Disclaimer I do not own these characters they remain the property of Nicole Colville. This fanfiction has been written with her permission to use her characters.

For those of you who have never read The Hidden Series, they are a set of M/M books which are available on Amazon.

This was meant to be written as a birthday present for Nicole, but June is soooo long away and I couldn't wait to share this with her.

The dedication below is from Gray Victore who's POV this is written in.

To Nicole

To the woman who breathed life into me and made me a real person who people seem to have a strange affection for. I never saw this coming. For this and so much more I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And yes I do have one.

You also brought Alexander into my life, and gave me a reason to live. I cannot thank you enough for these two small acts of kindness when so many others would have walked away from me.

This story has been written for you to enjoy.
I have given up a small part of who I am to bring this to life.

I hope you enjoy it and enjoy seeing another side to me.

Last but not least

Happy Birthday my wonderful blonde Angel.

Yours forever

Gray

Chapter One

It hurts to be away from him, it feels like every part of my body is dying slowly without him. Alexander is my sun, my moon, my everything. Yet, I had had to leave him. If I hadn't taken the course of action I did then I knew what would've happened, how this would have played out. I would be dead, or worse, arrested and condemned as a rapist locked away from everyone I cared about and loved. At least this way I still had my freedom if you could call it that.

To get to this point I had hurt the only people in the world I loved. The deepest betrayal of all had been to my beautiful angel, Alexander. Of course I knew what was coming so I was fully prepared. Scot thought he had been so careful, and discreet in his plans, but he didn't cover his tracks enough to deceive me. For the two weeks before my retirement party I had pushed Alexander away. Making myself colder with him, hurting him, mentally and much to my shame, physically. It was the only way I could cope with what was to come, even though I knew it would hurt him at the time, it would be better in the long run. The plan was to make him glad I was gone, happy he would be free from the monster I had become. Deep down I knew it wouldn't be that simple, Alexander loved it when I was rough and cruel toward him but I had to try.

A few days before the party where I 'died' Alexander and I argued. I instigated it, of course. Provoking him before I then poured petrol onto the white hot flames of his anger. He'd told me he hated me, how he wished we'd never met. Of course I knew he didn't mean it but he wasn't to know this would be one of the last times he would see me. It would hurt him, tear him apart thinking that our last words to each other were ones filled with hatred and anger. But it was the way it had to be.

Once I had Conrad in place and the bodies swapped over I hid outside. I heard Scot's anguished cries as they fell from the open window of my study. I shouldn't have stayed around to see Alexander's reaction, but I couldn't bear to leave him. I wanted to run to him, take him in my arms and comfort him. It was only the restraint I had worked for so many years to perfect which stopped me. I remained hidden in the shrubbery beneath the open window, hearing Alexander blame Scot for this. His anger was clear as he told him he had murdered me and how he would never forgive him. It was Jamie who came to his father's side and led him away from what he thought was my body.

Of course Conrad unrecognizable as himself; I made sure there were not enough facial features left for a detailed comparison. I also relied on Scot showing some respect for who Alexander was to me by not letting him get too close to the body. As far as anyone was concerned, I took my own life in the locked study. The gun was mine, only my prints would be found on it and a suicide note of sorts had been left next to my body.

I watched as Alexander was led out to a waiting car. Even from here I could see how broken he was, and it stirred something primal deep down inside of me. I recognized the sensation as desire. There was no way I could stay around Monaco tonight; I would surely break down and go to him. If I did, it would leave all my well executed plans in tatters. No matter how much I loved him and wanted him, I had to sacrifice this for the future I knew we could have one day. A little pain the short term was worth it. But who was I trying to fool with such sentiments?

After laying low for a few days I was bored, I wasn't used to sitting around idly while people made arrangements and plans around me. I knew there was a funeral to be arranged, but me being, well me, it was already organised down to the smallest detail. Scot would only have to make a single phone call, and it would be done. I was nothing if not prepared; there was even an order with my tailor for a new suit.

The funeral was to be held in three days time. It was strange to think I would be there to see those who would mourn my passing, some with their false platitudes and crocodile tears, Not many people would know the people if people were coming to pay their respects to my family, or if they were coming to gloat. Some would be coming or maybe just make sure I was dead. How disappointed they would be if they knew the truth. Gray Victore was very much alive.

On the morning of the funeral, I made my way to the small churchyard where I was to be interred in the family plot, joining my beloved father in eternal rest. Only I was very much alive and the man in my place was someone who had lied and deceived, he deserved to die, but he didn't deserve the tears of those I loved, nor did he deserve to rest in my place. I could only hope his soul would burn for eternity in the fiery pits of hell.

