An attempt at describing "in denial" with far too much angst. The pairing is NaruSasuNaru, with the emphasis more on NaruSasu than on SasuNaru. There's a smidgen of SasuNaru somewhere in there. There are also hints of one-sided IruNaru which can be considered as a fatherly Iruka.
I believe that even if two people are together yet they do not realize or want to realize that what they have is really love (not just some silly crush or fling or episode) then that's also considered "in denial."
Dreams. Lies. Nightmares. Truths. Illusions. Realities. Past. Present. Future. Never ending. Never there. What they had was a mixture of all of those. Yet at the same time, what they had was none of those. It was a tricky thing, this thing between the two of them. They had never bothered giving it a name. It was just this thing. There was a huge blank that was begging to be filled, but they didn't. It was simply because they didn't know what exactly they should call it. Or perhaps they were afraid to know the name of this thing that they shared.
Or maybe they were afraid that if they knew the name of this thing or reached a conclusion as to what this thing was, they'd find out that the other didn't think the same. They didn't want to be left alone anymore, even though their actions and words said otherwise.
Was it adoration, then? They didn't think so. It couldn't be adoration or admiration. It, this feeling, was more complicated than simple adoration. If this was adoration, surely it would pass someday. Besides, when one usually adored someone, they wouldn't smite them or mock them or want to hurt them so badly they'd wish that they were dead. Adoration was far too fleeting and simple and kind for it to be what they shared. It wasn't adoration. It would never be adoration. It had never been adoration.
Hate. It could be hate. They were rivals. They wanted to beat each other into the ground. They wanted to be more superior of the other. They wanted to be ahead of the other. They exchanged insults. They nearly killed themselves every time they sparred. But it wasn't hate, too. It couldn't be called hate. Those things that they did were more like habits. Or their ways of showing that they cared for each other. They were odd that way, but those were the only ways that they could show what they really felt. Through violence. They didn't care for those that they killed swiftly and painlessly. They loathed those that they killed brutally. They fought. But they didn't kill each other.
It could just be the feeling that they were finally at home, that they finally found a place where they could stay. But something just told them that that wasn't the case. Well, sure, they felt that, too, but that just wasn't what they shared. It was more than that. Besides, would anyone do to a family member, with the exception of spouses of course, what they did with and to each other? Then again, the Hyuuga did that... But they weren't a member of the Hyuuga Clan now were they?
They didn't know what to name this thing that they had between them. Perhaps they did know, but just didn't want to come to terms to it. But really, it wasn't as if they cared. No, not really. It didn't matter. It should. But they didn't want it to matter. It would. But it didn't matter right now, and they'd try to put it on hold for as long as they could. It being the confrontation of what this thing really was. They weren't that blind to not see that eventually they'd know, or be forced to know, what this thing was.
Although sometimes, they would subconsciously go to some conversation that would expose the name of this thing. They recovered their senses whenever they nearly spit out the word. With the way things were going, they would probably never find out what it really was. Then again, anything could happen. That was a phrase that no ninja would ever belittle.
Things were already fine the way they were for them. They couldn't wish for anything more than this. Didn't and wouldn't want to. Because they didn't want to ruin this already tentative and fragile bond or relationship or whatever of theirs. They were unsure. They were afraid. They were just... themselves. But there were some times when they'd get tired of dancing around each other despite being together. Even they had limits. Sometimes, they wished that the other would just acknowledge the name of what they had between them and then force them into seeing, or finally accepting, that thing which they shared. It was a dream of theirs that they kept secret from the other, thinking that the other might think it silly.
They were ninja. They were jounin. They were ANBU. They were Konoha ANBU captains. But most of all, they were human.
Though sometimes, even they forgot the latter. It was expected in the field of job they were in. They were actually very lucky that they were still somewhat sane – then again, what good ninja wasn't insane? – and could still have a social life somehow.
It had all started on their first ANBU mission which just happened to look like a suicide mission. It would be a miracle if they got out of this one without living in the hospital for three months afterwards.
It really did seem as if they were going to die at that time. Their third teammate already did. Naruto was the only one who grieved for him. Sasuke didn't because he thought that it might look far too superficial. He had no real ties with that man. None at all. They were just put in the same team. Just because you were in the same team didn't mean that you were friends or you had to be friends. Comrades and friends were very different titles. His brother said so.
