zeus.

She snapped her fingers to summon a lute player. Nothing. "Dammit!" she whined. "This is not fair!"

Aphrodite slammed her fist against the water, soaking the wall behind her and covering it with suds.

*

Princess Aelia of Aulis stood before the mirror. Nobody would ever know I was a princess. She certainly wasn't wearing royal attire, instead, a ragged blue peasant's dress and a shabby cloth around her head. She breathed deeply. Here I go. She secured a large sack on her shoulder.

The entire castle was getting ready for a giant banquet, in honour of the Queen's birthday. My poor mother, I am so sorry. But I must go, I hope you understand. It would not be long before her handmaiden knocked on her door to dress her and to escort her to the first day of the festivities. She took one last look at her room before she tossed the knotted bedclothes out the window, and began slowly to climb down.

Because of the Queen's party, the grounds of the castle beneath her room were deserted. Everyone of noble blood had gathered in the courtyard to honour the Queen, and bestow upon her a gift. It was not long before the royal family was to make an appearance. She cringed as she imagined her father's wrath when he found out she was missing. It is his fault! Forcing me to marry Prince Leander. I loved him once, but no longer! I cannot be with anyone but my beloved Pelion.

Her impending nuptials with Prince Leander were what were prompting her to leave her stuffy life at the castle. I have had enough schooling, enough banqueting, enough curtseying and enough "How d'you do"-ing! I've had enough Princes and enough Princesses! And for Hades' sake I have had enough waving lessons! All I want now is Pelion.

"How dare you deny Prince Leander your hand in marriage?" Princess Aelia recalled the exchange with her father the night before. "How dare you! Do you realise what you have done? Our two kingdoms were to be merged in a treaty of peace. And you reject him, Prince Leander, whom you have been pining for, for an eternity! 'Prince Leander' this, 'Prince Leander' that. Just yesterday you were pleased as Solstice punch to walk down the aisle and become Prince Leander's bride. And then, when it really counts, you tell him that no, you've fallen for a commoner! Daughter, King Phorian has declared a war on Aulis! Does that make you happy?"

"I am not an object to be bought or sold or traded! I am a human being!"

"You are also my daughter and you will marry Prince Leander of Tauria if I will it to be so! You will make the announcement tomorrow afternoon at your mother's birthday celebration, and I will send a messenger to Tauria indicating your obedience. I can only hope that the Prince will still have you after such a display of harlotry!"

The Princess made the mistake of looking down. Oh Zeus. Oh my dear Zeus. She caught her breath and continued lowering herself. This was scary. She breathed a sigh of relief when her delicate sandaled feet were tickled by grass.

She made her way through the castle gates without incident. None of the commoners had ever seen her up close, so avoiding confrontation of any kind was very easy. Okay. I walk west until I see the crooked little street with the fish seller on the corner, she recalled. Then I go north along that crooked street for 30 paces. Pelion will be waiting for me.

Once she had found the spot she believed to be their meeting point, Princess Aelia was immediately disheartened. Where are you, my love?

Fat fingers came from behind and cupped her mouth.

*

"She's what?" thundered King Seleas.

"She's um, disappeared, Your Majesty," said the trembling handmaiden, on her knees in fear of punishment from her King.

"How then, serving girl, is she to appear before the Kingdom of Aulis?"

"I-I don't know," she stammered, as the King pulled her up by her collar and looked into her eyes. "The-there were bedclothes tied together, an-and thrown out her window — she must have... have... climbed out, Your Majesty, and-" She suddenly became very aware that the King was still looking at her.

"Remove your head cloth, serving girl."

She did. Her golden blonde tresses tumbled over her shoulders. "You are about Aelia's height and build. Your hair is similar enough that the kingdom will not know the difference. How would you like to be a Princess for a day?"

*

"And it just goes to show," concluded the spirited bard, "that there is such thing as too much ale, too many women, and too much money!"

Xena looked over at the young, square shouldered girl and smiled weakly.

"Oh come on! You loved it! I know you did!" Gabrielle stopped walking and placed her hands on her hips.

Xena's eyes narrowed as she tried to get a handle on what was happening to her. She found herself being incredibly frustrated and angry with Gabrielle for no reason. Where does all that chirpy damned optimism come from! For Zeus' sake! It looks like somebody's clipped her cheeks to her ears! "Start walking, Gabrielle. We're going to be late."

"What do you mean we're going to be late? Mother doesn't even know we are coming!"

Calm down, Xena. "Well either way, start walking!"

"Apologise and I will."

Xena looked in disbelief at this little snippet of a girl who fancied herself an army. "I'm sorry you're so stubborn that you'll be left behind." Xena turned her back to the little bard and continued on her way.

She won't walk that far. She needs me. She'll stop. Gabrielle raised an eyebrow, as the Warrior Princess didn't even look back. She sucked on her teeth and tapped her foot briefly. She scanned the area and looked at the sun. She turned her attention back to her friend who was quickly widening the distance between them. She swallowed her pride and sprinted towards her. "Woah!" she said breathlessly. "Wait up!"

Xena acknowledged Gabrielle's presence with a silent nod. She reached into Argo's saddlebag and pulled out a shiny red apple.

"Xena, that's my apple. I bought it at that market in Liguria!"

"Well it's mine, now," said Xena, taking a bite.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," replied Xena smugly, making a point to really appear to enjoy the succulent fruit.

"You like apples, Xena?"

"Oh yeah. Mmm!"

Gabrielle slowed behind Xena. She wrinkled her nose as she used a small parchment to pick up a round piece from the ground. Without taking the time to aim, she threw the hardened, round little nugget of horse dung at the warrior princess, making a small 'thok!' noise as it bounced off the small of her back. "How ya like them apples! Road apples! Ha ha!" she squealed, laughing at the tall, fuming woman.

"Gabrielle that is not funny! You want your apple? Here's your apple!" she said walking towards Gabrielle. She thrust the red apple into Gabrielle's mouth.

Gabrielle took the apple from her mouth and chewed. "Thank you Xena, all I wanted was my apple back," she said with a wink.

*

The calloused hand against her mouth muffled Princess Aelia's screams. The grip loosened, and she was spun around to the face of Pelion. "Oh, Pelion! You scared me, my love!"

His ham-sized hands enveloped both of her tiny, dainty ones. He spat crassly against the wall. "Aelia, your…" he began, leering at her, "eyes are looking especially lovely today."

Princess Aelia of Aulis giggled. "Why thank you, Pelion! You always know just what to say," she sighed happily. "Where will you take me? Where will we go so that my father's guards will never find me? I never want to leave your side, Pelion, never!"

"We will go to my hideout."

"Where is that, my dear sweet love? Where is your hideout? I am almost faint with excitement!"

"I can't tell you that, wench, don't want your daddy to find out," snarled Pelion.

Pelion was the leader of a gang of thieves and bullies who had been threatening the kingdoms of Aulis and Tauria for a few months now. Their general practices were to beat commoners, pick their pockets, kidnap their daughters, and demand money from citizens, under the threat that if they didn't, they'd find themselves beaten and their establishments burned to the ground. Basically, Pelion was the scum that was found floating on top of other scum.

Pelion released the Princess' hands and stroked her shoulder downwards, slowly, his hands finally coming to a rest at her waist. "I'm sorry," he said, his eyes scanning her perfect form from top to bottom and back up again, lingering on her chest.

Aelia felt the blood rush to her cheeks at his apparent satisfaction with her. She giggled nervously before pulling him into as tight a hug as could be managed, considering his rather significant girth, ignoring the acrid stench of his skin and clothing. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly.

Pelion took Aelia's hand and led her through the streets and alleys of Aulis, ducking into nooks and corners when the guards passed on their patrols. After what seemed like running through a maze, she was pulled beneath a stained curtain into a dark, foul smelling room filled with the lowest criminals in the entire kingdom.

