iDon't Know What To Say
It had been a rough day, to say the very least, yet for very different reasons for all concerned. For Sam Puckett, she'd simply lost control and acted impulsively. This, in and of itself, was not new. In and of itself, it meant nothing. Today, of all days, however, Sam had royally stepped in it. She'd screwed everything up and she knew it. Carly Shay, for her part, was collateral damage. She had gotten caught in the crossfire and was wounded as a result.
Melanie Puckett, Sam's perky identical twin, was simply worn out. Travel did that to her. She'd gotten home in the late afternoon, just as Sam was leaving for the Ridgeway lock-in. She had come home hours later, in tears, babbling incoherently. There was never a fully formed thought, just disparate words, like 'Stupid', 'kissed', and 'Fred Lumps' before Sam stormed off to their shared bedroom to cry. Melanie was one of the very few who were ever privileged enough to see Samantha Puckett cry, but it broke her heart every time that it happened.
Melanie didn't want to be in the way – if her sister wanted to be with that boy, no matter how she herself felt about him, Melanie Puckett would step aside and allow her sister to be happy for once in her life.
She walked down the hallway to the bedroom that she now only occasionally shared with Sam and heard the most heart-wrenching sound in the world. Sam was clearly heartbroken. She had inherited Melanie's talent for music, though she rarely, if ever, used it. She was attempting to sing – quite beautifully, actually – through her own sobs.
"…What've I got to do to make you love me?..."
"…What've I got to do to make you care?..."
"…What do I do when lightning strikes me…"
"…And I wake to find that you're not there?..."
"…What've I got to do to make you want me?..."
"…What've I got to do to be heard?..."
"…What do I say when it's all over…"
"…When Sorry seems to be the hardest word?..."
"…It's sad, So sad… It's a sad, sad, situation…."
"…And it's getting more and more absurd…"
"…It's sad, So sad… Why can't we talk it over?..."
"…Oh, it seems to me… Sorry seems to be the hardest word…"
Melanie stood there in the doorway, her mouth agape. She knew that Sam could sing, but to see her this moved by pain made her hurt. Melanie was, by her nature, an empath. She wanted to wrap Sam in her arms and never let her go.
"Sam… Honey, I…"
"GO AWAY!"
"Let me help you… Talk to me, I'm your sister, I love you…"
"HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH ALREADY?"
"Samantha, please… I'm your sister, talk to me…"
"YOU'RE ADOPTED, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"We're identical, Sam… and if this is about Freddie, you can have him… I don't want to come between you and your happiness."
Sam's face screwed up in a look of revulsion. Nothing could have been further from the truth.
"GAH! Jesus, you know how to be a buzz-kill!"
Melanie looked genuinely surprised.
"You mean it's not Freddie?"
"What the Hell are you on about?"
"Sweety, that song… you weren't singing it that way by accident. 'What've I got to do to make you love me'? Come on, Samantha… If you're in love, the rest is easy…"
Sam looked queasy.
"No, it isn't…"
Melanie was confused. Dating was dating. Girl flirted with Boy, Boy finally realized that Girl is interested, and Boy asked Girl out, looking adorably awkward in the process.
Sam looked pained and uneasy. This would be awkward, but what was worse, what she had to say, she would eventually need to repeat at least once more – to the only one that ever mattered.
"Sam, it's easy. Boys are just… boys. They like you and they just need their egos stroked once in a while."
Sam's mouth hung open. She was in shock, not knowing where to begin. Melanie knew where her sister's mind was. She cut her off immediately.
"…And No, Samantha, ego was not a euphemism for…"
Sam interrupted.
"It's not a boy, alright!"
For what must well have been the first time in her life, Melanie Puckett spoke without thinking things through.
"But you said you were in love… if it's not a boy…."
What Sam was trying to find the words to say, in her own crude, rough-around-the-edges way finally dawned on her. Melanie wouldn't allow Sam to feel any more confused or awkward. She redacted her previous statement the only way her brain would allow.
