July 2010

Vacation in upstate New York had been more fun than Santana expected. Her step-dad's family were much more pleasant than he was, and their seemingly endless supply of fresh New York Italian pastries kept her smiling. She liked that no one here assumed Rocco was her dad. Sure he had that tan skin and dark hair like Santana, but the thought of sharing his DNA made her want to hurl. She didn't have to explain that her little sister was actually her half-sister, and that she really had no relation to Rocco at all, but somehow the family managed to still make her feel welcome. It was a relief to be around people who didn't expect answers from her.

She sat staring at her computer screen during some down time. Mom, Rocco, and the little one were somewhere; she didn't care where.

Tess is 'online.'

The notification got Santana's attention. She had barely talked to her best friend all summer and they finally found some time to chat.

Santana went to type "Hey" but before she hit send, she added an exclamation mark. Simple change, but it made all the difference. For all Tess knew, Santana was jumping for joy at the chance to talk with her. In reality, Santana was oddly indifferent.

They exchanged pleasantries and caught each other up on life. Tess had spent a month in her hometown, where her boyfriend happened to live, so the conversation ended up being full of Joe and I had sex here and there and everywhere while our parents were gone! Isn't that hilarious?

Santana finally realized why she was okay with spending a whole summer away from her best friend. Everyone always told her she should find a new crowd, and that Tess was a self-centered bitch — their words, not hers — but Santana insisted that she could see the best in Tess. She was rough around the edges, but nobody knew her like Santana did. They didn't know what she'd been through.

Santana finally got a chance to tell Tess all about the cute family friend from Italy staying with them. His name was Fabrizio and he was absolutely gorgeous. He spoke perfect English, but had just enough of an accent to sound like an angel. Santana told Tess how they made out a few nights back in the backyard, hidden by trees while the family played Pictionary.

Tess: That's it?

Santana: Is what it?

Tess: You just made out?

Tess: I thought it was going to be a juicy story.

Tess: Whatever. I guess that's fun too…

Santana panicked. She was 16 and was still a virgin. She remembered talking to Tess the day she lost her virginity over a year ago. She remembered Tess talking to other, more experienced girls right in front of her about sex like it was some secret language she couldn't understand. It was lots of, "Isn't it weird when they…" and "Oh my god, I almost sprained my ankle when he…" and then they would look at her like she was a first grader with precious virgin ears that needed to be preserved. She couldn't take it anymore.

Santana: Well, I also slept with him.

Tess: YOU WHAT?

What did she just do? She couldn't believe that she really hit send. It took all of seven seconds to tell the biggest lie she had ever told and Tess was actually taking it seriously.

Tess: Tell me everything!

Tell her everything? Santana quickly thought back to every time she heard Tess talking about sex with Joe and any innuendo from Friends or That 70's Show that she could possibly remember, and she ran with it. She told this grand story that left off from the making-out-behind-a-tree scene, in which Fabrizio swept her off her feet and in a moment of romance and passion they decided to go for it. She seemed to do a good job of it because Tess was practically swooning over iChat at all the details.

They wrapped up the conversation and told each other to say hi to their families for them. Santana knew she wouldn't pass along the message, but promised she would anyway. Santana's mom was never fond of Tess and they often got into heavy arguments over the girl. Santana knew a simple, "Tess says hi," would lead to "Why are you spending vacation time with your family talking to that freeloader who does nothing but fuck her boyfriend and act like a bitch?" Santana's mom wasn't usually one to swear or say such things about teenaged girls, but something about Tess always threw her over the edge.

Santana closed her computer and fell back onto the bed, completely exhausted.

"What did I just do?"

September 2010

Junior year was going great. She would spend lunch in the debate room with her friends and a few minutes after school with Tess, causing as much trouble as those ten minutes allowed. Her mom made a point that she wasn't allowed at Tess's house anymore and insisted on picking her up as soon as possible, minimizing their time together significantly.

Santana got into her mom's car one day, completely exhausted. They drove in silence while Santana tried to ease her headache from the day.

Finally, her mother spoke. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just have a headache."

"Okay. Do you need an asprin? I think I have some in the back—"

"No mom, I'm fine. Thank you though. I just want to rest for a minute."

Santana got a few seconds of peace before her mom spoke again.

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"Yes Mom, I'm fine," she bit back.

"Don't use that tone with me. Do not use that tone young lady. I do too much for you to deserve that backtalk."

"I wasn't talking back to you, mom. I just have a headache and want some quiet."

"And I would like to pick my daughter up and not have to deal with this attitude. I swear it's Tess. Ever since you started hanging out with her you've started turning into her."

That was it. Santana could put up with a lot of things, but not people demeaning the people she cared about. Her mom didn't know the first thing about Tess because Santana kept her word that she wouldn't tell a soul about her secrets, and it made conversations like this particularly hard to handle.

Santana clenched her jaw and gripped the seatbelt across her chest that she had already been holding onto. She knew if she just apologized and ignored the headache, her mother would stop.

She opened her eyes and looked at her mother. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just have a lot of homework tonight and I got stressed. It won't happen again."

"It's okay sweetie. Is there anything I can do to help you relax? Maybe I'll make you some tea when we get home?"

Santana smiled to herself. She knew her mom was sweet at heart. She could be snappy and feisty when pushed a little too far, but underneath it all she was really one of the kindest people Santana knew.