I watched the funeral from a safe distance, seeing Scot hiding behind a pair of designer sunglasses, hiding either his upset or the fact he truly didn't give a toss I was dead. I watched Alexander as he fell to his knees at my graveside, the sound of his cries filling the air as pain ripped through him, it was truly magnificient and I was in awe of his devotion to me. Even in death he was mine and happy to show the world how my absence from his life affected him. I watched Melissa, of course she remained inpassive throughout, making the polar ice caps look like the Sahara desert. I didn't expect more from her, our marriage was in name only and had been for many years, long before I took Alexander into my bed and my heart.

Once the service was over, the assembled party dispersed. Immediate family and close business contacts were to return to the Victore estate. I watched as they left in the fleet of limousines leaving me in the ground as if I meant nothing to them. Once they had all left, I made my way to the graveside and looked at the white lilies I had seen in Alexander's hand, reading the note written in his distinctive handwriting, the words made me smile. Until we are reunited. Always your Angel x

I took the card from the flowers and slipped it into my jacket pocket as a keepsake of our love. It would be the only thing I could take with me on my journey into the unknown.

Once night fell I made my way back to the apartment I had rented under a false name, it wasn't the penthouse I was used to, nor was it my sprawling estate, but it was functional and it was safe. Laying in the bed I stared at the ceiling, I knew this would be the hardest thing I had ever done, but I never thought being apart from Alexander would hurt me this much. I was Gray Victore, it was I who inflicted pain. I wasn't used to suffering and feeling the pain. This was all alien to me, and I was out of control and the one thing I craved and desired more than anything in my life was control and now it was all gone, just like everything in my life.

I remained holed up in the apartment for next three days, unable to leave as I was afraid someone would see me. I was booked on a flight but I knew I wouldn't be able to get on it. I had no form of ID and of course, there was the risk someone would recognize me; it was hardly like I could just blend into the background.

Instead I asked the only person who knew I was alive to help me. Michele. He was my trusted right hand man, he knew Scot's plan and of course, warned me. Of course he was going to remain someone Scot could trust. After all that is what I paid him to do. Michele arranged for me to take his car out of the country, I would cross the border into Italy, crossing the country before I arrived in Switzerland to take up residence in my ski lodge there. It would be empty, no one would be going there until the snow began to fall, and by then I would be long gone. Driving out of Monaco in the dead of night was hard, all I wanted to do was drive to him and beat on the door until it opened. Taking him in my arms where he belonged and never letting him go. But it wasn't to be, things had to be this way.

Alexander was everything to me, and I was now lost without him, condemned to wander around without the only person who kept me anchored to my sanity. As I saw the sign confirming I was leaving Monaco I cried. For the first time in longer than I cared to remember I cried.

The first month passed quickly into the second and the second into the third. My heart still ached and yearned to be with him. I knew from Michele how things were back in Monaco. I feared I would have to intervene were Alexander was concerned; he'd withdrawn into himself more than he had ever done before. We'd had our time apart, but it was never like this. During those dark times he would be able to call me if he chose to, I still existed even if our paths never crossed, I was there only a phone call away. Living, breathing and sharing the same city as him, but now, there was nothing but a gaping chasm left behind by my death.

Scot was also a concern, but he had Jamie to comfort him and it was never like we were close, hell he was the one who forced my hand and had he needed to, I had no doubt he would have stepped up and pulled the trigger himself rather than leaving me alone with a loaded gun and my conscience to decide my future.

Leaving my beloved Alexander was the hardest thing I had ever done, the second hardest was not returning to him. I wanted to. Everyday I fought a battle with my own demons, the ones that lived deep inside me that had wrapped themselves so tightly around my soul. They were the voices in my head whispering with their promises of seduction and the pleasure I could drag from his body once we were reunited. The pain of being without me would rip at his insides, tearing him apart every minute we were not together. It would be beautiful, almost poetic watching his tears as they fell down his perfect cheeks. Seeing his toned chest rise and fall with each sob of despair. What pissed me of was I couldn't be there to see it, to feel it. Alexander's pain was mine and mine alone to control, to relish and take my sadistic pleasure from. I could only hope he kept this side of himself hidden from those around him. They wouldn't understand like it did. They wouldn't know that he needed this; he needed me to survive, just as I needed him.

I was lost, lost in the abyss without my beautiful angel. I needed something to anchor me back to this world. I found myself in Paris, a beautiful city I knew so well which hide a dark side to it if you looked hard enough, and of course I knew where to look. Scratch the surface of any major European city and there is an undercurrent which can drag you down into its depths and keep you there making you forget who you are and where you came from.

