The story was beta'd by my awesome friend Harini. I was so afraid to show her my story but she managed just fine and it scares me how good she was. It's like she was in my head while I wrote this and she knew exactly what I wanted to say. So thank you very much, Harini and I'm so glad I found you *ending chickflick*.
SPNSPNSPN
Dean's four when his mommy dies. One day she cuts off the crusts off his sandwich and the other day his daddy thrusts Sammy in his arms and tells him to run. And Dean is only four but he understands. People tell him that his mommy is sleeping forever but he knows the concept of death. Others, like Missouri tell him that she is in Heaven but he is not sure if he believes it. He doesn't say a word though. He has no words anymore. Sometimes when Sammy is restless he would hum to him but he never says a word. It's like he is trying to grab them but they slip through his fingers. Mommy always encouraged him to voice every thought, but that died with her. Because deep down he knows that nobody cares. Daddy sometimes asks if he is okay but he doesn't mean it. If Dean tells he is fine it does the same as if he doesn't. Daddy is only interested in moving and drinking. Dean doesn't know what his dad drinks, only that it is some magic potion for parents that lets them sleep. So even if he could talk, nobody would hear him. Except for Sammy, but Sammy can't answer. Why even bother? And because he doesn't say anything, everybody stops talking as well. His dad just barks orders. He stops asking "How are you feeling, son?", just yells to "shut the fucking car door", to "fucking get inside the room", to "fucking make Sammy stop crying".
It's some time after his fifth birthday that his daddy leaves them alone for the first time. Dad always tells him when he will be back (not by time because Dad hasn't taught him how a clock works) and today he will be back when it's dark. That was hours ago. Dean is hungry and it is very cold in the room but that's not the worst. Sammy is crying for hours now and he doesn't know what to do. He checked the diapers like his daddy has told him. Dean makes sure that Sammy isn't too hot or too cold. He has an idea though. Maybe Sammy is hungry like him. But Dean is only five and nobody showed him how to make Sammy food. There is an angry voice coming from the wall. A man, their neighbor, yells that they should shut the fucking baby up, some people gotta sleep. Dean tries his best, humming to his brother, cradling him in his arms. He even tries to speak several times and gets frustrated when nothing comes out except for whimpers. Tears roll down his cheek and when one hits Sam, Sam stops crying.
It's as if there is some kind of connection between the two. Watery green meets hazel and then Sammy opens his mouth. He is almost a year old and he babbles all the time now, trying to form words. Dean always listens in awe when Sam speaks. For someone who has no words it seems magical that his baby brother is able to form them, though he has no other example than Daddy's harsh orders. Sam starts slow and soft, just scraps of words. Then they become clearer. "-an" "D-" "en". Drool bubbles from his lips and Dean brings his sleeve up to wipe it away.
"Deeeeen," Sammy finally says and then he smiles. A bright smile, one that is seldom, though Sammy smiles a lot. It's full of dimples and shows his little teeth. Dean can't help it, he smiles too. Then Sammy yawns and they both curl up on the bed. Dean hears both their stomachs rumble but they are fast asleep before he can form a coherent thought. The next morning his daddy is back and tells him he is very sorry. They go to a diner and eat pancakes and Dean soon forgets the hard night but never Sammy's first word. He hasn't words on his own but soon his baby brother will have all the words they need.
SPNSPNSPN
When Dean is six it gets real bad. He still doesn't talk but they don't need words to communicate. Sammy understands him without a doubt and he talks a lot now. He is the messenger between their dad and Dean and Dad hates it. He is more angry than ever and Dean understands that he is looking for something, though neither him nor Sammy (Sammy is only two but he is damn smart but it seems to Dean that he understands more than Dean himself) know what this is all about. And Dad leaves them alone more often, sometimes for more than just a day or a night. Dean has learned much more about how to take care of Sammy. He can make him something to eat now and it helps that Sam eats normal food. He can bathe his little brother properly and he makes sure Sam brushes his teeth and sleeps enough. Even when Dad is with them, he does all those things. Tonight Dad's not there. He went out hours ago and didn't bother to tell them when he will be back. Dean made them both food but Sammy is pale and doesn't eat much. He hasn't said a word for hours which is a strange thing for Dean. The only time he is silent is when he's sleeping. By the time Dean changes his clothes and puts on his pajamas, Sam is shivering and makes wheezing Dean checks his forehead Sammy's burning hot under his clammy hand. Sam is sick. And Dean has no idea what to do. He starts panicking. There is nothing he can do and he can't even call for help. He tries though, he has to. Sammy is very, very sick, babbling something about the sky and the park they were at last week and mumbling Dean's name. Dean has to do something! Anything! But how can he do anything when nothing comes out of his mouth? Tears run down his face and he tries to get some words out but nothing happens. Fear grabs Dean in a cold grip and he can't breath anymore. He is afraid Sammy is going to die.
His little brother, only two years old is going to die. Like Mommy died two years ago. Dean will be alone and he thinks his dad will hate him if he lets his brother die. But he can't think of anything to do. It's just them, two little boys alone in a motel room in a city neither of them has ever been nor will ever be again. The tears run freely now and his loud sobs drown out what little sound Sam makes. It's hopeless.
Suddenly, a warm hand lies on his shoulder.
"Dean", a voice says. Startled, he looks up into bright blue eyes. There is a woman in the room but he doesn't know her.
Dean gasps, trying to shield Sammy away from this strange woman, but she just smiles kindly at him.