"Oh…"
As Sam always did, when given a choice between A or B, she immediately made the wrong read, jumped to the inescapably wrong conclusion, and severely overreacted.
"Look here, Princess…"
Melanie found herself yelling back at her sister, if only out of sheer frustration.
"Oh do shut up, Samantha… This isn't entirely about you, you know… First of all, what in God's name would make you think that I would judge you? You're my sister…"
"Who you only get to see – WHAT – maybe five times a year?"
"That is nobody's fault, Samantha… at least not ours. I would never… You are my sister… We're twins, so in a weird way, this is about the both of us… but… I suppose I've always known…"
"Then why did you think I … him?"
Melanie smirked.
"I don't know, I guess… I'm crazy about him, so I just automatically assumed…"
Sam laughed through exasperated tears.
"Oh, that boy makes me crazy, alright…"
Melanie looked into her sister's tear-soaked eyes and immediately knew what was true. She always had known, truly, but had pushed the truth of it out of her head as irrelevant and unnecessary. It was like saying Sam was a blue-eyed blonde. It was so obvious as to go without saying.
"It's Carly Shay, isn't it?"
Sam was shocked.
"How in the hell did you know?"
Melanie ran to Sam, meeting her at the bed, and held her.
"Samantha… shh… you talk too much… you worry me to death…"
Sam knew that Melanie was quoting an old, old song, but let it pass. Melanie continued.
"I knew years ago. I saw the way you looked at her, Sam. She was never just a friend to you…"
Sam looked hurt. Melanie laid her finger across her sister's lips.
"I said shush… She was never just your friend, Sam. From the time that we were eight years old, I knew what she meant to you… I could have told her myself a thousand times, but –"
Sam's lips fought to move. Melanie fussed.
"Would you let me finish, please? ! You may speak when I've said my piece, Thank you very much…"
Sam knew Melanie was teasing. This was the tone she would always take with her when they were little girls, when Melanie wanted to win an argument at all costs.
"I could have told her, but I could never have lived with myself if I did. You're my sister and if I'd ever told her how you felt about her – your innermost secrets, I could have never called myself your sister again…"
Sam wanted to speak, but said nothing. All she could do was lean forward and kiss her sister flush on the cheek.
Melanie smiled and handed Sam her cell phone, which, by now had a picture of a very handsome, very striped Freddie Benson as her background photo.
"UGH…. Stripes!"
Melanie ignored her sister.
"Here, give her a call. She deserves to know how you feel…"
"But…"
"No buts, Samantha… I've got a feeling that it's all in your head and that you've got nothing whatsoever to worry about…"
Sam was nauseated. She knew facing Carls would be hard, solely because of what needed to be said. She had no idea if Carly would even take her call. She punched a few keys, blocking the Caller ID, dialed, and began talking.
"Hey Carls, it's me… no, it's… long story, phone's wonky… Look, We need to talk…. No, I'm fine, really, but please come over. We need to talk… No, I promise, everything's okay… What? Okay, I'll see you soon…"
Sam ended the call and handed Melanie back her phone. Melanie saw tears once again streaming from Sam's eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing…"
"It's not nothing, you're crying…"
"Carls said she'll be right over… she sounded worried…"
"And that's why you're crying?"
"No… Not exactly…"
"Then why, Samantha?"
"She said it, Mel… Carly Shay said she loved me…"
Melanie smiled and kissed her sister on the forehead.
"See? I told you it'd all be okay. Do you want me to… you know… get lost?"
Sam chuckled.
"No… I think you should probably be here for both of us…"
Melanie hugged Sam tight.
"Anything for you, Baby Sis…"
TWENTY FIVE MINUTES AND TWO BUSSES LATER…
"Sam! Sam, open the door… I'm worried about – …"
The door to Pam Puckett's apartment flew open and Carly Shay simply lost her mind. She launched herself into the pretty blonde's arms, completely beside herself, having seen what she'd seen tonight. Sam couldn't have done that… she just couldn't have…
Carly's brain was a manic mess. Her mind kept flashing back to Freddie being molested by the pretty, pretty blonde. It hurt her so much to have seen it. She didn't want it to be true. Sam and Freddie had kissed, sure, but not like that. What was going through Carly's brain was so horribly offensive. The idea of Sam and Freddie joined at the lips – forming some weird Seddie creature – was beyond gross.