Sasuke had always taken to heart his brother's teachings. Especially that one. Because that was the last thing he thought before things became odd in their family. That was the day when Sasuke saw Mangekyou Sharingan for the first time.
Comrades were people you needed to be with. Friends were people you wanted to be with.
But now was not the time to think about such things. Naruto was still crying. Angrily crying. He was slowly losing control. He was becoming a danger to both their enemies and Sasuke. Kyuubi. Sasuke actually laughed when he figured out that he might die this way. Pathetic. He was going to get killed by the demon in his partner's best friend. He hadn't even killed his brother yet. Or had any kids, much less have any sex. Come to think of it, since he disregarded the Academy accident as a real kiss, he was still a lip virgin. Really pathetic.
He hoisted Naruto up, making their enemies even more wary. Their opponents knew that the two of them were from Konoha's best.
"You know, there's always been one thing I wanted to do before I died," Sasuke said. "And I'll probably be a ghost without doing it."
Naruto growled. There was a tint of red to his blue eyes now. The whisker-like scars on his cheeks deepened and widened and elongated. His canines grew pointier. His nails became more like claws. His chakra was flaring and slowly turning into the familiar red chakra of Kyuubi. Sasuke knew that it wasn't long before Kyuubi took over most of Naruto. He didn't have a lot of time.
"Why are you talking like that Sasuke-teme?!" Naruto exclaimed. "It's as if we're going to fucking die!"
The enemies perked up a bit at that. Well, that sure encouraged them.
"We might," Sasuke replied. "Just in case, I want to do this."
Naruto then became curious. What was it that Sasuke wanted to do before he died? Well, there was the oh-so-obvious I-want-to-kill-Itachi, but there was no Itachi in sight.
"I don't want to die a virgin, dobe," Sasuke said straightforwardly.
Everyone, even the enemies, were taken aback by that. What the hell? Kyuubi, however, was howling inside Naruto. Uchiha sure had a sense of humor. Unlike the demon at the pits of his stomach – or at least that was where Naruto thought Kyuubi was since the place that the demon resided smelled much like ramen – Naruto was flustered. He sure didn't expect Sasuke to say that.
"Since we can't have sex here because of the audience, and I don't feel like being an exhibitionist any day soon, I'd at least want to be not a lip virgin," Sasuke continued.
Sasuke was insane, Naruto concluded. Only normal for a guy who thought that he was going to die any second now. He sure was going old fast. Naruto pitied the guy. He looked so... youthful, too.
Then again, they were going to die if neither of them did anything. But their enemies still looked quite surprised at what Sasuke said. And they called themselves ninja. Maybe this was a ploy of Sasuke's. Although this sure didn't seem like his style... But Naruto would go for it anyway. He'd play along.
"Hold on Sasuke," he said. "We'll get through this fine so no need to be all wacko on me."
Sasuke put a shoulder around Naruto's neck and pulled him. Their lips met – Naruto would've said that their lips crashed – and that was that. Naruto was stunned for a moment – not thinking that Sasuke had actually been serious about it – of course, but Sasuke just let out a small smile and began to kill every single person near him, not minding if he himself got wounded. He did what one of the few things he wanted to do before he died.
He had never been able to hate Itachi as much as his brother wanted him to. He knew that Itachi had actually been one of the people that cared for him before the massacre. Itachi had been the center of his universe always. Besides, Sasuke was sure that Itachi wanted him to be the one who killed him. If he didn't kill Itachi, the bastard would wander for a longer time in this fucked-up world they lived in. That could be his ultimate revenge.
That kiss had started all of it. This odd thing between the two of them, between the individuals named Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. This unnameable and addicting thing. Even though it hurt sometimes, they just couldn't stop whatever this thing that was going on between the two of them.
There was always this dull throb somewhere inside them when they kissed or when they had sex. It hurt, but they put it aside. This thing that they shared, it wasn't lo-- It wasn't... it wasn't... it wasn't what they wanted it to be. For sure. Definitely. Because in both of their minds, they were thinking that how could anyone feel anything for a monster aside from hatred?