*

Prince Leander of Tauria sat in a secluded, shady lagoon. The swans swam about each other playfully, dodging the occasional fallen willow submerged in the water. The weeping willows that bordered the area cast a shady umbrella over the riverbank. He sighed to himself. This is all so beautiful, he thought, but to me it means nothing.

He leaned himself against an old tree and sighed. We were so happy. What changed? Who is this 'commoner' who has claimed my Princess' heart? Prince Leander's anger was wrestling with his hurt. He couldn't quite decide which was the predominant emotion.

If she is happy with this man, I cannot stand in her way. I will be alone forever.

He had tried to stop his father from going to war with Aulis, but his protests had fallen on deaf ears. Prince Leander sighed and closed his eyes.

*

"You know, I just can't get over the weather today. Wow!"

"Gabrielle, why don't you tell me another story."

"I can't think of any right now."

"What do you mean, you can't think of any! Anyways, the next city isn't far from here."

Xena stiffened. Not too far ahead were two small gangs of men with their weapons drawn. As they drew nearer to the opposing parties, they could hear the insults being hurled back and forth.

"If your Princess wasn't such a wench, we wouldn't be in this mess to begin with!" shouted a large man with a bald, tattooed head.

"Well obviously your Prince Leander," sneered the shorter, rounder man, wiggling his hips and waving his sword, "wasn't good enough for her. I'll see you lying on the floor in a pool of your own blood, Taurian!"

"Oh, I'd just love to see you try! You couldn't hit the broad side of a temple! I'll see you, Aulisian, at the crack of dawn on the morrow!" he spat out, turning back to his adversary.

"Why wait until then, Taurian scum?" the short rotund brigand bellowed, "'git 'em men!"

The two bands charged toward each other and the sounds of battle soon filled the air.

"Ladies," came the familiar husky, female voice. "You might want to consider putting down your weapons."

They'd been so wrapped up in themselves that her and Gabrielle's arrival had gone unnoticed. "Get out of here, wench, you've got no place here. Get back into your kitchen and bake me some bread!" sneered the shorter man, spitting in her direction as he held his sword against that of the taller, Taurian rogue.

Oh, Zeus! Gabrielle almost laughed as the brigand single-handedly dug his own grave. Nice going, tubby! Her thoughts were halted as one of the cronies advanced upon her with his club raised to strike. He brought the club down in an overhead motion, striking at Gabrielle. She raised her quarterstave over her head defensively, bending slightly at the knees to absorb the impact of the blow. She pushed straight up, throwing the brute's weapon back over his head, then followed up by pushing the fulcrum of the staff sharply against his nose.

Her assailant dropped his weapon and clutched at his nose, bellowing in pain. Gabrielle used the opportunity to bring her staff around in a downward, sweeping arc at his legs, knocking him to the ground. Using her weapon as a long club, she bashed at the brute's chest, causing his limbs to flair wildly in the air from the force of the blow.

"You think you're tough, huh?" She grinned almost wickedly. "You're not so tough. My little sister could beat you up!" she cried gleefully, pumping her fist in the air.

Xena, in the meantime, was dealing with a pair of thugs. The tall one had been persistently stabbing at her with his scuffed dagger, while the shorter one tentatively lunged at the warrior, aiming for her midsection. Xena's instincts had served her well as she parried everything they threw at her while still keeping both of her assailants in front of her.

The taller thug slashed horizontally in a backhanded motion at Xena with his dagger, but with a smooth twist of her hand, Xena had caught his dagger on the blade of her sword. She grabbed the thug's weapon arm with her free hand and quickly pivoting her hips threw him into his partner. Her two would-be attackers fell in a heap on the ground.

Xena paused momentarily as the two ruffians slowly recovered at her feet and surveyed the area quickly. Despite the two intruders interruption, the other dozen or so men were still fighting each other. What in Tartarus is going on, she thought to herself.

She turned back to the two rogues she had dispatched earlier, who had since recovered. She focused her attention on the younger, shorter man who managed to get to his feet first. He lunged forward, taking a short, underhanded stab to her midsection. Xena took a step back and held the blade of her sword in front of her deflecting the attacker's knife away from her body. She deftly twirled her sword around and brought it down in a swift chopping motion, removing a modest slice from his trunk.

The taller of the pair finally made his way to his feet and vainly tried another horizontal slash at the raven-haired warrior. Xena turned her sword at her wrist and swung it around in a wide circle in front of her, turning the thug's weapon away and opening an ugly gash in her attacker's thigh in the same motion. He stumbled back, clutching the wound as his blood marked the ground.

The young short thug recovered from the burning wound to his chest and tried to stab the stab Xena from behind. The fight ended for him and he began to gulp for air in wide-eyed desperation, as the Warrior Princess' sword penetrated his ribs.

She afforded a look over to Gabrielle, who was holding her own well against a rough looking man with a spear. He slashed horizontally at Gabrielle with the tip of his weapon, but holding her staff vertically, Gabrielle thwarted the thug's attempt to disembowel her. She brought her staff back to a horizontal position. Stepping forward, Gabrielle pivoted slightly, and released a powerful side strike. The stinging blow to the hooligan's shin collapsed him in a heap.

He tried to stand up, but Gabrielle held her staff towards him threateningly. He stumbled as best he could, then shouted, "Let's get out of here!" before clambering off as quickly as his injuries would allow. Those who could followed suit.

"Yeah!" shrieked Gabrielle, jumping into the air. "And don't come back, or you'll be sorry!"

"Have a seat," Xena said stiffly to the fair young girl. "I want to take a look at you."

"Oh, Zeus," grumbled Gabrielle, rolling her eyes. "Can you stop fussing over me? I'm not a little piece of pottery that's going to break! Sheesh!"

"Sit down," Xena's rough tone had almost a hint of a wicked smile behind it. "You know I can get you on your knees in a heartbeat. So, we can either do this the easy way, or the hard way."

"Ugh, fine already. Zeus forbid I ever break a toe, you'll ground me!" Much to her chagrin, she sat against a tree and almost glared at the dark woman who was acting all too much like her mother these days.

After probing at the small bruises and cuts she suffered, Xena was satisfied that there was nothing too serious. "Ok, you're fine," she patted Gabrielle's thigh. "Let's go."

After a brief note of silence, which, more attributed to her usual self, Xena was finding positively blissful, Gabrielle asked, "So, what do you think?"

"What do I think what?"

"What do you think about all this princess business?"

Xena shrugged. "Some princess changed her mind about who she wanted to marry. Who cares."

"Yeah, maybe, but it doesn't always end up in war, does it?"

"War? That was a dozen or so men. I don't think that qualifies as a war, Gabrielle."

"Zeus, you're picky. See, look at us even. Everybody's fighting!"

Without admitting out loud that Gabrielle had a point, Xena assessed the situation. Something is definitely strange around here, but what?

*

Just as the sun's light was beginning to wane, the two bickering travelers found themselves in the little village of Poteidaia.

"Wow, it feels so good to be home!" Gabrielle closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. "Do you smell that, Xena? Freshly baked bread! It's coming from that shop over there. Say, I'm going to buy a loaf to bring to mother."

Gabrielle scampered enthusiastically over to the village local baker, armed with a couple of denars. Xena watched from the market square as the baker recognized the girl, and spoke enthusiastically to her. She chuckled to herself as she watched Gabrielle try to pull herself away repeatedly with no success.

She finally managed, however, and approached Xena carrying three parcels. "Two loaves of olive bread and one loaf of sugar-raisin bread. I think mother will be very pleased!"

"Have a nice conversation over there with that baker?"

Gabrielle rolled her eyes and chuckled lightly. "That's Tranous. He talks way too much. It's hard to get a word in edgeways!"

"Oh really. Must be awful."

"Sure is — hey, wait a minute!"

The duo rounded the corner and came upon the old farmhouse that Gabrielle used to call home. Gabrielle's eyes widened as she saw the familiar sight and tears began to well in her eyes. "Wo-ow!"

