*Waves meekly* Hey kids, everyone's favorite aspiring actress, "Newsies" freak, and self-appointed fiancee of Jack Kelly with another one-shot song fic! Note to everyone before I begin though: I wrote this fic under a serious state of depression. Don't look for any happy endings here. Yay angst! *pumps fist in the air*
The song I'm using is from the awesomer-than-awesome Broadway musical "Wicked." The song is called "I'm Not That Girl," sung by Elphaba-- later to become the Wicked Witch of the West. Correlation? You decide.
I'M NOT THAT GIRL~ by BACKSTAGE
"What did he say, Stagey?" It was like Eve didn't even believe what I was telling her.
I sighed in exasperation. "For the tenth time, Eve, he said 'Stage, I got something real important to talk to you about tonight.' Do you think it means--"
"Of course it means what you think it means!" Raven wore the biggest grin on her face. "He's gonna ask you out!"
Mayo, who was listening in, supressed an excited squeal. "Oh my God, Stage!"
I grinned. Of COURSE my mind swam with excitement. I've only been in love with Jack Kelly since the day I met him, the day he saved me from a life of no food, no shelter, no job. We'd always been on good terms-- some of my girlfriends might say we were BEST friends-- and the thought of him wanting to talk to me about something "important" sent all kinds of hope my way.
Eve sat next to me, pinching my cheek. "Look girls! Stagey's blushing!"
"I am not!" I retorted as my hands flew to cover my face.
"Yes you are!" Mayo peeled my hand away, smirking at me. "It's okay, Stagey! You've got good reason!"
Raven squeezed my shoulder. "I should say so. Jack's a good-lookin' guy."
"When is he going to talk to you?" Sapphy asked me, hanging upside down from her bunk above mine.
"Tonight. Actually, I should get up to the roof. That's where he's meeting me."
"Ooh! The ROOF!" Sapphy squealed, kicking as she giggled. "That's so romantic! What better setting for a sweet little nighttime smooch?"
I threw a pillow at her. "I... I've gotta go," I stammered, slowly climbing the stairs to the rooftop. The truth was, well, I was hoping for the same thing. Right up to the moment I closed the door behind me to see Jack's shape in the moonlight.
My eyes still adjusted to the darkness as I shuffled to him. His back was turned to me, leaning over the wall.
"Hey Jack," I said, my voice clearly quavering with nerves. This could be it.
He turned slowly to face me. "Stage! Hey, you came." His face broke out into a sincere, beautifully lopsided grin.
"Of course I did." I smiled up at him. "So... you wanted to talk to me, right?"
Jack ran a hand through his disheveled hair thoughtfully. "I sure do," he said eagerly, maintaining that playful smile. He reached over to me and took my hand.
My hand slipped into his perfectly. I felt my heart swell inside me as his eyes, for one brief instance, locked with mine. My breath came fast. I felt my palm grow sweaty inside his.
"I ain't gonna hurtcha, Stage," he teased me, winking.
I forced an embarassed smile. "Sorry." There was an awkward pause. "Can... can you tell me now?"
Jack's face lit up like he never had around me before. "Uh huh... Swear you won't tell?"
"I swear." This was it; I could tell. That light in his eyes was unmistakable.
As though it had all happened in slow motion, Jack led me to a corner of the rooftop. "C'mere," he said softly. "I want to show you something..."
I followed him eagerly, my heart pounding with each shuffling step I took. I anticipated a kind word, a tender touch... maybe, if I was lucky enough, a kiss.
Jack extended his arm, pointing to a figure standing on a nearby street corner below us. "See her?"
"Uh huh?"
"That's Nora Masterson..."
I blinked. I knew her somewhat. She wasn't a newsie, but she was friends with a lot of us on Duane Street. She liked to go to vaudeville shows once in a while, but she and I weren't all that close. I wasn't too sure that she liked me.
"What about Nora?" I inquired, wondering how she factored into this conversation.
Jack's eyes twinkled. "I'm in love with her."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"You-- you are?" I stammered, trying desperately to conceal my letdown.
Once again, Jack locked eyes with me. "Uh huh." He said it so sincerely, so shyly, so perfectly that this couldn't have been a joke. Though I wished so badly that it was.