"Don't be afraid, I'm here to help you," she says. She helps him up to his feet and walks him over to Sam. He looks at her with big eyes. She came out of nowhere and Daddy always tells him not to trust strangers. But she says she can help Sammy. And Sammy is really, really sick. So he listens to her instructions as she tells him: "Go into the bathroom and grab some cloth. I will get a bowl and cold water. We will wrap the wet cloth around Sam's legs and arms and his fever will go down. Alright? Now go, Dean," she says as she smiles kindly at him.
As he grabs the washcloth he thinks he does know her. He has seen her before he is sure. He just can't put his finger on it. Still he doesn't hesitate to do his task. True to her words she has filled a bowl with water and has set it on Sammy's nightstand. He watches as she puts the wash cloth in the cold water, wrings it and wraps it around Sammy's bare legs. Sammy is protesting weekly but Dean has a faint memory that his mommy did the same when he was sick and it is the only hope he has. So he strokes Sammy's hair, whispering soothing nothings, like Mommy used to, into his ear and still watches the lady work. While she works, he has time to look at her. She has white hair like an old person but she isn't old. It looks smooth and silky and he wants to touch it. His gaze wanders to her ears. They are pointed and very long. He knew before that she isn't - can't be - human but her ears are the proof. Somehow Dean knows his daddy would hurt her, that she is one of the things his daddy hurts when he goes away. He doesn't know how he knows that his daddy hurts people, he just does. But Dean also knows that she is a good person, because she helped Sammy. She might not be human but she is his friend. And suddenly he knows why he knows her, where he seen her before. He imagined her. Once he dreamed of a friend that understood him without words and this friend looked exactly like her. Now she is here. Not in his mind but in real life.
By the time she finishes with Sammy their eyes meet. Dean wants to thank her, wants to ask her how she could be here. He has so many questions - will Sammy be okay is one of them - but he still has no words. Instead he smiles at her and cocks his head in a gesture he had seen adults do when they wanted to thank someone. Then she speaks, and her voice is the same as in his dream, in his mind.
"It's nice to finally meet you, Dean. Your little brother will be okay and I will watch out for you, alright? You did a good job helping him and I am sure he will be fine in the morning. We just have to change the cloth from time to time. Can we do this?"
He nods in agreement and his smile deepens. Now that she's here everything will be fine. She'll make Sam better, he's sure of it. They both watch for Sammy as time passes, regularly wetting the cloth and by sunrise Sam is sound asleep and finally a lot cooler. Dean is relieved but tired.
"It's okay, honey. I will be watching you and Sammy while you sleep. Your dad will be home soon, I'm sure."
Dean wants to sleep so much but he can't. When Dad comes home and finds the lady here he will be furious. And he might get angry and shoot her. Dean has seen the guns Dad has always with him. No, he will stay awake to make sure she can safely leave. That's the very least he can do. She rescued Sammy. He can repay her in not getting hurt because his father will not understand that she is not evil. She just smiles at him.
"Don't worry, he won't hurt me. He can't. You know why."
She winks at him and suddenly Dean realises, she is right. He knows. She came from his head, from his thoughts. He imagined her many times and now she is real, so only he can see her. He snuggles beside Sam, now sure that nothing bad will happen when he lets his guard down. Dad will see nothing but Sammy and him. There is just one more thing he needs to know. He looks at her from under heavy lids.
"It's alright. I will be back when you need me. Sleep now."
He smiles at her, half asleep by the time he settles under the covers. Finally Dad comes home when the sun is high. The night feels like a dream to Dean but Sammy's still warm and Dean knows it really happened. The lady really was here and she helped him. He hears the rumble of the Impala and knows his dad is finally here and now everything will be alright.
SPNSPNSPN
Around Christmas the same year Dean can finally speak. His first word is of course "Sammy" but it feels good to finally let everything out. It's like a knot inside his head has finally loosened and it has a lot to do with the lady that often visits them. She is now there every time Dad leaves them alone. She encourages him to talk to Sam, to take little steps at a time. She helps him care for his brother and to take away the deep loneliness he sometimes feels. Except for Sammy and Dad he has no one else. Just the two of them. He has no mom like other kids because Mom died. He hasn't got uncles and aunts, not really. There is Uncle Bobby who he has seen twice so far. And there is the Pastor in Minnesota. He doesn't like Pastor Jim that much because he never asks about him. Just about Sam. And that is fine, really, but Dean wishes somebody would care for him. To his dad he is just Sammy's caretaker. When he attends school, the kids don't like him because he still doesn't talk much and he always has to be home immediately. Dad doesn't allow time-wasting. When Dad's at home, Dean now has to practice with him. Throwing knifes or even loading and cleaning Dad's guns. Dad promised to teach him shooting and sometimes he is excited because it means he's a big boy now. But most of the time he is frightened. Learning to handle weapons means Dad leaves more often and longer. He never asks if Dean's okay with that. He just vanishes into the night leaving some bills on the kitchen counter of their latest joint and a piece of paper with phone numbers. They are lucky if they even have a phone or a phone booth nearby.
Today is such a day. When Dad picks him up from school he suspects it. Dad never picks him up, Dean is old enough to walk home alone. They pick up Sammy and that is another clue. It is his job to walk Sammy home from daycare. As soon as they are home (it's an actual house this time) Dad grabs his duffel and begins to pack. Sam's in their room, he has a ball he likes to play with (Uncle Bobby gave it to them both but Dean is too old to play with balls and he hasn't time for it anyway), so Dad can give Dean his orders without being interrupted. He says he will be away for at least a week and has already stocked the cabinet with SpaghettiOs and Lucky Charms. When Dad doesn't look Dean grimaces. He knows Sammy loves SpaghettiOs but he hates them. It is the only thing they ever eat when his dad is away and he really, really hates it. But Dad does everything to keep Sammy happy so it's always the food he likes. At least his brother won't cry the whole time while their father is away. Though he's just two and a half years old, Sammy understands very well that Dad isn't home most of the time and half of those days Dean is busy with drying tears and soothing words. Sam doesn't like to be left behind and it's hard on Dean too. Nobody ever asks him if he is comfortable with being left alone so he doesn't say anything. There is only one person who knows anyways. And he will see her as soon as Dad is out the door.