None of that mattered now. The pretty blonde was right here in front of her. There was only one thing to do.
"Carly, Hi…"
The blonde's words died on impact. The brunette kissed her fiercely, as though the blonde contained the air she needed to breathe.
It was short-lived. She heard a familiar voice and thought she had gone schizophrenic. She heard it from the corner of the room, but it couldn't be.
"Um…. Over here, Cupcake…"
Carly couldn't think straight. It finally dawned on her. She'd just stuck her tongue in Mythical Melanie's mouth. Awkward!
"Um, I, Ohmygod, Mel, I can explain…"
The pretty blonde girl was now bright red. She casually wiped the corner of her mouth.
"No explanation necessary…"
Carly felt abundantly stupid. Melanie was wearing pretty blue-gray flannel pajamas. Sam was still in jeans and a t-shirt.
"I… um…"
Sam deadpanned her from across the room.
"Ya saw blonde and pounced, I get it… but, Carls, we kinda need to talk…"
Carly recoiled. She was afraid of losing her very best friend. She began to hyperventilate.
Sam came running. She knew what was coming next. She grabbed the brunette gently around the waist and led her to the sofa.
"C'mere, Cupcake… Sit down and breathe… it's not bad, I promise… It's okay…"
Melanie had never seen Carly like this, all agitated and struggling for breath. She was scared for her.
"Sam, should we call a doctor or something?"
Sam knew that her sister meant well, but she fired her twin a harsh look as Melanie sat beside Carly on the sofa, doing her best to offer moral support, such as it was.
"Stand down, Princess… Mama's got this…"
Melanie sat demurely on the sofa next to the brunette, giving her sister the space she requested. Carly, her hands shaking, reached for her cell phone, dialing a number she never had before. It was only meant for emergencies.
She waited nervously as the phone rang, listing towards the embrace that Melanie offered, while Sam knelt on the floor at her feet, gently stroking a kneecap through Carly's jeans.
The call finally connected, Carly hearing a very familiar voice.
"…This is Doctor Niles Crane…"
Carly stammered, nervous.
"Doctor Crane, I'm sorry, but you said to use this in case of emergency, and I'm… I dunno… kind of having a crisis…"
Carly's therapist listened intently, allowing his patient to articulate her dilemma.
"Doctor Crane, I did something stupid tonight… I saw my two friends kissing, and… yeah… them… and it just made me crazy, so I came over to her place to talk and… I kinda sorta kissed her twin sister accidentally and Ohmygod…"
Carly's hands began shaking. She was overwhelmed. Mythical Melanie wanted to make things right. Without saying a word, she gently took the PearPhone from Carly Shay's trembling fingers, speaking to her doctor, wanting to offer a clear, levelheaded account of the evening's events.
"Hello, Doctor? My name's Melanie Puckett, I'm Carly's friend… Yes, Samantha's my sister, why?"
It was obvious that the pretty brunette spoke of her twin sister highly and often.
"Yes, sir… Carly's been my friend for years… She came over here tonight all distraught… I answered the door and she kissed me, expecting, of course, my sister… Dear God, why am I telling you all of this?..."
Melanie heard a sound that had never before crossed her mind.
"MEHHHH!..."
"It's alright, Carls… Just breathe…"
"Doctor, she's hyperventilating or something…"
Melanie turned to face Carly.
"He says to do those breathing exercises that you worked on…"
Sam rubbed Carly's knee again, finally taking the pretty brunette's hand in hers.
"Carls… Cupcake… It's okay…"
"MEHHHH!..."
A SHORT WHILE LATER…
Carly had calmed down and was able to breathe normally and speak coherently once again. She sat on Sam Puckett's couch, her hands hanging loosely between her knees. She'd cried, but it was okay. Things were coming together, albeit slowly. Melanie returned to the sofa, carrying a cup of chamomile tea, destined for Carly's lips. She returned mid-conversation. It seemed that the brunette and her sister were nearly on the same page.