She ran up the stairs and threw open the door. Summoned by the noise of their door being roughly opened, Herodotus, Hecuba and Lila all ran towards the entryway of their old house to see what the commotion was.

As Xena leaned uncomfortably in the doorway, she watched the family reunion and made a mental note to visit Amphipolis sometime in the near future.

"Gabrielle!" cried Lila, openly embracing her big sister. They all formed a group hug, laughing and crying with joy to finally be reunited with the missing puzzle piece of their family.

Gabrielle cast Xena a knowing eye. "And of course, you remember Xena…"

All three of them cast a lukewarm nod to the stoic warrior who had stolen away their baby.

"Hello, Xena," said Lila, extending a stiff curtsey.

"Hi," she said, and coughed as her voice cracked, holding up her hand in a quick wave.

Gabrielle resumed her position next to her friend, and in an attempt to warm her up to the situation, put an arm around her waist and hugged her.

Xena smiled at the attempts of the young girl.

"I suppose," said Hecuba, leveling her eyes at Xena, "that you two have been on the road all day without any supper."

Xena found herself blushing at this reprimand from Gabrielle's mother and nodded almost undetectably. "Yeah. Well," she said, rubbing her forehead, uncomfortable with the fact that she was uncomfortable, "we uh, got a little held up on the way. We were expecting to be here a bit sooner."

"Well of course there would always be food on our table for our young one," Herodotus said flatly.

Xena bit her lip.

"Anyhow, better late than never," Hecuba finished. "Come into the kitchen, the both of you. We'll make something marvelous."

And marvelous it was, especially to two famished vagabonds who'd been traveling in the hot sun all day. Venison steak heaped with mushrooms, sauce and garlic was exactly what the healer ordered, and Xena wondered to herself whether or not it was a minor attempt to get Xena to be leaving the farmhouse alone this time.

Xena, finding herself attempting to impress the one her young friend valued so much, said to Hecuba, "this is incredible. Now I know where Gabrielle learned how to cook."

Hecuba returned Xena's compliment with a thin smile.

"The road's not safe these days," said Herodotus. "Especially for a defenseless girl, Xena."

Gabrielle, who had been quietly listening to the tense conversation, slammed down her knife, stood up and stormed out of the room.

Silence filled the room as four pairs of eyes followed the bard as she left the dinner table.

"Don't think I didn't notice those bruises and cuts," Herodotus continued, as his wife placed an assuring, warm hand on his arm.

"Herodotus," began Xena, but before she had time to finish, Gabrielle had retrieved her staff from the entryway and had stormed back in the room.

"Defenseless? I am not defenseless, father. I don't appreciate being told what to do, where to go, who to marry, and what my life should be! That's why I left home in the first place! If you want to ruin this visit by being a stuffy old meanie, then don't expect me to visit back any time soon! That goes for all of you. Mother, Lila. I'm happier with my life than I've ever been and I'm sorry you can't see it. I'm doing good, I'm helping people, instead of just sitting at home like a bump on a log!"

Gabrielle's family members sat agape, wide eyed with astonishment at her outburst. "I-I," began Lila. When she realized that she was merely tripping over her own tongue, she attempted to change the subject. "Did you hear about that war between Aulis and Tauria?"

Gabrielle flashed an I-told-you-so look at Xena, hiding beneath it, a discreet smile. "Yeah, we heard about it, sort of."

"What's the story behind it?" asked Xena.

"Well, as far as I know," said Lila, leaning in towards the center of the table, "The princess was in love with this Prince Leander fellow (oh he's so dishy Gab, you'd love him), but then all of a sudden, she fell for this like really nasty gang leader. Nobody understands why. I'd not be surprised if she ran away from home to avoid a royal wedding. The girl starts a war just before her mother's birthday banquet. Classy, huh?"

"You know," Xena brought up casually, "I wouldn't be surprised if that wasn't the only thing up, here. Why would a princess fall for a nasty gang leader? Princess what, by the way?"

"She's the princess of Aulis," interjected Hecuba, attempting to be slightly warmer to the fidgety and uncomfortable warrior, for the sake of her daughter. "Arlea, or something."

"Aelia?" pondered Lila.

"That's it. And everyone in the village, it's been terrible. It seems like this war has just been an excuse for people who don't even belong to the Aulisian or Taurian kingdoms to go after those that they dislike. Everybody's fighting, Everybody," Hecuba said sadly.

"I really don't think the princess would just change her mind in a snap like that, and I have noticed that everybody is a little bit more irritable than usual," considered Xena. "The more I think about it, the more I think I want to have a little chit-chat with Aphrodite." She sopped up the last of the gravy with a chunk of olive bread.

"Wouldn't we all," sighed Lila, dreamily. "She's such a celebrity."

Xena turned to Gabrielle. "Does she have a temple here in Poteidaia?"

"Of course Xena, she's Aphrodite. She's got temples everywhere."

"Good point."

Soon enough the last of the sweet bread was eaten, and after Hecuba and Herodotus had retired for the night, the last of the wine was drunk, loosening all the tongues around the table, making for a far more pleasant and comfortable latter half of the evening.

Xena stood up and clutched her head. The wine had little effect on her as she was careful not to drink herself into a stupor. Gabrielle, on the other hand, being small of stature, was nearly toppled over by the end of the night, singing a tale about a piglet named Hector who was late for tea with his auntie.

*

"Do you like the dress, my sweet little turtledove?" asked Pelion, snickering softly as he eyed the graceful princess.

"Oh yes, it's beautiful," she said, her voice catching in her throat. She held her hands protectively across the extremely low cut bodice. Oh dear, it will be a miracle if I don't fall out of my dress! Despite the draft against her bosom, she snuggled comfortably against Pelion's exposed tummy, allowing the hairs of his belly to tickle her cream-like skin.

She paled as he leered at her. "Oh my heart is going pitter-patter!"

"So is mine," he said coldly as he nibbled the delicate flesh of her lip, his rank breath hitting her nose like the slaughterhouse of a farm in Carthage. She blinked rapidly in surprise, but met his fat, cold sore ridden lips in a fiery kiss.

"Tomorrow we ride to Tripolis. There's somebody there I'd like you to, uh, meet," he said, when their kiss broke. "For now," he said as he ran a finger down her mostly-exposed shoulder.

"Oh Pelion! Stop right there my love, first we shall be wed."

Pelion's expression remained as it was, as he removed his hand from her prickling skin.

*

Xena actually managed to sleep in that morning. She only woke up when she heard the deep groan emerge from underneath Gabrielle's covers. Gabrielle pulled the covers from her face, her skin pale and clammy. "Uhhnnhn…" she moaned, as she sat up. "My head, oh, oh, and my stomach!" She covered her mouth with her hand and scrambled out of bed towards the window.

"Why didn't you stop me, Xena? Uhhnngh..." A wave of nausea overcame her once again and she heaved out her bedroom window.

"Well, you'll be more careful next time, won't you?"

After sipping her mother's herbal remedy, Xena and Gabrielle said their goodbyes and headed for Aphrodite's temple. Gabrielle occupied herself by kicking a small stone along the dirt road. "You know, I don't think they hate you anymore."

"No, they just strongly dislike me. But I don't blame them."

Gabrielle shrugged, and looked upward to the sky. "Oh rats, I thought the sun might peek out of that eye in the clouds but the wind's changed direction. I'd be glad for even a minute of sun," she said irritably, inspecting the goosebumps forming on her arm. "Oh well. Perhaps it will clear up anyways. We do have all day. Say, how's about we play a game?"

"What game?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'd say 'ninety-nine glasses of mead on the wall' but we both know that I've got a terrible singing voice-"

Despite herself, Xena chuckled. "Yeah, we really do know that. I lost count of the times you went flat singing 'Hector the Little Piglet' last night."

