Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar; The Last Airbender
Title: Charcoal Smells Pretty Bad, Yo.
Summary: They sleep in the ashes and the dust, on the wet ground, and Toph doesn't think she's ever slept harder. Not better, necessarily; just harder. Appa comes bounding over the horizon the next day, near sunset.
Setting: Literally the day after Fire Lord Sozen got his butt handed to him.
...
They sleep in the ashes and the dust, on the wet ground, and Toph doesn't think she's ever slept harder. Not better, necessarily; just harder. Appa comes bounding over the horizon the next day, near sunset.
They take Appa back to the palace city, for multiple reasons. For one- the airships got wrecked. For another- no one wants to get on one of the airships ever again, ever, in the history of all living. Appa probably felt left out anyhow, seeing how he didn't get to play that big a role in this whole shindig, on account of keeping him safe- flying bison versus lightning isn't something anybody wants to see- so he flies with determination and plenty of roars. They fly throughout the night, each taking a turn; which, for Toph, amounts to holding the reins and trying to seem competent. She's not scared of flying on Appa, per say- just cautious.
The commencement goes off without a hitch and plenty of tears, leaving the haunting idea of "what's next?" No one knows. Very few had harbored more than fantasies of what they would do if the war ended- after all, hadn't almost all of them been brought up in it? How do you manage a life without war? Zuko offers a simple, temporary solution- finding and arresting the people who will hold trial for war crimes, driving out volatile Fire Nation soldiers that refuse to come home and learn peace, freeing prisoners that didn't deserve imprisonment- cleanup work.
They're all halfway on Appa and out the door (Toph prefers climbing the side- his tail is a balancing act) when the Fire Sages intervene with a gentle please, Fire Lord Zuko, give it a few days. Our hawks can only travel so fast. Appa can fly much faster. It's unfair to the men and women who aren't aware that the war is over and he's in charge now.
Aang pronounces it a good plan. Zuko grunts a mild affirmative. Katara grabs Toph by the elbow and helps her back down without a word, which is something Toph has come to appreciate. That they just... help. And don't make a big deal about it. Or mention it. Or act like she's a burden, because they all know she's not, but people like to pretend sometimes, and it's annoying.
The next big problem is housing arrangements. The palace is huge and twisty, which makes it fun to explore, more than big enough to contain them all- it's just a matter of who goes where. They all get separate wings, if only for convenience- the Water Tribe, the Earth Kingdom, the Kyoshi Warriors and Freedom Fighters (though most of them mingle). Teo and his father get a room, obviously; ditto for Haru and Tyro. Hakoda stays with the Water Tribe troops for the night, though it's late when he leaves Sokka and Katara. Smellerbee and Longshot refuse to spend the night in a Fire Nation palace and leave- it's a surprise they even attended.
(They prefer their privacy, Toph's been told. No one's sure exactly what they are, only that they are, and they like to keep things professional. There's talk they might've married before the war ended- they're a right cautious lot, after all, and better to plan ahead for death. It's all rumors, but never mind all that.)
The Duke and Pipsqueak room with Toph. Not that big of a shocker, she supposes- The Duke seemed to enjoy their shared lack of size, and he had been the first to hug her when they returned. Aang and Zuko take up the same room- a show of trust. Fire Nation people prefer to keep these sorts of things private, but this is one thing that will travel. It's kinda sad that they're only one day out of the war and everything is already a political move. The members of the Order of the White Lotus that came get their own blocked off section, near the pond. Toph is under the very real understanding that they're to never reveal that they know about the Order to anyone ever, or the few names they do know. That's the price of knowing, she supposes.
Fire Nation rooms are more curvy and ornate than Earth Kingdom rooms. At least, that's what The Duke tells her. He says there's a bunch of pretty drawings on the furniture, the walls, but it's not anything she would recognize. Her fingers only reveal bumpy wallpaper and smooth wood. The heat of candles lick her until they blow them out, sprawling out on the futons. Toph cradles her head beneath her hands, keeping her ankles flat on the floor. Wood makes things muted, but there's enough metal that it doesn't really hinder her. She can feel the gentle shifting of their bodies, sense their breathing. Good.
Almost everyone is asleep, exhausted from the battle and all the partying. They'll have time to let this all sink in in a few days.
(You took the suicide mission, Toph. You took it and you knew the risks. You can't get all weird just because the obvious almost happened.)
Toph has that weird sensation where you fall asleep and wake up feeling like you're falling and habitually covers her mouth as she sits up, something she picked up to avoid drawing too much attention while they camped in the wilderness. It takes her a second to remember where she is. The wood floors complicate matters, blankets tangling in her legs. It's all too much, too soon.
"Toph?"
Toph freezes. It's impossible to tell what time of day or night it is, when man-made structures block the sensation of the natural world. You can't tell if it's daylight out with vibrations alone- it's the temperature, the feeling of shade or warm light on her skin. "Duke?"
"Yeah," he agreed. "You okay?"
"I think so." Toph pulled herself to her feet. Standing felt a little bit better. "Just... gonna go for a walk."
"Okay."
