A/N: All the many thanks to the wonderful thievinghippo for her beta work! :D

-1-

After days of clouds and rain, the sun finally shone through the windows. Normally, Ellana would have welcomed the sight, but she paid little mind to it, fiddling with a map marker between her fingertips, staring aimlessly at the same spot on the map laid over the war room table.

But Ellana hadn't come to resume planning out strategy for their eventual journey to the Arbor Wilds, or take stock of what still needed to be done before then. Even their planned trek to the Exalted Plains in the coming week was far from her thoughts. She had a much more pressing decision to make. And she was no closer to making one than when she first woke up.

She agreed for the judgment to be held in the morning, after the breakfast crowd had dispersed. Less chance of a large gathering that way. And Ellana saw no reason to draw this out, for either her or Black -no, Thom Rainier now- sakes.

Ellana hadn't known what to expect when she had followed him to Val Royeaux, but never in her wildest imaginings did she expect him to confess to the world, to her, that he was not in fact Warden Blackwall, but a wanted murderer named Thom Rainier. Ellana'd felt as if the ground had fallen out beneath her feet. Just as it had when her sister died, everything uprooted and shaken.

The day and weeks that had followed were a blur, marching from one task to the next only because she had to. Deliberating over how to get him released into Inquisition custody, the talks with Josephine over the terms. The anticipation and dread that it wouldn't be enough, or that someone in the prison would decide to kill him themselves. Her relief upon confirmation of his return to Skyhold had been temporary, reminded that she would have to pass judgment on him.

Ellana wrestled with it throughout the night before, fighting a civil war amongst herself over what the sentence should be. Torn between setting him free to live as himself and find his own path of atonement, or sending him to the Grey Wardens after Corypheus' defeat. She had hoped it would come to her, while out in the garden earlier, surrounded by the little piece of nature she had created for herself. But there had been no comfort to be found, her mind continuing to churn as she watered her embriums and elfroot over the best course of action.

She eventually had to leave after dawn, as people began emerging from their rooms to start the day. It'd been only a few -there weren't many morning people in Skyhold, she had noticed- but Ellana preferred not to see anyone before the judgment. She had already heard enough opinions about it since her return from Val Royeaux. Including Keeper Deshanna's.

Ellana imagined what the Keeper would say. She could hear it so clearly. The Keeper's sympathetic yet firm voice telling Ellana that her duty to Thedas must come first, that he should have to face some form of penitence for his past crimes, that whatever had been between them had to end.

She set the marker down, pulling the Keeper's letter out of her pocket, running her thumb along the crease. Ellana unfolded it, eyes darting to the part she'd read over and over again since it had arrived:

Though I am sorry for the hurt this must undoubtedly cause you, it is better the truth be known before you committed yourselves further to each other. And I know it will be difficult to accept this loss, da'len, you must, for the sake of your cause.

She could only imagine what the Keeper would say now, if she knew. That Ellana hadn't accepted the possibility of his loss, that plans had already been in the works to get him out of Orlais. The lengths she would have gone to free him if negotiations failed, even if it meant negative consequences to the Orlesian alliance.

Ellana had nixed Cullen's initial idea -of storming the prison with a small force of Inquisition soldiers- and Leliana's -of swapping Thom out with an Inquisition traitor- because Ellana came to the belief that it was best to attempt a diplomatic solution. But she never forgot about these options, kept them in the back of her mind as contingency plans. Ready to express, in fact order, the implementation of one of them if Orlais rejected their offer.

All because she couldn't bear the thought of losing the one person who meant as much as her sister had.

Suddenly feeling restless after standing in place for -actually, she wasn't sure for how long- she went over to one of the windows, resting her cheek against the cool glass and metal.

A bone weary fatigue settled over her, threatening to drag her down. The last few weeks had not been kind. Between almost losing her sister's token out in Emprise du Lion and this, she felt stretched to the end of her endurance. And even after she made her judgment, she knew it wouldn't end. The consequences of his deception went beyond their relationship.

