*CBS Studios, Studio City, CA. 5pm PST*

"Cameras one, two, three, four and five are rolling, lights are dimmed, cleared to broadcast in three... two... one…" says Julian pointing at the main stage. The audience begins to cheer as the infamous theme song begins to play over the speakers and onto millions of televisions across America.

"Hello America, my name is Neb, and tonight you are about to meet sixteen random strangers from all Across North America, competing for a chance to win $500,000. However, this is no easy task. These sixteen strangers must live together in a house for all of summer and wheel-and-deal their way to not being evicted from the house…" the Neb pauses and sucked on a tobacco flavored vape and then blows out smoke before continuing. "But… these house guests should know that there is a lot more to the game than just living with strangers, and they should always expect, the unexpected"

"Let's introduce our house guests, shall we. First, we have the infamous meme lord from Daytona Beach, Florida. He's known as a ladies man, and the best ride at Daytona 500. Daniel Wayne!" Danny walks from the backstage and shakes Andy's hand at the stage. Girls in the audience scream and instantly cheering his name on the first sight, one of them threw her panties at him and missed. Andy gives him him a key.

"Next we have a boy born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He is the heir and future CEO of Merle Norman Cosmetics. Girls in high school called him 'mister long, tan and handsome'. This buff go-getter comes in with his stone grey Givenchy suit with his signature orange tie, slightly tugs and on and fashionably does his scrawny walk. Possible anorexia survivor, from Las Vegas, Carson Richards!"

"Harvard aspiring student, currently going to community college in Boston, Massachusetts. Recently broke up with his now ex-girlfriend, Lexi. He is now looking for a showmance. You know him, Jake Comic!"

"This young girl had breast implants at the age of fourteen. She is an art student at NYU, a lover of all things anime and nature. This quiet ginger may look like a nerd on the outside, but she's really an instagram model, and an entrepreneur with her own online swimwear company. From Long Island, New York. you know her as Teal Kitten!"

"This rainbow haired loser likes to DJ and play video games. You never know what color that he'll dye his hair next. His goal is to make an app that combines gaming with music or some Guitar Hero ripoff. From Jacksonville, Florida, you know him as Dylan the Bag!"

"This fuckboy looking sweetheart flies his Gulfstream V7 for D-list actors and musicians. He loves to draw on his free time in the comfort of Starbucks lounge chairs. From Los Angeles, California, you know him as El Jared!"

"This young man was best friends with Adam Lanza, growing up they were best friends at Sandy Hook. Nowadays he's a gun advocate for the NRA, proving what guns can really do. From Newtown, Connecticut, didn't hit puberty until the age of seventeen, Joseph Chrz- Okay I can't pronounce that. Let's just call him Joseph Cheese-shit. "

"Everyone's gay best friend, his catchphrase is 'I have a five inch dick', even though he's Asian. In 2016, he was forced to volunteer to campaign for Hillary Clinton and Tim Kaine to win the state of Virginia for a school community project. But really, he is the most hard headed conservative in Rockville, Maryland. Please welcome the meninist, Matthew Liu!"

"This girl is surprisingly more funnier than Amy Schumer. She roasts everyone she sees on the daily, loves shopping during the Victoria's Secret semi annual sales and turnovers, flowers and other assorted food from her guests like every day it's Christmas. Originally from Moscow to Southwestern Florida, meet Ksenia Komarova."

"From Baltimore, Maryland with a long controversial lineage, his ancestors burned themselves for their sins, his uncle was known for jailing blacks as a sport. He himself has been on the news for crashing his Volkswagen Jetta by the curb. Scared of all trains and showers, you won't see him travel on rail anytime soon. Having been escorted out of BWI for terrorism five different times, please welcome Jason Notch!"

"This young man, born on the hills of West Virginia. His parents died mining for coal. He can barely read, has buck teeth and used his full ride scholarship to UWV, graduating at the top of his class with a 0.5 GPA. But, he is a hell of a funny man. Mister Ethan Needledick Knight!"

"This young city slicker had anal for the first time at the age of four, has a passion for makeup and putting the likes of Jeffree Star and Nikkiturorials into shame. He still doesn't know how to turn his location off yet complains when horny men from Snapchat follow him home every other night. From Austin, Texas, the aspiring future star of Brokeback Mountain. Please welcome Andrew Phan!"

"This emo edgelord is a former member of the KKK, moved ten times in the last twelve years around the continent, always complains about how there's no hockey in California and never goes outside. This fake Canadian and king of all bandwagoners, you know him as Jack Campbell!"

"This guy never leaves his house without his big red head, failed at losing his virginity five different times, living in his mom's basement and asks for change outside of Delta Airlines Headquarters, secretly having 500k Sky Miles for emergencies. He aspires to become a pilot one day but is scared of flying. From Atlanta, Georgia, welcome Lando Bastian!"

"Coming up next, we have a die-hard Weeknd fan. He is one who would go gay for any R&B singer, he loves his alma mater USC, sports, Doritos, South Park, and making fun of recovering addicts while being fat himself. From San Diego, California, please welcome the virgin, Brandon Drake!"

"Last but not least, she is a Torontonian that is an angel and a devil, loves all things bunnies, pastel and cute things yet enjoys Slipknot, skateboarding and the color black once in a blue moon, really hates Drake, known for eating the most amount of pizza in one sitting in the entire country of Canada with her black hole of stomach. We'll say hello and she'll probably say 'sorry'. Please welcome Jenny "Dog Eating" Chen!"

The audience claps as all the members wait outside the big house. Andy redirects himself to Danny "Well Mr Wayne, it's time. Open that door and let this crazy summer begin!" he then looks to the camera; "America, welcome to Big Brother!" The audience goes crazy, one lady faints, another vomits on herself as Danny put the key in the door, and open up the house to the new guests.

Quickly, all the cast members run into house with all their bags. They quickly explore every part of the house. Landope, Comic, Jason, and Danny run to a room filled with four beds, decorated in a race car theme, and claim them as their own. Jenny, Teal, and Ksenia decide to stick together and enter another room, decorated in an under the sea theme. Carson, Jared, Jack and Brandon decide to settle in a room with 4 beds that is decorated in an African Savannah theme with a giant giraffe in the corner. And finally Phan, Needle-Dick, JJ, Joseph, and Dylan take the final 5 bedroom decorated in rainbow colors, making Phan extra happy.

Authors' Notes: Listen people, this will take a while to write. If you're not in it then you're not important enough. Thanks for reading! -Brenny