Shuffling. Toph thinks he might've rolled over.
The breeze that blows through her bangs as she takes measured steps around the outer walkway of the palace tells Toph it's either a chilly morning (for the Fire Nation, anyway) or around dawn. She keeps a single hand on the railing despite not needing it. Heavy boots thud by every few minutes; guards patrolling, keeping a silent eye on her as she passes. Before yesterday, Toph might've assumed they believed her to not be a threat. Not today. Maybe not ever again.
(To be fair, she probably looks like a mess. Hair rumpled, night clothes ruined, all that stuff. Gullible people eat that right up.)
Something unpleasant and panicky steadily lodged more and more into her belly. Toph knew, logically, that they were safe for now, that no one was stupid enough to attack where there was an army close by, but it all feels wrong. Unsafe. Icky.
The outer walls proved to be empty of enemies. As do the barracks. Toph fights the urge to check up on the Avatar and the new Fire Lord- one wrong creak of the floorboards and she'd be in danger for an entirely different reason. She tells herself any enemy would feel the same and turns to the gardens.
Gardens are... weird. By nature. It's not necessarily the concept so much as the execution. Stone benches under trees (where all the leaves fall and flying bugs gather), stone pathways that go nowhere, tiny bridges over ponds you can walk around- it's all so arbitrary. Like they were putting a chokehold over controlled chaos, reminding it that they were in charge and could only grow and move as they pleased.
Weird. At least the grass feels nice.
Toph walks the rock path, chucks a stone into the pond (splash is a very satisfying sound, even if she can't see it) and walks across the bridge. A splinter drives its way into the palm of her hand, and she pulls it out, rolling it between her thumb and forefinger.
Heavy footsteps creak behind her. Toph knows the tea and ash smell anywhere.
"Good morning," Iroh says.
"Hey," Toph says. She turns her head in his general direction; people like it when she does that. "What's up?"
"Oh, nothing much. I got up to grab a quick snack from the kitchens. It's been a while since I had access to the palace cooks, and I intend to take full advantage of the opportunity."
"You missed them."
"We all miss our favorite meals and the places we eat them." Iroh patted his belly. Toph felt a hand on her shoulder. "Would you like to join me for tea? It's too cold to be sitting around outside."
"Not as cold as the poles."
Iroh grunts an affirmative. "You've got me there. Still, it won't hurt to keep this old man company, will it?"
Toph holds up a hand. Iroh takes it, carefully pulling her up.
"Sounds good."
The Order of the White Lotus had been given room near the center of the palace, where everything is metal. Toph is fairly surprised she's even allowed back there, even if only for tea; then again, it's the documents they hold, not necessarily the men and women, that matter, and it's not like she can read. With that in mind, she may actually be no threat at all.
Iroh leads with confident steps to the room at the end of the hall. It's no different from any of the others; bed, desk, satchels, and a couple candles and lanterns. A giant table in the center.
"I had some servants bring me up a kettle earlier, and I've been keeping it warm for just the right occasion," he tells her, striding over to said kettle. "Please, sit down. This won't take long."
Toph finds a pillow to curl her knees on and settles in. She's gotten pretty used to small tables these past few months; her parents had gotten her a tall one, to avoid her having to bring her food up from too far away, but that's all in the past. Toph's free of that now, and free people use low tables.
Toph placed her hand on the smooth wood, spreading out her fingers. She can smell, just barely, some remains from dinner nearby. Food particles like to stick into crevices, and, sure enough, she locates a Fire Nation symbol chiseled into the center. Some things never change.
Liquid pours. Iroh's feet stride over and bend, depositing him on his perch with an 'ouf!' He places her cup directly center in front of her. "So, what brings you wandering around the palace at this hour?"
Toph finds the cup, takes a sip, and sets it back down. "Mind if I be real for a second?"
There's a long pause.
"If you nodded, I wouldn't know. Feet off the ground."
"Right, sorry. I nodded."
"I'm not the biggest fan of tea."
Iroh heaved a sigh. "Why must the people closest to me continually betray me in such a way?"
"It's an Earth Kingdom thing, I think. There's a lot more hot stews and soups."
"Stews and soups are rather enjoyable," he conceded. "But tea rises above them with grace and dignity."
"You always talk so poetically."
"It's a Fire Nation thing. We hold eloquence and cleverness in high regard, here." Toph heard the clink of the kettle as Iroh topped his cup off. "From what I've gathered during my travels, the Earth Kingdom prefers bluntness and courage."
"They are the best traits to have."
"What about bravery?"
Toph shrugged, pursing her lips. "I'm not sure bravery exists, honestly. Putting others before yourself- that's courage. And when you're in a fight, it's all about surviving and winning. That's desperation. The things we label as bravery are usually just spur of the moment ideas that happen to work."
"They wouldn't work if a coward was at the helm. It takes guts to sacrifice yourself."
"Hence courage."
"Touche. Personally, I believe bravery is in all of us. It's a little bit of our beings, clinging at the edges. Some of us indulge in it often, and it grows accordingly, while others would rather cut it off at the source."
"You would know best, I guess. Being a General and all."