True to her word she appears the second his father leaves. She is beautiful as ever, her silvery white hair in a pigtail, her blue eyes sparkling. She's wearing brown pants that are soft to touch and a little hairy and she explains that it's bear fur. Her shirt, she says is wolf's fur though but also soft and Dean wonders if it's as cosy as it looks. Her pointed ears are pierced with three small golden rings, which he's sure are new.
"You like them? One of my friends made the rings and she asked me to wear them in my ear. I thought it was a good idea."
"They look great", he whispers, amazed that rings can be worn in ears too.
"What do you want to do today?" Her voice is soft and like the wind whispering in the trees. Sometimes when he's outside practicing with Dad and a soft breeze ruffles the leaves he thinks he can hear her. He never says anything though. She is his secret and Dad must never know.
"I have to do my homework and then we can play with Sammy. He sure will be sad that Dad's gone again." He sighs. "I hope he won't be too upset."
He pulls out his books and places them on the kitchen table. He doesn't feel like homework but he still has to do them. When Dad is away he has to make sure everything is alright so the adults in school don't become suspicious and take him and Sammy away from Dad. Sam has to have clean clothes, a proper lunch package and must never be late. Dean has to do his homework and behave more than well. They can't afford Child Protection Service though Dean doesn't understand why. Dad says they are bad people but according to their name they protect children. Children like Sammy and him. Why would that be a bad thing? But as always he doesn't ask and does what he is told. He is just about to finish when he is startled by Sam's voice.
"Who is this?"
His big hazel eyes watch the woman sitting next to him and he can see his surprise as plain as hers. Obviously she is marvelled by the fact that Sammy can see her. He doesn't know if this is a good thing. But she recovers quickly and stands up, walking towards his brother. Sam backs away, dances around her in a fluid motion that amazes Dean and hides behind his big brother's back.
"It's okay buddy. She's... Uh..."
"I'm Leklani, Sam. I'm Dean's friend. I can be your friend too." She picks exactly the words Sammy needs but then again she always does. Dean had explained to his brother the concept of 'friends' a week ago, not sure if he understood fully, but it's Sam and Sam is smart as hell. He asks questions all the time. So when Leklani says she is his friend, Sammy's face lightens up. He nods seriously then turns and faces Dean. "I want to play with the ball."
Leklani later explains that Sam could see her because Sammy also needs a friend, just like Dean needs one. She never tells them that she's actually just Dean's friend because she knows Dean needs her to be there for both of them. There will be a time when Sam gets his own friend but for now she takes care of both boys.
SPNSPNSPN
As a year passes by Sam and Dean can't imagine a life without Leklani. It's their secret, the first they ever shared as brothers and Dean doesn't even has to explain it. Sam instinctively knows that he isn't allowed to talk about her, not that their dad pays any attention to what any of them says. It gets harder the older they get though.
Dean's seven when John takes him shooting for the first time and ever since then his free time is divided by training, taking care of Sam and his dad, and school. He begins to crave the time Dad isn't around, out hunting monsters. Dean learns about hunting on Sam's third birthday when the three of them go out to celebrate only to be disturbed by a gruesome howl and a night spent in the Impala. John leaves his boys on a lonely trail in the woods, instructing Dean to never open the doors, no matter what he hears.
By midnight Sam is asleep on the backseat, covered in blankets. Dean is bored out of his mind. He isn't allowed to turn on the music, he has nobody to talk to, it's too dark to read or play with the car Uncle Bobby bought him for his birthday. His mind drifts off, back to the last time Dad was away, so he doesn't see the creature stalking over to the car. He snaps out of his thoughts when heavy paws land on the Impala's hood and stares in the bloodshot yellow eyes of a creature he's never seen before. He once took a look at Dad's book when his father was out cold on Whiskey (the times he thought alcohol was a magic potion for adults are over) and saw many different creatures he couldn't name. Most of them looked like animals - strange animals that is - and there were some that looked like ghosts. Not the Casper-kind of ghost but women that float and are white and wear gowns. He didn't understand why his dad would have pictures of strange women so Dean had put it aside. Now though he wishes he had payed attention.
The creature looks like a big dog with a big, hairy snout spiked with sharp teeth. His breath fogs the windshield and Dean hears scratching noises that make the hair on his neck stand on end. He freezes, knows that this situation turned dangerous even if he doesn't know what kind of animal it is. He knows his dad is hunting this thing but Dad is nowhere to be seen. Sam is asleep in the backseat after a day at the playground and he doesn't wake up as the dog begins to growl. Dean stares into it's cold, feral eyes, sees the thing raise a paw before it hits the glass. The talons scratch at the glass and leaves some impressive marks. Dean's breath comes faster by the second, he is on the brink of a panic attack. He feels dizzy as the animal continues to pound the windshield and nearly blacks out as he hears and sees the first cracks. Black and white dots dance in front of his eyes when a soft voice breaks the numbness.
