In the days not too long after the Toad Revolution (the mid 1770s-early 1780s, as occurred the American Revolution), there was a little town in the newly formed Mushroom Kingdom called Toad Town (or, as it was known back in the day, Spiny Hollow), where there lived a turtle named Ichabod Koopa. He had come to Spiny Hollow to fill in the vacancy of schoolmaster for the nearby elementary for male Toads. Now Ichabod really loved to eat even though he was only skin and bone, and he would often visit the local widows mainly to sap their edibles from them. But no woman met his eye like Peach van Paddenstoel (Dutch for "mushroom," in case you were wondering), for no other girl in Spiny Hollow had her golden hair, sky-blue eyes, rose red lips, or lavish beauty. It certainly helped that her father, Nicklaus van Paddenstoel, was the richest farmer in Spiny Hollow.
Madly in love with Peach, Ichabod was bound some way or another to get her hand. Of course, he had hardly noticed a brawny, mustachioed man named Mario van Mario. Now Mario also loved Peach, but he cared not for the riches and wealth of Nicklaus. He seemed more interested in her endearing beauty.
One Friday evening, both Ichabod and Mario were invited to Nicklaus' home for a Halloween party. Mario was dressed as Figaro from Le Barbier de Séville, Peach as Cinderella, and Ichabod as General Cornwallis. Poor Mario pouted in the corner, watching Ichabod and Peach have all the fun. Next to him was a Birdo dressed as a Yoshi, and he hoped to fool Ichabod with her. It didn't work. Around 10:30 Mario sang a little song about the goings-on of Spiny Hollow, and especially about the ghost of the Hessian soldier known as the Headless Lakitu:
"Gather 'round and I'll elucidate
What goes on outside when it gets late
Along about midnight the ghosts and banshees
They get together for their nightly jamboree"
"There's things with horns and saucer eyes," said a hideous-looking Koopa (i.e., Bowser).
"Some with fangs about this size," a Toad said, holding his hands eight inches apart from each other.
"Some are fat and some are thin," said Mario's rather cowardly brother, Luigi van Mario.
"And some don't even wear their skin!" cried Nicklaus.
And Mario continued his song:
"I'm telling you, brother, it's a frightful sight
To see what goes on Halloween night
When the spooks have a midnight jamboree
They break it up with fiendish glee
The ghosts are bad but the one that's cursed
Is the Headless Lakitu; he's the worst!"
"That's right, he's a fright on Halloween night," said Peach and her friend, Daisy van Roosenbloem.
Mario added more:
"When he goes a joggin' 'cross the land
Holding his noggin in his hand
Demons take one look and groan
And they hit the road to parts unknown"
"Beware, take care, he rides alone!" cried Peach and Daisy.
Mario went on:
"And there's no spook like a spook that's spurned
They don't like him and he's really burned
He swears to the longest day he's dead
He'll show them that he can get a head
They say he's tired of his flaming top
He's got a yen to make a swap
So he rides one night each year
To find a head in the hollow here
He likes 'em little, he likes 'em big
Parted in the middle or a wig
Black or white or even red
The Headless Lakitu needs a head
With a hip, hip and a clippity clop
He's out looking for a top to chop
So don't stop to figure out a plan
You can't reason with a headless man
Now if you doubt this tale is so
I met that spook just a year ago
Now I didn't stop for a second look
But made for the bridge that spans the brook
For once you've crossed that bridge, my friend,
The ghost is through! His power ends
So when you're ridin' home tonight
Make for the bridge with all your might
He'll be down in the hollow there
He needs your head! Look out! Beware!
With a hip, hip and a clippity clop
He's out looking for a head to swap
So don't try to figure out a plan
You can't reason with a headless man"
11:00 struck in the distance, and Ichabod was on his way home when he heard eerie noises. Had he not chosen a decrepit old Yoshi (yes, they rode Yoshis back in the day), he would have rushed back to the schoolhouse in two minutes flat. The poor Yoshi he chose was so old that its back was sore from plowing the fields. Ichabod and the Yoshi were scared nearly to death.
Suddenly, they turned around and saw… THE HEADLESS LAKITU! In his right hand was a sword and in his left an unhatched Spiny egg. His steed was a Yoshi with the breath of the iron forge of the village blacksmith. Over the strains of the William Tell overture, schoolmaster and Yoshi raced like the dickens. Hurriedly they fled the forest, and just after they crossed the bridge Ichabod saw the Spiny egg fly at him…
The next morning, Ichabod Koopa was nowhere to be seen, and neither was the Yoshi he'd ridden. Some say he married a wealthy widowed Birdo in Koopaville; but we will never know for sure. What we do know, however, is that Mario and Peach got married that same day. Perhaps the Headless Lakitu didn't exist after all…