"…And then I saw you locking lips with… with Freddie and… Oh, Sam, I didn't want to see that…"
The blonde had no excuse. She didn't know what to say, but tried her best.
"Carls, I can't tell you why I did it... I don't really know what to say other than it just happened…"
"That doesn't 'just happen', Sam! You made a choice to do… you know… what you did…"
Sam knew that was true. Maybe, on some level, she'd wanted to kiss The Nub. Maybe there was some sort of weird, unresolved issue from that other time that that thing happened that they'd never speak of. Maybe she wanted to see if she was right the first time and the reason why her first kiss was so anticlimactic was that it was with the wrong person. Maybe the reason she felt nothing the first time was now sitting six inches to her right, dainty, manicured, polished fingers dangling between her knees.
"Sam, I… I just don't get it…"
"Cupcake, just… can we talk privately? I can explain… Will you let me explain?"
Carly shot her best friend a bright smile, her first in hours.
"Of course, Sam…"
Carly looked up to Melanie, who was offering her tea.
"Melanie, look, I'm sorry… I know you must hate me now or whatever…"
Melanie blushed.
"I don't hate you, Carly Shay… I never could…"
Carly flushed with embarrassment as Sam's perfect twin continued.
"Look, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't… um… awkward, but you were expecting Sam and…"
Carly wanted to sink into the floor.
"I guess you know what I've been carrying around with me for all this time… I like girls… you know… the way I'm supposed to like boys…"
Sam broke the ice with her own brand of snide humor.
"Can't really blame ya for switchin' teams there, Cupcake… That one guy had a doll fetish… I mean, really?"
Melanie, completely lost, lectured her twin.
"Samantha!"
Carly giggled.
"No, it's true, Griffin was a little weird… but he wasn't the only one…"
Before Carly recounted the flaws with her entire dating history, Sam interjected.
"Maybe we could go somewhere and talk… ya know… alone?"
Her comment was clearly meant for her sister. Melanie, the older sibling by sixty-one seconds, took on the role of parent, calling after the pair, now halfway down the hallway.
"Fine… Nevermind about me… I'll just sit here… alone… and watch the Science Channel…"
TEN MINUTES LATER…
Melanie was engrossed in a program by a famous physicist, explaining how the world of science fiction, movies like Galaxy Wars, weren't that far off. She found it quite interesting. It was interesting, that is to say, until a bizarre buzzing noise emanating from the kitchen broke her concentration. It had continued, intermittently, for perhaps the past two minutes.
"Okay, what the chizz is that, already?"
The pretty blonde decided to investigate.
The strange noise grew louder as she approached the refrigerator, though she had no idea why. She cautiously opened the refrigerator door. Melanie was embarrassed to have let out a surprised yelp when she saw the cause of the distraction. She didn't know what she expected, but this was certainly not it.
There, on a platter occupying most of the main shelf, was a ham, complete with what Melanie recognized as Sam's gnaw marks.
"Oh, Samantha… Goodness…"
Melanie chuckled quietly to herself, realizing that, in her haste, Sam had shut her cell phone up in the fridge, now smelling quite like ham. She threw a girly little tantrum as she retrieved it.
"Ewww… Ewww… Ewww!"
She glanced at her sister's phone out of guilty curiosity. It had been buzzing because of repeated text messages from Freddie Benson. Melanie felt dirty snooping into her sister's privacy, but she felt strangely justified. She read the one-sided conversation.
Sam, we need to talk…
Look, you she-demon… Just call me…
Dammit, Sam… What did that mean tonight?
Sam, we need to talk… PLEASE.
Against her better judgment, Melanie Puckett, a good girl all of her life, chose, in that moment, to impersonate her sister. She thought, relatively reasonably, that there was no possible harm to it. She picked up Sam's phone and replied to his text.
Come on over. We really should talk.
Melanie felt kind of queasy, but strangely proud of herself all at the same time. Now all she needed to do was wait.