Then again, in the end, they forgot what exactly they wanted. Or tried to forget so much that they did forget. It was a confusing and complex thing. And it would hurt even more if they admitted what was the thing that they truly wanted. It was only human to want something that they could never get. If only they opened their eyes even more, they could see that they were one of those rare cases that could really get what they wanted if only they just reached far enough. It was already in the clutches of their hands and they didn't even know.
They were only seventeen. Still not old enough to actually know what they wanted. And they lived in a world full of fighting and blood and screams. Could one wake up if life itself was a nightmare?
Iruka was sincerely worried for Naruto's sake. Despite being the endlessly nice man that he was, he was still aware of the fact that Sasuke was dangerous. Sasuke was – or had been – a traitor to Konoha and probably would do the same stunt if it only meant that he would be able to kill Itachi. The only real bond he had, Iruka thought, was the one with his brother. Sasuke didn't care about anyone else except Itachi and himself.
Someone had made a dent in Sasuke's life somewhat though. That man was known as Hatake Kakashi, the Copy-Nin. And Kakashi himself seemed rather shady. It came with being a genius like him. A genius with a fucked-up past and not the best of parents. The tragic geniuses that probably couldn't care less about the world around them. The kind of people Iruka would never be able to understand completely because his heart was far too accepting and big and warm.
And so, it was only right when he didn't understand why all of the people Naruto could choose from – he failed to remember that Naruto really didn't have a lot of people to choose from when it came to matters like those – why Sasuke? Why the boy that could quickly break his heart without feeling any regret? Why the boy that reeked of blood and revenge and many more untold horrors? Iruka had the power to accept anyone in his heart, but people like Sasuke and Kakashi... They were different. Understanding those two was something beyond his league.
Iruka was made even more worried when he noticed that Naruto... that absurdly bright and bubbly and blond boy... seemed much happier nowadays. There was more bounce in every step that he took. Iruka couldn't imagine that this was the doing of someone as cold as Sasuke. How could someone who seemed to so lifeless give life to someone who was already quite lively to begin with?
Or perhaps Naruto was just so happy because he'd never had something quite like what he had with Sasuke before. Never had anything as powerful with someone, not even Iruka who was probably the first person that had opened his heart to Naruto. It was so funny in a way. Things always came out easily for geniuses, didn't they? Sasuke hardly had to do anything yet Naruto was already following him like some lovesick puppy. It was a laughable prospect. Yet Iruka didn't know why he was crying when he thought of that. He didn't know for who exactly the tears were for.
Naruto was so trusting, so happy, so-so-so... idiotic. How could he love – did that boy even know that it was love? – someone so cold and dark and seemingly lifeless like Sasuke? It was extremely impractical and foolish, even for Naruto which would be saying a lot because that boy did a lot of foolish and dangerous thing. This, though, was most likely the most dangerous thing he'd ever hope to put himself in.
Kakashi had foreseen this happening from the beginning. Naruto and Sasuke. It had been rather obvious from the start, for him at least, that they would end up being together, no matter how loose the definition of together or being together was for them. Or no matter how fucked-up their relationship seemed to be. He had no qualms about the whole thing. As long as they didn't kill each other, he was fine with that.
As long as Sasuke was fine with that, he, too, was fine with it.
Kakashi had never cared much about everyone after Obito died, Rin disappeared, and Yondaime-sensei went up and sold his soul in order to have the rampaging demon known as Kyuubi sealed somewhere in his apparent legacy's mental bowels. One might say that he cared for his once-upon-a-time students. Technically, he didn't care for the team. He did for Sasuke, though.
It had been Sasuke he was talking to back in the Land of Waves, wasn't it? It was Sasuke that he'd implied the promise while he was facing Zabuza.
He didn't know why he had taken a liken to the boy. It wasn't like him. Maybe because Sasuke reminded him so much of, well, himself when he was a child. Maybe it was because Sasuke was an Uchiha, which was what many thought was the reason why he seemed to favor the boy above his teammates. Maybe it was because Sasuke was able to understand him the best. Maybe because Sasuke was already quite tainted and had enough fill of life, unlike his childish teammates. Kakashi just couldn't put his finger on the real reason, really. Did he even had to have a reason in order to like someone?