Already the Wardens sent word, demanding to know what happened to the real Blackwall. Already she watched the chevaliers with unease, wondering what they might want to do to the man who had once been one of their own. Already there were grumblings from some Inquisition soldiers that Thom had been brought back to Skyhold at all.

Creators, why did she have to clean up his mess, she thought, a sudden burst of anger filling her. He was the one who had lied, the one who had committed the crime.

But her body immediately deflated at the realization she'd been pulled into it by her insistence to save him.

Ellana barely registered the first knock, mistaking it for the wind. The second came more forcefully, reverberating around the room, the noise startling her, causing her to bang into the window. Rubbing at her head, she went over to the other end of the room just as Josephine entered. Ellana knew what Josephine wanted before she even had to say anything, before Josephine told her Cullen had gone down to the dungeons.

The time had finally come.

Ellana willed herself through the door, one leg at a time through the hallway and Josephine's office. Upon entering the main hall, she avoided the gazes of the spectators, careful to keep her focus straight ahead, to the throne where she decided the fates of all those brought before her. A heavy burden, one she never shirked from despite how difficult some of the sentences were to make. She couldn't falter now.

As Ellana sat down, she surveyed the crowd before her, one that stretched all the way to the door. Her hopes to avoid a larger gathering had clearly failed. But Leliana, Cullen, and Josephine had all been adamant that she had to make an example of him in public. Back-room dealings had already been done in getting him released to their custody; they didn't need the judgment to appear as such either.

She always hated this part, waiting for the prisoners to be brought before her. So many with their eyes on her, watching her every move, her every facial expression, as if to be given a sign of how the judgment would be cast. Most times Josephine would give her a briefing beforehand, so as to give her some time to think through options. The announcement part was more of a formality. But it seemed everyone's focus was on her today, their eyes staring through her, to see the vortex of emotions swirling through her.

Fortunately, they didn't have to wait long. She spotted the figures who appeared at the door. Two Inquisition guards, their prisoner fixed in between them, staring at the floor as he was made to walk forward. Cullen appeared just behind them, taking his place by the door. Ellana couldn't clearly make out his expression, but she suspected it was hardly a pleasing one. He hadn't bothered to hide his displeasure over what Thom did; many of their companions hadn't. Unlike Sera, who had been the sole voice chastising her for not doing enough to free him. At least until Ellana had admitted she wouldn't leave him there.

Finally, the Inquisition soldiers deposited Thom before her. Josephine's words passed over Ellana as she took him in. The last time she'd seen him had been at the prison, when she went to confront him, question him about his crime, and his involvement with the real Blackwall. Only a month had passed yet it felt like a lifetime ago.

It was difficult to be certain, with the thick padding of his gambeson covering his body, but she worried how much weight he'd lost, as his face appeared thinner than she remembered. A cut that looked to be healing was also visible along his cheek. She shuddered to think what had been done to him while in prison.

He still hadn't looked her in the eye, his head lowered to the point his beard was almost against his chest. She had never seen him so beaten down, as if he expected her wrath upon him. She knew she had every right to do just that, but Ellana couldn't deny it hurt to see him like this.

Then Josephine announced that the decision of what to do with Thom Rainier was up to hers.

So there it finally was. They had reached this moment at last.

And she still had absolutely no idea what to say.

"I didn't think this would be easy, but it's harder than I thought." She would start with honesty. It was the only way forward now.

"Another thing to regret…" he muttered and Ellana felt the bitterness in those four words. "What did you have to do to release me?"

"Josephine called in a few favors. There are enough people out there who owe the Inquisition," she said, voice as level as she could manage.

"And what happens to the reputation that the ambassador has so carefully cultivated? The world will learn how you've used your influence. They'll know the Inquisition's corrupt."

