Summary: Rose gets a call from her mother just after the Doctor regenerates, informing her that she has a new stepfather and that her mum is five months pregnant. While a shocky Rose does the normal English thing of hauling her Doctor away from the console and into the kitchen to make tea, her mum sends her phone a picture of her new husband...SHORT ONESHOT
Please Tell Me You're Joking
The new Doctor put down his third cup of tea in alarm as Rose shrieked and fell out of her chair at their table, dropping her phone next to her cup. He barely managed to keep her from hitting the floor. Good thing Rose had given him tea, so soon after his regeneration, he was already in proper working order and had managed not to crash the ship. She'd yelled in alarm at something her mother had said and yanked him by Nine's overly large leather coat's lapels to the kitchen. Something Jackie'd told her had also had Rose in urgent need of tea.
Rose was adorable when she was babbling...but he didn't really like her being this upset so when the only answer he got to 'What's wrong with that?' upon being told that Jackie had remarried, was 'The Phone, look at the phone!', he frowned and moved to get his pink and yellow human off the floor first, before reaching for the phone.
He settled her securely into her seat but kept one hand one of her shoulders as he picked up the phone and stared in horror at the image and the caption with it.
'Your new stepfather! Isn't he gorgeous?'
Captain Jack Harkness' movie star image smiled back at him, waving with his filthy, trademark smile and 'Hello' on his lips.
"Ah hell."
"Yeah, I have to call him dad, now, don't I?"
"Um...well, this is going to be awkward."
"I know it's you, has to be, no way this kind of a mess could happen around anyone else. Well, best go see your new father in law."
"Father in law? Wait..."
"Shut up, Doctor. There's no way you're sticking me with dealing with Jack in the family by myself. NOT asking, here...telling. And I think the TARDIS agrees since she's moving and you're not driving."
He looked up in alarm, "Now just hang on!" He protested.
The Moon of Barlan, as the TARDIS well knew, had a population that would not tolerate opposite genders to travel together unless there was at least one married couple in attendance. When Rose explained her problem to an official, her upset was considered understandable by the judge in question and he had them married in ten minutes. Unfortunately for the Doctor, who had signed off on it with the intention of 'losing' the paperwork later, when asked if Rose wanted the court to register the marriage with the Shadow Proclamation, she nodded vigorously.
The Doctor groaned. Caught. He'd taught her too well and she learned too fast. On the upside, he didn't have to restrain himself... He cocked his head to the side as he thought about it. Hmmm...
Jackie still slapped him for making her miss Rose's wedding...and his father in law was still Jack.
"Ah hell." He again muttered at the TARDIS, making a face when the timeship laughed at him.
END