His logic always became muddy when it came to dealing with Sasuke. He was pleasantly attached to the boy. Though he did understand why Iruka seemed rather... touchy on the subject of Naruto and Sasuke being together. Kakashi knew Sasuke because he knew himself.
He could understand where Iruka was coming from. He was, after all, a genius. If he was in Iruka's shoes, he, too, would also act that way. Though there were some aspects of Iruka that he didn't quite get. But that was expected. He wasn't like Iruka. Nothing like that man at all. Senselessly kind, stupidly selfless, and absurdly mother-hen-like when it came to Naruto.
Kakashi knew for a fact that those were the kinds of ninja that were better off with desk jobs and teaching rather on the battlefield. Sure, those were some pretty good qualities, and Obito was rather like that, too, but Iruka was just Iruka. There was nothing special about him – no bloodline limit, not a genius, no superhuman strength, no excessive amount of chakra – and he was just far too gentle. Really gentle. Of course, Kakashi wouldn't mind that if it was deceptively gentle, but Iruka was honestly gentle. That was no trick of the trade.
And so, that was why he knew that men like Iruka would never become jounin. And perhaps also why he didn't quite like men that were like Iruka. A man with Kakashi's caliber, or perhaps even lower than his, would be able to easily deceive Iruka. Kind words and kind actions would do the trick. That was not the kind of attitude and personality needed in a bloodbath. One had to be sly and ever-planning. One had to trust only on themselves and not on others. In times like those, one had to learn that hope was only a four-letter word.
Naruto was kind and somewhat naïve like Iruka. But he was also determined and he had nearly limitless chakra at his disposal for as long as Kyuubi was inside of him.
So, since he wasn't like Iruka, as shown by his thoughts about the man, Kakashi was okay with Naruto and Sasuke's relationship. He got kicks out of teasing them, too. He got money from snooping around and taking pictures or videos of them. Everyone was happy, or was in an illusion of happiness. That was alright with Kakashi.
Naruto had always thought that it was nice to hang around Sasuke even if the latter was always so depressed and bastardy. It was so odd, really. Liking the presence of someone who endlessly teased and mocked him.
Then again, maybe it was because Sasuke didn't leave him alone – with the exception of the whole Orochimaru episode, of course, but that was something that Naruto considered a taboo subject even though Sasuke himself was quite fine with it and didn't care what other people thought about him. Naruto could always remember being the last one to leave. This time, though, there was Sasuke who was either the last one to leave or would leave with him. It had always been like that, ever since they were genin.
Sasuke was intoxicating, really. His presence nowadays made Naruto crave for more, crave for everything Sasuke had and could offer. This feeling was so overwhelming. He had never felt anything like this before or felt anything even remotely close to him. That feeling of wanting to have that person close to you and wanting you just as much as you wanted them.
It was only natural for someone like him to treasure something like this. He was the easily jealous and overprotective type, much to Sasuke's annoyance. It wasn't Naruto's fault. He had been deprived of such a strong bond ever since the day he was born. And then came Sasuke who just kissed him, thinking that they were going to die any minute now. He knew that he should be somewhat angry that Sasuke did that because he was the person nearest to him at the moment, but he, surprisingly enough since he was Naruto, wasn't angry at all. He might've felt embarrassed and used, but not angry.
He was actually happy. Even if Sasuke kissed him out of the blue for no good reason at all, at least Sasuke had picked him, much more even gave some thought about kissing him. There was no hesitation in Sasuke. He was alright with kissing Naruto. And Naruto was fine with just that. At least Sasuke didn't feel repulsive afterwards, at least he didn't start to avoid Naruto, at least he was still there.
Naruto knew that this would have to come to an end someday. Sasuke would need to revive his clan someday. To bring it back into the sunlight. To rebuild its glory. And so maybe that was why he treasured this thing between the two of them. Because right now – since the future really didn't matter when you were a ninja because you could quickly be snuffed by drugs the meds gave you or slaughtered by the enemies – Sasuke held this thing between the two of them, held Naruto, higher than his clan.