"She's pretty," I offered, feeling so glad that it was dark out and he couldn't see the twinkle of tears in my eyes.
Jack smiled down at Nora, who stood like a statuesque beauty below us. The gentle winter's wind playfully tossed her golden curls. Her slender but shapely legs were fused together, like a perfect lady. Nora was speaking to a friend of hers, smiling periodically with a dazzling grin, laughing melodiously. It was actually hard to hate her. It would have been like hating an angel.
"She ain't jus' pretty... she's beautiful." Jack sighed dazedly, looking down at her. "Like the first rose that comes out in the spring..."
"That sure is nice to say."
"That's 'cause it's true," Jack replied, not once looking back at me. "An' I jus' had to tell someone. She's so beautiful, so delicate, so wonderful... I'd make her real happy," he insisted, as though he were trying to convince me.
"You'd take care of her, all right."
"An'... an' when I see her, I get so happy. Like I ain't never felt before." Jack walked around the rooftop in a lovesick daze. "She'd jus' fit so perfectly in my arms, y'know?"
I nodded silently as he continued on about Nora Masterson. I was captivated by his devotion, though it wasn't devotion towards ME. For a brief moment, I closed my eyes, dreaming that those words were for me. But every time he said "Nora," it was one more crushing blow back to Earth. I wasn't Nora; I was Stagey. And clearly, Stagey was nobody in the eyes of Jack Kelly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be the boy
I'm not that girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jack paused in his musings and actually turned back to face me. "Stagey?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry; I've been doin' all the talkin'," he said to me, edging closer. "Anything you wanna say?"
Yeah, I thought. I'll tell YOU a tale or two, Jack Kelly-- Cowboy that broke my heart. I love you more than she ever would. I don't need anything, just you.
I should have said that. But Jack's winning smile kept my anger in.
"No," I replied softly.
I must have sounded sad, because Jack tilted his head at me. "You okay?"
I shook my head. "Not really, actually."
"Well, what's the matter then?" He laughed, like I was joking.
I frowned, no longer worried that my tears were visible to him. "It ain't nice to make fun of me."
Now Jack's concern was more real. "I'm makin' fun of you?" he asked me, leaning over, meeting my eyes.
"Well, yeah... It's like you're pointing out all the things I ain't. I'm not beautiful or blonde or have pretty hair or nice clothes." I paused as my voice broke. "Does that mean I'm nothin'?"
Jack looked incredulous. "What? Stagey, I don't know what you're--" He paused for a moment, my statement sinking into him. "Aw, Stage..." He rested a hand on my shoulder. "You ain't nothin'... an' ya know somethin'? You'll be the best thing that ever happened to some lucky guy one of these days."
My heart sank. I don't want to be with SOME lucky guy, I thought. I want to be with you.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"What do you think I oughta do about 'er, Stagey?"
I paused. "You're asking ME?"
"Well, yeah," he said with a shrug. "You're a girl, right?"
"Last I checked." I forced a smile.
His expression was so genuinely serious it almost scared me. "Should I tell 'er all those things I told ya?"
I had to be honest with him. It was the right thing to do. "Of course you should," I replied with that same forced smile. "The girl to get those words from Jack Kelly would be the luckiest of 'em all."
He smiled broadly. "Then I'm gonna do it," he said determinedly. "Stagey? Would ya... y'know, hang around? For moral support an' all," he added in a rush.
I shrugged. "What're friends for?"
And then for a second-- for that one split second-- he smiled at me. Not at Nora, not at the thought of being with Nora. He smiled at ME.
"Nora! Heya, Nora!" He signaled the girl in question to come up to the roof.
With a bright smile, she immediately ran up to join us. Her springy noodles of blonde locks bounced behind her as she jogged to the rooftop, delicate shoulders heaving with exhaust from the run.
"Jack..." she panted, breathless. I fiddled with my oversized boys' clothes in a pathetic attempt at trying to make myself look just as beautiful.
Jack had taken a step toward her. "Nora... ya look absolutely dazzling tonight." He had that dumb-love look on his face. Of course, it was only dumb because it wasn't directed at me, which I suppose is completely selfish. I had no business to get in the way. Jack made that clear right away.