"Don't be afraid, I'm here. I put a spell on the car. The wolf can't hurt you. Look, it's backing away." Leklani lovingly pets his head, strokes his tearstained cheek, until Dean calms down. True to her words the creature goes away, back into the woods. It doesn't take long and they hear a gunshot. Only then Dean relaxes for a brief second before his eyes shoot up, shocked to see her next to him in the car. She never comes when John is near because Dean's afraid of what would happen if he finds her.
"Don't worry Buttercup (it's his secret name not even Sam knows), nothing bad will happen. Didn't I tell you your Dad can't see me?"
"But Sam can see you too though you said he wouldn't."
"I know, but Sam is like you, he needs a friend. Your dad is an adult, he doesn't need me so he doesn't see me." He accepts her words but doesn't trust them completely. But as long as John is away he can relax a little. Leklani is here and as long as she is, the bad animal won't come back. He leans into her soft touch, lets himself be wrapped in her warmth and her smell. Like woods and grass after rain drying in the sun. Like he imagines his mom smelled.
He cuddles into the soft fur she wears and dozes off.
It ends suddenly as the car door is yanked open by a furious John Winchester "Who the fuck is this?". Dean snaps out of sleep but as soon as his head is clear enough to realize that Dad is back, he also notices that he is alone. The only thing he hears is a startled "Dad?" from the backseat but Sammy goes to sleep without waiting for an answer.
"Who is what, Dad?" He rubs his eyes, swollen by not enough sleep.
"There was a woman in here! Who was she? Don't lie to me son."
John grabs the boy a little too rough, both equally to shake some sense in his sleepy brain and in a twisted impulse to make sure he is safe. He knows he should calm down but the possibility of his boys in danger overrides his parental concerns. He is fairly sure that, seconds ago, there was a woman in the car together with his sons. She definitely wasn't human. And her pointed ears are just the smallest hint. He wants to find out who she is, needs to know for his mind's sake and the sake of his boys, but Dean is still too drowsy to answer. What's wrong with the boy? He's been behaving strange for some time now, maybe it is connected to the woman. Is she affecting him? There are so much possibilities, ranging from witches to ghosts and demons. There are a few tests but only one he can do immediately and without hurting Dean. He reaches into his jacket, ignores the bloodstains from the werewolf and pulls out his flask of holy water. He throws it into his son's face, satisfied when he doesn't react in a supernatural way.
Though the boy gets an accusing "Dad?!" out before John shoves him back in the seat. They have to get out of here. The woods aren't as deep as the eldest Winchester would have liked and someone might have heard the gunshot. The wolf is dead but he rather wouldn't be here for the cops to question him. He gets into the driver's seat, relieved it's finally over. The wolf has caught him off guard. John hadn't been aware that anything was off in Backwater, Missouri. He has been distracted by his sons and their need to celebrate Sam's birthday. And he understands but in their line of work they can't afford such banalities. Well, that won't happen again. He quickly decides to make a trip to South Dakota as soon as possible. After all the boys haven't seen their Uncle Bobby for a long time. First, however, he has to find out what he saw. If there really was a woman in the car with Dean. Except when he turns to tell his son this, he is confronted with wide eyes.
"Daddy," he says, and that itself is strange because Dean never calls him that,
"There was an animal on the hood. It scratched the windshield, look." Dean points out long and deep claw marks and a serious crack in the glass and John curses. He hadn't seen it earlier.
"What did it look like, son?"
"Like a dog."
The curses get louder. The fucking werewolf had stalked away and nearly got to his boys.
He shudders as he thinks what nearly had happened to Sam and Dean. However he has to make a decision, very quickly. Should he tell Dean what was really on the hood, nearly breaking through, or should he let his son a piece of childhood and innocence? The decision doesn't take long. John can't afford his sons to be clueless about the Supernatural. Or well, Dean. Because Sam is only three years old, he wouldn't understand anyway. But Dean is old enough. John knows his oldest has already seen his journal. The far corner of his heart aches because of what he's about to do, but there's no going back now that the decision is made.
"Well, it wasn't a dog, but a wolf. A werewolf as a matter of fact. You know what a werewolf is?"
"I've seen one on TV. It's a man that turns into a dog with the full moon, right?" John indignantly raises an eyebrow. Dean looks at him confused but gets it after a second. "Right, Sir?" John nods.
"It's a wolf, not a dog. A wolf is much bigger than a dog, much stronger. But that's not the point. The point is that it's evil. A werewolf only wants one thing: Eat."
"What does it eat?" Dean asks, his eyes growing wider with every second.
"Human hearts."
"Ewww!" The cry is so unlike Dean and so child-like John's heart aches a little more for a second. He is about to take this away from his oldest but he has to. Dean's old enough to know the truth. He has to watch out for Sam and he can't do that if he doesn't know what's out there. "Hush Dean, you'll wake Sam. And this is not a joke. Do you think it's a joke?"
His voice is low but laced with barely suppressed anger, but not at Dean. God, he fucking hates the Supernatural. Ever since Mary died he hates all those demons, vamps, werewolves, ghosts and shifters passionately.
Dean squirms in his seat. He hasn't seen his dad that tense very often. If he has to be honest he's even a little afraid. Dad looks like a rubber band that is about to snap. He doesn't want to annoy his dad further, so he answers quickly. "No, Sir, I don't think it is. I saw the do- wolf." Dad nods in acknowledgment.
"There is more out there. Not only werewolves but more dangerous things. I know you saw my journal," he gives Dean a stern look, "and you saw what's in there. It might seem like some fantasy but it's not. You hear me, Dean? It's all real. Ghosts are real. Werewolves are real. Shapeshifters are real. You will have to learn all about them so you can protect Sam. You want that?" And Dean immediately nods. It's his job to protect Sammy and if Dad tells him how to do it better, he's all in.