"I-I what?" stuttered Gabrielle, the heat rising to her cheeks as she immediately began to flush.

"That's right, Gabrielle. All eighteen verses! It's amazing how many little things can get in the way of a piglet who's on the way to his auntie's for tea."

Gabrielle was now eight lovely shades of purple. "I, I most certainly did not," she said, her nervous stutter giving away her guilt. "Look," she said, in a blatant attempt to change the subject from her night of debauchery. "There's Aphrodite's temple."

Xena's eyes followed Gabrielle's extended finger. "So it is. Well, here goes." The Warrior Princess and her faithful bard trod lightly up the pink-veined marble staircase. Potted plants, devotional paintings and gold washed statues were everywhere.

"It's a little bit busy for my taste," Gabrielle said haughtily.

"Shh!" whispered Xena angrily, gripping Gabrielle's shoulder. "Don't insult her temple if you want her to make an appearance."

Gabrielle wrenched her shoulder away from Xena's firm grip. "Ow! Fine, whatever. It's beautiful and I just love it."

Xena pushed aside her fleeting thoughts of picking the girl up by the back of her tunic and hanging her off the arm of a stone statue of the goddess. Instead, she scanned around the temple and finally at the high ceiling of the atrium. "Aphrodite?"

"That's your plan to get her to appear here? You're going to stand there and holler for her?" Gabrielle burst into a fit of laughter. "This is a joke, right?"

Xena shot an icy look at her young companion. "What did you expect, Gabrielle? A magic show? Did you expect for us to go to Mount Olympus and drag her here, kicking and screaming?" she said coldly.

Gabrielle rolled her eyes and absently ran her hand along one of the devotional statues. "No, but I thought you had some trick up your sleeve that was a little better than just asking her to show up!"

"No trick, Gabrielle, no sleeves."

Xena and Gabrielle locked their eyes into a cold, distasteful stare.

A tinkle of laughter cut through the silence. "Oh Zeus you two are a riot!" The feminine voice echoed through the temple but showed no sign of Aphrodite. Xena instantly scanned the room, searching behind pillars, potted plants, statues and other such trivialities for evidence of a very spoiled and arrogant goddess of love.

"Aphrodite?!" squeaked Gabrielle, her eyes as well darting around the room in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the hippest goddess this side of the Aegean.

Soon enough, the goddess emerged from a doorway towards the back of the temple, behind the altar. Dressed in merely a bikini and sheer pink veils that really served no purpose other than to enhance her already aesthetically pleasing form, she padded down from the altar to greet these two strangers who had entertained her enough to warrant her presence before them.

Gabrielle's eyes bugged out. "Oh Zeus! It's you! It's really you! Can I touch you?"

Xena and Aphrodite both rolled their eyes at Gabrielle. With a semi-pained sigh, Aphrodite extended her arm to Gabrielle and merely said, "Enjoy, babe. You've got the chance of a lifetime."

"Wo-owie!" Gabrielle, taking full advantage of the situation, tugged on the goddess' hand and pulled her into a tight embrace. "Look at me, Xena, I'm hugging Aphrodite! Wish I could preserve this moment forever!"

"Woah! Kid! Back off!"

Gabrielle snorted at the deliberate use of the word 'kid'.

"My apologies for her rather, forward behaviour, Aphrodite," said Xena calmly. "We're actually here for a reason." She tapped Gabrielle pointedly on the shoulder.

"Autographs? I won't give those out unless my manager is here. And she's not here. Sorry, sweeties." She turned to leave.

"Wait! We don't need your autograph-"

"Speak for yourself!" Gabrielle flared her nostrils as she eyed Xena critically.

"No Salmonella, no autograph. Something to do with only endorsing sponsored products. Major drag, I know, but it goes along with being me. Being this popular does have its drawbacks." She waved her hand dismissively.

"Look, Aphrodite, we're not here for your autograph. There's something strange going on. Everybody's fighting. There's a war going on."

"That's Ares' department, darlin'. I'm afraid I can't help you there," she said curtly.

"But I think you can," Xena replied.

*

Pelion mounted the charcoal stallion and then offered a hand to Princess Aelia. She kissed his sausage-like fingers before being roughly hoisted up onto the horse, behind Pelion.

"Well isn't this interesting, I'm not used to riding a horse like a man does," she noted rather vacantly to herself. Well this tiny slip of cloth I'm wearing is good for one thing at least! I can't imagine riding this way wearing royal attire! She giggled to herself. She slipped her arms around his waist, and ignored the fact that she could only just reach around to clasp her fingers on the other side.

"Let's go, men!" Pelion kicked the stallion rather sharply, sending it into a full-fledged gallop. The Princess emitted a high-pitched shriek as she felt herself on a bumpiest, most terrifying ride she'd ever been on in her entire life.

"By the gods!" she cried, as she clung desperately to Pelion for her life, her long blond strands whipping against her face.

After what felt like a lifetime, Pelion finally pulled the reins and drew the horse to an abrupt halt. He dismounted and pulled Aelia roughly off the horse, leading her quickly into an old barn. "Now, we wait."

*

"What makes you think I can help you with something that is so clearly not a matter of mine to deal with? About the only thing I can help you with, tall dark and ... something, is your fashion sense. And your hair."

Xena raged silently at this insult but knew to get angry with the goddess was going to do her more harm than good. "Ok Aphrodite, I'm going to cut to the chase. You've got something to do with the Princess denying the hand of Prince Leander whom she loves, overnight. I also think there's something else up. Everybody's fighting. It's almost as if," she said, slowly forming an idea in her head, "that there's no love at all anymore."

Aphrodite chuckled nervously. "Hey, whacha think of my new top. Does it work with the rest of the outfit? I'd say it was tubular but it's not exactly a tube top!" she grinned, posing for the duo so as to show them every angle, and changing the subject in a manner that nobody was oblivious to.

"How come you walked in through that door? How come you didn't poof into the room like Ares does?" asked Gabrielle, tapping the end of her staff against the stone floor, looking up at the goddess.

She may be annoying sometimes but she catches on fast, thought Xena.

"Well, exercise! I can't stay in the spotlight and be a totally bodacious babe if I don't stay fit." Aphrodite faltered and knew the jig was up.

"Ok then." Xena paused to look Aphrodite in the eyes, which wasn't easy because Aphrodite kept darting her eyes nervously across to the various urns and statues that graced the temple, and tapping her feet. "Leave us then. If your powers are intact, you'll vanish in some fancy display of sparks."

"OoOooOOooh!" whined Aphrodite, stamping her foot. She hopped up to her altar and took a seat. "You want the dish? You got it.

"Oh, where do I start. Ok, well there was this one Prince who stopped here on his way to Tauria. Prince Liam or something."

"Leander," fed Gabrielle.

"Right, whatever. I appeared to the Prince (Tartarus, he was a complete and total hottie) and sorta, well, tried to get him to, uh, go with me somewhere. Being such a totally babely goddess it's not often that I get rejected so well, let's just say my ego was a tiny bit bruised."

"Doesn't seem bruised to me," Gabrielle said, under her breath.

Aphrodite turned to Xena. "Is she always this bratty?"

"Go on," said Xena, refusing to acknowledge the question.

"He said he was going to ask this princess to be his bride, and that not even the love of the goddess Aphrodite (which would be moi) would lead him astray of his heart. Some poetic garbage like that." Aphrodite made an obvious motion of yawning.

"Princess Aelia, huh."

"I dunno. I forget."

"Well, it's becoming clear to me what has happened. You made the princess fall for the gang leader just to get revenge on Prince Leander for rejecting you, because he wouldn't, as you put it so eloquently, 'go somewhere' with you."

Gabrielle guffawed and slapped her thigh. "You did all this just cause Prince Leander wouldn't go somewhere with you? Where were you gonna go, must have been a pretty good place if it was worth starting a war between kingdoms!"

Aphrodite turned to Xena. "Is she for real?"