"Stagey?" he said, tossing an absent-minded glance in my direction. "Wouldja-- Er... go an' make sure that blanket over there don't blow over? It's so windy out an' all..."
I got the hint. "Sure, Cowboy." I crossed to the other side of the rooftop, watching the love scene at a distance.
It played out like a romantic silent movie. Though I couldn't hear exact words, I could FEEL them. I felt the gentle tone in Jack's voice as he whispered, edging closer to Nora. I could feel the music of Nora's melodious laughter reach my ears. Then silence.
In this silence, Jack pulled Nora into a tender embrace, placing his lips to her forehead as he rocked her in his arms. She sighed contentedly, a grateful, sweet smile dazzling her face.
As they slowly pulled away, Jack placed a hand on Nora's face and stroked it lovingly. This action caused my hand to fly up to my own face. I rubbed my cheek slowly. My skin felt rough as pavement. Probably not half as soft or supple as Nora's baby-soft cheek.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I felt the minutes turn into half an hour. Jack had forgotten all about me. At the moment, they were leaned on their backs, looking at the stars. Occasionally, Jack would lean over to the girl next to him and whisper, pointing upward to the heavens. Nora would laugh softly, bundling closer to him to protect herself from the impending chill.
No one could blame her. As night sank in, I took up the old ratty blanket and wrapped myself up in it, taking refuge in a corner, watching the new couple enjoy one another's company.
Why did I stay? I should have just up and gone the second they embraced. But I stayed anyway. Because I promised Jack I'd stay as long as he needed me. Because I was sappy and stupid.
It gave me a sense of vicarious satisfaction to see Jack so happy with Nora. If I squinted my eyes, I could imagine myself laying there cuddled next to him. But then they would kiss. That kiss planted inside me an irreversible heartache, because it wasn't me on the receiving end of such a tender kiss. It was Nora.
Do you know something? I still don't hate Nora. I didn't hate her then and I don't hate her now. No, I hate myself. I'll never forgive myself for becoming immersed in a dream, a stupid wish.
A silly, ridiculous wish that will never, ever come true.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
THE END
(Wipe your eyes and please review, children!)
The song I'm using is from the awesomer-than-awesome Broadway musical "Wicked." The song is called "I'm Not That Girl," sung by Elphaba-- later to become the Wicked Witch of the West. Correlation? You decide.
I'M NOT THAT GIRL~ by BACKSTAGE
"What did he say, Stagey?" It was like Eve didn't even believe what I was telling her.
I sighed in exasperation. "For the tenth time, Eve, he said 'Stage, I got something real important to talk to you about tonight.' Do you think it means--"
"Of course it means what you think it means!" Raven wore the biggest grin on her face. "He's gonna ask you out!"
Mayo, who was listening in, supressed an excited squeal. "Oh my God, Stage!"
I grinned. Of COURSE my mind swam with excitement. I've only been in love with Jack Kelly since the day I met him, the day he saved me from a life of no food, no shelter, no job. We'd always been on good terms-- some of my girlfriends might say we were BEST friends-- and the thought of him wanting to talk to me about something "important" sent all kinds of hope my way.
Eve sat next to me, pinching my cheek. "Look girls! Stagey's blushing!"
"I am not!" I retorted as my hands flew to cover my face.
"Yes you are!" Mayo peeled my hand away, smirking at me. "It's okay, Stagey! You've got good reason!"
Raven squeezed my shoulder. "I should say so. Jack's a good-lookin' guy."
"When is he going to talk to you?" Sapphy asked me, hanging upside down from her bunk above mine.
"Tonight. Actually, I should get up to the roof. That's where he's meeting me."
"Ooh! The ROOF!" Sapphy squealed, kicking as she giggled. "That's so romantic! What better setting for a sweet little nighttime smooch?"
I threw a pillow at her. "I... I've gotta go," I stammered, slowly climbing the stairs to the rooftop. The truth was, well, I was hoping for the same thing. Right up to the moment I closed the door behind me to see Jack's shape in the moonlight.
