Author's Note: Okay, I know I'm supposed to be working on 'Maze' but I decided that if I was ever going to write a Christmas fic I'd have to start now. I actually got this idea in math class and started working on it. I might include other holidays later even though I hardly know anything about them (I hardly know anything about Christmas too but that is the one I celebrate). Well here it is, hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim so it would make and excellent Christmas present. Are you listening Jhonen!?!
***
"…and that's why Santa Clause is really a spy working for a covert Russian agency bent on reviving the Feudal System of government," concluded Ms. Bitters. Silence reigned in the classroom. No one was really paying attention; no one except for one little green kid. Coincidentally he wasn't even a kid at all but an alien sent to discover all of Earth's secrets so that it could eventually be conquered. In fact, he hadn't even been sent to Earth to do that. It was all a part of a complex plan thought up by two over sized little green men in 2 minutes tops. But this is all beside the point, if there indeed ever really is a point.
The point is that the little green kid, who wasn't really a kid at all (mind in the gutter), was listening intently to his insane teacher. Listening and thinking, the switches had all been thrown and the gears in his over sized head where beginning to grudgingly move (you could almost see the smoke coming out of his non-existant ears). And all this was going on because of one little question that had slowly been driving the little alien insane ever sense the Turkey Fest the humans had held a few weeks ago: Who was this Santa person and why were all the humans so obsessed with him?
"No one believes in Santa Clause anymore," scoffed one boy.
"Though it would be nice if it snowed," added a purple haired girl. Instinctively everyone turned to look out the window at the playground. Outside the sun was shining and it was at least 60 degrees. Now the little green alien had no idea what snow was but the humans seemed to be greatly missing it, so therefor it couldn't be anything good.
"When it snows I'm gonna start the biggest snow ball fight of the century," said a boy.
(I don't know the names of any of the kids in Zim's class)
"I'm gonna build a snowman!" squealed a girl in delight. Soon all the humans were chattering about their favorite things to do in winter. Even the Dib human admitted to enjoying snowball fights.
"Foolish children," hissed Ms. Bitters climbing out of her seat and prowling towards the students. "I built a snowman once…"
Cue classic Bitters flashback
We see a young girl happily making a snowman. She gives him a carrot noise and makes eyes and a mouth. She then pulls out a lovely scarf and wraps it around him. And then she takes out a top hat and places it on his head. Instantly the snowman comes to life and bares incredibly sharp looking teeth at the little girl whom runs away screaming towards a town. The snowman pursues her into the town. Mass amounts of screaming and explosions ensue.
End flashback
"That's why you should never carelessly dress up a snowman. They might come to life and unleash mass chaos and destruction," said Ms. Bitters bringing everyone back to reality. Silence reigned once again as everyone tried to rid themselves of the horrible images.
"Now class, take out your math books," said Ms. Bitters getting down to business. The students groaned and dug around in desks and backpacks for the said math books. Ms. Bitters turned and wrote '2+2=5' on the board. "Today we will be reviewing your addition because the administration tells me you need to work on the basics. Now can anyone…"
Suddenly someone knocked on the door. The piece of chalk Ms. Bitters was holding snapped in half as she muttered something unpleasant. "Come in," she called not at all welcomingly. The door opened and the largest, most dangerous looking boy and of them had ever saw entered. Everyone found some way to stare discreetly; this kid towered over even Torque.
"Oh yes class, please welcome the our newest hapless vic… I mean student," said Ms. Bitters. Several kids started to say hi but Ms. Bitters quickly put a stop to that.
"Silence!" she yelled. "His name is Vitch Vetipaedo and I expect you all to make his and therefor my stay here as painless as possible. Now Vitch if you have anything to say, say it now because after this anything you say can be held against you in a court of law," said Ms. Bitters not at all pleasantly. The class stared at the new boy with more interest than usual. For while a kid with green skin and no ears is nothing to be worried about a new possible jock/skool yard bully is.
"Hi, my name is Vitch and I will rule this skool yard in under an hour. If you get in my way, pester me, or just look weird I will separate your head from your body," said the new kid.
"How nice," said Ms. Bitters. "Now take your seat!" Vitch walked over to the seat behind Zim and glared at the kid sitting there. The kid got the point quick and fled the area. Ms. Bitters resumed her lesson.
Zim was brainstorming a new scheme on a piece of paper when suddenly the new kid, Vitch, kicked the back of his seat. "Hey, green boy, where's your ears?" Zim growled to himself and muttered that he had a skin condition. This immediately led to Vitch asking if it was contagious, Zim just decided to ignore him. This caused Vitch to poke Zim repeatedly in the back with a sharpened pencil until he finally yelled at him to stop.
"ZIM!" said Ms. Bitters whirling around.
"SIR!" replied Zim saluting.
"You're disrupting my mindless ranting! Go to the office now!"
"But Sir…"
"NOW!" Grumbling Zim got up from his seat and headed towards the door. This Vitch creature was obviously going to be a problem. Ms. Bitters handed him a small piece of yellow paper and Zim started his trek to the principal's office.
***
It was lunchtime before Zim was allowed to leave detention. He had been made to clean the giant chalkboard and this had required using water, as a result his hands were covered with little bumps and hurt incredibly. Zim grabbed his tray of disgusting human filth and took his customary seat.
Instead of eating he pulled out a datapad and started to research 'Santa Clause'. Just as he thought he had found some information there was a loud bang as someone slammed a tray down on the table next to him. Zim's first instinct was to ignore whatever Dib was doing, but then suddenly he realized this wasn't Dib's style at all. Zim looked up just as several more kids took seats at *his* table. Zim didn't know why he was suddenly so protective of his table, maybe it was just the whole concept of someone disrupting his research that bugged him, but he was going to give whoever was responsible a piece of his mind. Zim growled and looked around for the leader, but once he spotted the leader he changed tactics. It was Vitch of course, and sitting right next to him.
"Well, if it isn't the diseased dude," said Vitch grinning maliciously. His newly put together posse grinned as if he had somehow said something clever. Zim just fixed a glare on him. "So earless, you gonna eat your lunch?" Zim turned back to his datapad, once again deciding to try and ignore him. But that was suddenly made impossible when Vitch picked up his tray and dumped the "food" on his head. The chemicals in the sloppy mess reacted with his skin and he started to break out. Frantically Zim reached up to wipe the stuff off. But before he could do anything Vitch grabbed his hand.
"What's wrong with your hand green boy?" asked Vitch as he exhibited Zim's sore and bumpy hand to the other kids.
"It's nothing," growled Zim as he jumped up and made a run for the exit. Vitch watched him go, a malicious grin spreading his features. Still grinning Vitch turned his gaze on Dib.
***
AN: Not very festive I know but it's only a start. You know me; I have to stick action adventure in a Christmas fic. Hmmm, oddly enough to the parts I wrote in Math class is better than the ones I wrote at home. 'Vetipaedo' mixed around spells 'Videotape', it was a word jumble our Math teacher had us solve at the beginning of this class and I got 'Vetipaedo' *shrugs*, I'm not good with jumbles. Anyway, I would really appreciate suggestions on how to make it better so review for goodness sakes!