7 days ago

"You're absolutely in love with him, and have been for at least 2 years! If you don't go tell him how you feel, I swear to the Maker I will!"

"Jyn, so help me I will kick your ass if you don't shut up!" There is a prickly defensiveness in your voice that is immediately picked up by everyone in the vicinity.

"Ha!" You cover your eyes with your hands, "Ha, ha, ha! I knew it!"

You open your mouth to defend yourself against Jyn when Bodhi chimes in, "She's right. C'mon Y/N, it's obvious and that's coming from me."

The statement seems innocent enough but the smirk adorning his face tells you otherwise. You bury your head in your arms as you feel heat climb up from your collar.

"I'm not kidding, Y/N. You have a week and then I'm telling him," Jyn's tone is faux-serious and you look up, expecting her expression to match.

Her face is sombre and you jump up from your seat, "What?! Jyn, no! I- No! That is a bad, bad, bad idea!"

She shrugs and you turn to Bodhi in an appeal for help.

His hands spring up from the radio he's fixing in a mock surrender, "Don't look at me. We both know she doesn't listen to anyone."

You collapse back into the chair and cradle your head in your hands, "Oh fuck."

6 days ago

Your thoughts consume you as you walk. Damn you Jyn Erso is a common theme among them and you aren't hesitant to admit that you are also considering how to enact your revenge. In the sea of people you notice Cassian. You decide that you should just do it quickly, like pulling off a bandaid.

"Cassian! Cassian!" His name rings out in the hallway.

Cassian stops suddenly and looks back to you, curious. Unfortunately, so does everyone else. At least 20 people of various ranks and species are all staring at you; you freeze and then bail.

Cheeks aflame, you half-hearted call out, "Oh, um, never mind." You flee.

You dive through the nearest doorway and don't stop walking until you find an empty corridor. You lean against a wall and slowly slide down until you rest on the ground. You can imagine Bodhi and Jyns' teasing comments already and your blush deepens.

Oh fuck.

5 days ago

"Y/N!"

You pretend not to hear and turn down a walkway. You quickly hide in a doorway and watch as Cassian jogs into view. He searches for a moment, utters a quiet shit, and then returns on his way. It's in this moment that you realise that you, Y/N Y/L/N, are a coward.

4 days ago

The canteen is bustling and you search for a familiar face. You spot Bodhi out of the crowd and head towards his table. To your horror, Jyn is seated next to Cassian and is also the first one to spot you; a grin that could haunt your dreams slides across her face. She makes a huge show of moving seats and gesturing you to her's despite the fact that there are already free seats at the table. In your embarrassment, you miss the pointed glare and elbow to the ribs that Cassian receives from Bodhi. You sit (careful not to touch him) and untuck your hair so that it falls freely. The conversation around you continues but both Cassian and yourself are determinedly quiet.

You hear a muffled thud from beneath the table before Cassian jolts, swears, clears his throat, and then turns to you. You notice that something about him is off; he stares for a fraction of a moment too long, blinks, and then speaks.

"So Y/N… What did you want to ask the other day?"

Oh fuck.

"Oh, it was nothing. I was just… just wondering if you had the mission brief but I got my hands on it, so don't worry," you flash a quick smile before the silence between you falls again.

You hate what this secret had done to you. It is a burden that you feel like is ruining you, and especially your friendship with Cassian. You leave the canteen as soon as you can, shame burning at the back of your throat.

3 days ago

You spot Cassian in conversation with an engineer on the airfield and duck behind an X-wing before you can be noticed. You battle the Empire on a regular basis, flew at Scarif, have stared death down on multiple occasions and yet here you were, terrified. The ridiculousness of the situation is apparent to you but you still remain rooted to your hiding place until you see him leave.

2 days ago

"Y/N!"

There's nowhere to run.

You ignore the voice and shoulder-charge through the crowd. You're going against the flow so your progress is slow and have only just reached your door when a hand touches your arm.

"Y/N, could I talk to you for a minute?"

Your mind flashes white and you blank.

"No! Um, sorry no, I have to fix my… blaster…you know? I need it for the mission and, um, you know how fiddly they are? I gotta- I- I can't, sorry," you stutter and awkwardly finish.

Before anyone has time to react, you rush through the door and shut it behind you. You look at the doorcam and watch as Cassian raises his fist to knock, sigh, and then leave. Your stomach is caught by a vice of guilt but the damage is done so you step away from the hatch.

1 day ago

This time you're caught, proper and true.

Cassian had literally darted out of a doorway like a sand viper and grabbed your wrist. Mind you, he had nearly received a fist to the face for his troubles but the act had its desired effect. With his grip, there is nowhere for you to go. On a separate (troubling) note, you realise that you really don't want him to let go.

"Y/N, I just need a minute."

You bite back a comment about the fact that you didn't really have a choice in the matter, and you nod. Cassian walks to an adjacent empty corridor with you still in tow; he seems afraid that you will sprint if he lets go (he's not wrong). Even when he stops Cassian still takes time to find the words. His face is troubled, and for a second all you want to do is smooth out the worry lines on his forehead with your fingers. Thankfully, you regain your self-control before he speaks.

"I've been meaning to say this for awhile. I figure you already know what I'm going to say from the way you've been acting-" you begin to protest-"You don't need to explain yourself, Y/N. But please, I- I just need to say this, ok?"

Your mouth is dry. What in the Maker is he going to say?

"Y/N, I… I-" he rubs his eyes and makes a decision-"I need you to be careful on this mission, alright? It's going to be a dangerous one."

He drops your wrist and leaves without another word. The loss of his touch burns a little, as does his sudden departure. You watch Cassian's figure vanish around the corner, and you are left to wonder what potential moment you have lost.

Present

"Look, Cassian, I know this is a bad time."

"Are you kidding me, Y/N?! This facility is going to collapse at any moment!"

Mentally, you concede that Cassian is right. The crack of your boots against the metal walkway is all but lost in the cacophony of explosions you have left in your wake. Flames that surge like furious waves on the platform beneath you grow with every crash, and the exit ahead is threatening to be consumed any moment.

You scan the imminent, warping wall as you search for another way out (you're not feeling hopeful), "I'm trying to tell you something, Cassian!"

He gives you a long suffering look, "Can it wait?!"

Despite everything, you huff and manage to whisper a Not really before turning back to the task. The external doors are mere metres, then just feet and you can taste victory when metallic screeching tears through the air. You both look up to see a support beam falling straight for you. For a split second you consider diving for the door, but then Cassian pulls you back and the moment passes. In a shriek of mutilating steel, the column sends itself and the last part of the pathway spiralling into the fire below. A gaping divide now stands between you and the only way out.

"Oh fuck."

You repeat Cassian's sentiment, "Oh fuck, indeed."