"I really want that."
John is pleased. It's working better than anticipated, killing two birds with one stone. He can take the boys to Singer's and Dean can learn all he needs to know while John is off hunting. He will pressure Singer into teaching the kid all he knows, some techniques of self-defence, maybe even some of the rituals used on a daily basis.
As he schemes the plan the incident moves in the far corner of his mind. He knows he has to question Dean thoroughly about what happened in the car. He saw a woman, he is deathly sure about it, and there is no way the werewolf would let his prey go, much less if the prey is two little boys in a "tin can". But Sam is finally awake and begins to babble about his day at the playground and John is exhausted from the unexpected hunt. The drive to South Dakota will take hours and hours and he has more pressing issues. Still, he will question Dean as soon as they're at Bobby's. He has to know for sure what he saw.
And so Dean learns about the Supernatural and his world will never be the same again.
SPNSPNSPN
It's 1989. Dean's ten years old, Sam is six. They are alone now most of the time, Dad being away to hunt down monsters constantly. The responsibility of watching out for Sam, making sure that CPS doesn't knock on their door, weighs Dean down. Some days it seems impossible to carry on but he does somehow. Sam needs him and if Dad's there, Dad needs him too. He makes sure they have enough food, does the laundry, helps Sam with his homework, cleans the weapons, patches up his father's wounds. He brings Sam to school and he picks him up and walks him home. Every day whether it rains or not, he has to wait for hours on end while Sam does some extracurriculars. His brother is hellish smart and knows even more than Dean at ten. Most brothers would be annoyed with that, but Dean is proud of Sam. There is one thing though Sam doesn't know and it's that monsters are real. And if Dean has his way, Sam never will. Dad wanted to tell him but he pleaded and begged him not to tell. Sam is a cute, innocent little kid really, and Dean wants it to last as long as possible. He even made a deal with John. Dean now takes care of literally everything, even does research most of the time, and Sam gets to be a kid longer. And it's fine with Dean but it's so hard. He has to keep up appearances for everybody: School, Sam, other kids, Dad, their neighbors. Everything depends on how well Dean can make it look like everything is normal. It keeps him on edge most of the time. He can't sleep, doesn't eat enough (but that's okay, because food doesn't last them long anyway and so Sam has more of it), can't remember when he's last had an hour to himself. It's a massive relief when Dad packs them up and leaves for a new town.
It's Thanksgiving and school's out for the rest of the week. Dad takes them to Fort Douglas and tells Dean to watch for his brother and, no matter what happens, to never leave the room. He doesn't say why, only makes sure Dean does as he's told. Dean understands. Something bad is out there and Dad is hunting it. He just hopes his father won't come home all bloody.
That scares him every time. To take his mind off he does the laundry and begins to stitch Sam's shirt. The little doofus managed to nearly ruin it while playing tag with his school friends though Dean told him not to. Now it's his job to fix it. It's a good shirt and if Dean's lucky, he can make it good as new. His brows are pinched in concentration but his eyes are tired. It's minutes before midnight and he isn't even half through with his task. But if he's honest he ran out of steam a long while ago. Sewing is a too delicate task for his rough hands and he's just not patient enough. He's working the shirt for hours now and still the rip is clearly visible. As he puts the clothes aside to stretch his stiff back he hears her voice.
"Hello Dean. It's been awhile. How are you doing?"
"Leklani," he answers and smiles faintly. It's true. He hasn't seen her in ages because he doesn't have time. It's work, work, work, day in, day out. The other reason is what happened years ago at Sam's birthday. Dad saw her in the car with him and Sam and it took every last bit of his acting skills to convince Dad that he saw nothing. Since that day he is wary of her being with them. She explained that the spell she used to chase the werewolf away had cost her much of her power so she couldn't hide from their father anymore. She wasn't aware of that until it was too late and she promised it won't happen again. Still Dean is afraid Dad will finally find out. But she insists on coming to them when they are alone and Dean is too young and lonely to deny her. Her presence is highly welcomed now and Dean drops back on the couch, the shirt forgotten under a cushion. Sam's asleep so he has Leklani for himself, another thing that hasn't happened since Sam first met her. Sometimes he even gets a little jealous. Leklani is his friend, she came because he needed her and he has to share with Sam. He always does. Well, not today. Today she is his and his only. As she strides over he takes in her new clothes. She wears a dress made of white leather that fits her perfectly. It reaches from her shoulders (she wears brown shoes that are hardly visible) down to her toes and Dean really likes it. There are runes all over the dress in a glowing green color and they mesmerize Dean. He knows they mean something in her language, that are for protection and power. Her hair is open, not caught in the usual pigtail. It flows over her shoulders in smooth cascades and feels like silk. He immediately cuddles into her side, content to spend his time in her soft embrace.
She lets him be for a few minutes but finally stands up. She holds out her hand, gently pulling him to his feet. "Let's do something," she says and smiles.
"I can't. Sam's asleep, I'm supposed to watch him. And it's not safe outside. Dad is out, hunting something." Dean's heart aches. He really wants to do something, go out with her to play or even walk. Anything if it's not in the room. But he isn't allowed to. Sam's too important. But her smile widens. "It's okay Buttercup, I've put a protection spell on him. Nothing will harm him while we're out."
"I don't know..." and he really isn't sure. What if something happens? Something bad? What if a monster gets to Sam? His little brother will be all alone and helpless. But he hasn't had a minute for himself in weeks and he really wants to go.
"O-okay. But not far away, okay? Outside is a soda machine. Maybe we can get a coke. It's not to far away. What do you think?"