HALF AN HOUR LATER…
There was a knock at the door. She knew it was Freddie Benson. Melanie playfully tousled her hair, making sure she looked both perfect and as much like her sister as possible. Freddie knocked again. Melanie answered it after a reasonable pause, making sure she was completely 'in character'.
"Sam?"
Melanie smiled, forcing herself to drop her voice an octave, mimicking her sister.
"Hey…"
Freddie Benson felt awkward, but crossed the threshold and entered the apartment.
"What gives, Sam? You were… weird… tonight…"
Melanie had no idea what had transpired earlier in the evening, other than her sister having her lips all over this boy that she wanted for herself. She played it cool, leading him to the couch and gesturing that he sit.
"It kind of just happened…"
Freddie didn't believe her.
"JUST KIND OF HAPPENED? How gullible do you think I am?"
She was being very un-Sam, although Sam had been very un-Sam tonight, when she had kissed him. She figured she would push her luck.
For the second time that night, so long as Freddie knew, anyway, Sam Puckett pulled him close, into a deep kiss, before they fell backwards onto the sofa.
SEVERAL SPIRITED MOMENTS LATER…
Sam Puckett re-entered the living room from the hallway, having left the bedroom where she had explained everything to Carly – her confusion, sadness, desperation, and desire to shut Freddie up once and for all. She wasn't into guys and never had been. It had always been about the ladies for her, even if she only now had a name for it.
What she saw in the living room turned her stomach. She couldn't keep her mouth shut.
"A Mel and Nub sandwich? Gross!"
Carly lectured her.
"SAM!"
Freddie stopped what he was doing immediately. He was panic-stricken.
"SAM?"
He heard the voice again from the periphery.
"Told ya I was a twin, Stub Rag…"
Freddie was lost.
"Wait… You said we needed to talk… you texted me and…"
"Lost my phone, Nub…"
Melanie grinned.
"Oh, I found it… it was in the ham…"
Everyone was confused – everyone, of course, except Sam Puckett.
"Give it here…"
Melanie smirked from the sofa.
"Samantha, please… I think you owe him an explanation…"
Freddie was still in the dark.
"Wait a second… You're really twins? Then who did I… tonight… what was that?"
Sam gave him a hard look.
"Uh, that was a serious lapse in judgment… I just wanted you to shut your hole..."
Melanie, sensing that this wasn't going to end well, piped up.
"What my sister is… um… too polite to say is that you're not exactly her type…"
Freddie looked crestfallen.
"I should go…"
Melanie pulled him back to her on the sofa.
"You're my type though…"
"What do you mean, 'I'm not her type'?
Sam was her usual, caustic self.
"I dig the chicks, Nub… That's what it means…"
LATER THAT NIGHT…
Carly was finally comfortable. She had seen Sam kiss Freddie tonight, but after talking with her, she knew Sam's feelings. She needed her assurances that this all hadn't been some sort of strange dream.
"Nah, Cupcake… you're mine… at least, that is, if you wanna be…"
Sam Puckett patted the pretty brunette's knee, just as she had earlier in the evening, having helped Carly ride out yet another panic attack.
Freddie, for his part was still mixed up, coming to terms with the fact that there was a legitimate reason for the drama in his life and that Sam Puckett didn't truly hate him. The fact was that Sam had her own reasons for consistently throwing him under the bus. The fact was that Sam constantly beat him down out of some warped sense of self-preservation. It was always about Carly. Sam was afraid of losing her Cupcake to the Nub from across the hall.
She knocked him in the head, less hard than usual this time. He needed to know that she did care about him, one way or the other. She turned to face the boy and her twin sister. They were firmly content in each others' company tonight, despite the way it had started out. Now, they wanted nothing more than to watch The Dingo Channel, laugh, and find safety in one another's arms.
Melanie cozied up to Freddie. They were content, having found their way back to one another again, knowing that what they'd shared before was real. She shot her sister a look and wanted to weep. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she could tell that Sam was happy. They weren't there yet, but she knew that life would be good.