"Ok," Gabrielle chimed in, "What does your lack of godly powers have to do with all this?"

"Well, little girl," Aphrodite said while turning her nose up to Gabrielle, "Daddy didn't like it too much that I started a war between Aulis and Tauria. So he took love away from the world when he took my powers away."

Xena snorted. "How hypocritical. And typical, too, of the gods."

"So I'm guessing it's the standard then, you apologise and you fix things, and everything goes back to normal?" asked Gabrielle.

"That's about the look of it, yeah."

Gabrielle smirked. Now who's the little girl?

"And you're not planning on doing that any time soon, are you?" asked Xena, folding her arms across her chest as she leaned against one of the hand painted pillars.

"Not really, not until I let Zeus stew for a while," Aphrodite said with a wink.

"You don't really know what love is, do you? You're the goddess of love but you know nothing about it," said Gabrielle, very irritated that this woman would inflict such pain over some stupid walk in the park!

"What would you know about love, Gabrielle?" asked the goddess sharply.

Gabrielle shrugged. Gabrielle? How'd she know that? Stupid question. She's a goddess.

Gabrielle opened her mouth to shout back at the spoiled Olympian, but before she could retort, the Warrior Princess clamped her hand over the bard's mouth and smiled sweetly. "She's got a point, Aphrodite. Prince Leander and Princess Aelia have found love and because of your jealousy, you took it from them."

The little blonde bard managed to wrench Xena's fingers from her mouth as she had not been holding too tight. "Let me tell you a story about love, Aphrodite. I told this exact story to someone I almost loved.

"Once, a long, long time ago, all people had four legs and two heads. And then the gods threw down thunderbolts, splitting everyone in half." Gabrielle emphasized her point by motioning a thunderbolt from the sky. "Each half then had two legs and one head. The separation had left both sides with a desperate longing to be reunited, because they shared the same soul. And ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul. Prince Leander has found the other half of his soul, Aphrodite, don't take it from him."

She looked up to see Aphrodite dab her eyes with a hot pink hanky she pulled from her bikini top. "You're right, I know you're right. Anyways, I don't get rejected too often so maybe the next one," she sniffled, "will be better looking than Lap dance — er, Leander."

Gabrielle kept herself from rolling her eyes. How can such shallow people wield so much power?

"Zeus?" she called out, and within the second, Zeus shimmered into view, amidst forks of blue lightning and grey mists.

Xena remained absolutely calm, but Gabrielle couldn't believe her eyes.

"I have been waiting for you, daughter. I trust you have made the right decision."

Gabrielle stepped up to Zeus. "King of the gods, wow, is it ever great to meet you. Can I get an auto-"

"No autographs without my manager present, sorry," replied Zeus, with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Gabrielle stepped back and clapped her jaw shut.

"Well, I have made a decision, daddy," said Aphrodite, turning her backs on the warrior and the bard.

"I've told you not to call me daddy in front of mortals. Speaking of which, family moment here. Bit of privacy?"

Xena and Gabrielle both shuffled off to the side, Gabrielle of course attempting to hear what was being said. "She's apologizing. Oh, he's accepted her apology!" she whispered excitedly to the warrior.

Out of nowhere came a shower of elegant golden sparks and soft pink smoke. "We're gods, you know, we can like, totally hear you," said Aphrodite. "Anyways, what was that chick's name? Arlea?"

"Aelia," said Gabrielle, in awe of the display.

Aphrodite closed her eyes and nodded, the golden sparks circumventing her from top to bottom, as she brought her hands up and over her head, clasping them together. The moment they connected, the sparks disappeared and Aphrodite simply said, "Done," and vanished again, like a firecracker ripping through pink mist.

*

"Who are we waiting for, sugar plum?"

"You'll see, my dear, you'll see," sneered Pelion, cackling with his buddies and punching the closest playfully on the arm.

Soon enough, there was a knock on the door, and one of Pelion's henchmen opened it. In waltzed an unattractive man and his goons. Princess Aelia giggled softly and curtsied to her Pelion's friends.

Suddenly, the princess felt a warm tingle in her head and closed her eyes for just a second. When she opened them and realized where she was and who she was keeping company with, it took all her willpower to suppress the urge to scream. The past day's events whirled through her mind and when she looked over at 'sugar plum,' she almost gagged. Her shock and horror were interrupted when he started to turn to her and Princess Aelia quickly assumed the fake smile she used at her father's royal gatherings.

"I'd like to introduce you," Pelion spat at her, "This is Amose. He'll be taking you, wench, to your new home. They'll love you in Alexandria. Fair-haired women fetch a high price there."

The princess' stomach dropped when she heard the words. She began to panic, and then realized it would do her no good and kept her cool. She decided to play along until she could find a way to get out.

"Oh a holiday!" the blonde giggled, "I can't wait, I've always wanted to see a camel!" Her acting was good enough to fool her 'suitor'-turned-captor.

Pelion, dumbfounded but very pleased with the princess' apparent stupidity (even she had not shown signs of being this stupid) said, "Stay back here, sweetpea, while I complete the transaction, for our … holiday."

Princess Aelia tittered while she discreetly surveyed her surroundings. Running out the door was out of the question; two men were guarding it and there was no telling how many were on the other side. She patted Pelion's ample behind, feeling her skin crawl while she scanned around the barn, noting a few things. An area of the wall, near to the floor, was rotting and a couple of wooden planks had broken off and fallen to the ground. The gap looked just large enough for her tiny frame to fit through. Just at her feet, a piece of board was semi-buried in some old hay.

The men's attention was on the deal being made, and when she was sure that no one was watching her, she bent down and picked up the makeshift weapon and held it behind her back.

Pelion turned back to hand her over to the slave trader. She smiled sweetly at him and with a mighty swing, the Princess slammed Pelion across the face with the old board, forcing him to stumble backwards and clutch his face, wailing in agony. "Men!" he cried, as best he could, pointing at the princess.

Aelia whipped what remained of the decrepit wood at the horde of goons advancing upon her. It connected with one's forehead, hitting with a dull thud, before ricocheting off and clipping another in the face. She had about five seconds of headway and managed to squeeze herself through the small gap. Just as she was about through, she felt a grimy hand grip her ankle. A hideous face could barely be seen through the slats, and Aelia rammed her foot painfully against the brute's nose. A loud crunching sound could be heard, accompanied with shrill screaming.

She ran as quickly as she could back to the waiting horse, and quickly mounted it with ease. She dared to look at the barn entrance and kicked the horse roughly with her foot when she saw the slave trader emerge, waving a sword with a menacingly curved blade.

The horse broke into a gallop and she never looked back.

*

"Now what?"

"Well, now we go over to the castle in Aulis. Hopefully the King will speak to us," replied Xena. "The good news is, Aulis isn't far from here. We can be there within a few hours."

And so they began on the road to Aulis. Soon enough, the dirt road turned into a rubbly forest path, and of course Gabrielle was relishing every moment of the journey through beneath this canopy of trees that could hold any number of surprises.

"Surprises?" asked the Warrior Princess dubiously. "The only surprises I can think of are of warty men, jumping out from behind the trees to take your pack. So stick by me Gabrielle, don't skip ahead like that."

"But Xe-ena! Just imagine! The birds are chirping. The flowers are swaying in the gentle breeze and the squirrels are skittering up and down the trees. Oh, that's lovely, I can use that," she said, repeating the phrase under her breath in an attempt to burn it to her memory.

Xena laughed. "It rhymes!"

"Rats, so it does. Oh well. But don't you see it, Xena? I've got a lot of writing to catch up with. What do you think?

The sun was up near the peak in its path, its light shining through the canopy of the lush green forest, and dancing on the pebbly path. The flowers swayed in the gentle breeze, and the small furry animals were skittering up and down the magnificent arbors that lined the walkway. The intelligent young bard and her fearsome warrior friend–"

Xena stopped her friend in mid-sentence. "The castle walls, just at the end of this trail."