"I think it's an excellent idea, Buttercup." Dean blushes, she called him by his secret name two times already and he really likes it. With a last look at Sam he grabs his jacket - it's November after all - and closes the door. The night is crisp and clear and it smells like snow. He's seen a lot of snow in his few years but Dean still likes it. It's soft and pure, so pure. It covers all the bad things and only leaves beauty behind. Dean looks forward to it. But now's not the time. He takes Leklani's hand and leads her to the machine. He buys his coke and sinks down on the curb. It's cold but with Leklani by his side he feels quite content. They share the can, talking about everything and nothing. He doesn't want this night to end, the only night he has for himself with his best friend in the world. For a few minutes he doesn't have to worry, doesn't have to think about Dad and Sam, about nosy neighbors and CPS. Leklani strokes his hair and tells him about her home. She's grown up in the woods but of course they are magical. She tells him about the lake with fishes the size of a car and creatures called hippogryphs, hybrids of horse and eagle. He can't exactly imagine what it would look like but she tells him they are beautiful and he believes her.
Finally it's too cold to sit outside any longer and they move inside again. Dean goes to check on Sam and freezes as soon as he's in the adjoining room. There is a woman floating in the room but she doesn't look friendly. She's dark and gives him a bad feeling. He can't see her face, but he sees her wizened hands and the ashen-grey skin. Her fingers are pointed like talons and she claws at Sam's blanket. Where her face should be he sees something begin to glow. The glow gets stronger and Dean feels that this is wrong, that he has to do something. But he can't, is rooted to the spot. He wants to scream at the monster, wants to call for Leklani, but he can't do that neither. Just like she read his mind, Leklani comes into the room right behind him. He hears her shout "Oh no!" and hopes she will use her powers like she used them on the werewolf years ago. But she just grabs his shoulder painfully and doesn't move at all. She begins to mutter and Dean realizes she is afraid too. Terrified really.
She said she put a protection spell on Sam and he can see traces of strange plants and a rune familiar to the ones on her dress but the floating woman seems to be stronger than Leklani's magic. They both have been stupid and Sam's going to pay the price for their insolence.
That's when a gunshot rips them out of their stupor. John Winchester plows into the room, shoves them both aside while he chases the monster away from Sam. The woman backs away, screeches long and loud and vanishes into the night. John runs out after her but comes in a minute later to check on Sam. The youngest Winchester has slept through all the turmoil, oblivious to either his brother's and his father's distress. He mumbles something, welcomes his dad back home, and slips away immediately. Nothing happened to him and he will never remember the incident.
Dean still tries to comprehend what happened when he hears the shotgun's cocked again and looks up. With wide eyes he sees his father standing over him, over them, because Leklani is still with him, and he understands that his father sees her. Everything he ever feared for adds up in this moment. The spell she used to try and protect Sam left her weakened and John Winchester is able to see his best friend, an elven woman, something definitely Supernatural. And he's furious.
"Up," he gestures with the weapon and she complies right away. Dean doesn't know if rock salt can kill her, but it hurts most monsters and maybe it will hurt her too.
"Who the fuck are you?" John's voice is a low, dangerous growl and Dean knows his father is one wrong answer away from shooting. He struggles to get up, steps in front of her. He's too small - she is much higher than John - but it's the gesture that counts.
"Please, Dad, don't hurt her," he begs. Everything is hanging by the thin thread of John Winchester's patience and Dean knows there isn't much there to begin with. And it snaps right in the moment Dean takes a step forward.
"I said 'Who the fuck are you?'!" he roars and empties the shotgun in Leklani's chest. The impact slams her into the far wall of the room and it's a miracle Sam doesn't wake up. Dean's shocked to see what his Dad did but he's frozen again. The sheer absurdity of the situation drives the air out of his lungs and tears to his eyes. He just watched his father shoot his best friend, his only friend. John Winchester just shot a woman and doesn't even blink an eye. For the first time Dean witnesses that his father is a stone cold killer but his mind shies away from the thought, isn't ready to accept this truth in his life. He does find his voice however and he cries out as he staggers over to the still form of the elf. He sees her chest moving and is relieved John hasn't killed her. That doesn't mean that he won't.
"Please Dad, don't hurt her. She isn't evil, she's my friend." But John doesn't listen and eyes the intruder instead. She's beautiful and he understands how she could charm Dean into protecting her. God knows what she made him do while he wasn't around. His oldest is weak towards women, has always been. That was why he did his best to drum it into his son's thick skull: Never trust anybody, especially not nosy women. Seems to be to no avail and when this is over, he will have a very serious talk with his son.
First though, he has to kill this thing. Too bad he doesn't know what she is or she would've been dead within seconds. He doesn't tolerate anything supernatural in his life. Not since something took his Mary away. Not when his sons are in danger. Dean might be right. She might not be evil but they can't be sure. Maybe she is like a rabid dog, who would be nice and compliant until one day she snaps and bites. He can't let that happen. It's equally anger and fear for his sons that leads his hand for the next minutes. He just isn't ready to lose more of his family and hurt feelings can be fixed better than a dead body. He shoves Dean out of the way, ignoring his hurt cries, and grabs her by the collar of her dress. For a second he allows himself to notice the soft texture, then he slams his fist in her face. She grunts very unladylike and blood flows from her nose. Good. If she bleeds he can kill her. He pulls a knife from the sheath strapped to his waist and holds it to her throat, just strong enough to draw a trickle of blood. She knows now he isn't joking. And he sees the understanding in her eyes. The only question is how far she's willing go. It's a short staring duel and then she starts to talk.
