Sequel/series info: mentions incidents in my fic "Hiding in plain sight" also set after Cypher episode, season one.
Summary: still a few issues for the guys to deal with after Lash and the hospital and everything…
Storm lashed, ship wrecked and tossed gasping onto shore...by Roo
A storm was coming; Jim could feel it in the air. Boiling, brewing, coming ever closer and there was nothing he could do to stop it. But, oh how he wanted to stand in the drenching downpour of rain and lose himself.
Still more asleep than awake, Jim turned over in bed searching for the lost memory of being in a tropical storm, not knowing why it would be important. Settling into deeper sleep his unconscious mind took flight and grew wings.
He was surrounded by the storm, there was nothing he couldn't feel- and yet it did not overwhelm him. How could it not with Incacha standing there with him, his hand centred on his back grounding him to the earth, to his shaman, to his soul.
He could feel the power of the wind and pushing his awareness he sensed animals taking flight, and hiding to ride out the storm. The wind buffeted and raged and then the rain came. Steady and heavy drenching him in seconds. He could feel the rivulets running down his skin, taking away his sweat and dirt. He did not feel cold. He smelled the earth come alive drinking in the water for current and future use. The rain would not last long. The clouds raced past and all was still again. Like the first day on earth he imagined. Silence- apart from intermittent pattering of water drops from laden leaves splatting onto the sodden ground. The cool air gave way again to warmth and he could almost see the steam rising.
He opened his eyes to see Incacha smiling at him, nodding in approval. It had not been a test of his senses as such, just learning to be at one with himself and the world he realised. 'God, Blair would have liked this' he thought. He looked back and Incacha was gone and harsh winds buffeted him. Leaves, debris and twigs whirled around and he was lost in the maelstrom.
"Look after your Guide!" Incacha said loudly into his ear.
Jim flashed back to the hospital where he'd been sitting vigil next to Blair's bed in ICU after his dramatic rescue from Lash.
"No!" he cried out. It was so unfair. Blair who ate healthy foods, told him to lay off the Wonder burgers- had had an allergic reaction to the drug Lash had used. For several days the doctors had been fighting a battle and Blair was trying but it wasn't enough.
Motor and neural functions were depressed and Naomi gave permission for them to turn the machines off. It was what Blair would have wanted she said. Organs could be donated and used by half a dozen needy people. It seemed so right and yet so wrong.
The phone rang...
Jim woke up bolt upright in bed, heart pounding. Blair wasn't dead! He was right down stairs. He flung himself out of bed, grabbed the phone and hissed "Hello!" into it. He hurriedly padded down the steps and checked in on Blair. He was there, zonked untidily as usual- for once deeply asleep not stuck in a nightmare. Maybe whacking Tessa's mugger yesterday had been the right way to go after all. Maybe it was just him that was going nuts.
"Jim? What's wrong? Why are you whispering?"
"Maybe because it's the middle of the night, Simon?"
"No it isn't it's 0830…"
"What is it?" Jim asked, ignoring the fact that he'd overslept and dreamt Blair was dead. He went into the kitchen and put the kettle on for coffee and Blair's tea.
"Just checking if you're cleared to come back to work today or tomorrow."
"Tomorrow Simon- 100 percent."
"And you're not 100 percent now?"
"Yes…no. It's complicated."
"When isn't it with you, since Sandburg came on the scene?"
"Hey, he's helping me out! And he's done good stuff in the department; you have to admit that Simon," Jim objected.
"Yes, but he seems to get into a lot of trouble…"
"What, you think I like that any better than you do? This thing with Lash was really close…and it got me a bit rattled…"Jim replied.
"Okay, Jim. See you tomorrow. Do whatever you have to do today. Did you get the Crime Incident photos you wanted?"
"Thanks for the copies. I'll fill out the forms today. I should have done them last week."
"What, while you were at the hospital with him? And then in court after that?"
"I hear you. Bye Simon."
