So this was random. I'm having a nasty case of writer's block with my other fics. In fact, I think you could say it's like writer's constipation. You know? Instead of everything flowing through the figurative colon, there's a big mass of stuff preventing it from continuing. I was hoping this would help, but I don't know. I never liked Sasuke, so I might have portrayed him differently from what some Sasuke fans would have liked. Forgive me for that.
/
Sasuke walked through the village gates slowly. It was dark out – there was no rush. He was returning for a short while to report his findings to Naruto, and to see Sakura and Sarada.
His family.
After being away for so long, and everything he'd been through on top of that, calling Konoha "home" seemed foreign on his tongue. Everything changed after they'd defeated Kaguya. It hardly seemed like the place Itachi had dedicated his life to protect. And then there was the business of his new family. Itachi would have been so happy to be an uncle, Sasuke thought. Actually, Itachi would have made a better father.
Sasuke took his time for another reason. Returning to the village always made him antsy. He would have to spend time with Sakura and Sarada. It wasn't that he disliked being with them…it was just that Sasuke wasn't sure how to be a parent or a husband. As with everything he did, Sasuke wanted to be the best. There was no point in doing something if he was going to half-ass it. But after he'd been emptied of his hatred for Konoha – and just about everything and everyone – other emotions seemed alien. It had required a lot of time for Sasuke to cope with overcoming his hatred and then having to deal with the feelings he'd ignored for years. The feeling of loving another person was overwhelming. He never could have imagined he would fall in love with Sakura.
After his clan was massacred, Sasuke hadn't thought about loving at all.
But he quickly found out that loving someone was more painful than hating them. Whenever Sakura was in pain when she'd been pregnant while accompanying him on his mission, it had taken everything Sasuke had not to lose his self-control. He wanted to do anything to stop his wife's pain. If Sakura was in any danger at all, Sasuke wanted to kill anyone who threatened her. It frightened Sasuke that it was possible to be so vulnerable. Still, he persisted because that dobe, Naruto, seemed to do it so easily.
What hurt more than anything Sasuke had felt in a long time was the time when Sarada had come looking for him, accusing him of lying to her about who her mother was. It was painful not only because Sakura was deeply hurt by Sarada's accusation, but also because Sasuke realized that he had failed his child. Failure was unacceptable in his mind. That his daughter had thought, even for a moment, that he did not care about her or Sakura – that was a blow to Sasuke's still-mending heart.
Hell, Naruto was closer to Sarada than he was!
/
Sasuke reported what little information he'd gathered over months of traveling. Naruto, at least, was respectful while he listened for once.
"You're awfully quiet tonight." Sasuke remarked dryly.
The blonde man blinked, then looked embarrassed. "If I don't pay close attention, I'll be home late. And Boruto and Himawari told me they want me around the house more, y'know? I know I'm the Hokage and all, but they still need their dad." He paused.
Sasuke stared at his best friend for a long time. Was that really Naruto? And was he really the better father between the two of them? Sasuke kept the waves of self-loathing at bay. He needed to save his energy for his family.
"And Hinata wants me to spend some time with her, too." At that, Naruto grinned like the idiot he usually was.
/
Finally, there was no stalling anymore. Sasuke made his way to his house – though it was more like Sakura and Sarada's house. After Konoha had been destroyed, the Uchiha district was no more. As much as Sasuke would have liked to build another one, the new Uchiha clan consisted of three people…and, well, the horde of experimental children Orochimaru had produced. But they were going up for adoption and Sasuke wasn't about to take all of them in, whether or not they possessed the Sharingan. He doubted they would be able to reach its full potential, anyhow, seeing as their eyes were artificial; mere shadows of what someone with a natural Sharingan could possess. Someone like Sarada.
He slid his key into the lock and opened the door as silently as he could. After all, Sasuke was a shinobi. He took his sandals off, putting them neatly with his family's footwear. Sasuke was grateful that both he and Sakura liked things in an orderly fashion.
The lights flipped on. How? He hadn't made a sound!
"PAPA!" Sarada came running. She pounced on him with excellent form – if she'd had kunai in her hands, she would be the perfect assassin.
