Hey y'all, it's Julz. : Sorry I've been gone for so long. Suuuper busy. (As in TONS of homework & AP classes, etc.). I wrote this a while ago, been meaning to put it up. So here it is. . . I hope you like my latest Lollie. :) Oh, and some reviews would be nice. )
Why Me?
Why me? I think every girl has asked that question, one time or another, whatever their reason. But maybe, the most common reason asked is, why would he like me? Which is what I'm wondering …
What I want to know, is why would he ever like me, like that? I mean, he could probably have a lot of different girls right at his fingertips! So. . . why me?
Whenever I look at him, I see this gorgeous, amazing guy who deserves the most amazing girl. Not someone who, when she sees his smiling face, feels heartache, and that she totally doesn't deserve him. I mean, he deserves this amazing, gorgeous girl. And yet, compared to others, I'm nowhere close.
And yes, I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to others, but in this society, it's so hard not to.
Anyway, what I wanna know is, why. Why in the world would he ever even think about me like that?
That's what I'm having a hard time comprehending. I mean like, half of me gets it, but it seems like my brain and my heart are out of sync. Like, my brain can believe the facts, the proof, that's all right there. But my heart can't. It is practically convinced that there's no way on earth that HE could like ME. And for some strange reason, it almost wants him to find someone else to like. Almost. And maybe it's because I feel that I totally don't deserve him, and he deserves so much better that I can give him. Maybe.
And maybe it's also because I'm afraid of getting my heart crushed, again. And watching my hopes come crashing down. Again. Because way too many times I've gotten my hopes up. And then felt the cuts when they came crashing back down around me. Maybe he's too precious, worth too much to me, and it would hurt me too much me to see that happen. So, maybe, I'm trying to keep my hopes low, so when they fall, the won't fall as far. And when it hurts, it won't hurt as much.
But see, that's so hard to do, when he's the one helping to boost them up. Please, don't get me wrong; I love the things he says – the reasons that they go up. It's just afterwards, when my heart when my heart starts taking over, that I get… scared. Yet, still, some of those warm butterflies manage to stay. And make my heart flutter. Which, truthfully, I don't mind at all.
Yet, I still have got that question burning inside. Why me? Why not some stunning, awesome girl that that brings out his best, and likes him just as much as he likes her?
And, yeah, I know my friends would argue and say, "But, see, you ARE that girl! That amazing, beautiful girl."
Yeah, beautiful on the inside. But I want him to think that I'm beautiful on the outside too. (I so desperately want him to…)
But you know what? Maybe, just maybe they are right. I sure as heck hope they are.
But even if they are… That still doesn't answer my question… ;)
So there it was. How'd you like it?
Julz