This is just what I needed, but I didn't want to forget Alexander, I would never be capable, of forgetting how beautiful he was as he came underneath me, his body taut with pleasure as I ripped multiple orgasms from his very willing body. How he looked while bearing the scars of my love, and devotion to him. The thin lines of blood I traced over his skin with a knife as he was bound and helpless in my playroom entirely at my mercy. His total submission to me was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced in my life. The way he placed his trust in me, a man who enjoyed inflicting the worst kind of pain on the man I loved, only to satisfy a need in me that ran so deep and was so dark it scared me at times.

I needed to find someone who would allow me to take from their body and give nothing in return, I needed a willing slave, someone who craved the sadism only I could bring. Making their body mine with each touch of my hand and lash from a cane. Of course it would only be in play. There would never be sexual, no form of penetration would ever take place, I would die before I betrayed Alexander in that way. He may believe me dead, but I was still his every bit as much as he was mine. I growled at the thought of him finding someone else, of anyone dared to touch what I had claimed as my own.

Alexander was mine, my property. I hadn't had to share him for so long now. His marriage to Adrianna had been over for many years, and that pleased me. My marriage on the other hand was empty and loveless. Nothing more than a facade, but I continued with it for the sake of appearances. People knew of course, but no one would dare speak of it. I was a married man in name only to my wife. Alexander was in all intents and purposes my partner. Of course I couldn't declare this to the world, so I did the next best thing to ensure he was mine, I had marked him. Claiming him as my own. I knew he would be able to feel my mark upon the inside of his thigh even now. The intertwining initials, our initials I had carved lovingly over so many weeks. It would now be a message, telling him, and anyone who got too close he was mine for eternity.

Once night fell I made my way into the dark back streets of the city, knowing where I had to go. To anyone else this was a back alley, nothing to see here of any importance, but to those in the know and if you had the correct connections there was another world waiting to be explored. You just had to step through the looking glass.

When I reached the heavy metal door I pulled out the black swipe card and passed it through the small reader to the right. Once inside the door closed, trapping me in a small foyer. Before me was a shiny black painted door with a metal grille at eye level. I knew what I had to do. I knocked on it three times, followed by a pause, then another five sharp raps against the wood before I waited for it to be answered. There was the sound of a bolt being pulled back before a small opening appeared behind the grill. I was greeted by a pair of green eyes staring out at me. My heart almost stopped as I thought immediately of Alexander.

They looked at me intently for a few moments before they vanished and the opening was sealed. Just as I was about to hammer on the door, it opened and I was faced with a woman which surprised me. She was tall and voluptuous, blonde hair cascading over her shoulders. Her demeanour demanded respect. Her dress was smart, business like. but also fitted her surroundings perfectly. She wore high heels accentuating her slender ankles; a tight black pencil skirt was paired with a matching jacket. Underneath which was a teal green corset. The colour immediately reminded me of the mask Alexander had worn at my masquerade ball one Halloween. It seemed he was everywhere, he was inescapable. I hadn't known the first moment I met him how he would seep into my life, ingratiating himself into my every waking thought. If I had, would I have done things any differently? I doubted it. But I would never know how things might have been.

I was pulled from my reverie by her voice. I was like honey, soft and warm and also distinctly British. "Welcome stranger. I must say you have excellent referral credentials from none other than-"

I held my hand up to silence her. "I thought there were no names here. I was assured completely privacy." My eyes flashed with anger, I knew the rules here, and was shocked she was flouting them to a total stranger so openly.

She took the challenge head on, hands placed carefully on her hips as her ample breasts swelled in their tight fabric prison. "This is my club. I would suggest if you wish to remain here you learn that first, basic rule. I do as I want, when I want. I make the rules and I can break them as I see fit." She surveyed me, looking for me almost daring me to respond. Had I not be trying to blend into the background I would've challenged her. As Gray Victore, no one spoke to me like that, but now, well I had to be someone different. Every part of me screamed at me to put her in her place. Preferably on her knees before me.

"Now, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted, you have excellent referral credentials from the late Mr Victore. I assume he trusted you explicitly, otherwise he wouldn't have given you this card." She turned it over in her fingers examining it closely. "Shame he isn't around anymore, he would have been welcomed here with open arms." Her eyes flashed to mine. "Tell me, your name."

I thought quickly, using one of the false identities I had set up for times just like this. "Adrian James. And you are?"