Jim decided to let Blair sleep as long as his body would let him. Obviously his own encounter with the chloral hydrate had given him weird dreams and made him oversleep despite the hospital stay. He and Blair needed to talk about what happened with Lash and coping with the aftermath.
Today would be good- he had to fill out his insurance claim forms for the door and broken furniture and a replacement TV and light fittings. He had copies of the police reports he and Blair had given last week to go with the photos. Should be a slam dunk in the insurance world. As for Blair and himself- he wasn't so sure.
The mere fact that he'd lost track of how badly Blair wasn't coping this past week, proved it. Blair was right; he'd had to act instinctively when the mugger attacked Tessa.
Instinctively.
Interesting word. Why hadn't Jim noticed? Blair was helping him with his senses and since he'd been living at the Loft Jim was attuned to Blair. Was that why he'd had the dream with Incacha? He hadn't lied to Simon when he'd said he was a bit rattled.
Routine, he needed to get back to his routine. He showered and got dressed. There was still no sign of Sandburg by the time he put some bagels in to toast. He went over and tapped on the door frame.
"Darwin, you okay in there?" Jim could sense him slowly waking up and coming to. "Mm...up" was the sleepy reply. Jim stood for another half minute listening as Sandburg fumbled for his glasses, yawned and got out of bed. On remote control, Blair headed for the bathroom without registering Jim in the kitchen. Jim wasn't worried he figured Blair had earned the right not to be chirpy every morning. A quarter of an hour later a cleaner, scrubbed Blair passed by.
"Morning, Jim."
"Morning."
Blair stopped, "You're not going in today?" he asked.
"No."
"Are you okay? I mean the hospital cleared you didn't they?"
"Yes, they did. You were there too."
"Oh, right. Then..?"
"I have paperwork to file and the docs did say to take it easy today. So I'm here."
"Right. Fine. Whatever." Blair continued to his room to dress, returning a few minutes later.
Jim passed him some fresh bagels with cream cheese and a mug of tea.
"Thanks."
"No problem." Jim said, watching as Blair ate not really looking at him.
"What?" Blair muttered.
"Nothing, I've eaten already."
"So do you have to watch me eat mine? Right, I'm done. Got stuff to do. See you later." Blair hurriedly finished and shoved his chair away from the table and what he thought were Jim's accusing eyes.
"Sandburg. What's wrong? You seemed better yesterday…"
"Well, maybe I've had time to think about things since then."
"Can we at least talk about it a little?"
"Wow, you want to talk, that's got to be a first!" Blair said sarcastically.
"Hey, I'm trying to help here! I know you must be feeling….."
"Butt out! How do you know what I'm feeling! Last week a madman broke in here, abducted me and then almost killed me. This week I almost killed a guy. Okay he was a mugger! But I didn't know what I was doing."
"Okay…"
"No it's not okay. I feel like I'm losing control. I feel…used. I don't know."
"I know how you feel." Jim tried again.
"Yeah, right! You're so in control, you get mad when I move the toothpaste."
"Sandburg, get things in perspective. I wasn't in control of this Sentinel thing when I met you. Over control in my life lost me my marriage and it's why I don't have any contact with my family."
"So?"
"I was in the Army, Sandburg. They like things run to order, in order and by orders. But bad stuff happens, things take a left turn sometimes and you have to deal with it and move on. You learn from it, don't let it rule you for the rest of your life."
"But you blamed yourself for your team in Peru; there are still things there that you haven't let out. It's still shaping who you are even if you don't acknowledge it." Blair insisted.
Jim sighed, thinking about his rainforest dream earlier. "Maybe so. And maybe I'm not supposed to remember everything, only when I need to. Did you think of that? Anyway, we were talking about you. Don't try and steer the conversation away…"
"What's to talk about? I let a madman in and nearly died!"
"I know that! Besides, you didn't let him in- he forced his way in and you fought back. You kept him talking long enough so that I could find you. The work we've done together meant I could focus on what was in the water and where you might be."
