This story takes place around the early part of season 9. I feel I always find a slightly ropey way of writing out Kathy, so again I apologise for my dismissal of her, but needs must.
This was stuck in my head when I woke up the other day so I had to start writing it - I won't neglect Sanctum though, so the updates may be a little slower for this one until Sanctum is finished. This will be painful and angst driven to begin with but ultimately a bit lighter overall than my other multi chapters - and I will be venturing into fluff at times - I will not neglect the EO love :-) Shorter chapters here, so once Sanctum is finished then there should be more frequent updates!
PRELUDE
"You don't want to do this…" Olivia said, her gaze drifting between the man holding the gun, and the girl on her knees in front of him.
"I'm not letting you take me - and if I'm dying tonight, I'm taking this bitch with me!" he yelled as he jammed the gun hard against the girls head.
She was 17 - and she had suffered too much already - both detectives needed to stop this situation, and fast. The girl deserved to be filling out college applications, thinking about her future - moving on from the pain she had endured - surviving.
Olivia was aware of Elliot's presence. She didn't need to turn, she knew where he was, and that he was lining up, trying to get a clear shot.
Stepping forward slightly, Olivia placed her gun on the ground and raised her arms up.
"I've put my gun down, you can still walk out of here - let her go, and we can all walk out of here. You don't have to die - no one has to."
"HELP ME!" the girl screamed, as tears poured down her face.
Olivia kept her composure as she stepped forward again, "I wont come any closer than this, but I've done something for you, and put my gun down, now you do something for me. Drop your weapon, and let's walk away - together...please."
It happened so quickly - he stared hard into Olivia's eyes and simply pulled the trigger.
Elliot fired a split second too late - hitting the gunman, wounding him fatally. He stepped forward, his gun lowered, as he stopped in front of the two bodies. He felt numb - hollow - empty...until he caught sight of Olivia in his peripheral vision.
She had dropped to her knees, her hands on the ground, so close to the victim...so close, and she had only been able to watch her life taken from her.
He stared at her, his numbness rapidly leaving him as he became filled with pain for her.
Moving closer he stood behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders, and gently lifting her back up. Once she was standing he turned her around and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly.
She didn't cry, but she gripped his jacket tightly with her hands - he could feel the grief inside her - he shared it too, the regret….blame…..sorrow. He held her close, not wanting to let her go - as if his embrace could erase the horror she had just witnessed.
They held each other silently as the sirens in the distance grew ever closer - eventually stopping once the lights swam around them from the sea of squad cars.
Elliot turned around and walked Olivia away from the scene, stopping when they reached captain Cragen who approached them slowly - realising immediately that there was no cause to rush.
He watched them both soberly - backup had arrived too late, but it would probably have made no difference. They would both blame themselves for failing - he knew they would struggle with this and hoped they would help to pull each other back up from it.
PRECINCT THE NEXT DAY
Elliot walked into the squad room, it was much later than he would normally start work, but he was unhurried, knowing that he wasn't expected today. As he reached his desk he sat down and glanced across at Olivia's - there was no sign that she had been there so far that morning, and he leaned back in his chair as he looked across at the empty space in front of him. In truth he was concerned - he had called her three times and left two messages but she had not replied, and his thoughts kept drifting back to the night before. It bothered him - something nagged at his mind, and he couldn't let it go. Olivia had said so little since the shooting the night before, and her silence - the way she shut down, even to him, bothered him too much. Sighing, he got up and walked to Captain Cragen's office.
"Elliot...I didn't expect you in today," said Cragen as he looked up, surprised to see Elliot.
"I did say you should take some personal time, you need it after last night. If I see you here, it's because you are speaking to Huang..not to work," Cragen paused, and gestured for Elliot to sit down. Confused, Elliot closed the door but remained standing.
"What's wrong?" Elliot asked.
Cragen looked at him and gave a sigh - it was clear that Elliot had not talked to Olivia, and he wasn't at all prepared for the conversation he needed to have.
"Have you spoken to Olivia?" Cragen asked tentatively.
"No...why?" Elliot asked, concern immediately colouring his voice.
"Elliot she called me last night...she is taking extended personal leave with immediate effect..."
"How long for?" Elliot asked.
"Two months...she didn't want to give me a date to be honest Elliot - she left her gun and badge in my desk drawer - I made it clear to her that she has a place here when she is ready to come back..."
Elliot immediately tensed, "She needs to be here - she copes with this crap by keeping going, getting back to work - we support each other...aren't you concerned about her reacting like this?" he said, his anxiety rising.
"I am, but she has a right to take the personal time she has accrued - now is as good a time as any."