"I- I'm Leklani and I'm sorry, John. I'm Dean's friend, you have to believe me. Please."
"What are you, why are you here?" He presses the knife closer and the blood wells up more freely.
"I'm a, well, you would say I'm an imaginary friend. We are sent to children that are lonely, lost. Kids that need help. We guide them, protect them from all the bad things. Or at least we try."
"And why would you be with my son?"
"Oh please John, you really have to ask that?" There is an edge to her voice. Leklani's afraid of that human, yes, but she can't help the anger that overcomes her. Is the father really clueless as to why his son would need a friend? That his kid is so desperate that he has to imagine a kind person that cares for him?
"You really have to ask me why I would come to help a six year old boy in the middle of the night, fighting to stay calm while his baby brother is sick and burning up with fever? Really?" She steps forward, the knife biting her neck, but the fear is gone. It's not like a normal knife can kill her. John might hurt her but he cannot kill her. She's so upset she doesn't care anymore, doesn't realize that, right now, she's doing the worst possible thing. She raises her hand and begins to poke John's chest with her finger.
"Or maybe you should ask yourself why your seven year old son needed protection from a werewolf because you left him defenseless in the car, at night, in the woods. Or why you leave them for days, sometimes weeks? You still wanna ask why Dean needs me? Why Sam needs me? You think it's okay for only Sam to have a normal life? That Dean has to neglect his education to cook and do the laundry, to care for your sorry ass? That boy has been an adult so long he doesn't even know how to be a kid. And it's your fault, John Winchester, yours." Their roles are reversed know. The knife is long forgotten, hangs limp in John's hand as he's backed against the wall. The finger that pokes him steadily turns into a sharp and pointy claw. Leklani's skin changes, gets hairy and in the back of her mind she knows it's wrong. She has to reign in her temper or she'll lose it. And that means she'll lose Dean. But her anger gets the better of her, she can't stop her transformation. Her face turns into that of an animal, her fine, delicate features replaced by a snout full of teeth. Soon a bear presses John against the wall, the claws digging into his shoulders.
John grunts in pain but sneers at her. "So this is the real you? And you are here to protect my sons? You wanna try that again?"
He pushes the animal away, not even flinching when the claws rip deep stripes into his shoulder, the blood ruining his shirt. The bear jumps back, startled before it disappears in a cloud of black smoke. As the air in the room clears the bear has vanished, replaced by a cat. A very big cat. It growls dangerously, cowers on the floor ready to attack. John pulls his gun from his waistband, now remembering that it was there the whole time and cocks it, pointing it at the cat. His eyes say "Come and get it" and that's what the big animal does.
It's a beautiful sight as it leaps forward, claws spread out, ready to kill. John raises the gun, ready to kill just as the supernatural thing attacks. It doesn't come to it though, as the cat's flight is abruptly stopped by a small body. While staring at each other, none of them noticed the boys are still there. Sam's still asleep, wouldn't wake up if a bomb blew away the whole parking lot and John hopes his youngest will have this deep sleep for many more years though it's not likely. Not with their line of work. He forgot about his other son however and neither of them can anticipate what the actions will unleash. The animal slams into Dean, pushing him down on the floor, claws stripping a good portion of skin from his arm. As the boy screams the cat changes again, back to the woman it was before. Her face is a grimace of horror as she realizes what she's done. Dean groans in pain, his eyes glazed over by shock and betrayal. Leklani always told him not to worry, that she will never hurt him or his family. But she did just that. She hurt him, hurt her charge. She goes down by his side, skims her fingers over his injuries, claw marks she left there and begins to cry. John's mesmerized by the scene, can't do a thing.
Tears flow freely down her cheeks, wetting her pale skin, an ethereal beauty drowned in her sorrow. She wants to say something, wants to take the pain away but it's futile. Her hands glow softly instead and the deep incisions vanish into a faint pink, only leaving a scar behind. She softly pets Dean's hair and gets up. Then she catches John's gaze.
"I will leave, forever. I'm so sorry. You have to believe me, I never wanted to hurt Dean. I can never express how sorry I am but I will do what I can to make it right. I will make you forget, all of you. You won't remember me or anything that happened here. Dean shouldn't remember how I hurt him. Will you let me do it, John?" Her eyes plead with him and John considers his options. He hurt her, made her bleed, but he still doesn't know what will kill her. If he decides to fight, he might lose. If he allows her to use her powers, a spell or whatever she needs to do, she might hurt them more. Dean hasn't moved since she healed his wounds and as he looks down he sees his son is asleep. But he sees the honesty in her softly glowing eyes, can tell she really wants to make it right. It's too little too late though. If it's true what she says, she's taken care of his boys for a long time. John doesn't know where she comes from or why she decided to stay with his boys but the fact she stayed through all these years grants her the benefit of doubt. He nods shortly but reaches out to grab her wrist. It crunches sickly in his grasp and his eyes throw daggers at her.
"If you try anything stupid you will regret it you bitch. You think I'm kidding?" Leklani slowly shakes her head and John lets her go.
"Go on, do what you have to and then leave us alone. None of my boys needs you. They can take care of themselves. Tell other things like you to stay away!"
