Title: The Burden of Heritage
Summary: At least they'll die together; you try to reconcile to yourself.
Rating: PG
Feedback: Pretty Please!!
Disclaimer: If I owned Alias, this fic wouldn't be in existence because Lauren would never have appeared on the show.
Author's Note: I am a die-hard S/V shipper and I have believed Lauren to be evil from the moment I saw the finale. I have never strayed in my opinion, even though my best friend says it's too easy. Unfortunately, my muse decided to listen to my friend and this came to me last night. I am no way supporting Lauren in any fashion, but this is a possibility that would still make Lauren evil, but not straight up evil. (Does that make sense?)
Hopefully my muse will return to my nice happy, if not a bit angsty, shipper stories that I've been working on lately. I'm guessing she's a little bit ticked that she got sunburned in Tahiti and had to come back to me begging for some S/V fun.
Thanks to Michele for the title!
*****
You hate the situation you've been thrown into. All because of your father and his greed for control. You're here because of him. You're here because of a stupid mistake he made, and now he's trying to dig his way out with you as a lifeline. To save himself, he offered them you. After all, you were in a position to help them...and him.
You've never been close to him, since your mother raised you in England. But he's still family, he's still your father. And family is the most important thing, right?
In the beginning, it wasn't hard working for them. All you had to do was make Michael Vaughn move on, by loving you. He was a remarkable man. And you were awed by the fact that he did love you. It was an incredible gift to receive from him.
But at the same time you felt guilt, shame, because you weren't the one he was supposed to love in his life. You were playing him. It didn't help that you had fallen for him too. They didn't know this. You had to keep that a secret. So you continued on with life, with him, loving him and earning his love in return.
You think you're a decent person, with morals and a conscious. You joined the NSC to do the right thing, to help your native country. But right now there's only one thing going through your head:
'You've killed your husband.'
Maybe you haven't killed him with your hands, but you have with your words. You're the reason why he and Sydney are going to die this night. You feel the guilt weighing down on you and you want to cry, you want to scream, you want to give up. And maybe this act will be over soon.
At least they'll die together; you try to reconcile to yourself. You've been jealous of Sydney Bristow for a long time. You read her entire file when you were first given this assignment. You pity her because her entire life has been of lies, pain, and the world of spies and espionage since the day she was born. You wouldn't trade your life for what she's gone through, but you would trade yourself for the obvious love and devotion she has because of him.
Yes, he loves you, and yes you're his wife - but he'll never love you the way he loves her. His love for you is only a fraction of what he feels for her. You're companionship, a sweet woman to help him through his days of grief. A woman who is lying to him, you think as well but you push that aside for now.
You envy them. Not only because of what they do, a job that she trained for, but never was allowed to take. She knows the reason why now - her father. Her father had once again stepped into her life, making her bend to his wishes.
No, you envy them because of what they found in each other. They found love, trust, and friendship that has withstood so many lies, pain, and time. It is obvious that they still love each other when you watch them interact in the office. It is obvious because he will still bend over backward to keep her safe, no matter if it meant lying to you, his wife. You feel sorry for him, knowing the pain and conflict he feels because you're here and she's there.
You look at a picture of the two of you smiling, and all you can see is your guilt and lies. He's not innocent either you try to convince yourself. He shouldn't be smiling and loving you when he still loves her more. But you still can't blame him. It's your fault he's in this position, when he should be with her because she's back. He should have mourned her those full two years instead of moving on to you. You've never felt the pain of loss before, but even you realize that you came into to his life too soon. He needed the time.
But no, you forced him out of his shell, out of his grief and made him love you. Each day, from the first time you met him, to your first date, and the day you married, you wanted to tell him the truth. You wanted to tell him that she was alive. But you also wanted forgiveness for your actions. Something you don't feel you'll ever receive.
'You've killed your husband.'
The words keep floating around in your head. You managed to kill Lazarey without truly thinking about what you had done. You'd never met the man in real life. But Michael is another matter. You know him. You're intimate with him. Were intimate with him, but never again.
You want to believe that you never would have taken this assignment if you had known this would happen. Maybe you would have told your father to deal with his own problems and not to involve you. But your father's very persuasive, isn't he? After all, that's how he got his position as a Senator.
You think that maybe it's all over now. You can go home and have your own life again. Maybe you'll be rid of your father's problems and the Covenant. But that'll never happen. You're in too deep now. They'll keep asking things of you, they'll want information. You're not just a pretty face keeping a man company anymore; you've become a mole.
For the past few months you've watched Michael and Sydney thwart the Covenant, and you cheered. You wanted to take them down. But life's never easy is it? The Covenant asked more from you once Lazarey's murder investigation had been closed. You had purposely kept silent on the CIA's work against them, but it hadn't been too difficult since you rarely had contact with them. You had hoped to stay on the sidelines, doing your job like you were supposed to, but nothing more. You didn't want to get involved, but they made you.
Because of your actions, you are now responsible for the death of a couple that should rightly be together. They should be openly in love, dating, kissing, and enjoying a life that they deserved. They never asked for any of this. They never asked to have their life interrupted two years ago. They never asked to walk through a minefield just to be together. Because that's what this was - a minefield. Step one foot out of place, and you could be killed.
When you hear news that they are still alive and coming home, you can't help but feel relieved. You know you're supposed to act this way as his wife, but you feel it because that's one less weight on your shoulder. You haven't killed your husband.
Yet at the same time you wish it was all over. You're still stuck in this mess, and you have to keep acting and lying. One day they'll catch you, because it's inevitable, and even though you want to survive, you would welcome the end to this charade. You want to let everything out and even more, you just want to say 'I'm sorry' to everyone.
It will end, you tell yourself.
