A/N: So I haven't written anything in forever. I have another story,When love is true, but I kind of left off on that. I'll try to get back to it. But enjoy this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the Characters

I knew as I sat out side the shack I'd called shelter for the past month, any attempt I've made so far had been in vain.

I had left.

I had left the one thing that made my life incredible, and now there was nothing. My world was black, blacker than it had been before her, nothing was worth anything anymore.

My futile attempts to keep her alive these past few months had been pointless; tracking was not my calling. Victoria slipped through my fingers here and now I had no idea where she was. But it doesn't matter. I've given up. I've given up forcing myself to live through each moment without her.

It was useless. I wouldn't make it. Two more days, two more years, two more centuries, they would be nothing without her. What was the point?

It's time for me to go back. I want her. I need her. She is my life, my love, my light. I would make it work, some way, some how, it will work out.

The sun was setting, a brilliant painting of orange and pink, something most people would find beautiful; But not me. Nothing was beautiful any more, nothing. Music made me cringe, memories of her flood back. The pain I felt was a close competitor to the pain of my creation, but not the same. No, this was more the feeling of being ripped apart from the inside out than fire. Or maybe it was being crushed. My dead insides, my dead heart, they were being crushed; some unknown pressure pushing down on them, slowly, painfully.

If I could cry, I would. How I wished I could cry. The feeling of relief as you let out your grief, it's a feeling I barely remember, if at all.

It's simply amazing, amazing what Bella could do to me. Isabella Swan, a fragile, accident-prone human. How could she cause me to feel so many things?

Love. I loved her. It's an amazing feeling, this love. It's overwhelming too, your body doesn't know how to comprehend it. But it's wonderful, that much is undeniable.

Frustration. Oh how she could work me up. I hated the way I couldn't read her mind, the way she edited her thoughts. Her actions would always be opposite of what I expected; I had no idea what she was thinking. And the way she took everything so calmly. The way she didn't run screaming when she found out what I was. The way she had no sense of self preservation. She couldn't understand that she was much weaker than I was, but she always put me first. That frustrates me, but I love her.

Anger. Never at her, though. No, I could never be angry with such an angel. But she could make me so angry with myself. Angry that I constantly put her in danger, constantly lusted for her blood, constantly had to watch myself so I wouldn't hurt her. Yes, I absolutely loathed myself at times, I was absolutely livid with myself at times. But, I love her.

Sadness. What a terrible word for what I'm feeling. It doesn't come close to describing it. Not close at all. Sadness, grief, anguish, depression; none of them are good enough. Why? Because I'm empty; a void. Anything I'm feeling, is beyond those words, much worse. The pain is much worse than pain. Both are so unbearable it's like I feel nothing, if that makes any sense. And it's because I love her so much that I feel this.

I slowly stand up and walk away from the small shack. The sun was gone, so I can go out.

I'm going home. I'm going to see her. My sweet Bella.

I wondered if she would want me back, if she would welcome me. Or maybe, just maybe, she had moved on like I hoped. Maybe she found someone else how could give her a normal life; marriage, children, growing old. Or maybe she would just no longer want to see me. Maybe she decided I wasn't good for her, and she would find someone.

Either way, if I went home to find that, I would accept it. It was what I wanted, what was best for her. Even if it hurt, and I knew it would, I would step back. Maybe I could watch her from afar, keep tabs on her, keep her a live.

But when her life ends… so will mine. There is no reason for me to be in this world if she isn't. I'd follow her to the after life, if I get one. I'd find a way for me to leave this earth.

But I don't have to think of that now, because I'm going home. My entire body yearns for it. Oh how I want to hold her again, hold her warm body to mine. I love the way she can warm me, even if for just a little. The way she blushes at the smallest things, they way she reacts when I touch her. That heart gives away everything, and I love it.

I'm just stepping out my door when I notice that my phone is ringing. I vaguely realize it's been ringing on and off for the past hour. I reach for it and flip it open. It's Rosalie; god knows what she could want now.

"Yes?" I ask flatly into the phone. I don't want to talk to her, to any of my family. I don't want to hear what they have to say.

"Edward," she breathes, "Finally, I've been trying to reach you for over an hour." She sounds sadden… solemn, and that raises slight interest in me. I wait for her to continue.

"Edward…. Alice had a vision," she says quickly, "its Bella… I… she jumped, Edward. She jumped off a cliff. She's gone… I'm so sorry Edward." She sounded like she meant it, like she was truly upset. Under any other circumstances, I would be surprised, but not now.

My body seems to freeze, the world seems to stop. I don't say anything. I simply can't. She's saying something, I can hear the murmur of her voice, but I can't make it out; I don't want to. Those two words are repeating through my mind, "She's gone…"

I drop the phone, my fist closing around the empty space it used to occupy. However black my world was before, it seems to get much darker. There is no longer, no longer a point for me. I crumpled to the floor, the pain excruciating. My chest is slowly being ripped open, my lifeless heart slowly being cut out. I wish I could cry now more than ever.

Maybe…. Maybe it hasn't come true. Maybe she is wrong. Please, god, if there is one please let me keep my Bella. I reach for the phone and slowly dial the number I know so well. I rarely call it, not having a need to, but I have it memorized, burned into my mind forever.

"Hello?" the voice was not Bella's, but it was not Charlie's either. It was the dog. I hold back a growl erupting from my chest and speak.

"Charlie Swan, please," I say in a emotionless voice. What is he doing there, in her house? Why would he be there?

"He's at the funeral, who's calling?" The funeral. It's true… she's dead. My love, my Bella, she's gone.

And it's my fault.

Suddenly, I'm on my feet and running. To where, I have no idea, but I'm running. And I'm in a forest, knocking over trees, yelling as I do. Why? Why is fate so cruel? To take something so precious from this world.

This is my fault, all my fault. I shouldn't have left! I should have stayed, watched her, kept her safe. But now she's gone, and it's my entire fault. She's gone, I can't have her back, I'll never have the one I need.

I finally fall to the ground, my body shaking in dry sobs. The desire to cry has intensified. Never have I been this pathetic, but it doesn't mater. I lay there, unmoving except for my shaking body. No pain can ever match this.

She's gone…

She's gone…

She's gone.