I'm killing time, so I decided to write a random crack story.
I am Roger. And I have been hired by someone (see author) with a stupid, bad idea that cannot possibly end well. I am to get all of the Death Note characters in one big room together (a problem within itself) and interview them about how to know if you are obsessed with Death Note. Just in case you are wondering, I wish to be cremated when I die. Here goes nothing.
I walked into the room where everyone was gathered, carrying my microphone.
"It sure took you long enough," Aizawa complained.
"Sorry," Roger apologized. He warily eyed Beyond Birthday, who was leaning against a wall, staring at everyone in the room with bloodlust in his crimson eyes.
Matt was absorbed in his video game, and Mello was eating a chocolate bar. L was crouching in a chair biting his nails and Light was laughing evilly across the room. Near was twirling his hair playing with his toys. Ryuk was eating an apple and Rem was just staring. Watari was sitting doing nothing. And so on.
Once Roger had everyone's attention, he began. "Alright…L…you first. In your opinion, how do you know if you are obsessed with Death Note?"
L bit his nail thoughtfully before replying, "Perhaps you are obsessed with Death Note if you start using an alias or the first letter of your name when you introduce yourself."
Roger walked over to Near. "Near, how do you know if you are obsessed with Death Note?"
"If you do a puzzle just to destroy it afterward, I suppose," answered Near calmly.
"What do you think, Mello?"
Mello took another bite of chocolate before saying into the microphone, "If you are obsessed with chocolate, you are probably obsessed with Death Note."
"Objection," L cut in, as if they were in a courtroom.
Here we go… Roger thought with a mental sigh.
"Objection to WHAT?" Mello demanded.
"I like chocolate very much, but I have no such obsession with Death Note," L argued.
"Yeah!" Misa exclaimed. "Just because someone likes chocolate doesn't automatically mean they have an obsession!"
"Sure it does! You eat the chocolate because you want to be like me!" Mello countered.
"Who would want to be like you?" asked Misa. "You just eat chocolate all day and get fat!"
"I am not fat!" exclaimed Mello, enraged.
"He speaks the truth," Near said, without looking up.
Matt looked around the room and said, "Personally, I think that if you like video games, you are obsessed with Death Note." He looked back down at his game and continued to play.
"That's so not true!" Takada cried, yanking the video game system out of Matt's hands.
"Hey, don't touch him, b*tch!" Mello shouted at Takada, snatching Matt's video game out of her hands. Mello handed the game back to him before punching Takada in the face.
Light sprinted over. "You don't hit a girl!" he scolded.
Near chucked a toy robot at them. "Shut up," he commanded.
"You little punk!" Mello shouted. Watari stepped in.
"Everyone, calm dow—" Watari began, before he was tackled to the ground by Beyond Birthday.
"Shut up, old man!" Beyond said, "this is beginning to get interesting!"
"Watari!" L cried, rushing over to him. L turned to B. "How dare you knock over this old man?" L jumped up and kicked Beyond in the face.
"So that's how it will be…" Beyond muttered. Beyond and L kicked each other at the same time, evenly matched.
Misa was screaming.
To shut her up, Mogi took a large piece of chocolate from Mello and shoved it into Misa's mouth. She dropped to the ground.
Ryuk chucked an apple at Matsuda and hit him in the head with it.
Light randomly started laughing his Kira laugh. "That's right…I am Kira!" he exclaimed.
"Yeah, we know," Soichiro said. "It's pretty obvious. You do an evil grin every time something happens in Kira's favour."
"You knew? !"
"The entire time," Soichiro confirmed. Light died.
Suddenly, Rem, without explaination (or because the author wants to finish this because it's not very good in the first place), killed everyone in the room. Ryuk laughed.
The end.
That failed. Sorry lol. It was just random crack that I wrote to kill time. Review? Please?