You just hope it's someday soon.
Summary: At least they'll die together; you try to reconcile to yourself.
Rating: PG
Feedback: Pretty Please!!
Disclaimer: If I owned Alias, this fic wouldn't be in existence because Lauren would never have appeared on the show.
Author's Note: I am a die-hard S/V shipper and I have believed Lauren to be evil from the moment I saw the finale. I have never strayed in my opinion, even though my best friend says it's too easy. Unfortunately, my muse decided to listen to my friend and this came to me last night. I am no way supporting Lauren in any fashion, but this is a possibility that would still make Lauren evil, but not straight up evil. (Does that make sense?)
Hopefully my muse will return to my nice happy, if not a bit angsty, shipper stories that I've been working on lately. I'm guessing she's a little bit ticked that she got sunburned in Tahiti and had to come back to me begging for some S/V fun.
Thanks to Michele for the title!
You hate the situation you've been thrown into. All because of your father and his greed for control. You're here because of him. You're here because of a stupid mistake he made, and now he's trying to dig his way out with you as a lifeline. To save himself, he offered them you. After all, you were in a position to help them...and him.
You've never been close to him, since your mother raised you in England. But he's still family, he's still your father. And family is the most important thing, right?
In the beginning, it wasn't hard working for them. All you had to do was make Michael Vaughn move on, by loving you. He was a remarkable man. And you were awed by the fact that he did love you. It was an incredible gift to receive from him.
But at the same time you felt guilt, shame, because you weren't the one he was supposed to love in his life. You were playing him. It didn't help that you had fallen for him too. They didn't know this. You had to keep that a secret. So you continued on with life, with him, loving him and earning his love in return.
You think you're a decent person, with morals and a conscious. You joined the NSC to do the right thing, to help your native country. But right now there's only one thing going through your head:
'You've killed your husband.'
Maybe you haven't killed him with your hands, but you have with your words. You're the reason why he and Sydney are going to die this night. You feel the guilt weighing down on you and you want to cry, you want to scream, you want to give up. And maybe this act will be over soon.
At least they'll die together; you try to reconcile to yourself. You've been jealous of Sydney Bristow for a long time. You read her entire file when you were first given this assignment. You pity her because her entire life has been of lies, pain, and the world of spies and espionage since the day she was born. You wouldn't trade your life for what she's gone through, but you would trade yourself for the obvious love and devotion she has because of him.
Yes, he loves you, and yes you're his wife - but he'll never love you the way he loves her. His love for you is only a fraction of what he feels for her. You're companionship, a sweet woman to help him through his days of grief. A woman who is lying to him, you think as well but you push that aside for now.
You envy them. Not only because of what they do, a job that she trained for, but never was allowed to take. She knows the reason why now - her father. Her father had once again stepped into her life, making her bend to his wishes.
No, you envy them because of what they found in each other. They found love, trust, and friendship that has withstood so many lies, pain, and time. It is obvious that they still love each other when you watch them interact in the office. It is obvious because he will still bend over backward to keep her safe, no matter if it meant lying to you, his wife. You feel sorry for him, knowing the pain and conflict he feels because you're here and she's there.
You look at a picture of the two of you smiling, and all you can see is your guilt and lies. He's not innocent either you try to convince yourself. He shouldn't be smiling and loving you when he still loves her more. But you still can't blame him. It's your fault he's in this position, when he should be with her because she's back. He should have mourned her those full two years instead of moving on to you. You've never felt the pain of loss before, but even you realize that you came into to his life too soon. He needed the time.
But no, you forced him out of his shell, out of his grief and made him love you. Each day, from the first time you met him, to your first date, and the day you married, you wanted to tell him the truth. You wanted to tell him that she was alive. But you also wanted forgiveness for your actions. Something you don't feel you'll ever receive.
'You've killed your husband.'
The words keep floating around in your head. You managed to kill Lazarey without truly thinking about what you had done. You'd never met the man in real life. But Michael is another matter. You know him. You're intimate with him. Were intimate with him, but never again.
You want to believe that you never would have taken this assignment if you had known this would happen. Maybe you would have told your father to deal with his own problems and not to involve you. But your father's very persuasive, isn't he? After all, that's how he got his position as a Senator.
You think that maybe it's all over now. You can go home and have your own life again. Maybe you'll be rid of your father's problems and the Covenant. But that'll never happen. You're in too deep now. They'll keep asking things of you, they'll want information. You're not just a pretty face keeping a man company anymore; you've become a mole.
For the past few months you've watched Michael and Sydney thwart the Covenant, and you cheered. You wanted to take them down. But life's never easy is it? The Covenant asked more from you once Lazarey's murder investigation had been closed. You had purposely kept silent on the CIA's work against them, but it hadn't been too difficult since you rarely had contact with them. You had hoped to stay on the sidelines, doing your job like you were supposed to, but nothing more. You didn't want to get involved, but they made you.
Because of your actions, you are now responsible for the death of a couple that should rightly be together. They should be openly in love, dating, kissing, and enjoying a life that they deserved. They never asked for any of this. They never asked to have their life interrupted two years ago. They never asked to walk through a minefield just to be together. Because that's what this was - a minefield. Step one foot out of place, and you could be killed.
When you hear news that they are still alive and coming home, you can't help but feel relieved. You know you're supposed to act this way as his wife, but you feel it because that's one less weight on your shoulder. You haven't killed your husband.
Yet at the same time you wish it was all over. You're still stuck in this mess, and you have to keep acting and lying. One day they'll catch you, because it's inevitable, and even though you want to survive, you would welcome the end to this charade. You want to let everything out and even more, you just want to say 'I'm sorry' to everyone.
It will end, you tell yourself.
You just hope it's someday soon.