Sasuke froze at the touch. This was still strange to him. He forced himself to relax, at least.
His daughter looked up at him, eyes bleary from sleep. She hadn't even put on her glasses.
"How did you know I was here?" Sasuke asked, trying his best to grapple with the many strange emotions in his mind. Was it happiness? Or love? Or could it be both? Love felt different when he thought about Sakura and Sarada. But it was always equally intense.
Sarada let go of him and scoffed. "You know, for a ninja, forgetting to conceal your presence is a fatal mistake." The resemblance to her mother in that respect was uncanny. Going from elated to see him to critiquing his abilities in less than ten seconds.
Still, Sasuke felt proud that his genin child could sense and discern his presence from other people.
"Sarada, I thought you stopped having nightmares," Sakura's tired voice traveled from where she stood under a doorframe, looking like hell. She must have worked late at the hospital, Sasuke thought. That woman…always overworking herself.
"Oh," Sakura's green eyes focused on Sasuke's face.
"Sakura," Sasuke began, unsure how to take his wife's expression. Sometimes she was upset when he returned – and he couldn't blame her in the slightest. She would rant about how Sarada would sometimes rebel against her, or that she couldn't manage housework, motherhood, missions, and hospital shifts at the same time – though somehow she did – and Sasuke always let her vent her rage. In the end, she would calm down and Sasuke would take over cooking and cleaning when he was around. It was the least he could do.
Sasuke turned to Sarada. "You should go back to sleep."
"But what if you leave by morning again?"
"I'll be here for at least a week this time." Sasuke replied, and that was enough for his daughter to trudge back through the house into her room.
"A whole week?" Sakura raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. There was nothing extremely alarming this time around,"
"Shut up and come to bed already," Sakura headed back towards their bedroom.
"I'll shower first." Sasuke knew both he and Sakura needed to be clean before sleeping. Bathing cleaned the mind and body.
After the dirt and grime from travelling all over the continent was gone, Sasuke braced himself for the next part of returning home – sleeping in the same bed as Sakura. It wasn't that he was repulsed by it; he just had a hard time doing anything remotely intimate. And the memory of when he'd tried to kill Sakura disturbed him. How could she have forgiven him for that? Sakura had attempted to kill him as well, but she couldn't do it. Sasuke, on the other hand, had had no qualms about it at the time. It made him feel horrible.
He stood at the edge of the bed, hesitant.
"What're you waiting for?" Sakura mumbled from her side of the mattress.
Sasuke got under the covers, and Sakura immediately put an arm around him. Sasuke knew cuddling made Sakura happy. He'd agreed to it and while it took some getting used to, he also began liking the feeling. Still, Sasuke had to battle his guilt. He'd tried to kill Sakura, he was never home to do his part in their little family…the list went on.
"I told you, don't feel bad about this. We know you're doing your duty to protect us all," Sakura pressed her lips to his cheek. "It's okay." She squeezed him a little before easing off back into sleep.
Sasuke put his arm around Sakura, pulling her closer. It was awkward, since he had one arm. He would adjust, of course. After all, he had to become as skilled a husband as he was a shinobi.
As always, once Sasuke had settled down after coming home, he wondered why he'd been so nervous about it all. It brought back pleasant memories of his childhood; of being surrounded by love and knowing that he was safe. Sakura accepted that he would be gone for most of their life together, and Sasuke was grateful for that. But he also made a promise to himself that he would do everything in his power to make his loved ones happy when he was around.
In the darkness, Sasuke smiled. When he was home, everything felt right. Everything was going to be okay. He could let down his guard and allow himself to feel. When Sakura was there, his guilt melted away. She helped him navigate through the confusion that plagued him since letting go of his hatred. It was something Sasuke would be eternally grateful for.
Come morning, Sarada would be demanding that Sasuke see how much she'd developed her skill with the Sharingan. Come morning, Sakura would have left a note on the kitchen table with chores for him to do while she spent some time with friends, with a request at the end to save some energy for the evening. Such rituals helped Sasuke learn what was expected of him as a part of his family.
Sasuke wouldn't show it, but he was excited for the next day.