The echo of Scully's voice rumbled into his head like a distant sound; just like his thoughts.
Mulder's eyes were trying to evade Scully's eye contact, something she was disperately seeking, of which she desperately needed.
"Mulder" a fleeble voice was calling his attention "Mulder, let's go home".
This time it was Mulder who searched for Scully's blue eyes, his adventure partner, his parter, in each possible and imaginable sense of that word.
25 years had passed from their first encounter, yet every time their eyes met, he couldn't help but think how lucky he was, how that woman, who was standing right in front of him, trembling, had brought him a glimmer of hope and joy, in a lifetime spent chasing the ghosts from his past.
He nodded weekly, placing one arm on her shoulder and escorting her to their car, while Scully's figure almost completely disappeared, leaning against him, warmly safe in the arms that so many times had comforted and welcomed her.
During the journey along their car, both shocked by the recent events, no words came out of their mouths. There was no need. Neither of them was able to speak, the pain of their human and professional loss was still very tangible and hurt like a piercing heart.
Scully opened the door and sat in the passenger seat, while Mulder grabbed the steering wheel so hard that she looked at him with a sympathetic but worried look at the same time.
They had lost their son. The son they had looked for so long in those long and agonizing 17 years.
William had died for them, because of them, in a desperate attempt to protect them.
The news that Mulder was not really the real biological father of the boy, shocked him terribly. He was angry, disappointed, but above all, destroyed: everything he had always loved, his family, had been turned away from him, moreover, again, because of him.
A solitary, overbearing tear was trying to make its way through Mulder's face, but he rubbed his eyes quickly, trying not to let all the pain that had been repressed in his chest come out.
The action did not go unnoticed and Scully instinctively leaned her, still trembling hand, on his thigh, tightening it.
Mulder gave her a quick glance and his right hand immediately found Scully's, squeezing her in return.
They were both destroyed by the news that William, or rather Jackson, was not their son, but simply an experiment of The Smoking Man. One of many.
Scully had carried that baby for 9 months, taking care of him, raising him during the first months of his life and loving him as she had never thought she was capable of.
When she gave him up for adoption, her guilt increased every day, eventually suffocating her and engulfing the air she breathed, leaving her empty, impotent. She was afraid Mulder would never be able to forgive her for that gesture: their child thrown away as if he did not matter. Yet he forgave her without uncertainty, without any doubt: he knew that Scully had done the right thing to protect him, to assure him a better life, free from risks and danger. Now, after all this time, they both learned that their attempts were futile, in vain. William was dead, killed by the same man who created him in the laboratory and neither will ever be able to forgive themselves for failing.
"I was never a mother… William was an experiment and we've never been his real parents. It shouldn't have ended this way".
The weight of the day was felt on Scully' shoulders, who fell asleep after less than 10 minutes. The features of her face showed the inevitable tiredness due to the stress of the last hours and her... pregnancy.
As Scully's breathing began to grow louder, Mulder turned to her and shifted a small lock of red hair covering her face, leaving her a gentle caress as he traced the outline of her cheeks with his thumb.
"What am I now if I'm not a father?" Mulder asked, when Scully told him the sad truth.
Scully had looked at him with such intensity that she could penetrate his soul, his heart. Her face was still shocked and distressed by the pain, her eyes wet with tears and the words could not get out. She felt a terrible lump in her throat, a mixture of bitter and sweet in her mouth, the taste of death and life, her soul hanging from a thin thread that would soon be broken, that would have broken the balance they had recently found. Her breath was labored, the cold of the night had petrified her bones, making her feel incredibly small, more than she already was.
"You are a father" she whispered in tears, while a sob swallowed the last syllables.
Mulder looked at her in confusion, his glance was hurt as he was asking her what she was talking about. Quickly, without ever interrupting their eye contact, Scully took his hand and placed it on her belly. The beating of her heart accelerated more and more, fearing the reaction of her partner. Mulder's eyes were incredulous. Silently, there were so many questions in his mind, questions of which he was afraid to hear the answer.
"That's impossible" it was all that came out of Mulder's mouth, while his hand, still resting on her belly, caressed her lightly, seeking confirmation to his doubts.
He swore he heard something moving, but then he thought that his mind was somewhere else.
"I know," Scully panted, rubbing Mulder's hand and wrapping it in hers, frozen by the icy temperature "I know," she repeated, "it's more than impossible."
Scully was crying uncontrollably now, her lips contrasting the pain of William's loss with the sketch of a small smile; the joy of waiting for a child.
Mulder felt the air failing: he thought he was living a hallucination, a damned joke. When their eyes met, however, he understood that it was all true. It was not a dream. Scully was pregnant. Their son was in her belly, waiting to come to the world.
Now he began to cry too and grabbed Scully, dragging her to him and holding her close to his chest.
