8th December 1943
The PAN. Am. flight from New York was three hours late arriving in Chicago and I am not pleased. As I wait in line for customs I flick through my passport.
'Mrs Elizabeth Castelli, Born December 8Th 1920.'
I have been visiting Mama Castelli in New York doing some pre-Christmas shopping and spending time with a woman who has become like a mother to me.
I am late for a light brunch with my husband at our hotel. Walking though the airport the *click click* of my heels count down the moments until I am with Antonio.
The tall panes of glass reflect me in a long, pencil skirt; kitten heels; a tight, fitted jacket; nylon stockings; carrying a vanity case and with a porter wheeling the suitcases to the limo outside. I have blonde hair; green eyes with a silver fleck and a small nose which is framed in a rounded face.
I was greeted by my driver Jimmy, a young boy with a black, greasy mop of hair which seemed never to be tamed.
I walk into Hotel Indiana where Antonio, my husband, greets me from behind the palm tree in the hotel lobby. I bend down to kiss him on each cheek and then settle on his lips. I wheel him into the dining room where we sit down to have a light brunch with a glass of champagne to celebrate my birthday. Glenn Miller's 'Moonlight Serenade' plays in the background, Antonio's blue glistening eyes watch me expectantly as I open my gift.
"It's a charm bracelet with the first charm on the first birthday we have spent together as man and wife." He says.
I look down and see a miniature Eiffel Tower resting on my pulse.
8Th December 1953
I raise my tear glistened eyes from the charm bracelet which now has 10 charms to Antonio's crinkled smiling eyes and a face that has aged since my first birthday together.
Baby Toni is now three and is sitting quite contently on his father's knee, his eyes crystal blue, a mimic of Antonio's, reflect the sparkling chandelier overhead.
The hotel is booming tonight, Bill Medley and Bobby Hatfield as The Righteous Brothers are due to perform and the atmosphere is electric. I get up to dance with Toni one last time before he goes to bed as 'Unchained Melody' drifts across like the ebb and flow of an incoming tide.
'Oh, my love, my darling,
I hungered for your touch,
A long, lonely time…...'
8Th December 1968
As I wake up become aware of the male, static voice announcing further losses of U.S troops in Vietnam. My heart reaches for my son gone now, to fight for his country.
I rise to the living room where my husband awaits.
"Happy birthday my love" he wishes as he hands me another trinket box, a carriage, a charm to add to the now weighty bracelet.
"I've planned to take you for a horse drawn carriage across central park and then dinner, my treat."
The day starts out exquisite. The carriage ride through central park is a perfect present. The sun is shining and the birds are in full song, seeming to celebrate my birthday with me. There are young families enjoying a picnic on the green, laughing about days gone past.
As I know we are going out for a meal, every time we rode up near a lovely restaurant we carried on. I'm starting to wonder where we are actually going. Antonio has been grinning from ear to ear since we left, are we really going for a meal out? I check myself once that thought passed. We are slowing down to a hotel. A hotel? The doormen aide us off the carriage where we are greeted.
"Welcome to the Ritz ma'am."
It is truly picturesque, the bar is made from a deep marble worktop; the ceilings are something to be remembered with the large chandelier and painted coving.
As we go to sit down The Platter's 'Only You' began. I promise to myself to remember this as long as I live.
'Only you can make this world seem right,
Only you can make the darkness bright,
Only you and you alone…..'
The carriage ride back is quiet; we are both in deep thought. As soon as we got home we mutually decided to turn the wireless on.
"Next up, 'Sitting on the dock of the bay' by Otis Redding."
'Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away….'
The song is interrupted by a ring of the doorbell.
"Mrs E Castelli?" I give him a nod of approval. "I have a telegram for you."
Thinking it is a letter from my son I grab it a little too fast, startling the messenger. Thanking him I climb back up the stairs to read it.
'It is my regret to inform you that your son, T Castelli is missing in action…'
I never finish reading the telegram. I collapse into the darkness, I remember my husband demanding to know what has happened and then his sobs of denial when he reads it. That telegram has left behind a canyon of emptiness, despair and grief. And still the wireless carries on….
'I'm just sitting on the dock of the bay,
Wasting time…..'
I black out again.
'Cause I've had nothin' to live for
And look like nothin's gonna come my way….'
8Th December 1971
Our son has been gone for three years now. I refuse to accept he is truly gone. I play that evening through my head every moment of every day but tonight I've decided to brighten up, put the past away and enjoy myself. Just this once. I am now 51. We sold the hotel and have now moved in permanently to Mama Castelli's old place since we have nobody to take over the hotel once we have gone. So, the destination for this evening….
We arrive at the cinema promptly at 6pm, I am excited. The cinemovie 'diamonds are forever' seems to fit perfectly into our lives. The film was said to have Sean Connery, we are both looking forward to the release from reality.