She laughed. "You lectured me on the no names rule, and yet you gave yours up so easily and now you demand mine?" The humour vanished from her as she narrowed her eyes at me. "For you to address me properly, you will first have to prove yourself worthy." She pointed to the ground. "Kneel." Her voice was firm and commanding, not what I expected from her. I knew a lesser man would have fallen to their knees before her, but not me.

I stared at her, tilting my head to the side and allowing a smile to play on my lips. She took this as a challenge and stepped closer to me. "I said kneel."

My voice was quiet but firm. "No. I kneel for no man or woman."

A smile lit up her face. "I like you Adrian. Mr Victore was right to send you here. You will fit in well."

"This was a test?" I was confused, on my previous visits some years ago I hadn't been subjected to this, but then again I was Gray Victore and no one challenged me.

"Not really a test, more a way of me determining where you fit in around here. I shall take care of you tonight, introducing you to the members here and make sure you survive the night." She linked her arm through mine and motioned to a man who had been simply standing there awaiting instruction, he opened the door behind him and then I heard the noise of the club. It was like being home, there were men standing with their partners kneeling at their feet, some were blindfolded or bound, others remained through their own need to submit. The sight was beautiful and stirred something deep inside me. I had to stop myself turning around and instructing Alexander to follow me and not say a word, but of course he wasn't there, I was alone.

I was led through the large room, we made our way through to a raised seating area which overlooked the whole room. My guide took one chair, and motioned for me to take the other. With a wave of her hand a couple of drinks appeared. Once I was seated she smiled at me. "You have a slightly submissive nature about you Adrian."

Fighting back a laugh I responded. "I'm not submissive, not at all. You know nothing." I spat at her causing her to smile at me.

"You might think you're a dominant, but you are mistaken. I see everything and over my years of reading people and I am never wrong."

I turned away from her, anger bubbling inside me. How fucking dare she suggest I was submissive? I had only ever allowed Alexander to use the flogger on me on a handful of occasions. I might've enjoyed it, but inflicting pain was far more satisfying to me than having it inflicted on me. Whenever he fucked me it was only when I allowed it to happen. I was always in control.

"Have I upset you? Insulted your misplaced sense of male pride maybe?" She giggled at her own joke and my head snapped to hers but she continued. Leaning closer to me her words were barely above a whisper "You will kneel before me. I would love to take you into my own private room and tie you to my St Andrews Cross and flog you until your skin turns rosy and you are hardly able to contain your need to come before I deny your request no matter how many times it falls from your lips."

I moved uncomfortably in my seat, my cock was beginning to stir but not enough to be of concern to me. I didn't have sex with women so I sure as hell wasn't about to kneel for one.

With a predatory smile I replied. "You will never see that happen. Now if you were to produce a cock from between your legs it could be a whole different story."

"It's a shame I don't then isn't it." She stood in a single fluid motion before placing her hands on my knees before sliding her hands up my thighs as she bent over so she could whisper in my ear. "One day it will happen, mark my words Adrian. You will be begging to submit to Mistress Nicole." She placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. "Then, I might just refuse." I watched as she straightened up and walked away from me, her hips swaying seductively. Sitting back in the chair my mind was racing, why did the thought of being tied to a cross and flogged while being denied the one thing I needed more than anything, the beautiful feeling of release. My cock started to harden in my pants, this could not be happening to me. The one thing I never lost was my control.

I sipped my drink and found my eyes wandering over the room, assessing each and every person in here. Of course none of them sparked any interest in me, they weren't what I wanted or needed from someone. I wanted Alexander.

Putting my empty glass on the table I stood, straightening out my shirt and jacket before I made my way back to the entrance. Eyes watched me, I could feel them boring into me as I strode across the club. I turned to see who's attention could possibly have caught in here, but there was no-one. Everyone was occupied with their own partners and no one seemed to acknowledge my presence at all. It was strange on two fronts, the first being people always noticed me where ever I was. The second was I could still feel eyes on me, yet I couldn't see who they were and that un-nerved me. I made my way out of the club and out onto the street. Standing there, composing my thoughts I still couldn't shake the feeling of being watched but there was no one in the street apart from me.

I pulled up the collar on my jacket against the night air and made my way back to the main street and back amongst the crowds. I flagged down a taxi and as I sat in the back and we pulled away from the curb I could see the glow of a cigarette in the alleyway I had just left. I wanted to tell the cab to stop but it was too late, we were in the middle of traffic. It seemed I had caught someone's eye this evening, the question was, who?

Authors Note:

Thanks for reading, if you would like to leave me a review, you don't need to be a member, but do leave me your name.

Massive thanks go out to Lisa for pre-reading.