A/N: This is my first (of hopefully many) for the Teen Titans. If you've read my other stuff it's all Mighty Ducks with some Harry Potter, High School Musical, and Smallville thrown in. So, nothing too fancy, just some Cassie angst. This takes place after Conner's death. And like most of my stuff, it is a songfic. Please review and let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: Though I wish I could say I was the genius behind all of this, sadly I own nothing but my thoughts.
Probably Wouldn't be this way.
Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says he's crazy
I'll have to see
I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves
I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these day
Tears rolled down Cassandra Sandsmark's face. He was gone. Her Conner, the boy that had been Superboy, her first love, the only boy that she had ever loved was gone. He couldn't be. Conner was part Kyrptonian...like Superman, he shouldn't have died.
But even Superman died once too. But he came back.
Conner wasn't coming back. No matter how much she wanted him too, he wasn't. Life it seemed, was always playing cruel jokes on Cassie. And they weren't very funny anymore.
She wanted it not to be real, that any moment, Conner would come bursting in through her bedroom window and tell her it had all been a dream. That he would kiss away her tears and tell her that it wasn't real, that he would never leave her.
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
"Cassie honey," she ignored her mother's knocks her bedroom door, "Sweetie let me come in, talk to me."
"No!" Cassie screamed, "When will people realize that I don't want to talk about it!?"
She knew that she was being immature, but she didn't care. She was sick of people trying to get her to talk to them. She didn't want to accept her grief, she wanted to wallow in it and let it fester.
Her mother wasn't the first to try to get her to talk. Diana...Donna...Mia..Raven...even the Man of Steel himself, Clark Kent, wanted to get her to talk about it.
But she couldn't if she did, they figure out the truth and hate her for it.
It was her fault that Conner was dead.
Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on
You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day
All. Her. Fault.
She couldn't save him. She couldn't stop that pathetic excuse for a Superboy from killing him. Cassie hated herself for that, she was Wondergirl god dammit! She had to be stronger than that. She should have been stronger than that. But she wasn't, Conner died because of her mistakes.
No one could change that it was her fault.
"He saved the earth he saved everyone," Dick Grayson had told her, "You know that."
Cassie did know that. She also knew that she should have saved him.
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Cassie somehow found the energy to grab her scrapbook off of her desk. So many memories...of simpler times. When things weren't so complicated. She wished that she could close her eyes, open them, and she be back. To Young Justice. To when they first formed the Titans. To a time that avoided this. When it was the Titans formed so that sidekicks like her and Conner would have a place to get away from it all. Where they could be themselves.
What happened?
Why did it seem as if the world was turning to fast for them?
Why did someone like Conner, so perfect, and wonderful...who meant everything to her, have to get taken away from her so young?
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way'
Probably wouldn't be this way
"He's in a better place."
"Don't shut out the world forever Cass, Conner would have wanted you to move on."
"He wouldn't want to see so depressed.."
Cassie put her hands to head. The words that people had said to her...seemed like total bullshit to her. Why couldn't they just let her be angry. Why didn't they see that it was her fault and that she had every right to be sad??
Cassie heard her mom walking to her room again. She could hear the deep sigh of agony-or was it annoyance-in her mother's chest as she stopped at the door.
"Cassie, baby, I know you don't want to hear this, but it will be okay. Conner is in a better place. I know you don't see it now but someday, everything will be okay." Cassie heard another sigh in her mother's voice as she walked back down the hall.
Cassie found herself bursting into tears again. They were wrong. Her mother, Diana, Donna, Mia, Raven, Clark, and everyone who told her the same thing. They were wrong.
Cassandra would never be okay.
Got A Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says I'm crazy
Guess I'll have to see
A/N: Again, just your basic Cassie angst. The song in case you were wondering, is Probably Wouldn't Be This Way, by Leanne Rhymes. It's a great song...but really sad.
Please review and let me now if I should write more Titans centric-fics!