"She didn't return my calls last night - Cap...I need to go see her, she's shutting us all out and that's not OK..."
"Elliot, maybe she needs some space right now...but as I'm about to tell you to go home, it's down to you what you do in your own time," Cragen said, wanting to respect Olivia's right to privacy, but hoping in some ways that Elliot would do exactly what he expected him too, and check up on his partner.
OLIVIA'S APARTMENT
Elliot had been knocking for over ten minutes, and trying her cell phone, but she was not responding and he was growing more and more concerned by the minute. Eventually he had sat down outside her door, and simply waited - if she was out, she would come back eventually, so he would just wait, he had decided.
Elliot's sentry outside her door lasted only a further ten minutes before he made a decision - he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out Olivia's spare key - it was for emergencies, but he figured that she couldn't exactly be pissed at him:
If she choose to ignore him, then how the hell was he supposed to know if there was an emergency or not?
He put the key into the lock and opened the door.
Inside her apartment was just as it always was - nothing seemed out of place and after a quick glance in the bedroom, he could see that she was not home. Feeling that his actions were slightly intrusive, he turned around and went to leave before the flashing red LED on her answer phone caught his eye.
His heart thudded faster as he noticed the five messages on her answer phone - the realisation that she had not picked up her messages suddenly worried him - and his feelings of intrusion rapidly left him. Checking the messages, he grew more and more concerned - the first two were from him, shortly after they left the crime scene the night before, one from Cragen, a further one from Elliot and a final message which made him stop and frown.
Pressing the play button again, he listened to the final message:
- Miss Benson, thank you for your enquiry, I can confirm that your payment did go through. Have a nice flight.
Elliot took out his phone and tried her cell again, but this time it went straight to voice mail.
He had a growing sense of unease about this - the last time she had taken off without telling him, it had been after the mess of the Gitano case - but it took time to rebuild their relationship after that, and they were in a good place now - he couldn't believe that she would just leave without telling him again...
He paced her living room and glanced at her computer - she didn't tell him where she was going, or even that she was leaving at all - but she wouldn't do that to him - he was sure she realised how much she meant to him now - and what it would do to him if she just left…
He had been lost without her when she left the last time - then angry - needing an explanation from her. When he spoke to her in the locker room he was furious - she had requested a new partner - whatever he had said to her, he still felt betrayed and hurt. He realised he had hurt her too, but he felt he deserved better than that after the years they had spent together. Then she had come back, and he almost felt that they could go on as they had...until she left without a word. He knew the blame was slightly misplaced - but she could have said no to the operation, she could have told him she was going...she could have done anything other than just pick up and leave and give him no means to contact her. That hurt like hell, and he was not going to let her do it again - she could not walk away without realising the damage she would cause to their relationship...and how much it would break his heart to lose her...
Thinking back to the night before, he tried hard to remember where she went - they had briefly separated when talking to Cragen and CSU. Cragen had said Olivia had gone home, but try as he might, he couldn't remember at what point she had left. He was angry at himself for not noticing she had left - it wasn't like her to take off so quickly and without a word.
He was torn - he knew she would be furious that he was trying to track her down, but she had walked away from a shootout at a crime scene - two bodies, a young woman, robbed of her life, and he knew she was shouldering more than her fair share of the blame. He knew she would be feeling responsible and struggling with it - but they dealt with this kind of thing together...
He sat down and switched on her computer - feeling both relief and guilt that she did not have her computer password protected, and then he opened a web browser and tried to reach her email account hoping she had saved her password, but he could go no further. He sat back in front of her computer and opened a web browser - pulling up the history, he could see nothing from the past two days. His concern grew as he realised that Olivia may not have been home at all. Picking up his cellphone, he dialled Cragen.
-Cap, I'm at Olivia's, it doesn't look like she came home last night - when did she call you?
-I spoke to her at the scene and she said she was going straight here to write her report. When I got back she had already gone. She called an hour later and asked to take time off. Around midnight - that's as much as I know, Elliot.
-OK listen, she has a message on her answer phone about a flight - she hasn't been back to her apartment...she's just getting on a plane and going somewhere, I don't like this. We need to run her credit cards and phone records, and check where she went.
-Elliot! Stop this! She has every right to go on vacation - she is not a missing person, she is taking time off, there is no legitimate reason to run her cards.
Elliot heard the captain paused and give a frustrated sigh.
-Do you have any reason to be concerned about her?
-It's just my gut, Cap - she wouldn't just take off like this without telling me...not again."
-Give her time, I'm sure she'll call you once she's had some time to think.
-Yeah...I guess.
As soon as the call ended, Elliot redialled - he could not let this rest - he could not risk losing Olivia if she was walking away.
-Fin...I need a favour…