The old man didn't respond. "Why are you out here?"
Toph fiddles with her tunic. She likes the feeling of the fabric running across her fingers. "It's complicated."
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
Toph tells him. "I keep feeling like there's a threat around every corner. I know, logically, that they aren't there, but I get all panicky and listless. I have to check."
"Ah," Iroh said. "I understand."
"You do?"
"Yes. My men had a word for this. They called it a spirit wound." He tapped his chest, though all Toph heard was a tiny thumping. "Your body is fine, but your spirit is not. It's wounded. All the danger and violence of war infected it, tore holes into it. Some of my men would just walk off the battlefield and never return. Others would have memory fits, like they had forgotten where they were. Bad business all the way around."
The notion sunk in along with the warm weight of the tea in her belly. Toph has never been a fan of things she can't work on. When she's sick, she gets better. When she's wounded, she wraps it. When she's captured, she escapes. How do you fix a damaged spirit? It's literally untouchable.
It must show on her face somehow, because Iroh goes on. "It'll scab over eventually. All wounds do. But it won't heal. Spirits are very delicate things, and when they're damaged they stay that way. Time will soothe you as best it can."
"I'm not exactly a pro at the waiting game, you know."
"Understandable. But I can promise you that it won't be a boring wait. Life rarely is truly boring."
Toph finished her cup and set it down, listening with a sense of anguish as Iroh filled it up again. She'd never be free of his tea, at this rate. Didn't that kettle have a bottom to it somewhere?
"So, what are your plans?" He asked, setting it down. "After this, I mean."
"That's obvious, isn't it? I'm gonna help Zuko do his thing."
"After that?"
"Eh." Toph cradled the back of her head with her arms. It's not as nice as a pillow, but it'll do. "I'm not much of a planner, if you can't tell."
Iroh ignored that. Or, perhaps, he simply didn't have a response. "I know it can be frightening. Finding a future, when your focus has been on the present for so long. But we have that luxury now! And we should take it."
Toph shifted awkwardly.
"You could be a teacher," he suggested. "You have the backbone for it."
She snorted. "One of those snobby guys that rich people hire? No thanks. You shouldn't have to be paid to help kids learn Earthbending. It's important to our culture. Just teach the dang kid Earthbending."
"I was thinking more about your Metalbending, actually." He nodded to the bracelet around her upper arm. "There's a lot of people who could stand to learn."
"It's a specialized bending. I'm not even sure that other people can do it; not unless they know how to see the rocks like I do."
"But there are plenty who would be willing to try. Trust me, that makes it a career."
The idea, frankly, seemed appealing. But Toph wasn't sure if she was suited to be Sifu for someone who wasn't as tough as Aang. He's sensitive, but his skin is as thick as an armadillo rhino. "Maybe I'll open a tea shop instead."
He laughed. "I encourage you to do so! It's such a nice way to live, if you're good at it. Even now, a part of me wants to return to Ba Sing Se and see if the Jasmine Dragon is still standing. Alas, I couldn't make tea there again."
"You could," she said.
"I could," he agreed, voice softening. "But people will be much less inclined to get tea from the General who attacked their city over a humble refugee. I'd sink the shop."
"That sucks. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I'm not."
Toph traced the symbol on the table again. So egotistical, yet so fitting. This place hasn't been in good company in years. Zuko will change that. (She's reminded of her clothing- all Fire Nation wear. In a way, wasn't she just like this table?) "I was always the lookout. When we were traveling," she admitted softly, feeling a mite embarrassed. Sitting here, drinking tea with an old man- she really didn't seem all that impressive. "People expected me to sense any danger and warn them. That's why they're in bed and I'm not. They're waiting for me to warn them, and I'm... I'm looking, I guess."
"That's a big responsibility," Iroh spoke with understanding, soothing her bristly nerves. "For someone so young."
"No more than anything else we've done."
"True. It's unfortunate. The Avatar shouldn't even be aware of his nature at your age, let alone be a master of the elements."
"Oh, trust me, he's no master. I should know- I'm one of his Sifus."
"He shouldn't even be up to Waterbending yet," Iroh responded. "It is enough."
"Touche."
"The world is changing, and the Avatar is changing with it. It is his duty." He took a long sip of tea. "Perhaps we should also learn to change."
"That's not exactly easy. Especially when you're an Earthbender."
"You can be un-moving and still change. Rocks do it with the very seasons."
The thought hadn't occurred to her. "Now I'm having an existential crisis."
"You're a bit too young for that as well. I'm sorry."
Toph gruffly shoved her cup back over to him. "I'm going to bed."
"That sounds wise."
"Thanks. For listening."
"Of course. Everyone should have a shoulder to lean on."
She stood and bowed, not entirely sure if she was doing so in the right direction or not. Yeah, she was bowing at the table, but it might not be at Iroh. "Good night."
"Good night. You should get some rest while you can." Iroh stood, gathering the dishes off the table. "The future is coming, and it won't be taking any prisoners."
Author's Note: I re-watched the show, had me some Toph and Iroh feels, and here I am. Ta-da!
-Mandaree1