My eyes still adjusted to the darkness as I shuffled to him. His back was turned to me, leaning over the wall.
"Hey Jack," I said, my voice clearly quavering with nerves. This could be it.
He turned slowly to face me. "Stage! Hey, you came." His face broke out into a sincere, beautifully lopsided grin.
"Of course I did." I smiled up at him. "So... you wanted to talk to me, right?"
Jack ran a hand through his disheveled hair thoughtfully. "I sure do," he said eagerly, maintaining that playful smile. He reached over to me and took my hand.
My hand slipped into his perfectly. I felt my heart swell inside me as his eyes, for one brief instance, locked with mine. My breath came fast. I felt my palm grow sweaty inside his.
"I ain't gonna hurtcha, Stage," he teased me, winking.
I forced an embarassed smile. "Sorry." There was an awkward pause. "Can... can you tell me now?"
Jack's face lit up like he never had around me before. "Uh huh... Swear you won't tell?"
"I swear." This was it; I could tell. That light in his eyes was unmistakable.
As though it had all happened in slow motion, Jack led me to a corner of the rooftop. "C'mere," he said softly. "I want to show you something..."
I followed him eagerly, my heart pounding with each shuffling step I took. I anticipated a kind word, a tender touch... maybe, if I was lucky enough, a kiss.
Jack extended his arm, pointing to a figure standing on a nearby street corner below us. "See her?"
"Uh huh?"
"That's Nora Masterson..."
I blinked. I knew her somewhat. She wasn't a newsie, but she was friends with a lot of us on Duane Street. She liked to go to vaudeville shows once in a while, but she and I weren't all that close. I wasn't too sure that she liked me.
"What about Nora?" I inquired, wondering how she factored into this conversation.
Jack's eyes twinkled. "I'm in love with her."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"You-- you are?" I stammered, trying desperately to conceal my letdown.
Once again, Jack locked eyes with me. "Uh huh." He said it so sincerely, so shyly, so perfectly that this couldn't have been a joke. Though I wished so badly that it was.
"She's pretty," I offered, feeling so glad that it was dark out and he couldn't see the twinkle of tears in my eyes.
Jack smiled down at Nora, who stood like a statuesque beauty below us. The gentle winter's wind playfully tossed her golden curls. Her slender but shapely legs were fused together, like a perfect lady. Nora was speaking to a friend of hers, smiling periodically with a dazzling grin, laughing melodiously. It was actually hard to hate her. It would have been like hating an angel.
"She ain't jus' pretty... she's beautiful." Jack sighed dazedly, looking down at her. "Like the first rose that comes out in the spring..."
"That sure is nice to say."
"That's 'cause it's true," Jack replied, not once looking back at me. "An' I jus' had to tell someone. She's so beautiful, so delicate, so wonderful... I'd make her real happy," he insisted, as though he were trying to convince me.
"You'd take care of her, all right."
"An'... an' when I see her, I get so happy. Like I ain't never felt before." Jack walked around the rooftop in a lovesick daze. "She'd jus' fit so perfectly in my arms, y'know?"
I nodded silently as he continued on about Nora Masterson. I was captivated by his devotion, though it wasn't devotion towards ME. For a brief moment, I closed my eyes, dreaming that those words were for me. But every time he said "Nora," it was one more crushing blow back to Earth. I wasn't Nora; I was Stagey. And clearly, Stagey was nobody in the eyes of Jack Kelly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be the boy
I'm not that girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jack paused in his musings and actually turned back to face me. "Stagey?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry; I've been doin' all the talkin'," he said to me, edging closer. "Anything you wanna say?"
Yeah, I thought. I'll tell YOU a tale or two, Jack Kelly-- Cowboy that broke my heart. I love you more than she ever would. I don't need anything, just you.
I should have said that. But Jack's winning smile kept my anger in.
"No," I replied softly.
I must have sounded sad, because Jack tilted his head at me. "You okay?"
I shook my head. "Not really, actually."
"Well, what's the matter then?" He laughed, like I was joking.
I frowned, no longer worried that my tears were visible to him. "It ain't nice to make fun of me."
Now Jack's concern was more real. "I'm makin' fun of you?" he asked me, leaning over, meeting my eyes.