Ellana did her best not to show how his accusing tone cut through her. That reactionary part of her, the small part that still resided within her, wanted to lash back, snap at him that he had no grounds to act morally superior over her. But she held back, not wanting this to be any more of a spectacle.

"I wish there'd been another way, but my options were limited."

"You could have left me there!" Ellana honestly couldn't tell how much of the anger she heard in his voice was directed at her or himself. "I accepted my punishment. I was ready for all this to end. Why would you stop it? What becomes of me now?"

A collective silence fell over the crowd, breathlessly waiting for what she was going to say. Even Josephine watched her intently, practically gripping her easel to her chest.

Ellana knew what was expected of her. Already rumors had started to swirl about the strings Josephine pulled with Orlesian nobility to get him released into Inquisition custody. About how the Inquisitor was using her political power to free her lover, justice be damned. If she released him without any sort of punishment, that would only fuel the flames of those rumors even more, no matter if she passed merciful sentences when she could to others. It would undermine her credibility which she had been working to establish since those first days when the Chantry had branded her a heretic. On its face, the decision should be simple.

Except she wouldn't have been so conflicted for all this time if it was that easy. Otherwise she would have already made the decision to just send him to the Wardens once Corypheus was dealt with and be done with this whole mess. It made the most logical sense. The real Blackwall had intended for him to join, and it offered Thom a chance to atone. And if those calling for blood got their wish, from what she understood, the Joining could do just that, not to mention the Calling.

But the one thing that stopped her was the one thing that never gave up trying to save him from execution.

She loved him. Creators help her, she still loved him, with everything she had.

And in that moment, she made her choice. The one Ellana, not the Inquisitor, wanted to make all along.

"You have your freedom."

The eruption of murmurings was instantaneous, like being trapped in a disturbed bee hive. But she blocked it out, her focus entirely on the man on whose sentence she passed judgment on, watching his face morph into that of disbelief, relief, and pained resignation all at once.

"It cannot be as simple as that."

"It isn't. You're free to atone as the man you are, not the traitor you thought you were, or the Warden you pretended to be," she said, gazing at him with as much firmness as had been in her voice.

"It'll take time. You'd accept that? And what I used to be?" he asked, with a slight tentativeness.

She nodded, about to signal to Josephine or one of the Inquisition guards to remove his shackles, then she noticed Thom take a step forward.

"Before I take my leave, I have one thing to say. If ever there was something true and good in my life, it was you."

Ellana's breath caught in her throat, her chest tightened. She had to force herself not to become overwhelmed at the tenderness, the conviction, of his words. Before she could even respond, he took another step.

"I lied about who I was." Then he took another." But I never lied about what I felt."

Her heart thumped against her chest. It took every effort to keep her face as static as possible.

What is he doing? Creators, what is he doing?

"No matter what I was, or what becomes of me…right now, I'm just a man with his heart laid bare. I leave it in your hands."

All Ellana could do was sit still in place, hands glued to the throne arms, floored by the raw emotion she saw and heard in his voice. Whatever he may have been, whatever lies he had told, there was no doubt of the sincerity of his words.

But Elgar'nan, why couldn't he have waited until they were alone to discuss this, when he knew full well the audience behind them? By giving this proclamation to everyone in this hall, he had essentially just declared his love for her to all of Thedas.

Yet a warmth flooded through her, a familiar feeling that she hadn't felt since he left. Of knowing she was loved, of his devotion. That it still burned as fiercely as it ever had.

So many people saw only the Inquisitor, the Herald who would be their savior. Where people regarded her with a reverence to that of some deity, Thom's reverence was that of someone who adored and loved her. It had meant everything to Ellana, kept her grounded, reminded her that she didn't have to face things alone. Just like she'd told him on the Storm Coast, at the spot where they found the real Blackwall's badge.

And she still didn't. She didn't want to face the battles that were coming their way alone. She didn't just want her companions by her side to weather the storm. She wanted her vhenan there, too.

