Darkness. All around me, again… Oh please, not fucking again!
I look around in hopes to find a single fragment of light, but nothing. Not even a slight glint in the distance. I just wish I could see any source of light again… Catch a glimpse of her one last time…
It's funny really, how she became my everything… My light. It's ridiculous that even though I'm stuck in this shitty dark place, she's the only thing I can think of.
Overwhelmed by my own thoughts, I sit down placing my arms over my bended knees and allow my head to rest over them.
I wish, Rachel was here. My fallen angel… I mean, she was no saint and yet I can only picture her with light-blue feathers. Probably it's thanks to her earrings… Or maybe because on the outside she was like a calm ocean, just perfect. But on the inside, exactly like the red feather behind the blue one, she was fire, lively, furious, and beautiful like a snowfall of ashes in the middle of the spring and only I could see it.
And only I could see her…
Only she could see me…
She crashed into my life without a warning. When I needed her the most… When she most needed me! And like this fucking cyclone, she shattered my sadness into pieces, turning each shard into moments of joy I wasn't able to feel in ages.
I fucking miss her. I miss her smile, the way she would smile at me… Her fierce eyes, when she was up to no good, my devilish angel… Her concerned face, her voice, just her! I just miss her... Like a drug.
When did I became so attached? Addicted even. Honestly, though, I don't really care when, or even how. I was happy… With her…
After my dad… Died, and Max left, she was the only one that made feel me complete. That made me feel whole again. She was just irreplaceable. Priceless.
Smiling a bit, I remember all the moments we had. All our plans to leave Arcadia shithole Bay, the laughs, the sleepovers, and especially the promise we made with that badass tattoo.
A star on her wrist. And wasn't she one? She really fucking was. But unlike stars she was no lie, she was real, and she was there with me.
Only she was there for me.
Only I was there for her.
When did it go wrong…? Why did she leave me…? Why… She…
Tell me where do I go, Rachel… Please… I can't hold much longer…
Please…
'Chloe…' A voice calls me.
A familiar voice, a warm one. I lift my now watery eyes, frailly searching for the source of the voice, in hopes… In hopes it's her. Even if I'm blinding myself, deluding myself, I don't care! As long as I see my blue angel again, I don't care… I need her, so much…
I get my weak self up, looking around desperately.
'Chloe…' I hear it again.
Looking straight at where it came, a glimpse of light is shown. Mustering the last of my strength, I drag my feet in its direction, my body shaking all over nonstop.
Please be there… Please…
Rachel…
The light becomes bigger, brighter and suddenly engulfs me. I shield my eyes with my forearm, narrowing my eyes in attempts to see where the fuck I am now, and finally, when my vision comes back, I realize I am in the junkyard.
'Chloe.' I hear it again, immediately turning around to see her.
I finally fucking… I fucking see her.
'Rachel?' I manage to weakly ask. 'I can't believe I finally… I can't believe you… Where the fuck were you all this time?' I stormed at her, to what she lets out a warm laugh. 'Dude I called you like 50 times!? I… I even made pamphlets searching for you!'
'I think, now you know the answer, don't you?' She says sadly.
'I guess I do…' I place my hand over my stomach. It hurts…
Rachel guides me to my truck and sits down, pulling me slowly with her.
'Lay your head, you deserve to rest, for now. Later though, we have lots to catch up, of course.' She smiles.
'You bet your ass we fucking do.' I reassure her, slowly closing my eyes with a smile, while I lay my head on her lap… And so, I let it go.
Guess I won't make it for dinner tonight… Sorry, mom… But you don't need to worry about me anymore…
I'm finally home.
She's my home.