"You know, you still haven't told me where your fascination with murder came from."
She was never going to let go, was she? A small rational part of his brain noted that he had conned her secret out of her on their first meeting, and really it was only fair.
The rest of his brain was just…annoyed. It was an odd feeling, and the reversal of roles didn't escape him. Him, annoyed at her, the curious cat?
"I was five years old."
Five years, four months, three days.
"We were summering in the Hamptons."
Sagaponack. Staying in that great big blue house on the edge of the water, angled just right so that you couldn't possibly sleep past six in the morning when the rays soaked through the curtains.
"I was pretty much left to my own devices."
"RICHARD CASTLE GET BACK HERE YOU NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY BOY. I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with him, he's just absolutely uncontrollable. Richard! I'm not calling you again!"
Together, they were hiding together and there was barely enough room for the two of them in the little nook where the cellar met the house. Who cares what mother was raving about? Who cared about this weird big house?
They were two and that was plenty.
"This one day, I was walking along the beach. I was miles from where I'd started."
They were clambering over the rocks along the shore, racing. Of course he was first; wasn't the housekeeper always calling him a little monkey?
"I win! I win I win I win!"
"Not fair you cheated!"
"You're just mad because first is the best second is the worst and everyone knows it!"
"You're so dumb first's the best second's the same. Dumbo."
"Hey I'm telling mom no name calling!"
"That's right go cry to mommy why don't you. Waaaah waaaaaaaah I'm Rick and I cry to my mommy waaaaaaa—"
"I was just about to turn back…"
"Stop that!"
"Hey ow that hurt!"
"…when I saw something had washed up on the beach. I thought, maybe it's a whale, or a turtle, or a sea lion. So I ran over to see what it was."
"What was it?"
"It was a boy."
Something…a blur…they were always getting into scrapes…did he push? Did she pull?
"—LIZZY!" Oh no oh no no no "Lizzy? Are you okay? Liz!"
Red. Everywhere. Her hair. Red. So red.
"I didn't do it…" his voice, a whisper.
"My age."
Five years, four months, three days, minus three minutes.
"It was our housekeeper's son."
He was supposed to protect her, those three minutes meant he was her older brother mom had said. But they were just two parts of the same person, one soul in two…
"It must have just happened, cause the tide hadn't washed away the blood. We'd just played hide and go seek the day before."
The tide somehow rose up, up higher than ever before. By the time they were packed there wasn't even a trace.
"What happened to him?"
"They never found out."
It wasn't his fault, it was no one's fault, it was a terrible accident, everything would be fine, don't worry about it, it's okay, give it time…
How much time does it take?
"I'm so sorry, Castle."
At that moment, at the tone in her voice, the glimmer of understanding, he wishes he'd been honest. He's never wanted so badly to just go back in time, just one minute. One minute and change everything…
But all he can do is plaster on his grin and take refuge in her predictable rage.
"You made that up?"
"It's what I do!"
Try every day to understand.