"Well, yeah... It's like you're pointing out all the things I ain't. I'm not beautiful or blonde or have pretty hair or nice clothes." I paused as my voice broke. "Does that mean I'm nothin'?"
Jack looked incredulous. "What? Stagey, I don't know what you're--" He paused for a moment, my statement sinking into him. "Aw, Stage..." He rested a hand on my shoulder. "You ain't nothin'... an' ya know somethin'? You'll be the best thing that ever happened to some lucky guy one of these days."
My heart sank. I don't want to be with SOME lucky guy, I thought. I want to be with you.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"What do you think I oughta do about 'er, Stagey?"
I paused. "You're asking ME?"
"Well, yeah," he said with a shrug. "You're a girl, right?"
"Last I checked." I forced a smile.
His expression was so genuinely serious it almost scared me. "Should I tell 'er all those things I told ya?"
I had to be honest with him. It was the right thing to do. "Of course you should," I replied with that same forced smile. "The girl to get those words from Jack Kelly would be the luckiest of 'em all."
He smiled broadly. "Then I'm gonna do it," he said determinedly. "Stagey? Would ya... y'know, hang around? For moral support an' all," he added in a rush.
I shrugged. "What're friends for?"
And then for a second-- for that one split second-- he smiled at me. Not at Nora, not at the thought of being with Nora. He smiled at ME.
"Nora! Heya, Nora!" He signaled the girl in question to come up to the roof.
With a bright smile, she immediately ran up to join us. Her springy noodles of blonde locks bounced behind her as she jogged to the rooftop, delicate shoulders heaving with exhaust from the run.
"Jack..." she panted, breathless. I fiddled with my oversized boys' clothes in a pathetic attempt at trying to make myself look just as beautiful.
Jack had taken a step toward her. "Nora... ya look absolutely dazzling tonight." He had that dumb-love look on his face. Of course, it was only dumb because it wasn't directed at me, which I suppose is completely selfish. I had no business to get in the way. Jack made that clear right away.
"Stagey?" he said, tossing an absent-minded glance in my direction. "Wouldja-- Er... go an' make sure that blanket over there don't blow over? It's so windy out an' all..."
I got the hint. "Sure, Cowboy." I crossed to the other side of the rooftop, watching the love scene at a distance.
It played out like a romantic silent movie. Though I couldn't hear exact words, I could FEEL them. I felt the gentle tone in Jack's voice as he whispered, edging closer to Nora. I could feel the music of Nora's melodious laughter reach my ears. Then silence.
In this silence, Jack pulled Nora into a tender embrace, placing his lips to her forehead as he rocked her in his arms. She sighed contentedly, a grateful, sweet smile dazzling her face.
As they slowly pulled away, Jack placed a hand on Nora's face and stroked it lovingly. This action caused my hand to fly up to my own face. I rubbed my cheek slowly. My skin felt rough as pavement. Probably not half as soft or supple as Nora's baby-soft cheek.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I felt the minutes turn into half an hour. Jack had forgotten all about me. At the moment, they were leaned on their backs, looking at the stars. Occasionally, Jack would lean over to the girl next to him and whisper, pointing upward to the heavens. Nora would laugh softly, bundling closer to him to protect herself from the impending chill.
No one could blame her. As night sank in, I took up the old ratty blanket and wrapped myself up in it, taking refuge in a corner, watching the new couple enjoy one another's company.
Why did I stay? I should have just up and gone the second they embraced. But I stayed anyway. Because I promised Jack I'd stay as long as he needed me. Because I was sappy and stupid.
It gave me a sense of vicarious satisfaction to see Jack so happy with Nora. If I squinted my eyes, I could imagine myself laying there cuddled next to him. But then they would kiss. That kiss planted inside me an irreversible heartache, because it wasn't me on the receiving end of such a tender kiss. It was Nora.
Do you know something? I still don't hate Nora. I didn't hate her then and I don't hate her now. No, I hate myself. I'll never forgive myself for becoming immersed in a dream, a stupid wish.
A silly, ridiculous wish that will never, ever come true.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
THE END
(Wipe your eyes and please review, children!)