It was the first time Naruto had experienced such closeness with a person. It was only normal for Naruto to want it to continue. So he did something seemingly spontaneous. He kissed Sasuke while the latter was still recuperating in the hospital. A slow one since they weren't running from anything or fearing for their lives anymore. They couldn't say that it was sweet. They'd never kissed anyone else except for each other. They were just far too busy with life that they'd never really considered having a relationship with anyone.
Or maybe they just thought that nobody could ever take them. Naruto thought that nobody would ever dream of doing something with him and Sasuke thought that everyone else was either weak or taken or weird.
When Naruto suddenly appeared by his side in the hospital, Sasuke didn't expect the dobe to do what he did. To kiss him. And he also certainly didn't expect himself to return the kiss. He really didn't. It was like some sort of subconscious urge. That sure was a laugh. It wasn't as if he would die or anything if he kissed Naruto, and yet he still did that. It was something so illogical in his point of view. Their lives weren't on the line and they weren't acting for the sake of a mission.
It was even more silly than his last wish. He was sure that the idiot would taunt him with it sooner or later, preferably after he was all patched up so that he could effectively shut the blond up.
He refused to admit that maybe kissing Naruto back wasn't just a result of his drugged and battle-weary state. That maybe it was more than just some subconscious urge. And that the kiss left him utterly breathless and a bit shocked.
"I hate it. This uncertainty that lies between the two of us," Sasuke whispered. "It's as if you aren't real. This is just like with niisan."
Sasuke was afraid. Naruto knew that because he, too, was afraid. Today. Today was the day they'd both dreaded and secretly wanted to come. That word, that name of that thing would surface.
"I'm not like him," Naruto said. "I'm not going before we settle things."
Before they both found out what this thing was called. They already knew that that was always the unsaid continuation of those words. But they didn't dare say that those were the unsettled accounts they were talking about. It would obviously inevitably lead to the confrontation.
They knew that Itachi always evaded that question that always came up whenever he and Sasuke met. Perhaps that question would never be answered. Naruto had a feeling that those two already knew the answer, like he and Sasuke, but he failed to realized – or didn't want to realize – the latter.
"You and Itachi are alike. So alike," Sasuke said, "that it scares me."
Naruto didn't understand Sasuke's logic as much as Sasuke couldn't understand his. But Sasuke knew Itachi best so what he was saying had to be right. And he loved Itachi the most, too.
Naruto was special in that way. That he could accept the most absurd of comments. Everyone else wouldn't have believed in Sasuke's statement. The blond wonder of Konoha and the Uchiha prodigy, the same? That would have other scoffing in a matter of seconds.
"He was the wall that I needed to cross..." Sasuke said. "Although it was more like there was a wall between the two of us. He himself wasn't the wall. He knew that, too. He always knew everything."
Naruto was jealous of Itachi. It was always about Itachi. In Sasuke's mind, Itachi would always be perfect no matter what. Why couldn't Sasuke just let go of the past? Itachi before the massacre and after the massacre were obviously different people, despite having the same face and all. He could never turn back to the Itachi of the past. Too many wounds, too many memories, too many words. Far too large of a gap. He was a genius, but even he wouldn't be able to pull off a stunt like that. Pretending or acting or being or wanting to be the Itachi of so long ago.
Sasuke knew that, yet he still kept on hoping even for a small bit. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why he was sharing this thing with Naruto. Because the latter reminded him so much of Itachi back then and Itachi today. But it would sound so mean, wouldn't it? That he'd decided to do those things to and with Naruto and to received those things from him just because he was so similar to Itachi in ways that others wouldn't be able to understand.
Naruto was strong like Itachi. The blond was someone Sasuke secretly knew he could never overpower now. He didn't mind. Naruto had suffered enough. Itachi had suffered enough, too. Both had their own pressures. Both were mysterious. Both were deadly. Both were contradictions of what the world thought of them to be. Both of them had hands basked in blood. However, there was one similarity between the two of them that Sasuke had always failed to see. Both of them had the same feelings for him.
"I don't want to run anymore from this," Sasuke said, his voice steadily growing stronger, "I'm sick of it, Naruto, sick of it."
"What do you want me to do about it?" Naruto asked, his voice cracking at the end. "I don't know what this is!"
"You're lying, you idiot! You know! Both of us do!"