Blair sat back down at the table and buried in head in his hands. He looked up at Jim.
"Sometimes I wonder if Naomi, my mom, was right. That working for the police would get me killed."
"No! Don't say that. If you hadn't conned your way into the hospital that day, I'd probably be in a padded cell pumped full of drugs by now! We'd never have saved that bus full of people being blown up. Or the precinct being taken over. We made a difference. That's what you have to remember."
"Then why didn't I feel like this those other times? Why now?"
"Because you thought you were going to die from the drugs even though I'd rescued you and killed Lash and it was pretty damn scary. I was scared Blair. I didn't like it any better than you did."
"Really? Wow. I never thought about it like that."
"Really. You should have seen them all at the precinct, busting their guts trying to finding you. We all looked pretty silly, assuming that "Dr Bates" really was the FBI's forensic psychiatrist." Jim reminded Blair.
"I know. If you're that worried about having a partner again…"
"I lost a partner before and it's why I was working solo by the time you came on board. And with this Sentinel thing, I can feel…very protective of people. Especially you. I can't change that. You don't know if I'm going to come home if I get called out do you? It must have crossed your mind? And yet you've carried on, like I carry on. I don't want you to go. Not like this." Jim pleaded.
"It's not like I'm used to thinking about death every day, my death, your death. Simon said I could talk to the department counsellor. I guess I'd better sign up for that or I'm going to be the one in the padded room." Blair smiled grimly.
Jim nodded, agreeing. "One step at a time Darwin."
"Okay, I do really have some face to face stuff I need to catch up on over at the Uni. I got to go out for a while. I'll come back for late lunch, Jim."
"Fine by me. I have paperwork of my own. Catch you later." Jim watched Blair grab his backpack and leave, and monitored him all the way to the car. He smiled as he "heard" Sandburg beg the engine to start after a few clunks and grinding noises. He knew that Sandburg was still processing the recent conversation and that "it "wasn't quite over yet, but he hoped it soon would be.
>>
Jim hated paperwork, especially official forms. He snorted, like he didn't see enough of them at work every day. But insurance claims? The absolute worst he reckoned and he'd come across a few doozies in the Army. Why couldn't they ask simple questions in English instead of stilted officialese? Something easy like- what happened? "A madman broke in" he could imagine Blair saying. Or how did the TV get damaged and what is the replacement cost? And they needed bigger boxes to write it all in as well.
It was done and dusted now and he had run out to the local copy shop and copied it for his own homeowner files, before posting the bulky envelope.
He had soup and rolls ready for lunch; he was just waiting on Blair. He stood out on the balcony admiring the view, watching the rain clouds coming in. He heard the distinctive sound of Sandburg's car limp its way into the slot below. Scrunch, squeak, and slam. Sandburg would be here in a few minutes, he should go inside and turn the soup on and warm the rolls.
A splash of water hit him in the eye. The rain had arrived. He turned his face upwards into the rain revelling the way it felt in this urban landscape. Same but also different to the rainforest.
He sensed air movement behind him as the balcony door slid open. Eyes still closed he reached out to monitor Sandburg. His friend seemed calmer now than this morning- that was good.
A familiar hand touched his back and he felt the 'connection' hum. Without turning or opening his eyes Jim asked, "Everything alright?"
"Yeah, got an appointment to talk to somebody. It's a start. You?"
"I'm good."
"What's with standing out here in the rain?"
"Feels good."
"But your clothes…"
"Are only clothes and they can dry. I remember doing this in Peru, cleansing, renewing…."
"Cool. But I don't think you should stand out here too long- this isn't the rainforest. And even if you can dial down your temperature- I can't"
"You don't have to stay."
"Are you nuts? Of course I'm going to stay. Just in case…something…you know…you might need me."
Jim smiled as Sandburg began to return to his old self and besides it wasn't that Jim needed Sandburg, they both needed each other.
Fate. Destiny. The way things were supposed to be.
END