They both let the tears flow, it seemed they didn't want to stop, while their bodies were glued together, as if they were afraid that one of them could escape.
Mulder's fingers caressed Scully's back and she closed her eyes weakly, trembling at every touch. His hands were warm in contact with her skin, giving her a chill that ran through her spine. The beats of their hearts were uncontrollable, they kept pulsing faster and faster and they both feared that they could burst at any moment.
Scully squeezed her hands around Mulder's waist, trying to get closer to him as if she wasn't enough, not allowing any distance between them.
Mulder's mind was invaded by a thousand questions, doubts, fears and insecurities, but he did not want to listen to them. Not now. He wanted to focus only on Scully and the fact that she was expecting a baby.
His son. Their son. This time there was no time to doubt.
Scully moved slightly from the seat, her head leaning against the window, her hands curled up on themselves, still in tension. The woman made a little cry, which woke her from her deep sleep, making Mulder to nail suddenly.
"Scully what's wrong?" he asked in alarm.
"William", she replied in a whisper "he is alive"
Mulder put a hand on her shoulder, looking for explanations.
"Mulder he's is alive, I saw him"
"Scully he's..."
"No! I'm telling you! He is alive and he wanted to communicate to us. He wanted to let us know he's fine" Scully said in a breath, her voice broken by emotion.
A massive burden finally released itself from Mulder's mind and body. His fingers grabbed Scully's, holding them closed in the palm of his hand, while a smile formed on the face of both.
Their eyes soon became wet and they spent long seconds looking at each other, both heartened by the fact that the boy was fine.
Scully's words about William's death made Mulder wonder what was she really thinking, because they seemed so cold, detached, as if she had suddenly stopped loving the child she had so wanted to get back.
Now, however, he knows that those words had been pronounced because Scully was shaken and still in shock. She did not believe any of the words said a few hours ago. She never meant to say them either; yet the anger and vision of a happy life torn from one moment to another, could not but leave a sense of incompleteness.
Although William was not really their son, they both loved him equally, both would continue to risk for him and nothing would ever change that.
Mulder and Scully hoped that one day, not far away, they could see him again, make sure he was okay, have the opportunity to know him and explain that terrible truth or, rather, lie that had been hanging over their heads for too many years now.
The road to get home lasted for about two hours, but this time Scully stayed awake all the way, their hands searching and occasionally finding each other, their thoughts were palpable in the air.
Mulder parked the car in the driveway and for the first time in a long time he felt free, light, incredibly ready to face another journey with Scully.
Scully stopped at the door and took a long breath before opening it.
Home. That house was theirs again, actually it has always been, even when she had decided to leave and leave everything behind... to leave Mulder.
Yet that place was the only one that made her feel welcomed, it looked familiar, it never made her feel like a fish out of water, not even when she came out of that door for the last time, swearing she could to forget: but she could not.
"What will we do?" she asked as soon as Mulder closed the door.
"Probably in addition to being the FBI'S most unwanted, we will also be the oldest parents of 2018 ... not bad" he says, smiling and approaching her face. A small smile formed on the sides of Scully's lips, her pupils gleaming, emitting a strong blue color, like the waves of the ocean. Mulder was standing near her and his face was serene, luminous, full of hope for the future ahead of them. Scully diminished the distance that separated them and tightened her arms around his neck, wrapping it in a comforting embrace. He caressed her hair lovingly, as he let out a short sigh. Scully slowly detached herself to look into his eyes, into those two pupils she had always found attractive since the day they met.
"This seems impossible and I know it's hard to believe," she began, still holding her hands around his neck, "but I would not change anything, nothing that we shared in all these years and ..." her voice trembled " You have no idea how happy I am that someone, maybe God, has given us a second chance ... the opportunity to have a family, Mulder. You and me" she concluded, smiling, but without looking directly at him.
Mulder offered her one of those beautiful smiles that she had rarely seen in the last week and finally closed the space between them.
His lips gently rested on hers, making a slight pressure on her lower lip.
Scully's body was practically clinging to his, while he continued to kiss her gently; an auspicious, angelic, symbolic kiss for a new beginning, for their new life.
Their hearts beat in unison, anyone could hear the cry of happiness and hope they both emanated. They were happy. They were confident. They were together.
They were tight in each other's arms, while their mouths explored each other's as if it was the first time, but without ever forgetting the dizzying sensation that lingered over the years.
Mulder and Scully felt ready to take this new journey together. They were ready to close an old chapter to start a new one, which would keep them together forever.
When their mouths detached themselves, eager for air, their eyes met and smiled broadly.
Mulder took Scully's hand and together they headed for the bedroom, exhausted from the day, but happy to welcome the newcomer who would soon bring the much desired serenity.
Before falling asleep, their last thought was about William, both praying he was somewhere, safe.