Gabrielle peered ahead. "Oh yes, there they are!"

"How are we doing for denars?"

Gabrielle rummaged around in her pack, digging between old parchments, hair accessories and healing supplies. Deep within the bowels of her shoulder bag, her small hands finally brushed against the woven drawstring coin pouch. She picked it out and shook it before peering inside. "Actually, not too bad! We're still rolling in it from that little contest I won last week. I think I'm cheating, living these stories out makes them so much easier to tell with flourish, you know, so as to draw your audience in and strike when they're not expecting it! Anyways, what do you need the denars for? You hungry?"

"Lila mentioned the Queen's birthday celebration. Everyone and their dog is going to be trying to sneak in to join the party. We need to dress up like nobles, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle squealed with excitement. "Yahoo! This is going to be great!" She grabbed Xena by the hand and led her west. "Good thing I used to come here when I was younger. The shopping's great! If I remember correctly the bazaar is this way…"

Xena permitted Gabrielle to suggest a few outfits for her, out of guilt for being so harsh with her the day before. Xena stepped out cautiously from behind the curtain, to eye herself critically in front of a mirror. She was wearing an elegant navy blue velvet bodice, and below it a lighter, flowing blue skirt. Around her neck were a string of blue sparkling beads. Her hair was piled atop her head in a series of elegant twists and braids.

"Gabrielle, are you nearly out?"

"I am," said the bard, as she peeped from behind the curtain. She stepped out wearing a form fitting, low-cut purple silk dress. Her hair had been tied back with a long pin. Around each little wrist sat a sparkling silver bracelet. She grinned when she saw her friend, "Wow, you look more like a Princess than a Warrior."

"Well, that's the idea," Xena replied, shifting uncomfortably, feeling naked without her breastplate.

Once Argo was holed up in a nice looking stable, her saddlebags stuffed with bardic attire and battle leather, Xena and Gabrielle set off to the castle gates.

"Where're you two headed?" asked one of the castle guards.

With great care and eloquence, Gabrielle curtsied deeply and said, "My friend… Prunella, and I, are here for the royal festivities."

Xena shot a glare at the bard. Prunella? She merely smiled sweetly and curtsied to the guard as well, playing along with the charade until they could get in to see the King. Keeping her laughter under wraps, she addressed the guard. "Herpea has crafted a birthday gift for our most gracious Queen."

"Well in that case," said the guard, "you may enter."

The two ladies proceeded on their course, through the entrance. "That was easier than expected. But Xena… Herpea??"

The Warrior Princess snickered softly. "You started the war when you called me Prunella, I just finished it."

Gabrielle opened her mouth to retort when she saw the vine-wrapped arch leading into a courtyard where men and women of noble blood were dancing, drinking and feasting. The colours were amazing. The ladies were wearing the most exquisite gowns that Gabrielle had ever seen; each of them looked like a princess. She eyed 'Prunella' up and down and said, "We don't exactly uh, fit the standards of good dress here."

"I was just thinking that myself. Anyways, we're in, so it doesn't matter if we get a few disapproving eyes. All we've got to do is manage somehow to get up to the royals and tell them what Aphrodite did and that she's overturned the spell. Those are them there," she said, nodding towards the far end of the courtyard, behind an elegant spouting fountain. The King, Queen, and that must be the Princess," Xena observed, squinting at the distant figures.

"Looks like a line-up to speak with them."

"More likely to bestow gifts upon the Queen."

"Guess we'd better line up then."

After waiting and bickering for a candle-mark or so, 'Herpea' and 'Prunella' finally reached the throne. The both of them lowered themselves in a humble, yet graceful curtsey before the Royals of Aulis.

"We have with us a better gift than anybody else," said Gabrielle.

The Queen arched an eyebrow and sat back in her throne rigidly. "That's what everyone seems to think. But go ahead, what have you brought me for my birthday?"

"Your Majesty," began Xena, speaking before Gabrielle had the chance. "My name is Xena, and this is my friend Gabrielle. We have spoken with Aphrodite. She put your daughter under a spell, as revenge against Prince Leander. That is why she denied his hand."

The Queen furrowed her brow and looked up at her husband.

Gabrielle turned to the young princess. "You'll marry Prince Leander now, won't you? Aphrodite has removed the spell. You can thank me for that," she said with a wink.

The King beckoned the two to follow him. "Guards, accompany me as well." The crowd hushed, and then began to talk quietly amongst themselves as the King left the platform, followed by a pair of guards and what appeared to be two imposters.

In the seclusion of a dark room in the castle, King Seleas ordered the guards to search Xena and Gabrielle. When they were found to be carrying no weapons, the King apologized. "I'm sorry, but there's a war on. I have to take every precaution. I have to see assassins behind every corner." Xena and Gabrielle nodded their understanding. "That girl out there," he said, addressing Gabrielle, "is not my daughter. My daughter ran away yesterday afternoon. The common folk don't know that. I have guards out combing the city, but rumour has it she's holed up with the scummiest gang leader this side of the Aegean. His name is Pelion. We've been searching for his hideout for months without success. So, tell me about these developments with the goddess Aphrodite."

"Well, my suspicions first arose when it seemed as if everybody was fighting, arguing, killing each other," Xena began. "Everybody was looking for an excuse to bicker or spill blood, myself included. When we heard of what happened between Princess Aelia and Prince Leander, and the war it started, my friend and I decided to pay a visit to the goddess in the hopes that she'd appear to us and listen to us."

"She did," said Gabrielle, continuing the story. "It turns out that Prince Leander had lost her favour when he refused to go for a walk with her, or something. He was so true to his love that he refused Aphrodite's advances. So she punished him by making Princess Aelia fall for the worst possible man.

"Anyways," she continued, "this got her into major doo-doo with Zeus, so he took away her powers until she promised to make things right, which is what caused all the fighting everywhere. I convinced her to," she said, tapping her chest proudly.

"So now," said Xena, "wherever Princess Aelia is, she's in her right mind now."

*

Aelia pushed the horse to its limits, as she knew she was close to her home and the sooner she was behind the castle walls, the sooner she was safe from Pelion, and the sooner she'd see Leander again. Her stinging cheeks flushed and her eyes watered from the cold wind as she cut through it, anxious to reach her dwelling in Aulis.

The ride had taken only a few hours to complete, including rest stops to water the horse. Her heart was still pounding when she came up to the castle gates. Suddenly aware of her clothing, or lack thereof, she folded her arms across her partially exposed chest when the castle guard asked for her purpose for entering the castle.

"I'm… the entertainment," she said, pleased at how easily the plausible lie came from her lips.

"I gotcha," said the guard, as he winked and clucked at her. "Care to be my entertainment?"

"No, not really," she said, making a mental note to have this primordial oaf flogged and sacked at her earliest convenience.

She rode through the gate and once she was out of view of the lecherous castle guard, she dismounted and held fast to the reins. She spotted an arch and peered through. Mother, Father! …And, who's that? First things first. She led the beautiful charcoal horse to the royal stable.

"Good afternoon, Princess," smiled the stable hand, bowing before her.

"Hello, Cedric. Please take my new horse, feed him and brush him well? He's had a hard ride today. I'll be back to bring him sugar soon." She liked Cedric. He was smart, he didn't comment on her dress, though the fact that his eyes remained locked no lower than her neck confirmed that he had noticed her rather minimal attire.

She took her leave and ran straight into the festivities, ignoring the dirty looks as she charged to the front of the line. Her mother's eyes widened as she looked directly at her. Without wanting to give away the charade, she said quietly, "go to the trophy room."

Aelia smiled at the remaining guard, and he returned her smile upon recognizing her. The guards and workers who worked within the castle itself were well known by Aelia and often called by name.

