When the nurse brought Bella her baby, she looked at the poor child.
It was a tiny baby. With Jacob's head. Poor Renesme. She was the ugliest thing mankind had laid eyes on, other than the dog lady.
"Bella, explain that." said Edward. "That's not my kid."
"Yes it is!"
"You cheated on me." Edward left into some sort of portal.
"Screw you, Edward!" shouted Bella. Jacob miraculously appeared in the doorway.
"How'd you get here?" she asked.
"Edward invited me to. And your kid looks like me."
"Shut up." Bella remarked.
"He's not my kid. I'd never want to be with you."
Bella was somewhat heartbroken. She left the ugly Renesme at the hospital, where Meta Knight later picked her up to train her as a star warrior. She could be in the next installment of Super Smash Bros.
The next day, she went to Italy to consult the Volturi.
"Aro," she said, solemnly. "I want you to kill me."
"Why?"
"I'm a stereotypical emo girl in a overadvertised movie without a boyfriend."
"The-a movie is overadvertised," Aro agreed. "But-a people should pay attention to Mama Luigi!"
Bella stared at him blankly. When she visited him in "New Moon", he never had a Luigi/Mario-ish accent.
"Make-a sure you eat lotsa spaghetti!" said Jane, with a mouthful of lotsa spaghetti, staining her Princess Peach dress.
Alec was just sitting there, doing nothing. He was wearing Luigi's outfit. He wanted Jane's spaghetti but was too afraid to say so.
"Ahem", Aro became serious. "Tu sei nel amore, per dammi tuo vita."
Dude, the guy speaks Italian.
He held his hand out. Spaghetti came out of Bella's nose, and she died from lack of air. Alec, Jane, Aro ate it. They were inhaled by Kirby.
Jacob and Edward went with Renesme and Meta Knight. They wanted to be in the next Smash. Eventually both were killed by a giant Pikachu.
The Wonderous End.