There really was no going back now. It was about time that they faced the facts and everything else that entailed it. They'd put off this seemingly epic and dramatic confrontation for so long. They couldn't keep on drowning themselves in denial. The truth sometimes hurt and it didn't always make one feel free.
"We've always known," Sasuke said a wee bit softer now, "and don't try to wiggle your way out of this one. I'm not. Because I'm tired of running away from the truth. I'm tired of thinking up of excuses as to why I'm still with you even though I'll need to rebuild my clan someday. I'm just tired of everything. I want to know what we really are. I want to know what I am to you."
It all came down to this in the end. It always came down to questions. What were they really? What did they mean to each other? Did this thing that they had really meant something? Was it worth all the trouble and time? Everything about them and their thing was questionable. Why did they continue to indulge in it despite everything else?
"Why answer that question, Sasuke?" Naruto asked. "It'll end someday anyway."
Sasuke was frustrated. He growled much like Naruto.
"Why do you keep on thinking that it'll end?!" he exclaimed.
"Because you need to fulfill your fucking duty, don't you?! Don't think that I'm blind, Sasuke, because I know that you'll leave me in order to get babies and all that shit!" Naruto said. "I'm only preparing myself for that day. Or do you want me to miss you that badly? You don't even need to do anything because I'm already hope--"
He then clamped his mouth shut at that. That word would come up if he continued that. That word he'd been so desperately trying to run away from. The word that could properly sum up this thing that they shared.
The word that Sasuke was trying to squeeze out of him... because even Sasuke felt insecure.
"You're what, Naruto?" Sasuke asked. His voice was soft again.
Naruto shut his eyes tightly and began walking away. He wasn't ready for this. Maybe not ever. Because if he said that word, he was sure that Sasuke would go away sooner than he expected. Everyone else that he'd said that word to did. He was able to deal with losing them, but he wasn't sure about Sasuke. Sasuke had always been there, and he couldn't bear to think about what would happen if he wasn't there anymore. It was a horrible prospect. And if he said those words, he knew that if Sasuke did leave, it would only hurt even more. It would hurt both of them. It would hurt him.
In the end, Naruto didn't know what he was protecting anymore. Himself, Sasuke, or their relationship. This thing truly was tricky business.
Sasuke grabbed Naruto's sleeve and pulled Naruto to where he was. Apparently, he wasn't going to let all of the emotions that he'd shown go to waste. Apparently, he really had gotten sick of all of it. Apparently, he really did want to sort out things between the two of them. He needed to know...
"I love you," he whispered, putting his head on Naruto's shoulder.
Because he, too, was hopelessly in love.
Naruto didn't know how to react to that. Sasuke had broken the unsaid and unwritten rule of their relationship. Saying the name of that thing. Because both of them knew that this thing going on between the two of them wouldn't last forever. The villagers wouldn't give up their Uchiha to a monster. They wouldn't.
"Do you even know what you're saying?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke thought that it was odd, hearing Naruto's voice in a soft tone. He would've smiled or, knowing him, smirked if the situation wasn't as serious as this.
"I am," he said.
"But what if I didn't love you?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke's heart constricted painfully at that, but he kept his emotions at bay.
"I'd say that it was a crappy lie," he said.
"You're selfish," Naruto said.
"I'm Sasuke."
"I don't know."
"I love you," he said, his voice a bit stronger now, "I really do."
Naruto squeezed his eyes close once again.
"You're an idiot," he said. "I don't love you."
"That's bull and we both know it," Sasuke said.
After that, he turned Naruto around and kissed him. Desperately. It was as if he needed to prove something to himself, to both of them. He probably did. If Naruto could just stop being the stupid coward that he partially was, things would probably work out much smoother for both of them. Sasuke didn't care about what anybody else would think of them. Naruto should, too.
"I love you," Sasuke said once again.
Those words were becoming sort of like his chant. Naruto was getting irritated by it. How could someone like him manage to say words like those easily (or so it seemed to Naruto)? It was illogical. He was probably playing around him.
"I hate you," Naruto hissed.
He broke the hug and began walking away. Sasuke was an insensitive jerk, is an insensitive jerk, and always will be an insensitive jerk. Naruto felt like such a fool. He actually believed that maybe Sasuke would learn that the world didn't go around him, that he couldn't always get what he wanted. That maybe he had to sacrifice a lot of things in order to get his dreams.