She soon enough burst into the trophy room, to the astonishment of King Seleas. "Daughter?" he asked, looking disbelievingly at his little girl. He ran up to her and embraced her tightly, fighting tears of joy. He pulled back and looked at her. "What… what is this that you are wearing?" He removed his royal robes and gave them to her to wrap around. The tiny girl disappeared in the piles of velvet.

"Well, it's a long story. We need to work together to put this scumbag out of business," she said. "He was going to sell me to a slave trader, to be taken to Egypt. I was pretty lucky that I came to my senses when I did; it was just in time to thwart their attempts and get away. The good news is, daddy, I know where Pelion's hideout is."

"You were put under a spell," said Gabrielle, and told Aelia the rest of the tale, only slightly playing up her involvement in convincing Aphrodite.

"Well that explains a lot," said Aelia. "Where's Leander? I've got to go apologise, and explain my actions. I could really use his skill when we find Pelion." Aelia wiped her brow. "Wow, it's warm out there, especially for this time of day!"

"We'll send word for him instantly. Guard?"

"Father, I'd like to write the message myself," said the Princess. "He deserves to hear the explanation in my own words."

"Very well. It's been a long day for you, daughter. I am very glad that you are home. Perhaps for now you should get cook to make you a mug of spice tea to take to your chambers, to write your scroll and to rest." King Seleas turned to Xena and Gabrielle. "You shall be my guests of honour for the night. Have you any belongings to fetch? I'll have my guard do so. Guard?" he said to the remaining man.

Xena interrupted the king, "King Seleas, thank you very much, I have a horse in the stable just outside the bazaar. I need to see her anyways, before she becomes angry with me."

"Alright, your horse is welcome to stay in our stables. I'll see that the serving girl prepares you two our best room."

Xena and Gabrielle looked at each other and said in unison, "Thank you!"

*

The castle guard directed his horse in the direction of the Taurian castle; very much aware of the danger he was facing by being in hostile territory. To his surprise, however, the road was deserted. The castle guard knew he was going to get a nice bonus for this trip. The delicate scroll wrapped in a brown velvet ribbon was tucked carefully in his scabbard.

He finally was able to deliver his scroll to the Prince's messenger, who promised that it would be delivered only into Prince Leander's hands.

"It came this eve, from a messenger of Aulis, your highness."

"Messenger of Aulis? Thank you, page," he said, as he frantically unraveled the scroll to see what was written.

My dear Leander,

I am writing to humbly apologise for my actions, which were so hurtful to you, and now, to me. It seems that your true heart has cost you the favour of the goddess Aphrodite.

Because you were faithful to your love for me in rejecting her offer, she cast a spell upon me to fall out of love with you and in love with the most rotten man she could think of. That spell is now broken thanks to two very heroic women that I have been fortunate enough to meet for the very first time today.

There is much more for me to explain to you, and I desperately need your help. Please hurry.

Aelia

That instant, the Prince threw on his cloak and disappeared out the door.

*

The candle had burned down a few marks, and Xena and Gabrielle, dressed in their usual, more comfortable attire, were visiting with the Princess to hear her tale.

"It makes me sick. I kissed that man, I let him touch me," she said, as a violent shudder ripped down her like lightning.

"You didn't–" asked Xena, arching her eyebrow.

"No, No! By the gods, no!" Princess Aelia laughed at the proposition. "But anyways, Pelion's selling slave girls to Alexandria. I can't have been the only one, you know? Girls have gone missing here in Aulis."

Xena and Gabrielle nodded.

"I remember where Pelion's hideout is. Now, he's not all that smart so I don't think it beneath him that he would show up there again. And even if he's not there, well, we can have part of his gang arrested, anyways. I've heard of your 'many skills', Xena, and I really appreciate your help with this. Leander's quite good with a sword and Cedric has shown me a thing a two about knife fighting. I'm not the best but I can defend myself, plus I've been known to win a battle or two."

"That's definitely a good thing since we need you to show us where the hideout is," said Xena. "Do you remember how many men were there?"

"Oh, nine or ten I think, but it could be as many as 12."

Xena mulled it over. "Nine or ten we can do. Twelve we can do too, it just might be a bit more tricky."

A handsome face peered through the crack in the door, his knuckles knocked quietly against it. Aelia's eyes lit up when she saw the Prince. "Leander!"

He pushed the door the rest of the way open and ran towards her, picked her up and kissed her, twirling her around.

Xena and Gabrielle smiled at each other and ducked out of the room.

*

The next morning, Xena woke at dawn and threw open the shutters. The little bard, looking lost between the luxurious bedclothes, groaned as the sunlight hit her. She pulled the heavy crimson blanket over her head.

Xena sauntered over to the bedside and pondered for a moment. Do I grab her ankles and pull her out, or do I rip the blankets off her? She decided to be a little merciful, as the young girl had been as much a help almost as much as a nuisance yesterday. Xena yanked the blankets off the girl, causing her to utter in surprise. Gabrielle immediately curled into the fetal position as her skin began to prickle.

"Xena, it's cold!"

"It's also time to get up. We've got a big day today."

"Fine, fine," she said, as she stood up and stretched lazily. Soon enough, her brown and blue tunic was over her head and her skirt was on, and she was as excited about the day as she was every other morning that Xena had to drag her from the comfortable clutches of her bedroll.

"This is great," Gabrielle said, looking out the castle window over the bazaar. "I can see everything! The clothing stands, the fish markets…"

By the time the two of them managed to get downstairs, Prince Leander and Princess Aelia were already half finished their breakfast of herb bread and goat's cheese. They decided to eat theirs on the road, and Gabrielle shoved two small loaves and a hunk of the odiferous cheese in her pack.

"Are we ready?" asked Prince Leander, slipping an arm around his beloved's waist.

"I think so," said Xena.

And so the foursome set out on the road to take down the most vicious gang in that area for years, and in doing so, bring the Kingdoms of Aulis and Tauria back together.

"The directions are quite complicated, but I remember every cranny I snuck into that day," said the princess.

They quickly fell silent as Aelia led them between market stalls, under curtains, behind dirty buildings and through narrow alleys. She paused briefly before an especially decrepit building, and discreetly peeked behind the narrow curtain that hung in its old doorway. "This is it."

Aelia held the curtain up as the remaining three passed beneath it, into what appeared to be an old, abandoned warehouse. Each of them was hit full in the face with the filthy stink. "Oh, gods," said Gabrielle, clutching at her mouth.

"You get used to it, fortunately," said Aelia, wiping her hand on her hip in an attempt to rid it of the grime set into the curtain. She pushed a stack of barrels with surprising ease, revealing a hole in the warehouse floor. "It's down here."

Xena assumed the lead and began to lower herself down the rusty metal ladder, feeling slightly ill at ease with climbing blindly into the dark with both hands occupied and her back turned to whatever danger could be waiting for her. Once her feet found the wet ground, she knocked on the ladder, notifying the others that she was down safely.

They followed her lead and were soon standing next to the Warrior Princess. The smell at the top of the ladder was far exceeded by the putrid stench and squelchy underfoot of this dripping underground corridor. "Oh great," said Gabrielle quietly. "Just as I was getting used to it!"

"It's just at the end of this corridor," Aelia whispered. "Through that heavy wooden door."

By the time they approached the door, a sense of trepidation had settled over them like a small rain cloud. "How are we supposed to get in?" Leander whispered to Xena.

"You'll see," she said, and knocked on the small hatch in the door. The group instinctively wielded their weapons.

The hatch opened and a pair of beady eyes stared out at them. "Password?"

Xena hooked the man behind the door by his nostrils with two fingers and lifted his neck into plain view, before thrusting the fingers of her other hand sharply against his neck, effectively shutting off the flow of blood to his brain. "This is my password," she said coldly, "If you don't open the door in thirty seconds, you're going to die."

The man was gasping for air like a fish out of water. He opened the door as best he could, considering Xena's fingers were still holding his nostrils. Once it was ajar, Xena released him from her pinch, kicked the door the rest of the way open and entered into the hideout.

