"Too Many Apples"
"Come on, Merry. They've again called for our aid at Rohan and Gondor. Urgent news I've heard!" Pippin called. "Maybe a feast, food is always a great urgency," Pippin ruminated half to himself. He was waiting outside for his good friend Meriadoc Brandybuck.
"Just a moment Pippin! I'll need food to keep me alive on our journey!" Merry yelled back. Grabbing his Rohanian attire and a goodly sized sack, Merry scurried to his pantry, for he was in no real hurry. He grasped the knob with his hobbit hand and yanked the door open.
Dozens upon dozens of apples poured forth, and still more were coming.
"Pip! Pippin, help me! I'm drowning in apples!" Merry cried desperately.
Pippin swung open the door and rushed over to his poor friend Merry, more out of his own hunger and greed than to bring aid to his suffering friend.
"That's easily solved, Merry. Just start eating!" he declared, and, and selecting a plump, rusty-hued apple, he proceeded to devour the fruit. Merry watched aghast as his gluttous companion swallowed two more apples before he decided to join in.
It was quite a laughable situation. One hobbit sat upon a stool, grabbing and swallowing as fast as only the hungriest hobbit in the entire Shire could. The other was caught in the constant flow, sometimes up to his neck in the varying hues and shapes of the invading fruit.
"There's too many of them, Pippin! I don't think we'll make it!" Merry cried dramatically, his filled mouth apparently still finding room to yell to his unconcerned friend.
"Men of Gondor, men of Rohan, come forth! Your fellow warriors call for aid!" Pippin yelled out the door, then went back to eating like a pig.
Two dozen men streamed through Merry's door, knocking it off its hinges in their hurry.
"What shall we do Master Peregrin?" they asked, for they saw that out of the two hobbits Pippin looked as though he could answer a question, and, because he was the least assaulted by the fruit.
"Pull up a seat and feast upon the finest apples in the Shire, my good fellows!" Pippin beckoned at the overflowing pantry and the mess of apples littering the floor (which still tumbled over Merry) invitingly, as though the whole thing was just a party and no great problem.
Some of the men looked apprehensive, even disgusted, at all the apples scattered across the floor. But they soon abadoned their forethoughts and dug their arms deep into the mess to find the choicest apples to feast upon.
"Master Meriadoc," one of the Rohanian men called, "how ever did you find so many apples to put into your pantry and cause such a mess?"
"I scouted far and wide, looking through every inch of field and orchard, but it appears that I never thought to eat many of them," Merry called back, over the chewing of the others and the rumble of the still-moving mountain of apples.
Silence ensued for a long time, save for the constant chewing and the occassional belch and groan of a soldier with indegestion.
After what felt like long hours of toiling and moaning, Merry was finally free of the shiny, river of apples.
"Thank you one and all!" Merry laughed joyfully, and, much to the protest and dismay of each man's stomach, gave each of them a tight, squeezing hug and an extra apple. Some of these were found outside, by a broken window.
"What about Rohan and Gondor?" Pippin asked. "Don't we still need to get back there?"
"Don't worry about eating out of your packs and bags tonight gentlemen, we'll feast upon these leftover apples along the way!" Merry brimmed with unbridled joy, Pippin joined in, happy for an easy meal.
The others just groaned.
THE END
I hope you enjoyed my little humour story. Perhaps I'll write another one, if enough people like this one.
I hope you won't think less of me if you did not find this story to your satisfaction. Maybe I'll catch your interest with a different story.
Zealak Silverdirk