The lights start to dim as the music rises to the sound of Shirley Bassey with 'Diamonds are forever' and the opening credits began.
The Squeeze of Antonio's hand in mine draws me out of the end credits; we wait for the cinema to empty before I wheel him out of the Auditorium to our waiting limo, where Jimmy, our ever trusted driver takes instructions to drive to the harbour. The lights flicker across the black sea where a boat awaits us. Once we lower Antonio in I am aided down to the table which was set for two. I had seen many evenings like this but they all mean just as much as the last. Our server for the night fills our glasses with champagne and I wait for Antonio to talk again.
"Happy 51st my love, one more to add to your collection."
As he said that a small box was passed across the table. I have come to love whatever happens to be inside them. As I open it my gasp was audible to even our server who smiles in my direction. On my palm lays a small gold heart with three single diamonds. The back was engraved:
'Antonio, Elizabeth and Toni, together forever."
Antonio's eyes, still as blue as the day we first met, wait expectantly for me to talk. The pregnant pause in speech is filled with unspoken emotion which has been kept under lock and key for three years asks to be released. The only thing I could think of was 'Thank you' however, we both know it was filled with many words ranging from 'I'm sorry' to 'I love you'. As the day drew to a close I finally realise that I needed that evening out, it fixed many things which came unbound over the last three years and has left me feeling refreshed.
8th December 1980
Monday 8th, it is an unusually warm December Day. Antonio and I have spent the Day at the Pacific Central Convention Centre, as we are ambassadors for the American Orphaned Children Society (AOCS). The auction was an astounding success; the foundation has helped us overcome the overwhelming grief the death of our son left behind. This evening Antonio and I are going to the Dakota Hotel in New York for some late night drinks with friends from the foundation to celebrate my 60th birthday and the success of the Auction.
By the time we reach the hotel it is about 10:50PM. Antonio had already decided we stay the night since our driver, Jimmy retired. Alfie, one of our friends helps me to drag Antonio and his wheelchair up the five steps to the Dakota's entrance when we hear five gunshots. Panicking for the fear of more gunshots we hurry inside.
A tall Caucasian man stumbles through the doors behind us calling.
"I'm shot"
Where he then collapses at our feet, screams for help echo across the hotel lobby and outside.
"Oh my God, John Lennon's been shot"
I turn to Antonio and staring back at me are two unseeing eyes and blood welling from his chest. I screamed. The paramedics arrive swiftly taking Antonio and I to the Roosevelt Hospital, where he is then rushed into surgery leaving me staring out into the night skyline of New York.
The hours passed with infinite slowness, I am standing over Antonio's lifeless body holding his possessions close to my heart saying my final farewell. Holding in my hand is a star, my last charm which was found amongst his possessions alongside a scroll which stated that I had a star named Elizabeth, and it is just as bright and beautiful as I am.
At the chapel of rest softly playing in the background was 'Imagine' by John Lennon. I let the waves of music drown me in my sorrow.
'You my say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one…..'
8Th December 1995
Many lonely years have passed since Antonio's death and yet it still seems like yesterday. I have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and because of this they have moved me into a care home as I have good and bad days, today it is a good day. I have been told to recite things often in a hope that I can retain my memory as long as possible. Today is the anniversary of my Son and my husband's Death and my birthday. I am 75 years old and I live in downtown New York and my room overlooks the black sea of the harbour.
Natalie, my personal nurse, walks in as I was starting to look through my photos.
"Morning Elizabeth, how are you feeling today?"
I told her that today will be a good one, that I shall enjoy it since it is my birthday.
"What photos are we looking through here Elizabeth?" Natalie asked.
"These are from my wedding to Antonio."
We spent the next forty-five minutes looking though my photo albums, telling her who they were and what happened.
Looking through them all made me realise how much I miss Antonio and Toni. This is the start of my final journey.
Natalie put on the CD player for me; the first song was The Three Degrees, 'when will I see you again'.
'When will I see you again?
When will we share precious moments?
Will I have to wait forever?
Or will I have to suffer and cry the whole night through….?'
8th December 2000
The lights are flickering like candles on a breeze. My memories are fading like an old cinemovie, yet my wrist is heavy, my charm bracelet is complete. I see blue crystal eyes but I don't know who he is. My grandmother is looking at me through my mirror. A young hand rests on my shoulder. A smooth crystal voice from behind me calls.
"Elizabeth, happy 80th birthday, we are playing Glenn Miller's 'Moonlight Serenade' for you."
I raise my eyes to her slowly. She is wearing a pale, blue tunic with a badge on her lapel, Nurse Natalie it reads. Why is she calling me Elizabeth? I release a gentle sigh, and allow my eyes to close.