Gabrielle quickly scanned the room for all possible assailants. There were a dozen or so men seated at a large rectangular table. She spotted a small group of girls struggling against their binds in a dark corner, at the far end of the room. She tapped Aelia on the shoulder and pointed towards the harem. Aelia nodded and started in their direction, Leander following close behind.

Their presence was instantly noticed. The portly man who sat at the head of the table shooed the young, attractive slave girl from his lap and ordered his posse of low-life criminals to charge.

Gabrielle immediately brought up her staff in preparation for the strike.

Four of the scummy fugitives spearheaded the attack, rushing the intruders, with the other eight not far behind. The slave girls began to scream as they heard the all too familiar clang of metal against metal.

Xena swung the flat of her blade back and forth, each swing connecting solidly with an advancing rogue, sending them sprawling in a different direction on the floor. The remaining criminals surrounded Xena and Gabrielle, pushing them back to back, holding their weapons menacingly. Xena emitted a low growl as a thug came towards her. She lifted a strong, muscular leg and thrust it against his chest, winding him and sending him stumbling back. He crashed into three other cronies, collapsing them all on the ground in a tangle of arms and legs.

Gabrielle, in the meantime, was focused on a young, brown haired man. She narrowly escaped a few slashes of his sword, and when she saw an opening, jabbed tentatively at his chest with the end of her weapon. The ruffian caught on to Gabrielle's staff. She tried to tug it out of his grasp, but couldn't manage against his brute strength. He smiled a broken toothy grin at her attempts.

She cocked her head and smirked at the malodorous gang-member before giving her weapon one last tug, as hard as she could. She then spontaneously changed her direction, thrusting the end of her weapon violently into his privates. She smiled a sweet smile at him, as his voice struggled to find itself and his legs collapsed beneath him. He clutched at his painfully throbbing bits before curling up in the fetal position and whimpering pathetically.

Princess Aelia was busy cutting through the tight ropes that held the slaves captive. Working fervently, she didn't notice the cretin that had recovered from one of Xena's blows stand up shakily and begin towards her.

"Behind you!" cried a redheaded captive.

Aelia spun around just in time to turn the haft of her knife in her hand upward, and use the flat against her forearms to block an overhead attack from the gangster. He slashed viciously at her several times, and she managed to block his attempts with the blade of her knife, but the force of his blows backed her into the wall. The rough-looking man raised his sword for the final strike, when his eyes widened and his jaw dropped, as the point of a sword broke through his belly.

His bulky form fell away, revealing Leander. He removed his bloodied weapon from the lifeless form of the fallen man on the ground.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah- yeah. I am… Woah!" Aelia shoved Leander to the ground and ducked as another thug came upon them, and swung his weapon at their necks. Without hesitation, Aelia took her opening and plunged the knife into his gut. She pushed the body off with her boot.

"Are you alright?" she asked, an impish grin spreading across her cheeks.

Prince Leander nodded emphatically. "I've got your back. Get those girls out of their ropes."

Aelia returned her attention to the screaming girls, as Leander kept any attackers at bay.

Xena faced a scruffy looking brigand, who was expertly twirling a sword in his right hand. Suddenly, he lunged forward, stabbing at her stomach. Xena nimbly stepped to her right, easily avoiding the attack. She lashed her right leg against her assailant's weapon hand, ripping his weapon from his grip and sending it clattering to the ground. She quickly spun on her toes and delivered a roundhouse kick to the thug's face.

As he stumbled back, Xena quickly ran up to him and with a high-pitched battle cry, leapt high into the air. She delivered a series of quick front kicks to the man's chest, looking like she was walking on air. The dark-haired warrior used the last of the kicks to propel herself into a backwards somersault. As she flipped in the air, she thrust the heel of her boot into the man's face, knocking him out cold. She unsheathed her sword and faced the next pair of attackers.

Gabrielle was dealing with her own pair of troublemakers. The first rushed at her, roaring as he came closer. The back of Gabrielle's neck was beginning to prickle as she felt the second come at her from the opposite direction. She brought her staff roughly against the back of his knees, with surprising force, sending him sprawling to the ground. She spun around quickly, holding her weapon horizontally, and thrust the butt down on the bridge of the grizzled man's foot. There was a sickening crack, and he howled in pain and clumsily hopped backwards, before stumbling and falling to the ground.

She again turned to the first attacker who had since recovered. He chopped down on the blonde bard with his sword then followed it up with a side-strike aimed at Gabrielle's midsection. Gabrielle parried both attacks, confidently turning her staff in her hands. She moved the end of her weapon in a quick circle around the man's sword, unbalancing him for a moment. Gabrielle used the opportunity to pivot quickly at her waist, delivering a flurry of strikes to the bully's upper body. The final blow connected solidly with her opponent's back, and he dropped to one knee. She swung her staff over her head and brought it down with a quick snapping motion of her wrists. The staff smashed violently against the thug's helmet with a loud ~bong~ and he collapsed in a heap.

Xena squared off against six ruffians that had managed to surround the veteran warrior. She grinned devilishly, despite being outnumbered and cut off from any obvious escape. They closed in for the kill and with a collective roar, the posse of misfits stabbed at Xena. With her trademark cry, she leapt high into the air as the points of the swords passed beneath her.

She landed on the intersecting weapons, disarming a few and occupying the others. Once her feet touched upon the ground, she grabbed a small, weaponless warrior by the wrists. With a mighty heave, she lifted him off the ground and swung him in a circular motion, his boots slamming viciously against each criminal's temple. The force of the blows knocked each comrade into the next, their heads connecting with the sound of hollow coconuts. Soon enough, the last of the bandits were lying unconscious on the floor.

Xena dusted her hands off on her leather battledress, and surveyed the carnage. A dozen or so men were laying either unconscious or dead on the floor.

Gabrielle, Leander and Aelia were quickly at her side, aghast at all the destruction. "Which one's Pelion?" asked Leander.

Aelia furrowed her brow as she scanned the bloated faces of the gangsters. "None of these," she said. Just then, a hint of movement beneath a table caught her eye.

The four of them walked menacingly up to the table. Leander kicked it over roughly, revealing the cowering, quivering bulk of the gang leader. Aelia snickered softly at the large purple swelling on the left side of his face. Pelion scrambled to his knees, shaking with fear. "Please, please, don't kill me," he cried tearfully, his arms crossed over his face defensively.

"For all the things you did and were going to do to me and to the rest of these girls, you deserve to die," said Aelia.

"Oh, gods, oh gods!" Pelion blubbered, burying his face in the floor and sobbing uncontrollably.

"But," she continued, "it's not for me or anyone to decide, but the magistrate."

EPILOGUE

Xena and Gabrielle stood and applauded as Prince Leander and Princess Aelia bowed to their friends and family, and walked down the aisle and out of the room, to the tune of a harp. As the cheering died down, Gabrielle whispered to Xena, "You know, you're the only one here wearing leathers."

Xena shrugged casually. "I don't feel comfortable without them on, Gabrielle." She poked her friend in the ribs. "Don't they look happy?"

Gabrielle nodded emphatically. She turned her wrists as she passively eyed the sparkling bracelets and tugged on the fabric of her purple silk dress, which was a little tight on her hips. "Do you think we'll ever find happiness like that?"

"Maybe someday."

"When I get married, I want it to be in a huge! In a big garden with flowers and fireflies everywhere. At night, of course. With sunfruit wine and hundreds of candles! Bards reciting their love poetry and musicians playing their instruments and… and…" she sighed wistfully.

Xena arched an eyebrow and chuckled at her friend. "I'd just skip the ceremony and go straight for the honeymoon."

"Oh but Xena! What about the romance!"

"There's plenty of romance on a honeymoon, among other things." Xena coughed discreetly.

"Huh? Like what?"

Aphrodite leaned across Gabrielle and whispered to Xena, "Holy cow, is she for real?"