Leklani steps back, spreads out her arms, lets her palms glow softly like before, but this time she doesn't touch anything. The whole room is drenched in soft green, a color like dewy grass in the morning light. She begins to murmur in her native language, using an ancient spell that will remove all memories of her, everything she had an influence in. None of the Winchesters will remember anything, and it will be like she never existed and in a way she never has. Dean brought her to life with his imagination all those years ago. She is just that - an imaginary friend powered by a kids colorful mind, though it's not so simple. But that's not the point right now. The point is she failed. She failed the kid that needed her (and still needs her) more than anything else. She is - was - his only friend and she knows he will never have someone who loves him as unconditionally as she does. She knows his future, knows how it will all end, but today she lost the ability to help him through the bad times. Times when he will be all alone, hurt. She hurt him, betrayed him really. There have been cracks in their relationship since the incident in the car. She told him his father was able to see her because she used her powers too much. Truth is, she was careless. Imaginary friends like her get stronger the longer they exist. Being Dean's friend for that long made her powerful to a point, where she needed to disguise herself. And she just forgot. She didn't reckon John would be there so soon after she repelled the wolf. It wasn't the lack of power that let John see her but the excess of it. The same excess that made her forget herself today. She had been considering her options. Should she attack the Shtriga or just take the boys and run? The Shtriga has been able to destroy her wards and it would have been a vicious fight, she's sure of that. When John burst into the room she hesitated for a moment. The wrong moment at the wrong time and now it is too late. She hurt Dean and - what is almost worse - she hurt John and she knows he will never trust her again. Now is just about damage control. As she finishes her spell the light in the room explodes, covering the three Winchesters like a coat. John lets out a groan and goes down, asleep like his sons. Her fingers paint a complex order of runes into the air while she spins around her axis. With a deep sigh she speaks the final words that will alternate their collective memories, then everything goes still for a minute. There is no sound and no other light other than her glowing eyes. The stillness creates a void of sorrow around her and she begins to realize what is lost today. To her, to Dean, to Sam, to the world. She altered reality by losing her temper and she can and will never forgive herself. She picks Dean up from the floor and lays him on the second bed, pulls the comforter around him. She murmurs soft nonsense in his ears, one last time before she vanishes from his life forever.
As the kid begins to stir she moves away, pulling John up to drag him to the sofa in the living room and places an empty bottle of Jack in his hands. Even if the eldest Winchester might remember something (he won't, the spell was powerful) he can pin it on the alcohol. She spares him no last look but goes back one last time to brand the image of her former charge into her mind. Tears fall down her face as she whispers a last word of goodbye.
Dean opens his eyes, thinks he saw something - someone - a woman standing in the doorway, but he blinks and the image is gone and there is nothing left except for the faint smell of forest and love. The boy looks at his brother, relieved to find Sam awake. He knows he made a mistake by leaving Sam alone and he will face the consequences but tonight it's just him and little Sammy and they are both fine and not hurt and he's willing to live in the illusion of the moment. Reality will come soon enough, Dean knows.
SPNSPNSPN
[years later]
It's a cold night, with the snow falling for hours now. It's busy though and there is a constant coming and going of cars. The air changes a little in the far corner of the alley where nobody sees it. Two blue eyes appear, followed by a beautiful pale face and a tall, lean body. The woman is clothed in soft snow fox fur and invisible to everyone around. Her gaze rooms around until she spots a teenager, a boy, really. The night is cold but he only wears a black, tight t-shirt and a pair of jeans that is ripped in all the right places if you're out to make some money. His face is pinched, his eyes burn with exhaustion, his cheeks hollow like he hasn't eaten in a few days. Leklani's heart breaks as she watches him, his eyes darting from car to car, waiting for the right one. Just like that a black car stops and he walks over to it, talking in a hushed voice to the driver before he gets in. It doesn't last long and he steps out again, shivering as the cold hits him, but his pocket is significantly bigger. He dusts off invisible dirt, then returns to his post. She knows he fought hard for the spot, that he makes most money here. She watches him for a few more minutes but has to look away as another car stops next to him. Her eyes burn with tears. This is her fault and her's alone. She knows Dean is too young for proper work, nobody hires a student except for some small jobs. She also knows they desperately need every Dollar. John is away for six weeks straight and they ran out of money four weeks ago. Dean has to pay the rent, make sure Sam has enough food, has to make ends meet while bribing the motel manager so he doesn't rat them out to CPS. It's all too much for Leklani to see, to know and her visits have grown fewer and fewer. It's all her fault. She ruined the life of this boy. There is no excuse, no making it better. All she can do is watch.
And Leklani watches. She watches as Dean nearly dies as the Impala is hit by a semi. She watches him throw his life away as he makes a deal at a crossroads. She is there when a hand breaks through the dirt that has buried his body for four months. She is there when he disappears into Purgatory, sees his final breath before he turns into a demon. She watches as Dean and his brother help investigate the deaths of her brothers and sisters. Sully sees her, of course and he knows her pain, has also been there. They share a look of understanding and Leklani thinks that, after all she's done, at least her boy has turned out as loving and caring as she tried to teach him. Her blue eyes glow soft as she returns into the woods of her homeland and she know it's time to stop watching, to let the wound finally heal. And maybe, one day, she will be able to see Dean again and they can remember the times they shared without regrets.
SPNSPNSPN
When Dean asked Sam in "Just my Imagination" why he had a Zanna and Sam answered he was lonely, Dean seemed kinda hurt. After all Sammy had him. So I imagined who had been there for Dean? If somebody deserved a friend it would be Dean, wouldn't it? So I gave this a shot and lent him one of my Alter Egos. It's not a self-insert (obviously I haven't pointed ears) but if you look for Leklani you will get several hits for a World of Warcraft character. So be warned - they are all mine and I know it's an awesome name but if you take it I will find you and - well you know how it ends. Also after I created the name I became aware that "Lani" means "Sky" in Hawaiian, so I hope "Lek" isn't something filthy and apologize in advance for insulting someone's ancestors or something. Please feel free to tell me what you think.