Ellana had no doubt how difficult it would be. She was still angry with him, for lying, for leaving like he did. They had a lot to work out, things to address, trust to rebuild. Handling the fallout from others within Skyhold, throughout Thedas, even among their inner circle. She didn't even want to think about her clan's reaction, the Keeper's reaction.

But she still wanted to give him, them, another chance, consequences be damned.

Before she could stop herself, before she could escort them somewhere private, the words left her. "You were ready to die. But I wasn't ready to let you go. Your place is here with me."

And, Creators, if those weren't the truest words she'd ever said.

Instead of looking happy at his love not being rejected, he looked away from her, a pained expression crossing his face, admitting softly, "I don't know how to be with you as Thom Rainier."

No longer aware of her surroundings, her focus was solely on him. The rational part of her tried to stop herself from standing, from approaching him as slowly as he did towards her, that they couldn't make this more anymore of a show. But as Ellana stared down at Thom's face, at the hope that suddenly crossed it, she couldn't find herself caring what anyone else in the hall thought.

"We'll figure it out," she said, sending him a ghost of a smile. Of some reassurance that she was willing. Take things one step at a time.

"Together."

That one word of affirmation brought with a sense of finality, the path laid before her. One that she would follow alongside the man who she could still call her vhenan.

He closed the remaining distance between them, stepping up to the landing just below hers. Out of instinct, she reached out and touched his cheek, cradling it gently in her hand. Her eyes briefly closed at the touch, this first physical contact in a month. Just as if nothing had changed, as if there weren't a crowd of people gawking at this tender moment between two lovers who had committed themselves to each other.

Thom didn't flinch away like she thought he might, instead flashing her the tiniest of smiles before tilting his head up and leaning towards her. Her hands went to his shoulders as their lips met. The lightest of kisses yet her sense of the world seemed to fall away, centered on this moment between them. No sooner had it begun than they pulled away, and Ellana signaled for the guard. Thom bowed his head before her and went over to him.

Once the shackles fell from Thom's wrists, he stood rubbing them, keeping his head tucked down yet not moving. Ellana went over to his side, murmuring that she'd go with him back down to the stables. She turned to face Josephine, slight shock still visible in her eyes, telling her that she would return shortly.

The crowd parted as she and Thom passed, still the same buzzing sounds from them as before. No one mercifully said anything, clearly none in the crowd brazen enough to harass Thom in her presence.

They didn't say anything to each other as they walked out to the courtyard, and down the steps. There was not much they could say at the moment, not within public ear. They had given people enough to talk about for one day. Nor did she know what to say.

No one milled about the barn, not even Dennet, for which she was grateful. That would make things easier for Thom.

Ellana looked around her; she had been avoiding the stables and barn ever since she came back from Val Royeaux. She lost count the number of times she had sought refuge there before, considered it as much a place of solace as her quarters. But the reminders of his departure were still there: the unfinished wooden griffin that had had the cryptic farewell note pinned to it; the creak of the loft which had woken her up to find him gone; standing in the same spot as when reading over the report about Mornay. She wondered how long it would take for those reminders, and the hurt they brought with them, to fade.

"Why don't you get cleaned up, get some rest?" she suggested softly. "I'm sure you need it. I'll come by later."

That seemed to shake him out of his stupor, gave him something to focus on. "Of course, my lady."

The moment between them with that kiss had gone, replaced with the knowledge that things were still fragile and fractured between them. But she was already mentally exhausted from the toll of the judgment, and by the sag of his shoulders and drawn look on his face, she could guess he was, too. Now was not the time for serious discussion.

Glancing around to make sure no one outside was in view of them, she walked up to Thom and wrapped her arms around his waist. Only when she felt his come around and hold her tightly to him did she rest her head against the crook of his neck with a contented sigh.

Ellana was angry with him; she wanted answers to a number of questions. But being in his arms, how good it felt and the safety it brought, was still there.

And that was a start.