Naruto felt that like such a fool because of himself, too. Why couldn't he just get this chance? Why couldn't he just not care about the consequences of this thing? Why was growing up so hard?
There was no point in hiding from the truth. He really did love Sasuke... but he couldn't love Sasuke. He never could. Because Sasuke had a dream that he could never help in achieving. Sasuke wanted a family, a clan. Not only was Naruto unable to produce heirs, he wasn't also the one on the bottom, no matter how many people thought that he was the one on the bottom.
He felt arms around his waist once again and a comforting weight on his shoulder. It was Sasuke again.
"Naruto... loves me, too," he said. "I know that he does."
"Why are you talking like that?" Naruto asked. "I know that I don't love you. I'm Naruto so I should know that best."
"Naruto's an idiot but he's not that much of an idiot. Naruto does what he wants to do. Naruto's spontaneous. You're not Naruto. Not the Naruto I fell in love with. You're far too serious."
"People can change, too, you know!"
He hated it, this Sasuke. The soft-spoken one with long patience. This wasn't the Sasuke he grew up with. But he couldn't stop himself from wanting to believe this Sasuke. The way that he was acting... this wasn't like Naruto at all. He wanted to give in, but he couldn't because if he did... if he did... then Sasuke wouldn't be truly happy.
"You'll only end up regretting this," Naruto said.
It happened so fast that he didn't know what happened. The next thing he knew, he was clutching a bruised cheek and Sasuke was snarling at him. The bastard was so emotional today, wasn't he?
"You're such an idiot!" he exclaimed. "You're so fucking unbelievable! Don't you get it?! I don't even care about that stupid dream of mine! I don't care about anyone else but you!"
That was a lie. Both of them knew that. As long as Itachi was alive, he would always be first in Sasuke's mind. It hurt Naruto to think of that, but it was the truth.
"It hurts. Saying my emotions, swallowing my pride. Those words that I've said... they burn me, too," Sasuke said.
"Then why don't you keep on saying them?" Naruto asked. "If it hurts you so much to say that you love me, then that must mean that you really don't love me."
"I don't know how to express my feelings clearly. I try my best to do it. I just wish that you'd grow a brain and start seeing between the lines. I love you... and it hurts saying that because I've never tried to put a feeling so strong into words. And it hurts even more because you keep on saying that you don't love me!"
Sasuke wasn't making any more sense. His logic was twisted, Naruto knew that especially. Not that he didn't particularly care because his logic was just as twisted, too. After he heard him say all of those words, he began to not understand the reason why he was refusing something like that. Sasuke was alright with it all, wasn't he? But more than often, he'd made a lot of mistakes. Naruto knew that it was sometimes up to him to do the right decisions for Sasuke.
Kakashi would definitely laugh if he heard that. Naruto, making decisions for Sasuke? A laugh. Naruto was just like Sasuke in that field. Both of them screwed at the decision department.
Ninja were supposed to live life spontaneously, right? To take what they had and deal with it or use it to their advantage. Life could end at any minute for them, much more so than with other people. They should do what they had to do. Live life without regrets.
Or at least that was the reason Naruto told himself when he grabbed Sasuke and just kissed him out of the blue, much like how Sasuke did it to him back then.
Naruto could paint words with his mouth, so Sasuke didn't mind it at all. They both had issues with that word and perhaps maybe only Sasuke, oddly enough since Naruto was so bright, would have the courage to say it out loud.
"I love you," Sasuke said for the last time that day.
He buried his head in Naruto's chest, wanting to feel more of that intoxicating scent that would always and only belong to Naruto, that stupid dobe that cared far too much about others that he sometimes forgot about himself.
Naruto hummed in agreement. Sasuke was fine with just that. He was spoiled, but not that spoiled enough to coax an answer out of Naruto.
And so, perhaps that was how they came to term with the names of this thing that they called the relationship between the two of them. Or maybe nothing was resolved at all. They already knew the answer anyway, without anyone even speaking. In the end, maybe all of that drama was worth nothing anyway.
Sasuke sure wouldn't be one to say that. After all, he did get a good time that night, despite the horrible things he knew he would feel in the morning, because of that episode.
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